The "BADGE of HONOR" If you've sent us something that we have used on our site, grab the graphic above and post it on your site and in your emails.
Submissions Please
If you have a joke or story that you would like to submit for inclusion in our next newsletter, email it to us. Just make sure it's suitable for all ages (we don't publish anything off-color). Thanks again!

Quote of the month:

""No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while you'll see why."
- Mignon McLaughlin, US Journalist (1913-1983)

"I don't listen to Jim. If you try it for a while, you'll understand why." - Tim

Soapbox presents Tim's personal opinions about serious issues that he feels are of importance.
It has been moved to a different page so those who would rather not have a dose of serious matters can avoid it. If you're concerned with the state of our nation, the future we are giving our kids, issues of peace, justice and faith/values in action, and would like to be exposed to more ideas than those presented by our corporate media, click here. If you don't want to, that's okay. Tape on!

Caring for "the least of these"? Sojourners' Jim Wallis has been given the soapbox this issue to speak about how we are doing as a country when it comes to caring for those who are poor, elderly, not as privileged... click here.

Trivia: In George Washington's days, there were no cameras. One's image was either sculpted or painted. Some paintings of George Washington showed him standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back while others showed both legs and both arms. Prices charged by painters were not based on how many people were to be painted, but by how many limbs were to be painted. Arms and legs are "limbs," therefore painting them would cost the buyer more. Hence the expression, "Okay, but it'll cost you an arm and a leg." Truth? or just a good creative story? Who cares. It's just trivial stuff being passed around the internet...
Cookin' with Duct Tape:

Anytime of the year is the right time for Bread Pudding (if you're Tim), but you might think of it as a winter dessert. Try Tim's recipe and see what you think. click to our "Cookin's with Duct Tape" page for the recipe

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December 2005

Duct Tape and the Holidays - a perfect match!
Duct tape is the perfect tool for anytime of year, but when it comes to the holidays it shines! Not only as a gift, but in preparations for the holidays. From wrapping gifts to displaying greeting cards and decorating the house, it's still the handiest, most versatile tool around. To see more holiday uses for the omnipresent roll of duct tape, click the holiday banner above!

Duct Tape Carabineers
The Duct Tape Guys choose Duck® brand Duct Tape - for the best consistent quality, most colors, and coolest innovations like the Duck Tape Carabineer (which, by the way is the free gift with your Duck Buck from the back of our new book, "Stump the Duct Tape Guys").

Duct Tape Guys' Holiday Greeting
The Duct Tape Guys have the yule log burning brightly on the fire and have once again have the most heinous rendition of O' Holy Night you've ever been forced to listen to posted for one and all to hear!
Click here to listen (warning - don't listen to this right after eating lunch - you might lose it.)

Another wacky idea
Introducing the Duct Tape Guys' (actually Jim's) latest invention!
The perfect gift for the holiday season for the computer user in your life!
SCREEN CLEANERS Click here to see a demonstration.

Dale's Discoveries
(A monthly feature that will be showcasing weird stuff that our friend Dale comes up with.)

I noticed that the Flintstones are having a Christmas special. How is this possible?

Just exactly how are you supposed to react when your five year old writes "I love you Daddy!" in crayon on the living room wall?

Before light bulbs were invented, when people got an idea did a candle appear over their heads? - Dale

New Button (finally)
Hey, we got our new buttons in stock and are including one FREE with any book or video order from now until Christmas (including the Cheapskate's special). So place your orders now and you'll have a button to wear to the holiday parties!

And, we are redesigning our Bumper Sticker, too. Watch for their availability in our Duct Tape Pro Shop this month!

Order Apparel? Get FREE shipping!
Order by December 6th and get free shipping from anything in our apparel section. When you check out, use this Coupon Code: FreeShip

Duct Tape Post Cards - just a BUCK!
Get a set of five Duct Tape Guy postcards.
Send $1 to cover return postage and handling to:
Duct Tape Guy Postcards
732 Memorial Drive, Suite 200
Sturgeon Bay, WI 54235
(remember to include your return address)
You can order for others, too. Just include $1 for each separate address.

Calling all cheapskates!
Get your holiday shopping done now! ON THE CHEAP! Nab our video and two books (above) for only $10 DELIVERED! Click here for details. Hurry! Limited offer!

Meet us at The Diner. We’ve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you haven’t yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories.

Just like these people did:

Duct Tape Gardener While mowing the lawn I broke a branch on My Wifes favorite pepper plant. My trusty roll of Duct tape was at my side. One strip of tape mended the pepper plant and saved My %$#@*.
The branch healed and the plant survived. Proof, Duct Tape can be used in Horticulture.

