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Here's the December Newsletter!

John Madden Loves Duct Tape! During one of our book signing gigs we happened upon John Madden who gave us this wonderful quote, "Where the hell would we be without duct tape?!" We couldn't agree more, John! Maybe that's how he makes those multi-legged turkeys every Thanksgiving...

Seasons Greetings from the Duct Tape Guys. This is a hectic time of year for all of us. From the shopping to decorating the house, to cleaning up before and after holiday parties... Thank goodness that duct tape is here to lend a quick fix, a helping hand when decorating, and even assist you creating and wrapping gifts. Check out our top ten list of duct tape uses for the holidays:

TEN Holiday Uses for Duct Tape:
by the Duct Tape Guys, authors of The Duct Tape Book(s)

10. Hang stockings from the chimney with Duct Tape.
9. Fasten decorative lights to railings of house with Duct Tape.
8. Thin strips of Duct Tape make great self-adhering tinsel.
7. Cover the inevitable gift fruit cake with Duct Tape and use as door stop.
6. Wrap gifts in Duct Tape for the gift that says, “Open me... eventually.”
5. Cover Christmas tree boughs with green Duct Tape to prevent needles from dropping.
4. Control that hideous holiday weight gain... Duct Tape your stomach in (or better yet, over your mouth to control your food intake).
3. Duct Tape over the names in last year’s greeting cards and resend them.
2. Duct Tape over an old suit or dress to make shiny holiday formal wear.
1. Duct Tape great grandpa upright in his chair.

Great gift ideas for the duct tape lover in your life!
Visit the Duct Tape Pro Shop to see our new shirt designs and great deals on books, videos, mugs, diplomas, and more! Hurry and order before December 17th to insure delivery before Christmas!

Speaking of holiday gift ideas... Go to the Duct Tape Theatre and watch Jim and Tim explain how you can make the perfect hostess gift for this year's holiday parties. Just click the ticket stub on the left for admission.

Our newest book has tons of great costume ideas for all year long! How about that Christmas costume party coming up? What are you gonna wear? How about being a kissing booth complete with duct tape mistletoe? It's here in The Duct Tape Halloween Book! Buy the book online at the Duct Tape Pro Shop and get a copy of the Ultimate Duct Tape Book absolutely FREE!

When you're at the Pro Shop, make sure you check out our cool apparel, too.

New Shirt! Baseball-style vintage shirt with 3/4 length black sleeves and duct tape gray body. Sports one of two designs - see them both now in our Duct Tape Pro Shop.

SECRET SAVINGS LINK For our newsletter readers only: Click the little white radio on the main page of the Duct Tape Pro Shop and get our $12 video for only $4.50!

Meet us at The Diner. We’ve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you haven’t yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories. Just like these people did:

Holiday Party Kisses Galore! Grab your rolls of white and green duct tape and make some missletoe which you hang from on "L" bracket duct taped to your head (like Tim is demonstrating on the left). Wear this to the holiday parties and you will have no shortage of kisses. (Either that or, the strange stares and pointing fingers that Tim experienced.)

Snow Pants on a Roll A few years ago, at my aunts house, it snowed 2 metres, normally this would mean a lot of fun building snow forts etc.. but my coisin didn't have any snowpants. Being young, we had very large imaginations, and soon realized we could make snowpants. We took some heavy duty garbage bags and duct tape, cut of the bottom of each bag, and duct taped them togeather, after, we added duct tape suspenders to hold them up and duct taped them to his boots so no snow could get in. Needless to say we had a lot of fun that day, and my coisin stayed dry and warm. --- Tess T., Ontario, Canada

Sound familiar? I was actually tied up and gagged at gunpoint with duct tape over 10 years ago. The stunner came when I told a friend and he said, "When it happened to me..." And, my uncle taped the tip of his thumb back on with duct tape rather than spend money going to the hospital. It grew back. On another note, a plumber I know thought he ordered a gross of duct tape (144 rolls). What arrived was a gross of cases of 144 duct tape rolls (20,736 rolls). He kept them and they were all used. --- J. W. The plumber is a man after our own hearts!

Warning Labels
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods. Some of these appeared in our book, The Warning Label Book - click here to buy.

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Darn! And that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos: .. You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be... how?)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But, it's just a suggestion.)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Well...duh! A bit late to be telling us that, huh?!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (How could you think otherwise?)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save me time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those five-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (Let's hope so, or I'd like my money back...)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to... ?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (Could somebody please explain this one to us.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (News flash!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Duh.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Click here to see Tim's latest Duct Tape Pros cartoons.

Holiday Gown Strapless Companion
Duct tape: it's what you need for support and to avoid embarrassment during the holiday parties when you're wearing a strapless gown.

Click to enter our photo caption contest!

Taping Spaces? Nothing says tasteful decor than a roll of designer duct tape in the capable hands of a Duct Tape Pro. From wallpaper borders to furniture and accessories, do you have a room that you have decorated or accessorized with duct tape? Send us a photo and we will post it in our upcoming Taping Spaces site.

("Taping Spaces" is a parody of the popular TLC television show series, "Trading Spaces" and is a © creation of Octane Creative.)

RANDOM WINNER: The random winner of a duct tape book in this issue: Michaelene Fanelli.... Congratulations! Send us your mailing address and we will send you an autographed Duct Tape Book.

Well, that’s it for this issue of “Duct Tape on a Roll” Remember that you can share this FREE duct tape and humor newsletter with your friends. Just send them this address: so they can SUBSCRIBE.

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May the Tape be with you!
- Jim and Tim - The Duct Tape Guys

Click here for archived On a Roll Newsletters: 1/02, 2/02, 3/02, 03/19/02, 4/02, 5/02, 6/02, 7/02, 08/02, 09/02. 10/02, 11/02, 12/02, 01/03, 02/03, 03/03, 4/03, 05/03. 06/03 07/03 8/03 9/03 10/03 11/03

Tim (left), Jim (other left).