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|March/April 2011 Issue
What's new in the world of Duct Tape?
We're constantly on the lookout for new stuff related to duct tape. And while most Google "duct tape" alerts deal with crimes committed using duct tape (yes, duct tape in the wrong hands is a dangerous weapon - but so is a hand egg beater) we don't know of any where better to look for positive uses of duct tape than to our friends at Duck brand. These guys have been at the cutting edge (ripping edge, as the case may be) of everything duct tape since they opened their doors.
In our travels around the country people are constantly asking us for logos printed on Duct Tape - well... Leave it to the folks at Duck brand! Check out their latest duct tape patterns - College logos! click here for more info
Also, people keep on a crafting with duct tape. Duck brand has introduced a few new patterns that crafters will love on the purses, wallets, and apparel. We're talking about printed patterns like Zig Zag Zebra, Spotted Leopard, Cosmic Tie Dye, and Flames... check these tapes out here
You can locate retailers that stock these cool new tapes on the new DuckBrand.com. When you’ve found the product you’re looking for on DuckBrand.com, simply enter your ZIP code in the “Where to Buy” box found on that product’s page. You’ll instantly receive results showing stores near you that carry that specific product.
On the Road Again...
We're on the road again performing at home shows around the country. Click to our calendar to see if we're coming to a town near you. We were just in Indianapolis, coming up is Fort Wayne, Indiana, and Columbia, South Carolina. If there is a home show in your town, call and ask them to get the Duct Tape Guys to perform!
Virtual Gallery Opening
Tim's been busy painting - and he's just created a virtual gallery opening that you can attend 24/7/365. Click here and you, too, can be one of the artsy elite attend this gala art opening. If you don't have a tux to wear to the opening, don't worry, you can create one using duct tape.
If you buy an original painting from the web site and mention the Duct Tape Guys, Tim will throw in a free signed print with your order. Don't have the bucks for an original right now? No worries, just click to the store and you can buy prints, mugs, cards, etc. with Tim's art on them.
Warning: JT Newmountain Song Ahead
Jim insisted that we post this JT Newmountain "music video" for you all to see. Warning - if you just ate lunch, you may lose it. click the > to play
Meet us at The Duct Tape Diner. We’ve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you haven’t yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories.
Just like these people did:
We have a shirt for you! Click to our Pro Shop and go to the apparel section to order! This specially priced shirt proclaims that your duct tape use was used on DuctTapeGuys.com - the perfect gift if someone you know was featured on our site. Just click the shirt to order online!
Walking Dishwasher I grew up with a brother who constantly used duct tape so when I saw your book at the library I just had to read it. Thanks to a broken wheel on our dishwasher, we put a small hole in our lanolieum floor. We tried clear tape first. It fell off and soon our hole grew and I kept tripping on it and making it grow more. Then I read your book and a lightbulb went off in my head . I need to use duct tape. So I did and the floor is fixed for now and I don't trip walking through my kitchen.- Brenda E. Casco, Michigan
"Snowy" satellite reception?
Goat Ear Repair
Duct Tape Decorative Wallets
How to "Turn Off" a Skunk I have a friend that has a commercial greenhouse. There are fans built into the wall near the floor and the ceiling to circulate air and maintain the temperature and humidity for the plants. One morning, my friend came out to the greenhouse and there was a large skunk stuck in one of the fans. Fortunately, and amazingly, it had not sprayed, as that would have seriously affected the retail value of the flowers in the greenhouse. After much thought and debate about "what to do, what to do" the gathering crowd of onlookers, employees and interested persons decided that since a skunk can't spray unless it can fully raise its tail, someone would duct tape the skunks' tail in the down (and off) position. Once this was accomplished, my friend still had a stuck skunk in his fan. He tried pulling and pushing, but to no avail. He then dumped water on the misfortunate duct taped critter and squirted some dish soap on it. He was able to back it out of the fan, and into a waiting garbage can. He then took it to the Ranger Station, for a release into a more wild area. Can you imagine the Ranger when he opened the garbage can to find a wet, sudsy, really really PO'ed skunk with its' butt taped shut. Wonder how he got the tape off? This is my best use for duct tape story. - Carol Adams
AN ODE TO DUCT TAPE By Jared & Gabe (right) inspired by “The Duct Tape Guys”
Shake it Up! I had 2 cans of spray paint that needed to be shaken so I duct taped them to the wheels of my self-propelled mower started it up raised the wheels off the ground and Voila! Paint mixed with no effort. - Richard S.
The Duct Tape Store has moved...
We're on Facebook
We're just as much into the "social networking" thing as the next guy - and would rather you get on our email list where you get notices of special sales, duct tape product news, our newsletter, etc. But, if you are totally into facebook, we'll meet you there, too. Just click on the link on the left and we'll "friend" the heck outta ya!
Duct Tape: The Musical For those of you in NE Wisconsin, we are doing a reprise of our Musical at Third Avenue Playhouse in Sturgeon Bay, Wisconsin on January 22 and 23rd. More information at DuctTapeTheMusical.com. Do you have a performing arts theatre near you that might be interested in hosting our 90-minute G-Rated Comedy Musical? Send them this link and we'll see if we can get the show to your neck of the woods: DuctTapeTheMusical.com - Thanks!
