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March/April 2011 Issue

What's new in the world of Duct Tape?

We're constantly on the lookout for new stuff related to duct tape. And while most Google "duct tape" alerts deal with crimes committed using duct tape (yes, duct tape in the wrong hands is a dangerous weapon - but so is a hand egg beater) we don't know of any where better to look for positive uses of duct tape than to our friends at Duck brand. These guys have been at the cutting edge (ripping edge, as the case may be) of everything duct tape since they opened their doors.

In our travels around the country people are constantly asking us for logos printed on Duct Tape - well... Leave it to the folks at Duck brand! Check out their latest duct tape patterns - College logos! click here for more info

Also, people keep on a crafting with duct tape. Duck brand has introduced a few new patterns that crafters will love on the purses, wallets, and apparel. We're talking about printed patterns like Zig Zag Zebra™, Spotted Leopard™, Cosmic Tie Dye™, and Flames... check these tapes out here

You can locate retailers that stock these cool new tapes on the new When you’ve found the product you’re looking for on, simply enter your ZIP code in the “Where to Buy” box found on that product’s page. You’ll instantly receive results showing stores near you that carry that specific product.

On the Road Again...

We're on the road again performing at home shows around the country. Click to our calendar to see if we're coming to a town near you. We were just in Indianapolis, coming up is Fort Wayne, Indiana, and Columbia, South Carolina. If there is a home show in your town, call and ask them to get the Duct Tape Guys to perform!

Virtual Gallery Opening

Tim's been busy painting - and he's just created a virtual gallery opening that you can attend 24/7/365. Click here and you, too, can be one of the artsy elite attend this gala art opening. If you don't have a tux to wear to the opening, don't worry, you can create one using duct tape.

If you buy an original painting from the web site and mention the Duct Tape Guys, Tim will throw in a free signed print with your order. Don't have the bucks for an original right now? No worries, just click to the store and you can buy prints, mugs, cards, etc. with Tim's art on them.

Warning: JT Newmountain Song Ahead

Jim insisted that we post this JT Newmountain "music video" for you all to see. Warning - if you just ate lunch, you may lose it. click the > to play

Meet us at The Duct Tape Diner. We’ve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you haven’t yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories.

Just like these people did:

Did your duct tape use appear on our website?
We have a shirt for you! Click to our Pro Shop and go to the apparel section to order! This specially priced shirt proclaims that your duct tape use was used on - the perfect gift if someone you know was featured on our site. Just click the shirt to order online!

Walking Dishwasher I grew up with a brother who constantly used duct tape so when I saw your book at the library I just had to read it. Thanks to a broken wheel on our dishwasher, we put a small hole in our lanolieum floor. We tried clear tape first. It fell off and soon our hole grew and I kept tripping on it and making it grow more. Then I read your book and a lightbulb went off in my head . I need to use duct tape. So I did and the floor is fixed for now and I don't trip walking through my kitchen.- Brenda E. Casco, Michigan

"Snowy" satellite reception?
Gregg S. of Albion, MI poses this question:
Got a satellite TV dish? Live north of the Mason-Dixon line? Losing your signal due to snow buildup on the dish? Frustrated by trying to clean the snow off the dish so you can get back to the game? Get your hands on the following: dust pan brush, telescoping Christmas light string hanger, and, of course, duct tape. Works great!
Excellent idea, Gregg!

Goat Ear Repair
Several years ago one of our four female goats walked up to me in the barnyard. I was shocked to see that over half of her right ear had been bitten off, probably by our donkey Jack. The detached ear was dangling by not much more than a hair. My husband and I cleansed the area thoroughly and applied antbiiotic ointment. We taped the detached ear back in place with duct tape, being careful to match the edges. In less than a month the ear was healed. To this day there is no sign of the ear having been injured, not even a scar. - Linda W.

Duct Tape Decorative Wallets
I just wanted to share some of my wallets with you. I am a broke fulltime student and fulltime employee so i do this on the side to help pay for school. Plus its fun. hope you like them.
Duck tape Rocks! Emilia D., Omaha, NE
See our other wallets in the Duct Tape Fashion Accessories pages.

