The “BADGE of HONOR” If you have sent us something that we have used on our site, grab the graphic above and post it on your site and in your emails.

(above left) Dress entirely in pink and duct tape a shoe to your head - go trick-or-treating as used bubblegum.

(above right) Duct tape pop cans to yourself and go as a "Human Vending Machine."

Duck tape a small child or midget to your back and go as a “hunch-backed-two-headed guy.” (If you can’t locate a child or midget, decapitate a department store mannequin, duck tape its head to your shoulder, and go as “The Thing with Two Heads”).

Modern Metallic Mummy: cover yourself head to toe in duck tape and speak in inaudible groans. Feeling old fashioned? Go with white duck tape.

“Wizard of Oz” Tin Man: Simply follow the instructions for the mummy costume but don’t duck tape over your face. Instead, put a funnel on top of your head and carry around a duck tape covered oil can and axe.

Read more Halloween uses for Duct Tape and see our Halloween video ONLINE by clicking here.

Real Life Flight Announcements:
(On a Delta flight) "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

Jim and Tim's Halloween Costume Creations are shown in a video that you can watch online. All you need is Quicktime loaded (it's free from and works with Macs or PCs.)
Submissions Please
If you have a joke or story that you would like to submit for inclusion in our next newsletter, email it to us. Just make sure it's suitable for all ages (we don't publish anything off-color). Thanks again!
Get a jump on Holiday Shopping at the Duct Tape Pro Shop!
We've got some new stuff and some screamin' package deals at the Pro Shop. If you haven't stopped by lately, do it today (or tomorrow... whenever - we don't mean to be bossy).

Where to send the bill...
A man was brought to Mercy Hospital and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went well, and as the groggy man regained consciousness he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy who was waiting by his bed.
"Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," said the nun, gently patting his hand. "We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?"
"No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely.
"Can you pay in cash?" persisted the nun.
"I'm afraid I cannot, Sister."
"Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun questioned sternly.
"Just my sister in New Mexico," he volunteered. "But she's a humble spinster nun."
"Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not spinsters - they are married to God."
"Wonderful," said Smith. "In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law."

Adam and Eve's Nationality:
A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.
"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."
"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."
"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian."

Bear Advisory
California State Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert for bears while in the Yosemite and Mammoth areas.
They advise people to wear noise-producing devices such as little bells on their clothing to alert but not startle the bear unexpectedly. They also advise carrying pepper spray in case of an encounter with a bear.
It is also a good idea to watch for fresh signs of bear activity and know the difference between black bear and grizzly bear droppings. Black bear droppings are smaller and contain berries and possibly squirrel fur. Grizzly bear droppings have little bells in them and smell like pepper spray.

More Funny Math:
Shortest distance between two jokes: A straight line
454 graham crackers: 1 pound cake
1 million-million microphones: 1 megaphone
2000 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds
10 cards: 1 decacards
1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig Newton
1000 grams of wet socks: 1 literhosen
1 millionth of a fish: 1 microfiche
10 rations: 1 decoration
100 rations: 1 C-ration
2 monograms: 1 diagram
8 nickels: 2 paradigms
2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital: 1 I.V. League
100 Senators: Not 1 decision.

"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."
- Johnny Carson

Extended TOOLBOX SALE: Extended through the month of October only, the price of our Duct Tape Tool Box at the Duct Tape Pro Shop is $25 (raises to $30 November. 1st). The Duct Tape Tool Box features our first three books, a Duct Tape Pro Cap, Duct Tape Pro Button and Bumper Sticker AND a roll of Duck® brand X-Treme™ tape all in a bright red toolbox for only $25.00 (that's over $35 of merchandise). Thousands of this same product sold in a national mail order catalog (with one less book, not duct tape, and no pin or bumper sticker) for $39! Click in today to nab your deal on a Duct Tape Tool Box - the perfect Christmas gift!

You can always get stuff from the Duct Tape Guys FREE. Postcards, bumper stickers, computer monitor desktops, even books! This month we are giving away a FREE heat-transfer to make your own DUCT TAPE PRO polo shirt (or t-shirt) - it's pocket-sized. Check out this and our other FREE STUFF area by clicking on the icon above.
Note: Some of you have sent requests without a self-addressed STAMPED envelope (SASE). Sorry, but these requests are NOT filled by our fulfillment person. So please remember to include a SASE!

I have a nephew who is still in diapers and likes to take them off when no one is watching. We don't mind him running around in the buff, it's just when he has to "go" the family take offense <stinky>. So when one of us see's him pulling at his diaper we grab the duct tape and wrap it around his waist, careful not to make contact with his skin. This stops the stretch of the waistband and locks those tabs down keeping that diaper firmly, and safely, in place. Thank heavens for duct tape! --- Jan, Las Vegas

Several years ago while on a canoe/camping trip in Texas we managed to just about snap a couple of feet off of the front of my fiberglass canoe. It had to do with a couple of tree trunks and some fast moving water. After we got the canoe freed and beached I whipped out my handy-dandy roll of duct tape and taped the nose back in place and off we went. No leaks, no problem. It didn't look all that swell but I decided to just leave it that way and did for a year or two of repeated canoe usage and it never leaked. I finally got around to reglassing it right but I'll always remember how that roll of duct tape saved the day out there in the middle of Texas in the middle of nowhere. --- Dave D.

If you want a fresh daily dose of that kind of creativity (or stupidity, as the case may be), grab a copy of The Duct Tape Page-A-Day® Calendar for 2003 - now available via the Duct Tape Pro Shop or at your local Bookstore. This year calendar marks the seventh year that we have done 365 Days of Duct Tape. How can we come up with so many uses for duct tape? By virtue of the fact that duct tape comes with absolutely NO INSTRUCTIONS - that and the voluminous email and mail that people just like YOU send us documenting YOUR uses for duct tape. Thanks for your contributions! Keep 'em coming! - Jim and Tim

Meet us at The Diner. We’ve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you haven’t yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories. Just like these people did:

(left) Duct Tape at the Olympic Click here to see some of the duct tape sightings we found during the last winter Olympics. Winter sport season is almost upon us - take some tips from Olympians and use duct tape to improve your winter games!

Speaking of photos… Our new photo caption contest photo is waiting for your creative caption. Click here to try your luck and skill at writing a caption for this month's photo (deadline is Tuesday, November 5th).

RANDOM WINNER: The random winner of a duct tape book in this issue is/was: Jane O'Keefe. Congratulations! Send us your mailing address and we will send you an autographed Duct Tape Book.

Well, that’s it for this issue of “Duct Tape on a Roll” Remember that you can share this FREE duct tape and humor newsletter with your friends. Just send them this address: so they can SUBSCRIBE.

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May the Tape be with you!
- Jim and Tim - The Duct Tape Guys

Catch us in action in your area! Check out our appearance calendar!

Click here for archived On a Roll Newsletters: 1/02, 2/02, 3/02, 03/19/02, 4/02, 5/02, 6/02, 7/02, 08/02, 09/02