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If you have a joke or story that you would like to submit for inclusion in our next newsletter, email it to us. Just make sure it's suitable for all ages (we don't publish anything off-color). Thanks again!

Click to our Duct Tape Pro Shop apparel page for more information. Remember that you get a free flatpack of Duck® tape with your order while supplies last!

February 2004 - the month of Pink and Red duct tape

Valentine's Day is the 14th! Time to save some money and impress your sweetheart at the same time. Just get out some pink or red duct tape (usually readily available - see our "where to buy" page) or another color of your choosing and make your honey some roses that won't wilt after a few days. Follow the simple instructions above to create a massive bunch of die-hard roses. Click to our how-to page for more information. Thanks to Todd Scott and Duck® brand for this easy way to impress our valentines!

Speaking of impressing folks... Nothing grabs people's attention in the checkout line (short of pulling out a hand gun) better than producing a duct tape wallet. You can find simple instructions for a durable duct tape wallet in our how-to pages as well. Or, if you aren't feeling particularly handy, check out some of the wallets and purses made by Ducti.

Duct Tape Pro Shopping online. We give you added incentive to buy from our Duct Tape Pro Shop. Good stuff like $2 (with a $10 minimum order) gets you a Duct Tape Book Two and a button (a $8.95 value). Books autographed by the authors (making them collectors' items to be sure). Free bookmarks. Videos that you can't get anywhere else on earth (except at our personal appearances). And a TON of duct tape apparel designs that are exclusive to the Duct Tape Guys. If you haven't visited lately, give us a try. Shipping and handling is a flat $7 for ANY size order. We always ship direct to you via priority mail. Check the Duct Tape Pro Shop today!

NEW Emailing List. Subscribe Now! (We are scrapping our old list, and using a new, steamlined list that will allow you to subscribe and unsubscribe more easily.) Click here to get on the new list now!

Need a creative costume idea? Check out our sixth book, The Duct Tape Halloween Book. Buy it online at the Duct Tape Pro Shop and get a copy of the Ultimate Duct Tape Book absolutely FREE!

When you're at the Pro Shop, make sure you check out our cool apparel, too.

New Shirts! Baseball-style vintage shirt with 3/4 length black sleeves and duct tape gray body. Available in three designs - one is even personalized with YOUR NAME on the front identifying you as a Duct Tape Professional - see them now in our Duct Tape Pro Shop.

SECRET SAVINGS LINK For our newsletter readers only: Click the little white radio on the main page of the Duct Tape Pro Shop and get our $12 video for only $4.50!

TROUBLING FACT: The United States, while the richest country in the world, ranks 24th in a list of 25 countries for their giving to third world countries. Time to loosen up the purse strings and share the wealth! "Live simply, so that others might simply live."

Meet us at The Diner. We’ve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you haven’t yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories.

Just like these people did:

Helps the Mail Get Through Last summer the mail boxes for my neighbor and I fell over; the post had rotted through at the bottom, and when the boxes hit the ground, they came off of their platform. I couldn't get to them to fix them for several days, so I used my old standby, duct tape, to ensure that we continued to get our mail delivered! - Dee, Dallas, TX

Making Light Work of Holiday Lighting Having moved to Arizona a few years ago, I was stumped as to how to decorate my house with Christmas lights, especially on the roof and eaves of the house. You cant sink nails in the stucco on the sides of the house and the entire roof is covered in Mexican tile. I duct taped the lights to the top of our house and was the only one to have the entire house covered. It actually has now become a holiday business for me, charging between $100.00 and $300.00 depending on the size of roof. They have to buy the lights and the duct tape. I should patent the idea. - William H., Scottsdale Arizona

Police Suzuki Seat Saver My last years on the police force I drove a 1978 Suzuki 1000. The seat ripped with age so I duct taped it and soon found out that going over a certain speed limit, my butt was sliding off the seat and I was almost straight out. Fortunately, I have a new 1500 minus any tape. At my surprise retirement party two & one half years ago I received many fine gifts and then... a bag with different colored duct tape. - Mike A., Middletown, RI

The new Minnesota quarter:
The United States Treasury has announced they are recalling the new Minnesota quarters. "We are recalling all of the new Minnesota quarters that were recently issued", Treasury Undersecretary Russell Shackelford said in a press conference Monday. "This comes in the wake of numerous reports to this agency that the quarters will not work in parking meters, toll booths, vending machines, pay phones or other coin-operated devices. We believe the problem lies in a design flaw," said Skackelford. The winning design for the Minnesota quarter was submitted by Sven Petersen and Ole Johnson of Hibbing, Minnesota. Sven commented, "Apparently, the duct tape holding the two dimes and nickel together keeps jamming the coin-operated devices."

This is an actual extract from a Home Economics textbook, printed In the early 60s. Absolutely unbelievable. Men love it. Women, get ready to gag! Remember, this WAS real!
The Good Wives Guide
Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a
delicious meal ready on time for his return home from work. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.
Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift
and one of your duties is to provide it.
Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Gather up schoolbooks, toys, papers, etc. and then run a dust cloth over the tables. Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order and it will give you a lift too. After all catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival; eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him.
Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time.
Let him talk first, remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you... Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.
Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.
Don't greet him with complaints and problems. Don't complain if he's late home for dinner, or even stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day...
Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom.
Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange the pillow and offer to
take of his shoes.
Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice. Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity.
Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness.

Click here to see Tim's latest Duct Tape Pros cartoons.

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See all of our duct tape sightings from around the world at our duct tape sightings pages.

RANDOM WINNER: The random winner of a duct tape book in this issue: Bernie Rohlstad... Congratulations! Send us your mailing address and we will send you an autographed Duct Tape Book.

Well, that’s it for this issue of “Duct Tape on a Roll” Remember that you can share this FREE duct tape and humor newsletter with your friends. Just send them this address: so they can SUBSCRIBE.

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May the Tape be with you!
- Jim and Tim - The Duct Tape Guys

Click here for archived On a Roll Newsletters: 1/02, 2/02, 3/02, 03/19/02, 4/02, 5/02, 6/02, 7/02, 08/02, 09/02. 10/02, 11/02, 12/02, 01/03, 02/03, 03/03, 4/03, 05/03. 06/03 07/03 8/03 9/03 10/03 11/03, 12/03, 1/04, 2/04

Tim (left), Jim (other left).