The “BADGE of HONOR” If you have sent us something that we have used on our site, grab the graphic above and post it on your site and in your emails.

Top Ten Back to School Uses for Duct Tape
10. Backpack reinforcement - help that old backpack make it through one more year of school - reinforce the bottom and seams with duct tape.

9. Contruct your own backpack! Cover a grocery bag entirely in Duct Tape, then duct tape the bag onto your kid's back (over clothing to avoid back skin and neck hair loss).

8. Book covers: Cover your books in paper, then cover the paper with duct tape. Don't tape right onto the book (school administrators are not real duct tape friendly, and will probably fine you for duct tape stickem all over your returned books).

7. Lunch money clip: Duct tape your kid's lunch money to the back of their leg so they don't loose it or have it stolen by the school bully. They simply go up to the lunch lady, drop their pants and peel off the lunch money.

6. Note from home security: Tape those notes from home onto your kid's forehead so they don't forget to give them to the teacher.

5. Reusable lunch bag: Don't waste your money purchasing a nylon reusable lunch bag... simply duct tape over a paper lunch bag - your kid will be the envy of the classroom, and this bag will last them right through to college!

4. Sandwich safety belt. Avoid the stain and embarrassment of sandwich spills. Duct tape around the sandwich holds the fillings in place. You just eat down to the duct tape - then squeeze the contents out. (This works especially well for sub sandwiches, Jared!)

3. Book straps: Some schools are forbidding backpacks because of security issues. The Duct Tape Guys suggest making a book strap out of duct tape (like grandpa and grandma used as kids). To avoid books from spilling out of the strap, duct tape the spines of the books to the strap.

2. Duct tape fashion: Save HUGE bucks... instead of purchasing expensive brand name clothing, cover your last year's outfits entirely in duct tape. Go with silver for the heavy metal look, black for a mysterious/artsy look, or try one of Duck® brand duct tape’s NEW Xtreme Tape® - it's duct tape in dayglo colors: hot pink, lime green, citron yellow, and blaze orange. The same colors that are so trendy with the Xtreme Sports participants.

1. Make a knowledge magnet. Duct tape around your head sticky-side-out, and every word that your teachers say will stick to the tape and soak into your brain. (This has not been fully tested, it's just a theory at this point).

Real Life Flight Announcements:
"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

Jim and Tim's Fishing Trip
Jim and Tim went fishing in Canada and returned with only one fish.
"The way I figure it, Jim, this fish cost us $400."
Jim replied, "Well, at that price it's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"

Submissions Please
If you have a joke or story that you would like to submit for inclusion in our next newsletter, email it to us. Just make sure it's suitable for all ages (we don't publish anything off-color). Thanks again!

HOT SUMMER DUCT TAPE DEAL Still Happenin' at the Duct Tape Pro Shop!
Buy a video for $10 and get books two and three and a bumpersticker free! Click here for more information, or click here to order right now (charge with shipping is $12). That's $24 of stuff for just $12. Offer extended to September 30th, 2002. Hey, Holiday gift time IS really right around the corner! Stock up now! We'll autograph 'em!

Duct Tape Merit Badge for the Scouts?
Click here to read about one duct tape lover's grass-roots effort to get the Boy Scouts to issue a Duct Tape Merit Badge! Then use his pre-typed letter to send in your vote of support.

Andy Rooney on:
"Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning 'lousy hunter.'"

Did you know that it costs forty-thousand dollars a year to house each prisoner? Jeez, for forty-thousand bucks apiece, I'll take a few prisoners into my house. I live in Los Angeles. I already have bars on the windows. I don't think we should give free room and board to criminals. I think they should have to run twelve hours a day on a treadmill and generate electricity. And if they don't want to run, they can rest in the chair that's hooked up to the generator.

Fabric Softener:
My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, "Married!" and walking away. Fabric Softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.

You know those shows where people call in and vote on different issues? Did you ever notice there's always, like, 18% that say "I don't know." It costs 90 cents to call up and vote and they're voting "I don't know." "Honey, I feel very strongly about this. Give me the phone." (Says into phone) "I DON'T KNOW!" (Hangs up looking proud.) "Sometimes you have to stand up for what you believe you're not sure about." This guy probably calls up phone sex girls for $2.95 to say, "I'm not in the mood."

My grandmother has a bumper sticker on her car that says, 'Sexy
Senior Citizen.' You don't want to think of your grandmother that way, do you? Out entering wet shawl contests. Makes you wonder where she got that dollar she gave you for your birthday.

