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Submissions Please
If you have a joke or story that you would like to submit for inclusion in our next newsletter, email it to us. Just make sure it's suitable for all ages (we don't publish anything off-color). Thanks again!

Click to our Duct Tape Pro Shop apparel page for more information. Remember that you get a free flatpack of Duck® tape with your order while supplies last!

March 2004 - National Stock Up on Duct Tape Month

Stock up on Duct Tape! March is a great time to stock up on duct tape, with all of the spring cleaning and fix-up projects ahead of us, we could all use a few extra rolls of duct tape on hand. So Jim and I (being the Duct Tape Guys, the Ambassadors of Duct, the Sultans of Stick...) have taken the liberty to proclaim March as "National Stock Up on Duct Tape Month." A little duct tape is a good thing, so a whole mess of duct tape is sure to be that much more of a good thing, right?

Spring Fix Up contest. Send us a photo of your spring fix-up project and we will post it in the next issue of Duct Tape on a Roll. The two people submitting what we judge to be the most inventive repair jobs using duct tape will get a free set of autographed duct tape and WD-40 books and a handy pocket-sized flat pack of Duck® brand duct tape. Click to our submissions page for submission information (photos are required as proof of your repair).

Home Show Time... The Duct Tape Guys appear at home shows around the country this time of year. Check out our calendar to see if we are appearing near you. Coming this spring: Denver, Pleasanton and San Mateo California, Cleveland (Avon) Ohio, and Chicago. We just did the Kansas City area - thanks to all of you who stopped by to say hi and see our shows there. Great turn-outs! It's great to meet duct tape fans where ever we go in North America (and Europe!).

Duct Tape Holds England together, too. My wife and I just got back from our second trip to England. Camera always in hand, I documented duct tape sightings around the British Isles. You can see some of the England duct tape sightings on page 11 of our Sightings pages. - - Tim

Body Shop on a Roll If you have a car repair story that involves duct tape, send it in to the Duct Tape Guys for inclusion in our Body Shop on a Roll pages. Check 'em out then see if you've got a story and/or photo to add to those online.

2004 Stuck at Prom Contest: Duck brand has just announced its 2004 "Stuck at Prom" contest dates.We’ve made some changes for the 2004 contest. Below are the highlights:

New Dates
* Contest begins Monday, March 1, 2004
* Contest ends Friday, June 11, 2004
* Online voting happens from Friday, June 18 – Sunday, June 27, 2004
* Judging will happen on Tuesday, June 29, 2004
* Winners will be notified on Wednesday, June 30, 2004
* Winners will be announced Wednesday, July 7, 2004

They’ve added categories for all entries:
* Traditional Prom Attire
* Theme/Costume Attire
* Just Plain Silver Attire

There’s a new “Top of the Tape” Award
This award will go to the top vote getting couple in each of the three categories mentioned above, based only on online voting results – kind of like a People’s Choice award. Members of each winning couple for this award will receive $500 each.
For complete entry information, click here.

NEW Emailing List. Subscribe Now! (We are scrapping our old list, and using a new, steamlined list that will allow you to subscribe and unsubscribe more easily.) Click here to get on the new list now!

Need a creative costume idea? Check out our sixth book, The Duct Tape Halloween Book. Buy it online at the Duct Tape Pro Shop and get a copy of the Ultimate Duct Tape Book absolutely FREE!

When you're at the Pro Shop, make sure you check out our cool apparel, too.

SECRET SAVINGS LINK For our newsletter readers only: Click the little white radio on the main page of the Duct Tape Pro Shop and get our $12 video for only $4.50!

FREAKY FACT: Smoking has long been a part of prison culture. in fact, 70 to 80 percent of U.S. prisoners smoke, according to estimates (vs. 23 percent of the rest of us). A store in a large prison can gross $500,000 a year in tobacco sales, according to The Wall Street Journal.

And now for something completely different:

Read this and make a copy for your files in case you need to refer to it some day. Maybe we should all take some of his advice!

A corporate attorney sent the following out to the employees in his company.

1. The next time you order checks have only your initials (instead of first name) and last name put on them. If someone takes your checkbook they will not know if you sign your checks with just your initials or your first name but your bank will know how you sign your checks.

2. When you are writing checks to pay on your credit card accounts, DO NOT put the complete account number on the "For" line. Instead, just put the last four numbers. The credit card company knows the rest of the number and anyone who might be handling your check as it passes through all the check processing channels won't have access to it.

3. Put your work phone # on your checks instead of your home phone. If you have a PO Box use that instead of your home address. If you do not have a PO Box, use your work address. Never have your SS# printed on your checks. (DUH!) You can add it if it is necessary. But if you have it printed, anyone can get it.

4. Place the contents of your wallet on a photocopy machine, do both sides of each license, credit card, etc. You will know what you had in your wallet and all of the account numbers and phone numbers to call and cancel. Keep
the photocopy in a safe place. I also carry a photocopy of my passport when I travel either here or abroad. We've all heard horror stories about fraud that's committed on us in stealing a name, address, Social Security number, credit cards, etc.

Unfortunately I, an attorney, have firsthand knowledge because my wallet was stolen last month. Within a week, the thieve(s) ordered an expensive monthly cell phone package, applied for a VISA credit card, had a credit line
approved to buy a Gateway computer, received a PIN number from DMV to change my driving record information on-line, and more.

But here's some critical information to limit the damage in case this happens to you or someone you know:

1. We have been told we should cancel our credit cards immediately. But the key is having the toll free numbers and your card numbers handy so you know whom to call. Keep those where you can find them.

