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If you have a joke or story that you would like to submit for inclusion in our next newsletter, email it to us. Just make sure it's suitable for all ages (we don't publish anything off-color). Thanks again!

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January 2004 - Happy New Year!

It's our 10th Anniversary! 1984 marked the birth of the duct tape books and the Duct Tape Guys. Jim and I (brothers in law) were sitting around Jim's sister's house in a small Wisconsin town the night of Christmas 1993 when a power-outage prevented the preparation of food for the family gathering. Jim (frustrated because of the continual lack of food) commented, "If I knew where that power outage was, I bet I could fix it with duct tape!"

"What do you mean, fix it with duct tape?" I responded (having grown up on lesser tapes like masking tape, Scotch transparent tape and my grandfather's favorite, electrical tape).

Jim's wife, Kelly, chimed in, "Oh, Jim fixes everything with duct tape!" They proceeded to list off some of his recent applications of the silver tape and I thought, "There's a book in here!" So I went out to the car, grabbed my laptop (battery charged, fortunately), and we all sat around in the dark brainstorming uses for duct tape.

In three days, we had fleshed out 365 uses for duct tape for what was originally going to be called, "The Duct Tape Diary." Returning home, I laid out a book proposal, including illustrations, and sent it off to five publishers. By March, "The Duct Tape Book" was well on it's way to being published thanks to our first editor, Tony Dierckins (who rescued the manuscript from the reject pile).

Since that first book, we have sold over 1.5 million books and also Duct Tape Page-A-Day® Calendars every year since 1997. We are currently working on our seventh book (more news on that title next month), and are traveling all over North America doing our duct tape stand-up comedy (primarily at Home and Garden Shows and corporate meetings).

So thanks to all of you duct tape lovers out there who have helped us "evangelize the gospel of duct tape" throughout the past ten years by purchasing our books, videos, apparel, and by contributing YOUR duct tape uses to our web site. Keep spreading the word - and we'll keep pumping out the books and more duct tape humor! - Tim 1/1/04

Always great gift ideas for the duct tape lover in your life! Visit the Duct Tape Pro Shop to see our new shirt designs and great deals on books, videos, mugs, diplomas, and more! Make sure you order more than $10 of stuff so you qualify for our $2 add-on special (a duct tape book and button - $8.95 value - for just $2 additional).

NEW Emailing List. Subscribe Now! (We are scrapping our old list, and using a new, steamlined list that will allow you to subscribe and unsubscribe more easily.) Click here to get on the new list now!

Buy our sixth book, The Duct Tape Halloween Book online at the Duct Tape Pro Shop and get a copy of the Ultimate Duct Tape Book absolutely FREE!

When you're at the Pro Shop, make sure you check out our cool apparel, too.

New Shirt! Baseball-style vintage shirt with 3/4 length black sleeves and duct tape gray body. Sports one of two designs - see them both now in our Duct Tape Pro Shop.

SECRET SAVINGS LINK For our newsletter readers only: Click the little white radio on the main page of the Duct Tape Pro Shop and get our $12 video for only $4.50!

Meet us at The Diner. We’ve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you haven’t yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories. Just like these people did:

Billy Ballas White Gray Board Here at college everyone has white boards on their doors, but one of my friend's did not. I took a bulletin board from one of my friend's and covered it with duct tape to create a duct tape dry erase board that works great and is way more stylish than anybody else's. - Billy Ballas, San Luis Obispo, CA

Nathan's North Carolina Mountain Dew Sandals I was at a summer camp with boyscouts in north carolina. My sneakers fallen off during our whitewater rafting trip and we needed to have shoes to walk around the camp - camp policy. So I had to improvise. I had a roll of ducttape and an empty Mountain Dew box. So i traced my foot out on a piece of the box, cut 2 of them out and made sandals, but the camp policy is closed toe shoes - so I closed them in. Then they said my shoes had to have a back on them. I completely enclosed them and had a pair of ducttape and mountain dew box shoes. A lot of the younger scouts were asking me to make them shoes like mine, this was over a year ago and I still have the shoes. - nathan

