|The BADGE of HONOR If you have sent us something that we have used on our site, grab the graphic above and post it on your site and in your emails.|
Welcome to the December issue of the "Duct Tape: On a Roll" newsletter.
You can still click on David's head to get the special newsletter subscriber's deal on our video and two books (at over 50% off retail).
Winner of the Create a Duct Tape T-shirt Slogan was Ray Wherley. Congratulations, Ray! We will send you a t-shirt with your slogan on it FREE (and, we might even through in a copy of one of our books). The rest of you can purchase Ray's t-shirt from the Duct Tape Pro Shop. We may run this contest again prior to Father's Day 2003 so keep your thinking caps on and keep watching Duct Tape on a Roll for more contest information.
Speaking of Ducti... That's the name given to a line of manufactured Duct Tape Wallets and purses made by a Colorado company and appearing in retail stores across the country. Take a look at this impressive line of duct tape accessories (the "barhopper" is shown on the right). Jim and I each carry a Ducti wallet - it's well-constructed, durable, always gets compliments, and we definitely vouch for their quality. Check out the Ducti line in our Fashions Accessories pages: http://www.ducttapeguys.com/fashion/accessories/ducti.html
|Real Life Flight Announcements:
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
And, after a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."
If you have a joke or story that you would like to submit for inclusion in our next newsletter, email it to us. Just make sure it's suitable for all ages (we don't publish anything off-color). Thanks again!
Duct Shui (our fifth book) offers a fairly complete introduction to the ancient Chinese philosophy of Feng Shui - then slices and dices it and puts it back together with duct tape. Click here for excerpts. This is the perfect gift book for the Feng Shui or Duct Tape enthusiast in your life. Available at your local bookstore, or autographed at the Duct Tape Pro Shop.
|Did you know we have other humor apparel at the Duct Tape Pro Shop, too? There's original, creative, G-Rated apparel for everyone on your list.|
|Twelve Holiday Uses for Duct Tape:
by Jim and Timthe Duct Tape Guys authors of The Duct Tape Book(s)
12. Red duct tape with white duct tape trim covering a down ski jacket makes a cheap Santa outfit.
11. Hang stockings from the chimney with duct tape.
10. Fasten decorative lights to railings of house with duct tape.
9. Thin strips of Duct Tape make great self-adhering tinsel.
8. Cover the inevitable gift fruit cake with duct tape and use as door stop.
7. Wrap gifts in Duct Tape for the gift that says, Open me... eventually.
6. Cover Christmas tree boughs with green duct tape to prevent needles from dropping.
5. Cover your dead tree limbs with green duct tape and cut fringes in the tape. Presto! Perma-Christmas Tree!
4. Control that hideous holiday weight gain... Duct tape over your mouth.
3. Duct tape over the names in last years greeting cards and resend them.
2. Silver duct tape turns that old bride's maid dress into shiny holiday formal wear.
1. Duct tape great grandpa upright in his chair.
Want some more holiday uses? Click here. And, send us your own unique duct tape uses.
|Duct Tape Hog Tying We live in south-central Florida. A popular night-time sport of some of the young fellows around here is wild hog hunting. They use dogs to chase down the hog. Then the guys jump on it, hold it down and duct-tape its jaws shut and its legs together. The tape is much faster and holds better than rope. They have brought in a lot of hogs using only flashlights, dogs and duct tape.
Duct Tape Patch I recently quit smoking with the help of a nicotine patch. But at first it wasn't so easy. I'm a carpenter in heavy concrete construction. This requires me to work outside where the temperature is anywhere from 90 to 115 degrees. Well these patches are supposed to stay adhered even while swimming or bathing, but don't seem to stand up to my sweat test. With the help of some duct tape this is no longer a problem. I just cover the patch with duct tape and it stays in place all day, even through thunderstorms. --- Scott H.
|Meet us at The Diner. Weve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you havent yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories. Just like these people did:|
Playwright Jim Sherman wrote this after hearing that Hu Jintao was named chief of the Communist Party in China.
HU'S ON FIRST
(We take you now to the Oval Office.)
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
George: I mean the fellow's name.
George: The guy in China.
George: The new leader of China.
George: The man in China!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
>George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's whose name?
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?
Thank You, Mr. President.
|Here's that secret link that we told you about to get over 50% off of a Duct Tape Video and Book Two and Three pack at The Duct Tape Pro Shop. This is a special link that ONLY our On a Roll readers know about. click the logo on the left to get to the Duct Tape Pro Shop and click on the head of David on the apparel page. This will link you to our online buying page and give you $25.90 worth of product for just $12.50. Next month there will be another special deal here. So if you want the video and two book deal and have it delivered by Christmas, you will have to act before December 16th!
|These Shirts are outselling any that we've ever featured! Personalized Shirts at the Pro Shop. We just added a new duct tape apparel design to our massive selection of offerings. Hello! My name is ______ and I'm addicted to Duct Tape. You can now proudly admit YOU are addicted to the ultimate power tool with this unique personalized t-shirt. Click to our Duct Tape Pro Shop apparel page for more information.
Enter our latest Duct Tape Photo Caption Contest and see who won last month's contest. Click here.
|The pilot's name was withheld (so he wouldn't get fined or lose his license), but a private pilot flew his plane with his two mountain bikes duct taped to the wing struts. Read more real stories of duct tape uses in the Duct Tape Diner.|
|RANDOM WINNER: The random winner of a duct tape book in this issue : wundrgrrl@... Congratulations! Send us your mailing address and we will send you an autographed Duct Tape Book.
Well, thats it for this issue of Duct Tape on a Roll Remember that you can share this FREE duct tape and humor newsletter with your friends. Just send them this address: http://www.ducttapeguys.com/onaroll so they can SUBSCRIBE.
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May the Tape be with you!
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