2. File a police report immediately in the jurisdiction where it was stolen, this proves to credit providers you were diligent, and is a first step toward an investigation (if there ever is one). Highly recommended and it pays off!

But here's what is perhaps most important: (I never even thought to do this).

3. Call the three national credit reporting organizations immediately to place a fraud alert on your name and Social Security number. I had never heard of doing that until advised by a bank that called to tell me an application for credit was made over the Internet in my name. The alert means any company that checks your credit knows your information was stolen and they have to contact you by phone to authorize new credit.

By the time I was advised to do this, almost two weeks after the theft, all the damage had been done. There are records of all the credit checks initiated by the thieves' purchases, none of which I knew about before placing the alert. Since then, no additional damage has been done, and the thieves threw my wallet away this weekend (someone turned it in). It seems to have stopped them in their tracks.

The numbers are: Equifax: 1-800-525-6285 Experian (formerly TRW): 1-888-397-3742 Trans Union: 1-800-680-7289 Social Security Administration (fraud line): 1-800-269-0271

Meet us at The Diner. We’ve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you haven’t yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories.

Just like these people did:

DVD Shelving Unit When I bought my DVD player, I used a small basket that my mom gave me full of muffins to house my small DVD collection. When I started to buy more DVDs, the basket filled up, and eventually started to overflow! I just couldn't stack the DVDs in any way to make them fit, so long story short, I now have a beautiful mini-bookcase made of cardboard and duct tape to hold my DVDs. - Seth D.

Poison Ivy Spread Preventative A friend of mine got poison ivy on a canoe was all over his body....he got married the next weekend and used duct tape to tape sanitary pads to several spots on his torso to cover up the eruptions so he and his bride could "complete their honeymoon", without infecting her. - Larry F., Conyers, GA

Service above and beyond I was at one of my clients working on their computer system and noticed they were tryin to hang up some Christmas decorations. They were havin a hard time keepin it hung up with that clear tape crap. I ran out to the car and grabbed my duct tape. One of the girls didn't like the looks of my stainless steel color traditional silver duct tape, but the other lady thought it kinda sexxy so she sed sure, and asked if I, the master of duct tape would attach the Christmas decorations for her. I did, and they had a hard time removin them after new years. She told me to invoice her for the duct tape; I told her duct tape should be free. - Robb P.

Nursing Home vs. Holiday Inn:
With the average cost for a Nursing Home reaching $188.00 per day in the USA, there is a better way when we get old & feeble. I have already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn for a combined long term stay discount and senior discount of $49.23 per night. That leaves $138.77 a day for:

1. Breakfast, lunch and dinner in any restaurant I want, or room service.
2. Laundry, gratuities and special TV movies. Plus, they provide a swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge, washer, dryer, etc., Most have free toothpaste and razors, and all have free shampoo and soap.
3. They treat you like a customer, not a patient.
4. $5 worth of tips a day will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.
5. There is a city Bus stop out front, and seniors ride free. The Handicap bus will also pick you up (if you fake a decent limp).
6. To meet other nice people, call a Church bus on Sundays.
7. For a change of scenery, take the Airport shuttle Bus and eat at one of the nice restaurants there. While you're at the airport, fly somewhere. Otherwise, the cash keeps building up.

8. It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. Holiday Inn will take your reservation today. And you are not stuck in one place forever, you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city to city. Want to see Hawaii? They have a Holiday Inn there too.
9. They fix everything, and apologize for the inconvenience. The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The maid checks to see if you are okay. If not, they will call the undertaker or an ambulance.
10. If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip, and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life. And no worries about visits from family. They will always be glad to find you, and probably check in for a few days mini-vacation. The grand kids can use the pool. What more can you ask for?
11. Free Internet hookup at most locations, even , high speed at some.
12. So: When I reach the Golden age I'll face it with a grin. Just forward all my email to: me@Holiday.Inn

Moving Violations A man is being tailgated by a woman driving a Lexus on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turns yellow, just in front of him. He does the honest thing and stops at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.
The tailgating woman in the Lexus hits the roof, and the horn, screaming in frustration as she misses her chance to get through the intersection with him. As she is still in mid-rant, she hears a tap on her window and looks up into the face of a very serious police officer.
The officer orders her to exit her car with her hands up. He takes her to the police station where she is searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a cell.
After a couple of hours, a policeman approaches the cell and opens the door. She is escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer is waiting with her personal effects.
He says, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping the guy off in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the "Choose Life" license plate holder, the "What Would Jesus Do?" bumper sticker, the "Follow Me to Sunday School" bumper sticker, and the chrome plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk. Naturally I assumed you had stolen the car.

Click here to see Tim's latest Duct Tape Pros cartoons.

A couple of cut ups?

Click to enter our photo caption contest!

See all of our duct tape sightings from around the world at our duct tape sightings pages.

RANDOM WINNER: The random winner of a duct tape book in this issue: Holly Smith of KC, MO... Congratulations! Send us your mailing address and we will send you an autographed Duct Tape Book.

Well, that’s it for this issue of “Duct Tape on a Roll” Remember that you can share this FREE duct tape and humor newsletter with your friends. Just send them this address: so they can SUBSCRIBE.

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May the Tape be with you!
- Jim and Tim - The Duct Tape Guys

Click here for archived On a Roll Newsletters: 1/02, 2/02, 3/02, 03/19/02, 4/02, 5/02, 6/02, 7/02, 08/02, 09/02. 10/02, 11/02, 12/02, 01/03, 02/03, 03/03, 4/03, 05/03. 06/03 07/03 8/03 9/03 10/03 11/03, 12/03, 1/04, 2/04

Tim (left), Jim (other left).