The “BADGE of HONOR” If you have sent us something that we have used on our site, grab the graphic above and post it on your site and in your emails.
Real Life Flight Announcements:
After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."
Submissions Please
If you have a joke or story that you would like to submit for inclusion in our next newsletter, email it to us. Just make sure it's suitable for all ages (we don't publish anything off-color). Thanks again!

May Flowers
Duct Tape Flowers - for Mother's Day!

If you're like us, and we know we are, you probably forgot all about Mother's Day coming up on May 11th. No need to rush out last minute to get mom flowers, just make your own! Go to our "How To" section to find out an easy 4-step method to make the rose on the left (based on a method originated by Canadian Duct Tape Sculptor, Todd Scott). Do the process 12 times and you will have a dozen roses for mom - roses that will never die! Click here for complete instructions: How to Make a Duct Tape Rose

Duct Tape Houses?
At least on a small scale (for now). An El Paso, TX Home Show ran a duct tape house contest at area schools in conjunction with Habitat for Humanity. Tape was donated by Duck® brand. This is the winner of their contest. You can see the other creative entries by clicking here.

Duct Tape: Gender Neutral (Mom uses it, too!). Mother's Day is coming up on May 11th. You still have time to order Mom one of our mom design shirts from the Duct Tape Pro Shop for just $17 plus shipping. While you are at it, grab our Department of Government Recommended Stockpiling of Duct Tape Special - a book three (autographed) and our video combo and $18.95 retail value for just $10.00 plus shipping. Get it all at the Duct Tape Pro Shop.

FREE Stuff:
Get four FREE Duct Tape Postcards from The Duct Tape Guys. Click here for more information.The free stuff on this page changes every two to three months - so keep checking back!
VERY VERY LAST CHANCE to Enter (we mean it this time):

The Duct Tape Guys™ are looking for your short stories about how you have saved money using duct tape. Submit your savings story (100 words or less) along with an approximate amount of money saved by using duct tape, a photo of the project or repair job if you have one, your name, city/state, and email address. We will select the best stories and post them here. The top three stories will get a nice supply of Duck® brand tape and a set of our duct tape books. Deadline for submissions is May 26th. Winners will be announced in the May issue of Duct Tape: On a Roll. Click here for more information.

Can Duct Tape Save the World?
Hey, we need more entries for this one - or we're not gonna have any winners! Most of the responses so far have dealt with putting duct tape over a few key mouths in Washington DC. Okay - we want OTHER ideas of how duct tape can save the world. Most of you, if you subscribe to our newsletter and visit our web site, are firm believers in the power of duct tape. But, can duct tape save the world? Can it fix broken peace? Can it help foreign relations? Can it help the impoverished and diseased of the world?

Share your ideas and we will post them in our June issue. Some of the more novel ideas will receive a duct tape book and a flat pack™ of Duck® brand duct tape. Think about it, compose your thoughts, then submit them to us:

Can Duct Tape prevent SARS? Cartoonist Aaron McGruder again found humor in duct tape in relation to the current SARS scare. Following through on a Department of Homeland Security idea that hundreds of cartoonists picked up on (see our collection here): Duct Tape Cartoons/DHS. David Letterman (or his writers) ripped off (or thought of) this same joke two days after this cartoon appeared.

Click to our Duct Tape Pro Shop apparel page for more information. Remember that you get a free flatpack of Duck® tape with your order while supplies last!
STUCK AT PROM - The 3rd annual Duck® brand "Stuck at Prom" contest is underway! Click here for to see some of the previous years' entries for inspiration. There is a link to Duck® brands' entry information page.

Rope on a Roll Hey on a trip into a cave system with boyscouts one of us got stuck down this one jole in the cave. The ground was so slick and wet that he couldn't climb up with out the use of a rope. But we DIDN'T have a rope so we made one out of duct tape. We torn off 15 foot strips or so and braided them for extra strength. Well he's alive now and surprised that the power of duct tape saved his life! --- Robert B., Casa Grande, Arizona

Catapult Helper Our school science olympiad team last year had a catapult compititon. Well, the people who were assigned to build the catapult hadn't had time to even start it but had broken a bridge in another competition before and still had the broken pieces of balsa wood. Five minutes before the competition, they built the catapult out of the spare pieces and alot of duct tape. As other teams went around looking at each others designs, they all laughed at the duct tape covered catapult. when time came to compete, everyone was still laughing yet they stopped when the kids took first place. Sadly that was the only competition we won that year, however, it was all because of the duct tape. --- Justine

Duct Tape in Foreign Affairs A few years ago, I went on a nine day tour of Europe, Austria, and Switzerland. Of course, for any trip, duct tape was with me all the way. It is a good thing too. Not only did I fix a pair of sunglasses for a girl, but we were with a group from New Jersey who had a frisbee. There frisbee broke solidly in half and they had heard that someone from our group had duct tape. I gave them the tape and for the next five days that I saw them, that frisbee flew as though it was brand new. --- Eric Savage
Thanks - Eric - while the current administration is in place, we can use all the help in foreign affairs that we can get!

