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November/December - Winter Holiday Issue

Top Ten Winter Holiday Uses for Duct Tape

10. Hang stockings from the chimney with Duct Tape

9. Fasten decorative lights to railings of house with Duct Tape

8. Thin strips of Duct Tape make great self-adhering tinsel

7. Cover the inevitable gift fruit cake with Duct Tape and use as door stop see Tim's Fruitcake 101

6. Wrap gifts in Duct Tape for the gift that says, “Open me... eventually.”

5. Cover Christmas tree boughs with green Duct Tape to prevent needles from dropping

4. Control that hideous holiday weight gain... Duct Tape over your mouth

3. Duct Tape over the names in last year’s greeting cards and resend them

2. Duct Tape over an old suit or dress to make shiny holiday formal wear

1. Duct Tape great grandpa upright in his chair

Bonus Hint: Make party cleanup easy! Cover the feet of your party guests with Duct Tape, sticky-side-out, and they’ll be doing the vacuuming for you as they walk around.

Happy Holidays from the Duct Tape Guys!

Stick or Treat Winners! Check out the Winners of the Stick or Treat Duct Tape Jackolantern contest sponsored by Duck brand here. On the right is the $1000 winner from this year's contest - "Take me to your candy!" Congrats to "mom2ateam" - nice work!

Stay tuned for the next fun Duck brand Duct Tape contest. We will announce them here, or, you can always join the to get info immediately upon announcements. You'll also find a handy Where to Buy link on the club page answering your questions about where to get all 22+ colors and patterns of Duck brand duct tape.

Meet us at The Duct Tape Diner. We’ve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you haven’t yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories.

Just like these people did:

Mary Carol - the Totally Crafty Taper
Omaha, Nebraska is home to Mary Carol - who stopped by after one of our home show performances this October to show us the more "feminine" side of duct tape. Here is a table setting she made using classic silver duct tape. From the placemat to the flatware roses, it's all beautifully crafted with good old silver duct tape. And, notice the fancy purses above... Incredible work Mary!

Short on craft ideas?
Check out the other cool stuff that people have made out of duct tape - fashions and art.

The Duct Tape Store has moved...
We moved our Duct Tape Pro Shop to Octane Street. In an effort to update our stores and get them to a place where more people can find them, we moved them to Octane Street. Here you can still purchase our books (in the bookstore) and Duct Tape apparel (in the Humor Apparel Store). There's also a storefront for the Duct Tape Guys. Check it out and click around Octane Street - you just might discover some other humorous creations from Tim and company while you are there.

We're on Facebook

We're just as much into the "social networking" thing as the next guy - and would rather you get on our email list where you get notices of special sales, duct tape product news, our newsletter, etc. But, if you are totally into facebook, we'll meet you there, too. Just click on the link on the left and we'll "friend" the heck outta ya!

Duct Tape: The Musical Do you have a performing arts theatre near you that might be interested in hosting our 90-minute G-Rated Comedy Musical? Send them this link and we'll see if we can get the show to your neck of the woods: - Thanks!

Duct Tape Guys at the Comedy Quarter If you live anywhere around Appleton, Wisconsin, you will be able to see the Duct Tape Guys do one of our rare comedy club appearances at the Comedy Quarter in Menasha, Wisconsin on Tuesday December 14th at 7:30pm. This is a really nice club - lots of good seating and great food and drink. Click here for more information and tell your Wisconsin friends and relatives to come and catch our forty-minute laugh-filled g-rated "Duct Tape Seminar."

Dale's Discoveries
(A feature that showcases weird stuff that our friend Dale comes up with.) Visit Dale's TallToysTroupe site.

Nature abhors a vacuum. That must be why there are so many dead leaves and stuff on the forest floor.

I crossed a lot of things off my "To Do" list today. Not gonna do them.

I went to my daughter's Junior High School and they had an exhibit of art projects where kids visually expressed things for which they were thankful. One kid was "tankful for eduction". True story.