How to "Turn Off" a Skunk I have a friend that has a commercial greenhouse.  There are fans built into the wall near the floor and the ceiling to circulate air and maintain the temperature and humidity for the plants.  One morning, my friend came out to the greenhouse and there was a large skunk stuck in one of the fans.  Fortunately, and amazingly, it had not sprayed, as that would have seriously affected the retail value of the flowers in the greenhouse.  After much thought and debate about "what to do, what to do" the gathering crowd of onlookers, employees and interested persons decided that since a skunk can't spray unless it can fully raise its tail,  someone would duct tape the skunks' tail in the down (and off) position.  Once this was accomplished, my friend still had a stuck skunk in his fan.  He tried pulling and pushing, but to no avail.  He then dumped water on the misfortunate duct taped critter and squirted some dish soap on it.  He was able to back it out of the fan, and into a waiting garbage can.  He then took it to the Ranger Station, for a release into a more wild area.  Can you imagine the Ranger when he opened the garbage can to find a wet, sudsy, really really PO'ed skunk with its' butt taped shut.  Wonder how he got the tape off?  This is my best use for duct tape story. - Carol Adams

AN ODE TO DUCT TAPE By Jared & Gabe (right) inspired by “The Duct Tape Guys”
We wrote this poem to read at The Jr. Poetry Jamm at school. We are 10 years old and in the 4th grade, we will add to our outfits on the day of the jamm.

Gray, shiny and adhesive-Duct Tape
Have a hole in your jeans, no problem –Duct Tape
Have a broken arm, save some money-Duct Tape (we do not recommend this)
Minor fender bender? No problem-Duct Tape
Can’t find Christmas Decorations.- Red and Green Duct Tape

Sticky, Strong and Useful- Duct Tape
Need a cupholder? Use the roll of –Duct Tape
Keep losing your remote? Duct Tape (to your hand or couch, you chose)
Have to go somewhere fancy and need a tie? –Duct Tape
Have troublesome kids-Duct Tape (again, not endorsed by us)

Duct Tape fixing the world one strip at a time.

Shake it Up! I had 2 cans of spray paint that needed to be shaken so I duct taped them to the wheels of my self-propelled mower started it up raised the wheels off the ground and Voila! Paint mixed with no effort. - Richard S.

The Duct Tape Store has moved...
We moved our Duct Tape Pro Shop to Octane Street. In an effort to update our stores and get them to a place where more people can find them, we moved them to Octane Street. Here you can still purchase our books (in the bookstore) and Duct Tape apparel (in the Humor Apparel Store). There's also a storefront for the Duct Tape Guys. Check it out and click around Octane Street - you just might discover some other humorous creations from Tim and company while you are there.

We're on Facebook

We're just as much into the "social networking" thing as the next guy - and would rather you get on our email list where you get notices of special sales, duct tape product news, our newsletter, etc. But, if you are totally into facebook, we'll meet you there, too. Just click on the link on the left and we'll "friend" the heck outta ya!

Duct Tape: The Musical For those of you in NE Wisconsin, we are doing a reprise of our Musical at Third Avenue Playhouse in Sturgeon Bay, Wisconsin on January 22 and 23rd. More information at Do you have a performing arts theatre near you that might be interested in hosting our 90-minute G-Rated Comedy Musical? Send them this link and we'll see if we can get the show to your neck of the woods: - Thanks!

Check out our Calendar! We may be heading to a town near you, soon. We have upcoming shows in Indianapolis and Fort Wayne, Indiana, Columbia, SC and Atlantic City. Check our calendar here.

Dale's Discoveries
(A feature that showcases weird stuff that our friend Dale comes up with.) Visit Dale's TallToysTroupe site.

I recently stayed in a luxury hotel and couldn't help but notice all the little extra things they had in the rooms that you would never think of having in your own home. For example, our room had an ironing board and an iron.

A lot of my problems in life are the result of the person who is drawing me putting a speech balloon where there should have been thought bubbles. - Thanks to Cristina P

Being a parent sure makes you choose your words wisely. When my kids asked me where to put the recycling, I told them, "in the garage". I later realized that I should have said, "in the recycling bin in the garage".

I wanted to buy some protein once but my wife said, "No whey!"

It is interesting to look back on your life and realize how many "once in a lifetime" experiences you have had - especially because you had no idea at the time that they were going to happen that infrequently.

I heard a radio commercial for John Deere tractors the other day. It made me realize that, despite every other illness I have ever had, I can honestly say that I have never had "New Tractor Fever".

