We moved our e-newsletter with images online to avoid long email downloads, missed subscribers (whose email won't let them download images), and so we can show you more pictures and make quicker links to cool stuff. Hope you like the change.

NEW “BADGE of HONOR” If you have sent us a duct tape story, photo, winning photo contest caption, etc. that we have used on our site, please feel free to grab the icon on the left and post it on your site and in your emails. You can link this “badge of honor” to http://www.ducttapeguys.com or a specific page on our site so your readers can easily find your contribution to our online tribute to the “Ultimate Power Tool”.

A Short Course in Economics (having absolutely NOTHING to do with Duct Tape)

A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
A REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
A DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.
A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat
once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION: You have a barn with 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you.
A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an
American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.

Stupid Laws Still on the Books:
It is illegal for a restaurant to serve apple pie without cheese (Wisconsin)
One-armed piano players must perform for free (Iowa)
Bees are not allowed to fly over the village or through any of Kriland's streets (Kirkland, Ill).
It is illegal for fire trucks to exceed 25mph, even when going to a fire (New Britain, Connecticut).
By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground." (Lexington, Kentucky).
Detonating a nuclear device within the city limits results in a $500 fine (Chico, California).
QUOTE O’ the ISSUE: "Man is certainly stark mad. He cannot make a worm, and yet he will be making gods by dozens. " --- Montaigne

Here’s your chance to get a Duct Tape Book for only 99¢! Buy any shirt from the Duct Tape Pro Shop (either a duct tape shirt or Parodyware shirt), OR our Duct Tape Video and get an “Ultimate Duct Tape Book for just 99¢ more. That’s a $6.95 value for just 99¢ - heck, it’s worth over $7 when we autograph it! Click on the 99¢ on the right to get to the deal.

The new Duct Tape Photo Caption Contest is posted. Click the button on the left to see who won last month’s contest and to try your humor writing skills and creativity on this month’s photo. Good luck!

Get stuck with this for FREE. Send us a self-addressed, stamped envelope (34¢ stamp - or base on 1 ounce for U.S. to Canada) and we will send you a FREE Duct Tape Pro bumper sticker. Address your envelope to: FREE Bumper Sticker NL, P.O. Box 130066, Roseville, MN 55113 (limit two per family please - include two self-addressed envelopes - one for each sticker).

Meet us at the Diner. We’ve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you haven’t yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories. Just like these guys did:

Valentine Matt. F. created this lovely Duct Tape Valentine (on left) for his honey. What says "I love you" better than duct tape? Read our other Duct Tape Valentine ideas here in our Top Ten lists.

DeterAnt Do you enjoy Hummingbirds? We have three feeders hanging outside our windows so we can enjoy the little creatures. Our problem was that we have a lot of trees and the tree ants would eventually find the lovely sugar and become nuisances by crawling into the feeders and spoiling the "nectar". We used packing tape initially to discourage them, but good ole Duck Tape, wrapped sticky side out on the hanging wire lasts a whole season. Those poor ants really hate getting stuck on Duck Tape. I think the later arrivals hate seeing a few of their fellow ants stuck there. This works! --- Marc B.

(Go to the Duct Tape Diner for the story that goes with this photo.)

365 Days of Duct Tape Calendar Fixes

A lot of you are sending us notes about your calendar problems. We've had other duct tape lovers come up with some fixes. Check them out by clicking here. If you don’t own a 365 Days of Duct Tape Calendar (2002 is our sixth year!) - you can get one at the Duct Tape Pro Shop right now!
COLLEGE STUDENTS: We are still looking for the BEST DUCT TAPE DORM ROOM in the Country! Click the icon on the left to get full information about our new contest! HURRY! The deadline is March 28th, 2002.

RANDOM WINNER: The random winner of a duct tape book in this issue is/was: Keith Tremel. Congratulations! Send us your mailing address and we will send you an autographed Duct Tape Book.

Well, that’s it for this issue of “Duct Tape on a Roll” Remember that you can share this FREE duct tape and humor newsletter with your friends. Just send them this address: http://www.ducttapeguys.com/onaroll so they can SUBSCRIBE.

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May the Tape be with you!
- Jim and Tim - The Duct Tape Guys

Catch us in action! Check out our appearance calendar!

Click here for archived On a Roll Newsletters: 1/02, 2/02, 3/02, 03/19/02, 4/02, 5/02, 6/02