I could never understand how people will spend $250 per nite to stay in a hotel, spend $23 for a room service tuna sandwich, and then be so happy when they grab a handful of little shampoo bottles from the maid cart in the hall.

I visited a church where a friend of mine was the pastor. One good thing about that was that, when they passed the collection plate around, I could just tell them that I was on the comp list.

I was in a parking lot and saw a Smart Car taking up two parking spaces.

Someone told me to live each day as if it were your last. I am not sure this is such a good idea. After about 4 days your ex boss would call the police to stop you from calling him up and telling him off.

In Edmonton, Ontario they have outdoor urinals. This is really nothing new. They have had that in New Jersey for years now - they call it Newark.

It is taking people awhile to get used to new technology. A friend of mine just got an iPad with a drawing program. The first few times he wanted to erase it he held it upside down over his head and shook it.

Whenever things are not going well in my life and I feel sad. I just call a few friends and then I feel much better. Their lives are usually much more screwed up than mine.

I am thinking of legally changing my name to "Void". Just think of the checks I will then be able to cash.

I voted by mail-in ballot this year. Finally I didn't get in trouble for voting in my underwear.

I was listening to a cd of a live version of Gregorian Chants. It really distracted from the mood though when the crowd started to cheer for one of their favorites and the monk said, "Thank you!".

I recently celebrated my 19th wedding anniversary. Just think
19 years of telling my lovely wife the same thing each and every day of my married life, "Could you please rinse off the dishes before you put them into the dishwasher?".

Sometimes, "We can talk about his later" means, "I don't feel like getting yelled at right now."

Knowing the way my kids lose things, I am not sure it was such a good idea to get them camouflage backpacks.

If you ever have something that you need to hide where no one will ever find it, just give it to a child and tell them to put it away.

Finally, a guest "discovery" from my good friend, Bob L. "Existentialism is OK - for the moment."

Dale's Website Discovery

Any person who could ever even remotely be considered a math nerd will definitely appreciate this fractal zoom. Even those of you who are not in that category will be amazed. click here.

And, for those of you who are interested in cool living spaces - click here.

Jim and Tim's Web Site Finds:
First find: How to Gift Wrap a Cat (yeah, we know... they should have used duct tape...

Second find: There are a few of these compilation videos floating around featuring AMAZING HUMAN FEATS - here is one featuring 5 minutes of "Holy S_ _ T! accomlishments." Click here.

A Bit-O-Humor you can share over the holidays:

Here's the new exercise program we are starting:

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface where you have plenty of room at each side.

With a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides, and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.

Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple weeks, move up to 10-lb. potato sacks. Then try 50-lb potato sacks.
Eventually try to get to where you can lift a100-lb potato sack in each hand, and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)

Once you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each sack.

Gags to Try While Doing Holiday Shopping...

From: MegaStore Security
To: Mrs. Darren Fenton
re: Please control your husband

Dear Mrs. Fenton:
Our store is considering banning your family from ever shopping with us again unless your husband stops his antics while you are shopping. Below is a list of offenses over the past few months, all verified by our surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in house wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the ladies' restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, "Code 3 in house wares"....and watched what happened.
5. August 4: Went to the service desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'd bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. September 23: When our clerks ask whether they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera, used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knew where the antidepressants were.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department practiced his "Madonna look" using different sized funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled, "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams, "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

And last but not least:
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, and waited a while; then yelled very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

Please, try to control your husband while shopping in our store, or kindly leave him at home.
Thank you. - A.J. Atkins, MegaStore Loss Prevention Supervisor

You can find more practical jokes just like the ones used to compose the "actual" letter above in tim's Practical Joker's handbooks - both volumes are available here: There is even a practical joker's kit that comes with the books - and, of course, if you buy them directly from Tim, he'll autograph them for you!