Meet us at The Diner. We’ve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you haven’t yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories. Just like these people did:

A much-needed humor break:

Twelve things you should learn by age 40:
1. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
2. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
3. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
4. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
5. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
6. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
7. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
8. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
9. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
10. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
11. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
12. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

Click here to see Tim's latest Duct Tape Pros cartoons.

Check out our t-shirts designed just for Moms in mind (and remember that Mother's Day is coming up soon! May 11th! They are on display now at the Duct Tape Pro Shop.You will need to order by May 6th to assure delivery for Mother's Day (U.S. only - elsewhere ordering even earlier is recommended)

Stuff for guys to do while their wife (mom, girlfriend) is shopping:

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute intervals throughout the day.
4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join.
5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift-wrap.
7. Leave cryptic messages on the computers.
8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
9. When there are people behind you, walk really slowly, especially in thin aisles.
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.
11. Turn all the radios to polka stations; then turn them off and turn the volume up to full blast.
12. Play with the automatic doors.
13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi. I haven't seen you in so long." etc. See if they play along.
14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who buys this crap anyway?!"
15. Repeat #14 in the jewelry department.
16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you are taking it for a test drive.
17. Follow people through the aisles, staying about 5 feet behind them. Do this until they leave the store.
18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
19. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow, magic!"
20. Take off your shoes and tell them you want to return it and they say you didn't buy it there say "Hmmmm....I thought the customer was always right!"
21. Move "Caution : Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you will only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can catch from other aisles.
24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "I'm Batman. Come Robin, to the Batcave."
26. TP as much of the store as possible.
27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.
29. When someone asks you if you need help, begin to cry and say, Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
30. When 2 or 3 people are walking ahead of you, run between them yelling "Red Rover."
31. Make up nonsense products and ask employees if there are any in stock. (i.e.: Shnerples)
32. Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a full-scale battle with G.I. Joe vs. X-men.
33. Take bets on the battle from above.
34. Test the brushes and combs in cosmetics.
35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
36. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission Impossible.
38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies."
41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
42. Two words: Marco Polo.
43. Leave Cheerios in lawn and garden, pillows in the pet section, etc.
44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's.
45. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look with various funnels.
46. When someone steps away from his or her cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, drop to your knees and scream, "No, no, its those voices again."
49. Pay off layaways 50 cents at a time.
50. Drag a lounge chair over to the magazines and relax. Go to the food court, buy a drink, and explain that you don't get out much and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

Duct tape is used by a lot of people to help their sick trees and shrubs. Sometimes birds manage to remove a piece for some next building material.
If you have a duct tape sighting you'd like to share, take a photo of it and send it to us - we'll use it either in our Duct Tape Diner, or on our Duct Tape Sightings pages. Click here for submission information.

Camo Jim. Jim wrapped himself in Duck® brand's camouflage duct tape and instantly became "The Invisible Man" - at least until he came in from the woods. Check out a similar photo of Jim photo test your creativity by writing an appropriate caption for it on our Photo Caption Contest. Click here for the current contest photo.

RANDOM WINNER: The random winner of a duct tape book in this issue : Elisabeth Rush. Congratulations! Send us your mailing address and we will send you an autographed Duct Tape Book.

Well, that’s it for this issue of “Duct Tape on a Roll” Remember that you can share this FREE duct tape and humor newsletter with your friends. Just send them this address: so they can SUBSCRIBE.

If you want OFF of our email list at any time, that’s fine with us, we don’t want to bother anyone with stuff they don't want. Just click here: REMOVE

May the Tape be with you!
- Jim and Tim - The Duct Tape Guys

Click here for archived On a Roll Newsletters: 1/02, 2/02, 3/02, 03/19/02, 4/02, 5/02, 6/02, 7/02, 08/02, 09/02. 10/02, 11/02, 12/02, 01/03, 02/03, 03/03, 4/03