|The BADGE of HONOR If you have sent us something that we have used on our site, grab the graphic above and post it on your site and in your emails.
Duct Tape Anagrams:
(Thanks to Alex C. who attributes this exercise not his creativity, but to too much time on his hands.)
#1 Adept Cut
#2 Taped Cut
#3 Acted Put
#4 Put Cadet
If you can think of more, send them to us and we will post them our next issue. Click here for our submission information.
If you have a joke or story that you would like to submit for inclusion in our next newsletter, email it to us. Just make sure it's suitable for all ages (we don't publish anything off-color). Thanks again!
June: International Duct Tape Month*
Since the administration is busy changing color-coded threat level warnings, they are WAY too busy to make any proclamations. So, we've taken it upon ourselves to deem June
So, here's to our dads, and here's to our tape! Duct Tape: the Ultimate Power Tool!
Duct Tape: The Tool of Choice for Dads around the World Father's Day is coming up on June 15th. Order by June 10th to assure delivery! You still have time to order Dad one of our many duct tape design t-shirts from the Duct Tape Pro Shop. While you are at it, check out our latest DEAL: Buy any t-shirt and get a Duct Tape Book Two, a Duct Tape Pro Bumper Sticker, AND a Button for only $2! (This is an $8.95 retail value!) Get it all at the Duct Tape Pro Shop.
Get four FREE Duct Tape Postcards from The Duct Tape Guys. Click here for more information.The free stuff on this page changes every two to three months - so keep checking back!
Here is the winning entry in our Duct Tape Savin' of the Green Contest. Congratulations to Tom Calhoun who writes:
"I am an amputee. This November, the foot on my prosthesis broke, so we had to figure out a way for me to survive without it. Instructed by my doctor not to duct tape it, we sent it off for repairs. Meanwhile, I was without a "leg". I was prescribed crutches, and told to buy a spare, which would cost $18,000, though insurance would cover 80%. Then my father had a great idea, make one out of duct tape. So we saved $18,000 by combining a sock with duct tape. It worked great!". Click here to read other submissions.
Lifeguard Uses As a lifeguard I am familiar with the methods of reviving drowning victims who's hearts have stopped (one definition of clinical death). We commonly use CPR (Cardiopulminary Resusitation) to get hearts going again when no AED (Automated External Defibulator - electric shock) equipment is unavailable. Part of this technique requires breathing into the victims mouth and/or nose at regular intervals to force oxygen into their lungs. We typically wish to use pocket mask (also known as face masks) to create a barrier to limit the passage of communicatible deseases between victim and rescuer. You can create on the these with duct tape by creating a circular tube with both ends open. It must be somewhat cone shaped, one side large enough to provide coverage of both mouth and nose, and one end small to fit nicely between the rescuers lips. This type of device would be preferable to any rescuer over simple mouth-to-mouth. It provides enough protection to limit risk to the rescuer.
Red Neck Band-aid Gettcha a couple o' sheets of that there toliet paper and a strip o' duct tape, and place the toliet paper over your cut or wound and then use the duct tape to hold the paper down and BOOM instant red neck bandage. But seriously, that does work well with a long light cut, etc. the paper catches the blood and keeps the tape from sticking to the sick that is cut while holding on elsewhere. --- Joseph A.
Saved from Being Stranded in Africa In late sept. of last year, we were on a hunting safari in Tanzania, Africa. At the end of the hunt we were enroute to the airstrip to return to the captiol city. One of the linkage bars (the tie rod end) for the steering broke. Not having any parts we duct taped the ball and socket portion of the bar. The repair was sucessful enabling us to get to the plane. - Ken P.
Can't think of what to give dad for Father's Day? Check out all of the deals at the Duct Tape Pro Shop - like our cap and video offer. Special prices on special packages for special guys
|Meet us at The Diner. Weve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you havent yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories. Just like these people did:|
|When I'm an Old Man, I'll Wear Mixed Plaids - the ultimate "Dad Book" written by Tim, the Duct Tape Guy and Tony, the Duct Tape Guys' original editor. This best selling book is in its 6th year! Good, clean humor that dad (and the whole family will love! Click here to order an autographed copy!|
Only in America
1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon".
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:
"If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:"
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut
off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10.You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
Check out our t-shirts designed just for Dads in mind (and remember that Father's Day is coming up soon! June 15th! They are on display now at the Duct Tape Pro Shop.You will need to order by June 10th to assure delivery for Father's Day (U.S. only - elsewhere ordering even earlier is recommended) SPECIAL T-SHIRT BONUS PACK DEAL: Order any duct tape t-shirt and get a Duct Tape Book Two, bumper sticker and Duct Tape Pro button for only $2! Click to the apparel page for full details.
Click here to see Tim's latest Duct Tape Pros cartoons.
COMING NEXT MONTH: A Sneak Peek at our Sixth Book, "The Original Duct Tape Halloween Book." See some of the pages and candid photos from our photo shoot. This book features over 101 creative costumes made with Duct Tape.
|Have you seen me? Have you seen this urinal? Can you identify its location? If it looks familiar to you, find out if you are correct by visiting our Duct Tape Sightings pages. When you spot duct tape quietly doing its job, take a photo of it and send it in to our Duct Tape Sightings pages. This online tribute to the force that is hold the world together is a public service of The Duct Tape Guys and Duct Tape Lovers around the globe.
Nothing says, "Out of Order" better than duct tape
|How to Deal with Telemarketers and Junk Mailers
(attributed to Andy Rooney)
The three little words are: "Hold On, Please..."
Do you ever get those annoying phone calls with no one on the other end? This is a telemarketing technique where a machine makes phone calls and records the time of day when a person answers the phone. This technique is used to determine the best time of day for a "real" sales person to call back and get someone at home.What you can do after answering, if you notice there is no one there, is to immediately start hitting your # button on the phone, 6 or 7 times, as quickly as possible. This confuses the machine that dialed the call and it kicks your number out of their system. Since doing this, my phone calls have decreased dramatically.
|Breath Freshener. With duct tape and a pinetree car air freshener, you can kill onion and garlic breath easily. Check out Chia Jim and captions that people have submitted in our Photo Caption Contest Page. Click here for the current contest photo.|
|RANDOM WINNER: The random winner of a duct tape book in this issue : Sk8erbum606@... Congratulations! Send us your mailing address and we will send you an autographed Duct Tape Book.
Well, thats it for this issue of Duct Tape on a Roll Remember that you can share this FREE duct tape and humor newsletter with your friends. Just send them this address: http://www.ducttapeguys.com/onaroll so they can SUBSCRIBE.
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May the Tape be with you!