Ever since they changed it from Washington's Birthday to Presidents' Day it has been so much more difficult to celebrate that holiday. This year I was only able to get up to Millard Fillmore.

Just for fun, I did a Google search for "Capital of Colorado". It came up with 85,300,000 results. I am pretty sure that "Denver" would have been enough. Then I did a search for "Understanding women" and it only came up with 12,000,000 results. My guess is that I could read all of them and still not know the answer.

I love Valentine's Day. It is the one day a year where the line is blurred between being a secret admirer and being a stalker.

This year I wanted to get something special for Valentine's Day so I went to a Tibetan "Adult" store and got some edible underwear made of Tibetan flat bread.

I am often so amazed at the conversations my wife and I have that I expect to open the closet and see Neil Simon in there with a notebook and pencil.

I got an invitation on facebook to attend a seminar on indecisiveness. I replied "Maybe".

A clean kitchen is a happy kitchen. It seems like the highest our kitchen has ever been rated is "annoyed".

Finally, a special guest discovery from our dear departed friend, Bob L, whose humor still lives on in our hearts. Never lick a gift horse in the mouth.

Dale's Website Discoveries

This is a combination Dale's Discovery and Website Discovery. Here is a new feature of this column which may be repeated periodically in the future. Dean Lindberg has created an animated version of a Dale's Discovery for your enjoyment. click here

Since we are on the subject of going green and saving the planet, here is a website devoted to that very thing. There isn't much humor on it, but sometimes people say that about my column anyway, so just click here and feel good about yourself. click here

And here is something for all of you linguists out there. click here

Jim and Tim's Web Site Finds:
Nobody in the world does creative graffiti like the UK's Banksy. Click here.

Similar sensibilities to Banksy, but in three dimensions: Click here.

Finally... Growing up, Tim loved building tree houses. He never made one as cool as this one though: Click here.

Mitch Hedberg

Jim and Tim are big Mitch Hedberg fans. Unfortunately, Mitch is now entertaining the heavenly host, but he left us with a treasure trove of funny one-liners. Here are just a few (some have been modified a bit due to language - sorry Mitch - it's great stuff even with G-rated language.).

I went to a doctor, all he did was suck blood from my neck. Don't go see Dr. Acula.

I had a Mr. Pibb, Mr. Pibb is a replica of Dr. Pepper... but it's [a lame] replica, cause dude didn't even get his degree.

One time a guy handed me a picture and said "Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture is of you when you were younger! "Here's a picture of me when I'm older." You son of a [gun], how'd you pull that off? Let me see that camera.

I'd like to see a forklift lift a crate of forks... it'd be so [darn] literal! You are using that machine to its exact purpose!

Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load [his stuff] into a truck.

I think we should only get 3 honks a month on the car horn, because people honk the car horn too much. 3 honks, that's the limit. And then someone cuts you off, you press your horn, nothing happens. You're like, "[crap!] I wish I wouldn't have seen Ricky on the sidewalk!"

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

I wanna be a race car passenger - just a guy who bugs the driver. "Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why we gotta keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the window? Man, you really like Tide."

My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said "no, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah."

Looking for gags for home, work or school?

You can find all kinds of great pranks in Tim's Practical Joker's handbooks - both volumes are available here: There is even a practical joker's kit that comes with the books - and, of course, if you buy them directly from Tim, he'll autograph them for you! click the books on the right to buy

Nab all the cool, original Duct Tape Pro™ Duct Tape Apparel you want at the Pro Shop
The Duct Tape Pro Shop is the only place in the universe to get Genuine Duct Tape Guys Originals. There are many rip-offs available - some at major department stores, but they're illegal copyright infringements. Please don't buy them. Anything that you see on our site are our original designs and slogans.

And remember, when it comes time to buy our BOOKS - including the WD-40 Book and the entire Duct Tape genre for your dad, grandpa... friends and relatives (or yourself) there's no better place than the Pro Shop - that's because we autograph everything that we ship. And, we've got GREAT deals that you won't find anywhere else - in the world! So stop by the Duct Tape Pro Shop and see what's in store for you! Thanks for your patronage! - The Duct Tape Guys

Well, that’s it for now
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May the Tape be with you!
- Jim and Tim - The Duct Tape Guys

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