The “BADGE of HONOR” If you have sent us something that we have used on our site, grab the graphic above and post it on your site and in your emails.
Top Fifty Oxymorons:

50. Act naturally
49. Found missing
48. Resident alien
47. Advanced BASIC
46. Genuine imitation
45. Airline Food
44. Good grief
43. Same difference
42. Almost exactly
41. Government organization
40. Sanitary landfill
39. Alone together
38. Legally drunk
37. Silent scream
36. American history
35. Living dead
34. Small crow
33. Business ethics
32. Soft rock
31. Butt Head
30. Military Intelligence
29. Software documentation
28. New York culture
27. New classic
26. Sweet sorrow
25. Childproof
24. "Now, then ..."
23. Synthetic natural gas
21. Passive aggression
20. Taped live
19. Clearly misunderstood
18. Peace force
17. Extinct Life
16. Temporary tax increase
15. Computer jock
14. Plastic glasses
13. Terribly pleased
12. Computer security
11. Political science
10. Tight slacks
9. Definite maybe
8. Pretty ugly
7. Twelve-ounce pound cake
6. Diet ice cream
5. Rap music
4. Working vacation
3. Exact estimate
2. Religious tolerance
1. Microsoft Works

Submissions Please
If you have a joke or story that you would like to submit for inclusion in our next newsletter, email it to us. Just make sure it's suitable for all ages (we don't publish anything off-color). Thanks again!

Better late than never... Here's the August Newsletter!

Duct Tape Capital of the World Named!
Wasilla, Alaska has just been named by Duck® brand Duct Tape, the "Duct Tape Capital of the World!" By virtue of the fact that the Wal-Mart Store in Wasilla sold the most duct tape in the world in 2002 (by a substantial margin). Click here to get the whole store and to see pictures from the event. Jim and Tim were on hand to entertain with their patented brand of duct tape stand up comedy, and to emcee the fashion show (some contestants of which you can see by clicking here).

Mask Contest. In conjunction with the release of the "Original Duct Tape Halloween Book" - the SIXTH BOOK in our Duct Tape Trilogy (blame Jim and Douglas Adams for that one), we are hosting a mask making contest. Three winners will recieve a fabulous prize package (really, we'd like to get one for ourselves), and will have their creation shown on television during our ten city media tour in October. Click here for more information, then hurry and submit your entry - the deadline is September 30th! We can't get over how cool the prize package is... in fact, here's a photo of what you could win:

Jim and Tim’s Brushes with Celebrities Being Duct Tape Guys allows us to meet not only really nice "ordinary" people (like us) from all over the world, we occasionally get to rub shoulders and share duct tape stories with celebrities. Take a look at our scrapbook of celebrity encounters. It has a couple of new entries from our recent trip to Alaska (Mr. Whitekeys and Alice Weller of The Fly by Night Club - a WAY cool place that you MUST visit if you ever get to Anchorage).

FREE Stuff:
Get four FREE Duct Tape Postcards from The Duct Tape Guys. Click here for more information. The free stuff on this page changes every two to three months - so keep checking back!

Duct Tape Sightings Being in Alaska was like being in Duct Tape Heaven! We've never seen so much duct tape in use by so many people for so many reasons at the same time ANYWHERE in our travels! Just walking through the airport was our first clue that we were in the duct tape capital of the world! You can see our Alaska sightings and other duct tape sightings that have been sent to us from around the globe in our Duct Tape Sightings pages.

Click to our Duct Tape Pro Shop apparel page for more information. Remember that you get a free flatpack of Duck® tape with your order while supplies last!

Our sponsor this issue:

Meet us at The Diner. We’ve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you haven’t yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories. Just like these people did:

FIXIN' yer TAIL We've seen a lot of tail lights fixed with red duct tape just taped over the broken lens area. While this may look like a good fix, it doesn't really work because you can't see the light coming through the red duct tape. So, if you have a broken tail light (and not the money to fix it right), here's what you do: Duct tape AROUND the edges of a piece of red translucent plastic material over the broken lens. This will keep the moisture out of the taillight area while allowing the light to shine through the red material (allowing the folks behind you to know when you are stopping or turning). - Sgt. Johnny G., Wisconsin Highway Patrol

Gas Can Labeling The Gundersons of Grand Marais, MN label their myriad of gas cans with duct tape. Never again will they mistake the diesel for the outboard motor mix (right). Note: the gasoline will liquify the duct tape adhesive, so don't try to cap the can or fix a can leak with duct tape.

Tire Repair Four friends and I went on a hunting trip. Before daylight, I ran over someone's hunting stand in the road and blew out my tire. We put on the spare and went hunting. That evening, we moved to a new spot and heard some air leaking. There was a stick in spare tire we had just put on. We were fifty miles from town and no new tires. We looked in our tool boxes to see what we could fix the leak with. I found a roll of duct tape. My friends laughed and said, "You can't fix a tire with duct tape!" Then I started thinking... I rolled up a little plug out of a strip of duct tape about ten inches long (sticky-side out). I jammed the plug into the hole with a screwdriver and melted the tape with a lighter and used the screwdriver to spread the molten tape around the outside of the hole. Using a 12 volt air compressor, we aired up the tire and it held all night and fifty miles back to town. The guys at the repair shop were totally impressed with our duct tape repair job! --- Jacob C.

Word Scramble
Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.

DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM
PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER
DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT
THE MORSE CODE: When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY
MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER
SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: I 'M A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE

GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE
also: George W Bush:
Whose bugger?
He grew bogus
Where bugs go
W, he bugs Gore.
Gore: He bugs W.
Rub whose egg?

Click here to see Tim's latest Duct Tape Pros cartoons.

Buy any t-shirt at the Duct Tape Pro Shop and nab a bumper sticker and Duct Tape Book Two, Real Stories for only $2! ($7.95 value!)

Mr. Whitekeys (a little blurry - but that's the way he looks after a few of his little umbrella drinks) plays the Ductophone (he has another name for it that we will insert here as soon as he corrects us). It is featured nightly in the Fly by Night Club's Whale Fat Follies.
Like coming up with captions for photos? Visit our Photo Caption Contest - a new photo every month (with the new newsletter). You can win fabulous prizes and have fun at the same time! Click here.

Got breath that could melt the glue off of duct tape? Do what Jim does (or what Tim does to Jim when having to be within three feet of his "no smell garlic pill breath"): Duct tape a little pine tree air freshener to your face.

RANDOM WINNER: The random winner of a duct tape book in this issue : A. Kim (kosmiccandy@...). Congratulations! Send us your mailing address and we will send you an autographed Duct Tape Book.

Well, that’s it for this issue of “Duct Tape on a Roll” Remember that you can share this FREE duct tape and humor newsletter with your friends. Just send them this address: so they can SUBSCRIBE.

If you want OFF of our email list at any time, that’s fine with us, we don’t want to bother anyone with stuff they don't want. Just click here: REMOVE

May the Tape be with you!
- Jim and Tim - The Duct Tape Guys

Click here for archived On a Roll Newsletters: 1/02, 2/02, 3/02, 03/19/02, 4/02, 5/02, 6/02, 7/02, 08/02, 09/02. 10/02, 11/02, 12/02, 01/03, 02/03, 03/03, 4/03, 05/03. 06/03 07/03

Tim (left), Jim (other left).