Have you earned your Duct Tape Pro certifications?
Visit the Duct Tape Pro Shop to get your official diploma from Duct Tape Tech. It comes customized with your name, and includes a wallet card with a stunning reproduction of Michelangelo’s "On the 8th Day God Created Duct Tape." It also is available with autographed copies of our second and third Duct Tape Books. Click here for more information.
We also have a Duct Tape Tech t-shirt so you can wear your school colors! Like all of our t-shirts, they are all 100% cotton (comfy) and available in sizes M through XXL. Don't know the size of your gift recipient? Get them a gift certificate - $20 includes any shirt they want, in any size, and shipping to any U.S. address.

Qantas Ground Crew Humor Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints by QANTAS pilots and the corrective action recorded by mechanics. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
(P stands for the problem the pilots entered in the log, and S stands for the corrective action taken by the mechanics.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem in hanger dry-dock.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for!

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing. (note: this was for a piston-engined airplane; the pilot meant the engine was not running smoothly)
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed radar with words.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

Stuck in Traffic! Duck® brand Duct Tape just finished up the first annual "Stuck in Traffic" contest. Check out these and other impressive entries at the Duct Tape Body Shop.

"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

TOOLBOX SALE: For the month of September only, the price of our Duct Tape Tool Box at the Duct Tape Pro Shop is $25 (raises to $30 Oct. 1st). The Duct Tape Tool Box features our first three books, a Duct Tape Pro Cap, Duct Tape Pro Button and Bumper Sticker AND a roll of Duck® brand X-Treme™ tape all in a bright red toolbox for only $25.00 (that's over $35 of merchandise). Thousands of this same product sold in a national mail order catalog (with one less book, not duct tape, and no pin or bumper sticker) for $39! Click in today to nab your deal on a Duct Tape Tool Box - the perfect Christmas gift!

You can always get stuff from the Duct Tape Guys FREE. Postcards, bumper stickers, computer monitor desktops, even books! This month we are giving away a FREE heat-transfer to make your own DUCT TAPE PRO polo shirt (or t-shirt) - it's pocket-sized. Check out this and our other FREE STUFF area by clicking on the icon above.
Note: Some of you have sent requests without a self-addressed STAMPED envelope (SASE). Sorry, but these requests are NOT filled by our fulfillment person. So please remember to include a SASE!

Duct Tape Patch I recently quit smoking with the help of a nicotine patch. But at first it wasn't so easy. I'm a carpenter in heavy concrete construction. This requires me to work outside where the temperature is anywhere from 90 to 115 degrees. Well these patches are supposed to stay adhered even while swimming or bathing, but don't seem to stand up to my sweat test. With the help of some duct tape this is no longer a problem. I just cover the patch with duct tape and it stays in place all day, even through thunderstorms. --- Scott H. We thought we'd show you our version of the patch (left). Skip the prescription patch things... just tape some cigarettes to your arm.

If you want a fresh daily dose of that kind of creativity (or stupidity, as the case may be), grab a copy of The Duct Tape Page-A-Day® Calendar for 2003 - now available via the Duct Tape Pro Shop or at your local Bookstore. This year calendar marks the seventh year that we have done 365 Days of Duct Tape. How can we come up with so many uses for duct tape? By virtue of the fact that duct tape comes with absolutely NO INSTRUCTIONS - that and the voluminous email and mail that people just like YOU send us documenting YOUR uses for duct tape. Thanks for your contributions! Keep 'em coming! - Jim and Tim

Meet us at The Diner. We’ve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you haven’t yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories. Just like these people did:

(left) Another Duct Tape Sighting Click here to see some of the duct tape sightings people have sent in. See some duct tape in use? Grab your camera and document the sighting - then send it along to us (submission information at:

Speaking of photos… Our new photo caption contest photo is waiting for your creative caption. Click here to try your luck and skill at writing a caption for this month's photo (deadline is Tuesday, October 1st).

RANDOM WINNER: The random winner of a duct tape book in this issue is/was: Troy D. Lanoux. Congratulations! Send us your mailing address and we will send you an autographed Duct Tape Book.

Well, that’s it for this issue of “Duct Tape on a Roll” Remember that you can share this FREE duct tape and humor newsletter with your friends. Just send them this address: so they can SUBSCRIBE.

If you want OFF of our email list at any time, that’s fine with us, we don’t want to bother anyone with stuff they don't want. Just click here: REMOVE

May the Tape be with you!
- Jim and Tim - The Duct Tape Guys

Catch us in action in your area! Check out our appearance calendar!

Click here for archived On a Roll Newsletters: 1/02, 2/02, 3/02, 03/19/02, 4/02, 5/02, 6/02, 7/02, 08/02