|The BADGE of HONOR If you have sent us something that we have used on our site, grab the graphic above and post it on your site and in your emails.
Real Life Flight Announcements:
"Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children... or other adults acting like children."
"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
If you have a joke or story that you would like to submit for inclusion in our next newsletter, email it to us. Just make sure it's suitable for all ages (we don't publish anything off-color). Thanks again!
Welcome to the January issue of the
We, the Duct Tape Guys, by the powers vested in us, do hereby proclaim 2003 to be The Official Year of Duct Tape. Who can wait around for a presidential proclamation... and, hey, WE are THE Duct Tape Guys... so we'll proclaim it.
Sure, any year is a good year for duct tape, but we figured that if the Chinese can have a year of the monkey, snake, dog, etc., we should be able to have a year of duct tape (followed by a year of WD-40, then back to another year of duct tape, etc.). So, grab yourself a roll of the gray stuff and go out and celebrate by taping your world with the official Year of Duct Tape symbol (above left). Then, send us your photo of your duct tape graffiti and we will post them on a special Year of Duct Tape Tribute Page beginning in February. Warning: Don't do any damage, please! And if the authorities catch you in the act, just ask them to pose for the photo with you, hand them your roll of duct tape as a peace offering and your contribution to city hall and quickly remove the tape - we don't wanna get anyone in trouble.
By popular demand, we have continued the David's Head Special at the Duct Tape Pro Shop. Click on David's head to get the special newsletter subscriber's deal on our video and two books (at over 50% off retail).
A special deal that you will definitely want to take advantage of is the FREE Flat Pack offer. With every order at the Pro Shop (while supplies last) you will get a FREE Duct Tape Guys' Duct Tape Starter Kit featuring the popular Duck® brand Flat Pack of Duct Tape. It's three yards of duct tape on a handy credit card-sized roll that fits easily in your pocket or purse. Click here to find out more about the Free Flat Pack offer. Thanks to Duck® brand for making this free offer possible. Visit them online at www.DuckTapeClub.com.
Like Father, Like Son
The other day i was working in my shop and my five year old son came in climbed on to my bench grabed the duct tape wile running off said, "I need some tape." About 30 minutes later I went to check on him he had all his broken candy canes duct taped back together and hanging back on the tree sure did make this dad proud --- Mike T.
These boots were made from Duct Tape... For a final exam I made this pair of duct tape boots. I attached a pair of long underwear to socks to create the base, and used the sole from an old pair of sandals to create a rather comfortable pair of boots! Regular string laced them up. I wore them around campus and they kept me warm enough for winter time, and I didn't feel sweaty because the sides acted as ventilation and the knit "lining" wicked away moisture. I got an A! --- Andrea S. Wheaton, IL
DUCT successfully replaces PCV My first car was an old run-down 84 mercury cougar. There was some sort of malfunction in the vacuum lines that would cause it to constantly stall out and die at red lights and even in motion. After consulting many mechanic friends, all who were clueless, I finally caved in, popped the hood and repaired every broken vacuum line and sealed off the PCV valve with duct tape. The car never ran better. --- Gary S.
|Meet us at The Diner. Weve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you havent yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories. Just like these people did:|
Playing it backwards...
You've probably hear this one: What do you get when you play Country Music backwards? You get your wife back, your house back, your pickup truck back, your dog back...
Here's a new twist: What do you get when you play New Age music backwards? New Age music.
Got any others to add to this list? Email them to us and continue this next month.
A trucker stops for red light and a blonde girl catches up. She knocks on the door and the trucker lowers the window. The girl says, "Hi, my name's Heather. I just wanted to tell you that you're losing some of your load."
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. The trucker stops for another red light and the girl again catches up. She knocks on the door and the trucker lowers the window and she says, "Hi my name is Heather and you're losing some of your load!"
He ignores her again and continues down the street. The trucker stops for still another red light and the girl catches up again all out of breath. She knocks on the door and the trucker lowers the window. Again she says, "My name is Heather and you are losing some of your load!"
He dismisses her and starts off down the street, then stops. The trucker gets out of the truck, approaches the girl and says, "Hi, my name is Kevin and I am driving a SALT TRUCK!"
Twelve things to do at Wal-Mart while your spouse/other is taking his/her sweet time:
1. Pick up odd items (like cans of fish balls or tubes of Preparation H) and put them in peoples' carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at five minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "There's a Code 3 in housewares." and see what happens.
5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?
7. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
8. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from 'Mission Impossible.'
9. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.
10. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
11. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream 'NO! It's those voices again!'
12. Go into a fitting room and yell real loud, "Ah, we're out of toilet paper in here!"
|A new shirt for all those Flower Children of the 60s and 70 out there. We just added a new design to our ever growing stable of Duct Tape Apparel. Click to our Duct Tape Pro Shop apparel page for more information. Also, for other Baby Boomers, Tim, the Duct Tape Guy has created a massive vault of Boomer Nostalgia - click to www.boomerbaby.com and get a nostalgia buzz going!
Enter our latest Duct Tape Photo Caption Contest and see who won last month's contest. Click here.
|Prevent frostbite when you are hitting the slopes or snowmobiling this winter. Just cover your exposed flesh with duct tape. Read more real stories of duct tape uses in the Duct Tape Diner.|
|Sending him out well prepared Outgoing Maine Gov. Angus King displays a roll of duct tape and a can of WD-40 that he received as going-away presents Tuesday from Secretary of State Dan Gwadosky at the State House. The gifts are for keeping King's RV repaired during a cross-country road trip that he plans to begin after his eight years in office come to an end today.|
|RANDOM WINNER: The random winner of a duct tape book in this issue : TL Bryant... Congratulations! Send us your mailing address and we will send you an autographed Duct Tape Book.
Well, thats it for this issue of Duct Tape on a Roll Remember that you can share this FREE duct tape and humor newsletter with your friends. Just send them this address: http://www.ducttapeguys.com/onaroll so they can SUBSCRIBE.
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May the Tape be with you!