Duct Tape River Ride Our annual canoe trip down the Saskatchewan River was a success this year due to the simple fact that one of us grabbed the duct tape during the packing process. Generally we are "purists", refusing to take unneccessary items. Actually we are getting older and the toting to and from the river is killing us.
This year the South Saskatchewan was low and the amount of rocks created a few 'class one ' rapids. Our old fiberglass canoe took a beating and finally the keel received a crack that it could not withstand. Frantic baling was required. We coasted to a sandy shore, emptied and flipped the canoe to discover a serious wound. Thankfully with a few sticks of Trident sugarless gum and three long strips of that silvery-grey wonder tape we continued on to our destination.
- Lorne and Edie T., Ken and Cheryl M., of Wynyard, Saskatchewan

Dog boot
My dog injured a paw and required a bandage to be kept on it for 6 weeks. Of course it needed to be kept dry too, so after trying a few different things and deciding that dog boots are just to expensive (and not shaped like a dog's bandaged paw) I hit on the idea of using Duct tape. Putting a small kid's sock over the bandage and wrapping the lot in Duct tape made a custom sized-waterproof-removable boot. I am however ashamed to admit that I did let the vet use so called 'medical tape' to keep the bandage on... John B.

  • Shirt of the Month:
    If you have something posted on our web site, this shirt is for you! Click to the Duct Tape Pro Shop to pick one up today - specially priced! They come in a variety of shirt styles - even a nice cozy sweatshirt for fall and winter wearing!

Got an idea for a shirt? Look through our apparel offerings. If you don't see your idea, and we haven't used it in the past, we just might use it. If we produce it, we will send you a free shirt. (email your idea to - put "shirt idea" in the subject line)

Thanks to eagle-eye Elise Sheppard who nabbed this duct tape sighting in Worthington, Ohio. Nice work (and kudos to the street workers on the good duct tape use).

- by A. Nonnie Mous
About two years ago my partner and I were on a cruise through the Mediterranean aboard a Princess Cruise liner. At dinner we noticed an elderly lady sitting alone along the rail of the grand stairway in the main dining room. I also noticed that all the staff, ships officers, waiters, busboys. etc., all seemed very familiar with this lady. I asked our waiter who the lady was, expecting to be told that she owned the line. but he said he only knew that she had been on board for the last four cruises, back to back.
As we left the dining room one evening I caught her eye and stopped to say hello. We chatted and I said, "I understand you've been on this ship for the last four cruises". She replied, "Yes, that's true." I stated, "I don't understand" and she replied, without a pause, "It's cheaper than a nursing home".

After talking to her I decided: there will be no nursing home in my future. When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a Princess Cruise Ship. The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day. I have checked on reservations at Princess, and I can get a long term discount and senior discount price of $135 per day. That leaves $65 a day for:
1. Gratuities which will only be $10 per day.
2. I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle to the restaurant, or I can have room service (which means I can have breakfast in bed every day of the week).
3. Princess has as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows every night.
4. They have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.
5 They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient. An extra $5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.

6. I will get to meet new people every 7 or 14 days.
7. T.V. broken? Light bulb need changing? Need to have the mattress replaced? No Problem! They will fix everything and apologize for your inconvenience.
8. Clean sheets and towels every day, and with each new voyage you're provided a deluxe bath robe. Best of all you don't even have to ask for them.

9. If you fall in a nursing home and break a hip you are on Medicare; if you fall and break a hip on the Princess ship they will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.
Now here’s the best part! Do you want to see South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti. Australia. New Zealand, Asia? Name where you want to go.
Princess will have a ship at the dock, ready and waiting for you.
So don't look for me in a nursing home, just call Shore-to-Ship.
PS: And remember, when you die, they just dump you over the side at no charge.

Below, cartoonist Glen McCoy borrows one of our ideas for this cartoon:

I saw this one coming a mile away (as the crow flies)...

The Center for Disease Control has released a list of symptoms of bird flu. If you experience any of the following, please seek medical treatment immediately:

1. High fever
2. Congestion
3. Nausea
4. Fatigue
5. Aching in the joints
6. An irresistible urge to crap on someone's windshield 

Click here to see Tim's Duct Tape Pros cartoons.

If you spot duct tape - snap a photo and send it to us. We'll add it to our Duct Tape Sightings pages. Make sure you tell us where the shot was taken!

Well, that’s it for this issue of "Duct Tape on a Roll" Remember that you can share this FREE duct tape and humor newsletter with your friends. Just send them this address: so they can SUBSCRIBE to our email notification list.

If you want OFF of our email list at any time, that’s fine with us, we don’t want to bother anyone with stuff they don't want. Just click the list link above and follow the unsubscribe instructions - don't send us an email asking us to remove you - we have no control over the list - you must click the link above or on your email notification to unsubscribe. Thanks.

May the Tape be with you!
- Jim and Tim - The Duct Tape Guys

Click here for archived On a Roll Newsletters: 1/02, 2/02, 3/02, 03/19/02, 4/02, 5/02, 6/02, 7/02, 08/02, 09/02. 10/02, 11/02, 12/02, 01/03, 02/03, 03/03, 4/03, 05/03. 06/03 07/03 8/03 9/03 10/03 11/03, 12/03, 1/04, 2/04, 3/04, 4/04, 5/04, 6/04, 7/04, 8/04, 9/04, 10/04, election issue, 11/04, 12/04, 01/05, 2/05, 3/05, 4/05, 5/05, 06/05, 7/05, 08/05, 09/05, 10/05, 11/05,

Tim (left), Jim (other left).