Check out our Calendar! We may be heading to a town near you, soon. We have upcoming shows in Indianapolis and Fort Wayne, Indiana, Columbia, SC and Atlantic City. Check our calendar here.
(A feature that showcases weird stuff that our friend Dale comes up with.) Visit Dale's TallToysTroupe site.
I recently stayed in a luxury hotel and couldn't help but notice all the little extra things they had in the rooms that you would never think of having in your own home. For example, our room had an ironing board and an iron.
A lot of my problems in life are the result of the person who is drawing me putting a speech balloon where there should have been thought bubbles. - Thanks to Cristina P
Being a parent sure makes you choose your words wisely. When my kids asked me where to put the recycling, I told them, "in the garage". I later realized that I should have said, "in the recycling bin in the garage".
I wanted to buy some protein once but my wife said, "No whey!"
It is interesting to look back on your life and realize how many "once in a lifetime" experiences you have had - especially because you had no idea at the time that they were going to happen that infrequently.
I heard a radio commercial for John Deere tractors the other day. It made me realize that, despite every other illness I have ever had, I can honestly say that I have never had "New Tractor Fever".
Ever since they changed it from Washington's Birthday to Presidents' Day it has been so much more difficult to celebrate that holiday. This year I was only able to get up to Millard Fillmore.
Just for fun, I did a Google search for "Capital of Colorado". It came up with 85,300,000 results. I am pretty sure that "Denver" would have been enough. Then I did a search for "Understanding women" and it only came up with 12,000,000 results. My guess is that I could read all of them and still not know the answer.
I love Valentine's Day. It is the one day a year where the line is blurred between being a secret admirer and being a stalker.
This year I wanted to get something special for Valentine's Day so I went to a Tibetan "Adult" store and got some edible underwear made of Tibetan flat bread.
I am often so amazed at the conversations my wife and I have that I expect to open the closet and see Neil Simon in there with a notebook and pencil.
I got an invitation on facebook to attend a seminar on indecisiveness. I replied "Maybe".
A clean kitchen is a happy kitchen. It seems like the highest our kitchen has ever been rated is "annoyed".
Finally, a special guest discovery from our dear departed friend, Bob L, whose humor still lives on in our hearts. Never lick a gift horse in the mouth.
Dale's Website Discoveries
This is a combination Dale's Discovery and Website Discovery. Here is a new feature of this column which may be repeated periodically in the future. Dean Lindberg has created an animated version of a Dale's Discovery for your enjoyment. click here
Since we are on the subject of going green and saving the planet, here is a website devoted to that very thing. There isn't much humor on it, but sometimes people say that about my column anyway, so just click here and feel good about yourself. click here
And here is something for all of you linguists out there. click here
Jim and Tim's Web Site Finds:
Nobody in the world does creative graffiti like the UK's Banksy. Click here.
Similar sensibilities to Banksy, but in three dimensions: Click here.
Finally... Growing up, Tim loved building tree houses. He never made one as cool as this one though: Click here.
Jim and Tim are big Mitch Hedberg fans. Unfortunately, Mitch is now entertaining the heavenly host, but he left us with a treasure trove of funny one-liners. Here are just a few (some have been modified a bit due to language - sorry Mitch - it's great stuff even with G-rated language.).
I went to a doctor, all he did was suck blood from my neck. Don't go see Dr. Acula.
I had a Mr. Pibb, Mr. Pibb is a replica of Dr. Pepper... but it's [a lame] replica, cause dude didn't even get his degree.
One time a guy handed me a picture and said "Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture is of you when you were younger! "Here's a picture of me when I'm older." You son of a [gun], how'd you pull that off? Let me see that camera.
I'd like to see a forklift lift a crate of forks... it'd be so [darn] literal! You are using that machine to its exact purpose!
Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load [his stuff] into a truck.
I think we should only get 3 honks a month on the car horn, because people honk the car horn too much. 3 honks, that's the limit. And then someone cuts you off, you press your horn, nothing happens. You're like, "[crap!] I wish I wouldn't have seen Ricky on the sidewalk!"
I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
I wanna be a race car passenger - just a guy who bugs the driver. "Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why we gotta keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the window? Man, you really like Tide."
My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said "no, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah."
Looking for gags for home, work or school?
You can find all kinds of great pranks in Tim's Practical Joker's handbooks - both volumes are available here: PracticalJokebook.com There is even a practical joker's kit that comes with the books - and, of course, if you buy them directly from Tim, he'll autograph them for you! click the books on the right to buy
Nab all the cool, original Duct Tape Pro Duct Tape Apparel you want at the Pro Shop
And remember, when it comes time to buy our BOOKS - including the WD-40 Book and the entire Duct Tape genre for your dad, grandpa... friends and relatives (or yourself) there's no better place than the Pro Shop - that's because we autograph everything that we ship. And, we've got GREAT deals that you won't find anywhere else - in the world! So stop by the Duct Tape Pro Shop and see what's in store for you! Thanks for your patronage! - The Duct Tape Guys
Well, that’s it for now
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May the Tape be with you!
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