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April 2004 - April Fools Edition

Duct Tape Recalled and Possibly Banned! Stock up now! In a bizarre and shocking move, The Consumer Product Safety Commission announced early Thursday morning that duct tape will be recalled and removed from store shelves effective 4/3/04. Upon the leak of this news late Wednesday afternoon, multitudes of duct tape loving consumers stormed stores in an effort to stock up prior to the recall and the possible outlawing of the popular tape.

"I haven't seen this mad a rush for duct tape since last March when the Department of Homeland Security told us to stock up on duct tape and plastic wrap. Our shelves were stripped clean by 9pm." - Merchandise Manager, Orchard Supply Hardware, California

Similar reports have been coming in coast to coast from hardware stores, big-box retailers such as Lowes and Home Depot, and even corner grocers.

Did we elevate your pulse rate? Fool you - for even a moment? Sorry. It WAS April Fools Day... There is NO recall (or potential ban) of duct tape (yet). - The Duct Tape Guys

Duck ala Duct Tape Chef Joey Altman of Bay Cafe (KRON-TV, San Francisco) recently enlisted the help of The Duct Tape Guys to create his famous Duck in Duct Tape. This novel method of preparing the tastiest, juiciest duck you've ever experienced utilizes plastic bag, foil and a final wrapping in duct tape to keep all of the juices in the bird during roasting. Click here for the recipe and to see photos of the process.

Tom Ridge Auto Glass Repair March marked the one year anniversary of the Department of Homeland Security's call to America to stock up on duct tape and plastic sheeting. In honor of this event, we have launced the Tom Ridge Auto Glass Repair page - featuring auto glass repairs made with duct tape and plastic sheeting.Check 'em out and send us a photo of your auto glass/body duct tape repairs!

Duct Tape Doesn't Stick to Plastic Sheeting! In a related note on this one-year anniversary of the DHS recommendation (above): Minneapolis artist Jean Humke has news for Homeland Security chief Tom Ridge: Duct tape doesn't stick to plastic sheeting. New owners of a former crack house in the Seward neighborhood, Humke and her husband, David Pitman, figured they should check out just how long it would take to secure their home against chemical or biological attack. So, aided by the Twin Cities Artists Front, a group of about 20 artist-activists, they tailored a 7,000-square-foot plastic tea-cozy to cover the two-story house. The duct-taped seams deteriorated even during construction so they switched to plastic tape heat-sealed with electric irons. They used a rented forklift to hoist the cozy into place on April 1. "It was very beautiful and kind of sail-like with the light reflecting through," Humke said. "The U.S. government should have tested its materials before issuing that warning. And every security kit definitely needs an iron. The home iron: Don't go to war without it."

2004 Stuck at Prom Contest: Are you and your prom date entering the 2004 "Stuck at Prom" contest? Duck brand has announced dates and some changes for the 2004 contest. If you need some inspiration, you can check out our collection of some of our favorite entries from the past three years on our Prom Fashion pages. Below are the highlights of this year's contest:

New Dates
* Contest begins Monday, March 1, 2004
* Contest ends Friday, June 11, 2004
* Online voting happens from Friday, June 18 – Sunday, June 27, 2004
* Judging will happen on Tuesday, June 29, 2004
* Winners will be notified on Wednesday, June 30, 2004
* Winners will be announced Wednesday, July 7, 2004

They’ve added categories for all entries:
* Traditional Prom Attire
* Theme/Costume Attire
* Just Plain Silver Attire

There’s a new “Top of the Tape” Award
This award will go to the top vote getting couple in each of the three categories mentioned above, based only on online voting results – kind of like a People’s Choice award. Members of each winning couple for this award will receive $500 each.
For complete entry information, click here.

NEW Emailing List. Subscribe Now! (We have totally scrapped our old list, and are now using a new, steamlined list that will allow you to subscribe and unsubscribe more easily.) Click here to get on the new list now! If you are getting our emails and don't want to, you need to click on the link above and follow the remove instructions (there is no way that we can remove your email for you).

Need a creative costume idea? Check out our sixth book, The Duct Tape Halloween Book. Buy it online at the Duct Tape Pro Shop and get a copy of the Ultimate Duct Tape Book absolutely FREE!

When you're at the Pro Shop, make sure you check out our cool apparel, too.

SECRET SAVINGS LINK For our newsletter readers only: Click the little white radio on the main page of the Duct Tape Pro Shop and get our $12 video for only $4.50! Hurry! These wacky and bizarre 30 minute video tapes are almost GONE and will not be available again!

Bright Idea: You read about all these terrorists who hung around on expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 that to Blockbuster, you are two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.

Mark Your Calendar: Thursday, April 8th is International Feng Shui Day. What does this have to do with Duct Tape? Quite a lot, actually. That is AFTER the Duct Tape Guys got ahold of it and repaired the ancient Chiinese philosophy with duct tape. What they ended up with was their own new and improved philosophy, "Duct Shui" (which critiques have deemed, "Breathtakingly stupid."). You can read all about it here at the Duct Shui site: and while you are there, pick up a copy of "Duct Shui" for your personal edification. Or, give it as a gag gift to your new age friend that's into Feng Shui. It's the fifth book in our trilology and our most intellectual effort to date.

Meet us at The Diner. We’ve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you haven’t yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories.

Just like this guy did:

Sled Dogger helper March 16, 2004... Galena, Alaska "Arrived this early morning with 14 dogs. I dropped Forrest back at Cripple due to fatigue. Sport and Diamond have been the primary leads. The Grateful sled is still moving up the trail in it's busted condition. The sled's brush bow consists of two strips of plastic sled runners latched together with nylon cord and duct tape. The stanchions are missing or busted. One of the side support railing is gone, the other one missing. Have frostbitten feet. The journey is challenging and rewarding. Life is good." - An entry from the journal of Iditarod sled dog racer, G.B. Jones - check out his site for more up-to-the minute information:

Epilog: The Iditarod started with 87 teams. Only 77 finished. GB Jones placed 76 out of the 77 finishers.
His dogs, his perseverance and his duct tape got them through!
16 Huskie dogs, $8000
1 dog sled, $1500
1 roll of duct tape - Priceless!
- Update provided by Chuck O'Connell

Thoughts for the Month:
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking the other toys.

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said "Quit while you're ahead?"

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Get the last word in: Apologize.

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Some people are like slinkies....not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals, dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFO's like they use to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars, and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it look normal.

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Click here to see Tim's latest Duct Tape Pros cartoons.

What is this guy doing?

Click to enter our photo caption contest! Click the link to see our previous monthly caption contest winners, too!

See all of our duct tape sightings from around the world at our duct tape sightings pages.

RANDOM WINNER: The random winner of a duct tape book in this issue: Mike Read Congratulations! Send us your mailing address and we will send you an autographed Duct Tape Book.

Well, that’s it for this issue of "Duct Tape on a Roll" Remember that you can share this FREE duct tape and humor newsletter with your friends. Just send them this address: so they can SUBSCRIBE.

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May the Tape be with you!
- Jim and Tim - The Duct Tape Guys

Click here for archived On a Roll Newsletters: 1/02, 2/02, 3/02, 03/19/02, 4/02, 5/02, 6/02, 7/02, 08/02, 09/02. 10/02, 11/02, 12/02, 01/03, 02/03, 03/03, 4/03, 05/03. 06/03 07/03 8/03 9/03 10/03 11/03, 12/03, 1/04, 2/04, 3/04,

Tim (left), Jim (other left).