Purported Duct Tape-related meaning of the song, " Twelve Days of Christmas"

The “true love” mentioned in the song doesn’t refer to an earthly suitor; it refers to the duct tape god him/her/itself!

The “me” who receives the presents refers to every person who uses duct tape. The first day, one roll of duct tape was given. Realizing that one roll is never enough, the gifting continued for eleven more days.

The other symbols mean the following:
2 Turtle Doves = two rolls of duct tape

3 French Hens = three rolls of duct tape

4 Calling Birds = four rolls of duct tape

5 Five Golden rings = five rolls of duct tape (which are actually rings of silver, not gold)

6 Geese A-Laying = six bottles of beer in a six pack

7 Swans A-Swimming = seven rolls of duct tape

8 Maids A-Milking = eight rolls of duct tape

9 Ladies Dancing = nine rolls of duct tape

10 Lords A-Leaping = ten rolls of duct tape

11 Eleven Pipers Piping = eleven rolls of duct tape

12 Drummers drumming = twelve cans of beer in one of them fridge pack things (with a duct tape reinforced end on it because you ripped it open with too much vigor)

- Jim and Tim, the Duct Tape Guys

Finally, the Buffalo Theory, by Norm Clavin (Cheers):
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

Nab all the cool, original Duct Tape Pro™ Duct Tape Apparel you want at the Pro Shop
The Duct Tape Pro Shop is the only place in the universe to get Genuine Duct Tape Guys Originals. There are many rip-offs available - some at major department stores, but they're illegal copyright infringements. Please don't buy them. Anything that you see on our site are our original designs and slogans.

And remember, when it comes time to buy our BOOKS - including the WD-40 Book and the entire Duct Tape genre for your dad, grandpa... friends and relatives (or yourself) there's no better place than the Pro Shop - that's because we autograph everything that we ship. And, we've got GREAT deals that you won't find anywhere else - in the world! So stop by the Duct Tape Pro Shop and see what's in store for you! Thanks for your patronage! - The Duct Tape Guys

Another unique gift idea:
Looking for a holiday gift for someone who has everything?
How about a cow? A goat? A sheep? Or a camel?

We encourage you to check out Oxfam America Unwrapped - Oxfam America works in 26 countries around the world. This catalog contains gift items that symbolically represent our work. The items selected represent project goals from grants disbursed by our seven offices around the world. The purchase of each gift item is a contribution toward Oxfam America's many programs, not a donation to a specific project or goal. Your donation will be used where it is needed the most - to help people living in poverty throughout the world.

click here for more information about Oxfam America Unwrapped

Well, that’s it for now
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May the Tape be with you!
- Jim and Tim - The Duct Tape Guys

Click here for archived On a Roll Newsletters: 1/02, 2/02, 3/02, 03/19/02, 4/02, 5/02, 6/02, 7/02, 08/02, 09/02. 10/02, 11/02, 12/02, 01/03, 02/03, 03/03, 4/03, 05/03. 06/03 07/03 8/03 9/03 10/03 11/03, 12/03, 1/04, 2/04, 3/04, 4/04, 5/04, 6/04, 7/04, 8/04, 9/04, 10/04, election issue, 11/04, 12/04, 01/05, 2/05, 3/05, 4/05, 5/05, 06/05, 7/05, 08/05, 09/05, 10/05, 11/05, 12/05, 01/06, 2/06, 3/06, 4/06, 5/06, 6/06, 7/06, 8/06, 9/06,10/06,11/06, 12/06, 1/07, 2/07, 3/07. 4/07, 5/07, 6/07. 7/07, 8-9/07, 10-11/07, 12/07, 01/08, 02-03/08,4-5/08, 6-7/08, 8-9/08, 10-11/08, 12/08 and 1/09, 2-3/09, 4-5/09, 6-7/09, 8/09, 10-11/09, 12/09, 2/10, 3-4/10, 5-6/10, 7-8/10, 9/10, 10/10, 11-12/2010,