The “BADGE of HONOR” If you have sent us something that we have used on our site, grab the graphic above and post it on your site and in your emails.
Real Life Flight Announcements:
From the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
A flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

Submissions Please
If you have a joke or story that you would like to submit for inclusion in our next newsletter, email it to us. Just make sure it's suitable for all ages (we don't publish anything off-color). Thanks again!

Welcome to the February issue of the
"Duct Tape: On a Roll" newsletter

The Duct Tape Guys and are usually all about humor and the "evangelism" of duct tape. However, if you would allow me one serious moment as our country is pulled toward war with Iraq: I'd like to call your attention to two sites that I've had posted for the purpose of reflection; "Prayer for America" and "Quotes from Thomas Merton." Hopefully these pages might be useful in giving you some hope, and pause to think, during these trying times. Thanks - Tim, the Duct Tape Guy

And now for something completely different yet somehow related: Homeland Security on a Roll. Can you REALLY protect your family with Duct Tape and Plastic Sheeting?

Another contest:

The Duct Tape Guys™ are looking for your short stories about how you have saved money using duct tape. Submit your savings story (100 words or less) along with an approximate amount of money saved by using duct tape, a photo of the project or repair job if you have one, your name, city/state, and email address. We will select the best stories and post them here. The top three stories will get a nice supply of Duck® brand tape and a set of our duct tape books. Deadline for submissions is March 20th. Winners will be announced in the April issue of Duct Tape: On a Roll. Click here for more information.

Yeah, we planned that... While enjoying the "The Jumbo Duct Tape Book" my brother-in-law got me for christmas, a few of the center pages fell out. Acting on the clever duct tape drawn into the bindings, I creased some short sections lenghtwise to stick the pages back in. Thanks for all the great tips and humor-- keep it coming! --- Fred K., Dearborn Heights MI..
Fred, we'd like to say that we planned that as an exercise to improve your taping skills, but, it's probably just an over use-weakened binding.

No Drip Pant Can Lee N. of Eastside Heating in Bellevue, WA came up with the idea of creating a no drip paint spout using duct tape on the inside rim of a freshly opened can of paint. When you get done pouring, just rip off the tape to reveal a clean can rim edge. Good thinkin' Lee!

Pray for no Groin Pulls! Tired of the heating pad slipping off your shoulder -- get your wife to duct tape it into position. --- Jon H.

Panamanian Hut Repair (read John B.'s story about his hut repair in the Duct Tape Diner.)

Blister Preventer My friends and I like mountain biking and my friends had biking gloves and I didn't. So I whipped out the duct tape and made my own duct tape biking gloves custom fit to my hands. I use them when I go biking now and they really work! --- Michael S.

Meet us at The Diner. We’ve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you haven’t yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories. Just like these people did:


10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
9. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to."
8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out. You probably got here
just in time!"
7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."
6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?"
4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
3. "The coffee machine is broken..."
2. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."
And the #1 best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk...
1. Raise your head from the desk and say " ... in Jesus' name. Amen."
A man was shopping at his local supermarket where he selected a quart of milk, a carton of eggs, juice, and a roll of duct tape. As he was putting his items on the conveyer belt to check out, a drunk man standing behind him, watched as he placed his items in front of the cashier.

The drunk said, "Hey, you must be single."

The man, a bit startled, but intrigued, looked at his four items on the belt, and seeing nothing particularly unusual about his selections said, "Well, ya know, that's right. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk said, "Cause you're dang ugly!"

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?" "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise." "That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?' "Twenty-six!" he said.
Click here to see Tim's latest Duct Tape Pros cartoons.

Top 10 Quotes of George W. Bush as selected by the editor of
10. I've been to war. I've raised twins. If I had a choice, I'd rather go to war.
9. I am mindful not only of preserving executive powers for myself, but for predecessors as well.
8. You teach a child to read and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.
7. No, I know all the war rhetoric, but it's all aimed at achieving peace.
6. My mom often used to say, "The trouble with W" -- although she didn't put that to words.
5. In 1994, there were 67 schools in Texas that were rated "exemplorary" according to our own tests.
4. I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe -- I believe what I believe is right.
3. Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease.
2. I understand small business growth. I was one.
1. Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream.
and the Top 10 Quotes selected by site visitors:
10. This Thursday, ticket counters and airplanes will fly out of Reagan International Airport.
9. Laura and I will thank them from the bottom of my heart.
8. When you have your own money, it means you've got more money to spend.
7. The benefits of helping somebody is beneficial.
6. We're in for a long struggle, and I think Texans understand that. And so do Americans.
5. Sometimes when I sleep at night I think of "Hop on Pop".
4. I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn't here.
3. And one of the things we've got to make sure that we do is anything.
2. We're making the right decisions to bring the solution to an end.
1. Border relations between Canada and Mexico have never been better.

Tell is like it is! This timely design is available from our ever growing stable of Duct Tape Apparel.

Click to our Duct Tape Pro Shop apparel page for more information. Remember that you get a free flatpack of Duck® tape with your order while supplies last!

The Duct Tape Hair Club for Men has obviously gained this guy as a client.

Enter our latest Duct Tape Photo Caption Contest and see who won last month's contest. Click here.

Duct Tape: Strong enough for Ceiling Tapings! No, we wouldn't encourage this, but, it's nice to know that if you ever find the need to secure yourself to a ceiling, duct tape will do the trick. See the whole story in our Duct Tape Wall Tapings sectiion.

RANDOM WINNER: The random winner of a duct tape book in this issue : TL Bryant... Congratulations! Send us your mailing address and we will send you an autographed Duct Tape Book.

Well, that’s it for this issue of “Duct Tape on a Roll” Remember that you can share this FREE duct tape and humor newsletter with your friends. Just send them this address: so they can SUBSCRIBE.

If you want OFF of our email list at any time, that’s fine with us, we don’t want to bother anyone with stuff they don't want. Just click here: REMOVE

May the Tape be with you!
- Jim and Tim - The Duct Tape Guys

Click here for archived On a Roll Newsletters: 1/02, 2/02, 3/02, 03/19/02, 4/02, 5/02, 6/02, 7/02, 08/02, 09/02. 10/02, 11/02, 12/02, 01/03