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The BADGE of HONOR If you have sent us something that we have used on our site, grab the graphic above and post it on your site and in your emails.
Top Fifty Oxymorons: 50. Act naturally 49. Found missing 48. Resident alien 47. Advanced BASIC 46. Genuine imitation 45. Airline Food 44. Good grief 43. Same difference 42. Almost exactly 41. Government organization 40. Sanitary landfill 39. Alone together 38. Legally drunk 37. Silent scream 36. American history 35. Living dead 34. Small crow 33. Business ethics 32. Soft rock 31. Butt Head 30. Military Intelligence 29. Software documentation 28. New York culture 27. New classic 26. Sweet sorrow 25. Childproof 24. "Now, then ..." 23. Synthetic natural gas 21. Passive aggression 20. Taped live 19. Clearly misunderstood 18. Peace force 17. Extinct Life 16. Temporary tax increase 15. Computer jock 14. Plastic glasses 13. Terribly pleased 12. Computer security 11. Political science 10. Tight slacks 9. Definite maybe 8. Pretty ugly 7. Twelve-ounce pound cake 6. Diet ice cream 5. Rap music 4. Working vacation 3. Exact estimate 2. Religious tolerance 1. Microsoft Works Submissions Please If you have a joke or story that you would like to submit for inclusion in our next newsletter, email it to us. Just make sure it's suitable for all ages (we don't publish anything off-color). Thanks again! |
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Better late than never... Here's the August Newsletter!
Stuff: Get four FREE Duct Tape Postcards from The Duct Tape Guys. Click here for more information. The free stuff on this page changes every two to three months - so keep checking back!
![]() Click to our Duct Tape Pro Shop apparel page for more information. Remember that you get a free flatpack of Duck® tape with your order while supplies last! |
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Our sponsor this issue: | ||
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Meet us at The Diner. Weve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you havent yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories. Just like these people did: FIXIN' yer TAIL We've seen a lot of tail lights fixed with red duct tape just taped over the broken lens area. While this may look like a good fix, it doesn't really work because you can't see the light coming through the red duct tape. So, if you have a broken tail light (and not the money to fix it right), here's what you do: Duct tape AROUND the edges of a piece of red translucent plastic material over the broken lens. This will keep the moisture out of the taillight area while allowing the light to shine through the red material (allowing the folks behind you to know when you are stopping or turning). - Sgt. Johnny G., Wisconsin Highway Patrol
Tire Repair Four friends and I went on a hunting trip. Before daylight, I ran over someone's hunting stand in the road and blew out my tire. We put on the spare and went hunting. That evening, we moved to a new spot and heard some air leaking. There was a stick in spare tire we had just put on. We were fifty miles from town and no new tires. We looked in our tool boxes to see what we could fix the leak with. I found a roll of duct tape. My friends laughed and said, "You can't fix a tire with duct tape!" Then I started thinking... I rolled up a little plug out of a strip of duct tape about ten inches long (sticky-side out). I jammed the plug into the hole with a screwdriver and melted the tape with a lighter and used the screwdriver to spread the molten tape around the outside of the hole. Using a 12 volt air compressor, we aired up the tire and it held all night and fifty miles back to town. The guys at the repair shop were totally impressed with our duct tape repair job! --- Jacob C. |
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![]() Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble. DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT THE MORSE CODE: When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: I 'M A DOT IN PLACE THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE Click here to see Tim's latest Duct Tape Pros cartoons. Still a HOT SUMMER DEAL GOIN'! |
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Mr. Whitekeys (a little blurry - but that's the way he looks after a few of his little umbrella drinks) plays the Ductophone (he has another name for it that we will insert here as soon as he corrects us). It is featured nightly in the Fly by Night Club's Whale Fat Follies. | ||||
Like coming up with captions for photos? Visit our Photo Caption Contest - a new photo every month (with the new newsletter). You can win fabulous prizes and have fun at the same time! Click here. | ||||
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Got breath that could melt the glue off of duct tape? Do what Jim does (or what Tim does to Jim when having to be within three feet of his "no smell garlic pill breath"): Duct tape a little pine tree air freshener to your face. | |||
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RANDOM WINNER: The random winner of a duct tape book in this issue : A. Kim (kosmiccandy@...). Congratulations! Send us your mailing address and we will send you an autographed Duct Tape Book.
Well, thats it for this issue of Duct Tape on a Roll Remember that you can share this FREE duct tape and humor newsletter with your friends. Just send them this address: http://www.ducttapeguys.com/onaroll so they can SUBSCRIBE. If you want OFF of our email list at any time, thats fine with us, we dont want to bother anyone with stuff they don't want. Just click here: REMOVE May the Tape be with you! Click here for archived On a Roll Newsletters: 1/02, 2/02, 3/02, 03/19/02, 4/02, 5/02, 6/02, 7/02, 08/02, 09/02. 10/02, 11/02, 12/02, 01/03, 02/03, 03/03, 4/03, 05/03. 06/03 07/03 |
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Tim (left), Jim (other left).
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