|The BADGE of HONOR If you have sent us something that we have used on our site, grab the graphic above and post it on your site and in your emails.|
Welcome to the November issue of the "Duct Tape: On a Roll" newsletter.
Create a Duct Tape T-shirt Slogan and win stuff! Click here for more information on this contest (ends Dec. 1, 2002).
|Real Life Flight Announcements:
Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault...it was the asphalt!"
If you have a joke or story that you would like to submit for inclusion in our next newsletter, email it to us. Just make sure it's suitable for all ages (we don't publish anything off-color). Thanks again!
Jumbo's Ninth! The popularity of "The Jumbo Duct Tape Book" has propelled it to its niinth printing in just over a year. For those of you who purchase "Jumbo" remember to send in the coupon for your free "flatpack" of Duck® brand duct tape. (Note: the flatpack coupon is also available in our video, "Duct Tape: The Video." Some of the coupons may have expired dates, but mail them in anyway... Duck® brand is still honoring them - they's good folks!)
Duct Shuiing your Home for the Holidays:
Here is a starter list of just some of the many ways that you can apply the principals of Duct Shui to help you prepare for the upcoming holiday season. For those of you who are not familiar with "Duct Shui" (also the title of our fifth book - available in bookstores and at the Duct Tape Pro Shop now), it's our duct tape repaired version of the ancient Chinese philosophy of Feng Shui. "Duct Shui," the book, actually gives a good overview of Feng Shui principles, then slices and dices and puts them back together with duct tape. It's the perfect gift for the duct tape lover (or the Feng Shui practitioner) in your life.
Attract people to help you.
We all could use some extra help in preparing for the holidays. If it's getting our home ready for holiday entertaining, or just getting the shopping done.
In Feng Shui, you are instructed that a wind chime hanging outside the door of your home will attract people to help you.
In Duct Shui, we leave the quiet tinkle of wind chimes to the task of calming our nerves. It lulls us into a peaceful state. If you want to attact people to come to your aid, get duct tape tangled up in your hair and as you attempt to remove it, your screams will solicite all kinds of help!
In Feng Shui it is taught that clutter blocks "Chi" (positive energy) from circulating freely around your house. We can use all the positive energy that we can muster to get us through the winter holidays. So, remove clutter from your house. Duct tape can help by bundling up old newspapers and magazines and binding them with duct tape. If you roll them tightly before you bind them, they will make an excellent recycled "Yule Log" for your holiday fires. Red and green duct tape, or log-brown tape are available from Duck® brand and usually found at your local Wal-Mart or Ace Hardware.
Another clutter removal hint.
You can remove clutter as your family walks around the house by duct taping their feet sticky-side-out. As they walk around the house, they will be effortlessly picking up loose papers and trash.
Be listening to your favorite morning radio station for interviews with The Duct Tape Guys and more "Duct Shuiing Your Home for the Holidays" hints during the Christmas/Hanukkah season. If you think your favorite radio station is missing the boat and not aware of "The Duct Tape Guys," give them a call or drop them an email and tell them to click to DuctTapeGuys.com and click on the media link.
|Put your thinking cap on and come up with the best darn duct tape related t-shirt slogan your creative brain can muster. You could win fame and fortune (or at least a t-shirt with your slogan on it). Just come up with your best (funniest, cleverest, etc.) slogan that you think would make a good t-shirt for us to offer at the Duct Tape Pro Shop and e-mail it to us by December 1st. The winning entry will be posted in the December "Duct Tape on a Roll" issue. Have fun! Good luck!
Read the fine print: If your entry is too similar to something that we (or someone else already offers, we will not consider it. You might want to check the Duct Tape Pro Shop first and steer clear of anything there. All entries become the property of The Duct Tape Guys and may be used by us without further compensation. Your submitting ideas to us indicates that you agree to and will abide by these submission rules. Your slogan may be altered slightly and will be designed/redesigned by a professional designer. The winning entry will receive a t-shirt with their slogan on it and a set of three duct tape books. Two runners up will receive an autographed duct tape book. Please limit your entries! Don't send us a bunch of separate entries. Look your ideas over, bounce them off of your friends, then send us your best one to five slogans. (Warning: If we get tons of entries from one person, we will tend to ignore anything you send - so don't push your luck.)
|Helps "Falling Arches" I just got back from a trip to Switzerland where in Lausanne I visited a very old cathedral. Inside that cathedral I came upon columns supporting arches along a wall. Time had worn away the shaft which was badly cracked at a few places. When I got closer, lo and behold to my utter amazement, I noticed that duct tape had been wound around those damaged columns. Duct Tape holding up a 13th century cathedral: this had to be the ultimate. --- Dollard LeBlanc
Paparatzi and Duct Tape Next time you see a pack of photographers at a celebrity or news event, say Cannes, check out those really long camera lenses made by Canon. They come from the factory with white barrels but no self-respecting photo-journalist would be seen carrying one like that. They cover their $6000 lumps of glass in black duct tape to make them less conspicuous and protect the resale value from the rough and tumble of news reporting. --- name withheld, U.K.
|Meet us at The Diner. Weve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you havent yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories. Just like these people did:|
Top 8 Morons of 2002
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING? A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!! In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellllllooooooo!)
8. THE GRAND FINALE Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 ft. boat going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power was applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out drive went up and down, and the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
NOW REMEMBER, THIS IS TRUE .... Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.
|Here's that secret link that we told you about to get over 50% off of a Duct Tape Video and Book Two and Three pack at The Duct Tape Pro Shop. This is a special link that ONLY our On a Roll readers know about. click the logo on the left to get to the Duct Tape Pro Shop and click on the head of David on the apparel page. This will link you to our online buying page and give you $25.90 worth of product for just $12.50. Next month there will be another special deal here. So if you want the video and two book deal, you will have to act during November!
|A lot of people when to various halloween parties this year dressed as "the Duct Tape Man"," "Duct Tape Avenger..." or some other form of Duct Tape Super Hero. Shown on the left is Frank who went above and beyond with his Duct Tape Man costume and added a duct tape dispenser rack made of PVC piping.
Take a look at some of the other Duct Tape Superheros.
Speaking of Photos... check out last month's photo caption contest winner(s) and try your skill at captioning this month's photo.
|New! Personalized Shirts at the Pro Shop. We just added a new duct tape apparel design to our massive selection of offerings. Hello! My name is ______ and I'm addicted to Duct Tape. You can now proudly admit YOU are addicted to the ultimate power tool with this unique personalized t-shirt. Click to our Duct Tape Pro Shop apparel page for more information. Remember: You can get a Duct Tape Tech personalized diploma to go with your personalized shirt!|
|RANDOM WINNER: The random winner of a duct tape book in this issue : Nancy Gott. Congratulations! Send us your mailing address and we will send you an autographed Duct Tape Book.
Well, thats it for this issue of Duct Tape on a Roll Remember that you can share this FREE duct tape and humor newsletter with your friends. Just send them this address: http://www.ducttapeguys.com/onaroll so they can SUBSCRIBE.
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May the Tape be with you!
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