Making Light Work of Holiday Lighting Having moved to Arizona a few years ago, I was stumped as to how to decorate my house with Christmas lights, especially on the roof and eaves of the house. You cant sink nails in the stucco on the sides of the house and the entire roof is covered in Mexican tile. I duct taped the lights to the top of our house and was the only one to have the entire house covered. It actually has now become a holiday business for me, charging between $100.00 and $300.00 depending on the size of roof. They have to buy the lights and the duct tape. I should patent the idea. - William H., Scottsdale Arizona

One Company's Holiday Party Memo(s)

December 1st

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols ... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts among employees can be
done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director
December 2nd

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday that often coincides with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year). However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no Christmas tree and no
Christmas carols sung.

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director
December 3rd

Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, I'm happy to accommodate this request, but, don't forget, if I put a sign on the table that reads, "AA Only," you won't be anonymous anymore.

In addition, forget about the gifts exchange-- no gifts will be allowed since the union members feel that $10 is too much money.

Patty Lewis
Human Researchers Director
December 7th

I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anon! ymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with the gay men; each will have their own table. Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the gay men's table. Happy now?

Patty Lewis
Human Racehorses Director
December 9th

People, people -- nothing sinister was intended by wanting our CEO to play Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit."

Patty Lewis Human
Rat Race Director
December 10th

Vegetarians -- I've had it with you people!! We're going to hold this party at Luigi's Open Pit whether you like it or not, you can just sit at the table farthest from the "grill of death," as you put it, and you'll get salad bar only, including hydroponic tomatoes. But, you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them right now... Ha!
I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, you hear me?

The Witch from Hell
December 14th

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness. I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full

Terri Bishop
Acting Human Resources Director

Snow Removal
For those of you in the warmer climates, moving your car for snow removal is a common occurance (especially in the city).

One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer
say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."

Norman's wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the
snowplow can get through."

Norman's wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are having breakfast again when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park... " and the power goes out.

Norman's wife is very upset, with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice that all of us men who are married to Blondes exhibit, Norman says,"Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"

Click here to see Tim's latest Duct Tape Pros cartoons.

Bethel Coed Conehead Jay, of Bethel College, St. Paul, Minnesota chose a road construction warning cone and duct tape to create this fashion statement. No further explanation was given - probably none was needed... It's finals week - everybody is going a bit wacko. Nice look, Jay.

Click to enter our photo caption contest!

Fall-Apart Calendar? Every year, we have people write to us saying that their Duct Tape Page-A-Day Calendar has fallen apart. Until we find a printer who binds with duct tape, click here for step-by-step instructions on how to reinforce your calendar.

Speaking of fixing stuff with duct tape, send us your photos and descriptions of your duct tape fixes and decorating. We will post them in our upcoming Taping Spaces site. Just click the logo below for submission instructions:

("Taping Spaces" is a parody of the popular TLC television show series, "Trading Spaces" and is a © creation of Octane Creative.)

RANDOM WINNER: The random winner of a duct tape book in this issue: Benton Piertay... Congratulations! Send us your mailing address and we will send you an autographed Duct Tape Book.

Well, that’s it for this issue of “Duct Tape on a Roll” Remember that you can share this FREE duct tape and humor newsletter with your friends. Just send them this address: so they can SUBSCRIBE.

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May the Tape be with you!
- Jim and Tim - The Duct Tape Guys

Click here for archived On a Roll Newsletters: 1/02, 2/02, 3/02, 03/19/02, 4/02, 5/02, 6/02, 7/02, 08/02, 09/02. 10/02, 11/02, 12/02, 01/03, 02/03, 03/03, 4/03, 05/03. 06/03 07/03 8/03 9/03 10/03 11/03, 12/03

Tim (left), Jim (other left).