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![]() The "BADGE of HONOR" If you've sent us something that we have used on our site, grab the graphic above and post it on your site and in your emails. Submissions Please If you have a joke or story that you would like to submit for inclusion in our next newsletter, email it to us. Just make sure it's suitable for all ages (we don't publish anything off-color). Thanks again! ![]() "Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house." - Steven Seagal "The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner." - Roseanne "If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead." - Johnny Carson Thanks to Liggett • Stashower Public Relations for some of our quotes and trivia. ![]() Soapbox presents Tim's personal opinions about serious issues that he feels are of importance. Social Security Reform? ![]() History's Shortest War: on August 27th, 1896, three British warships opened fire on Aznzibar to quell a rebellion. A palace, unlawfully occupied by a rebel, was destroyed and the usurper unseated. It became hiistory's shortest war: 45 minutes. Too bad the Bush administration couldn't have taken a lesson from this - we might have gotten rid of Sadaam and been out in time for dinner. ![]() ![]() FETA CHEESE DIP This month we feature Marina's (Tim's sister-in-law) recipe for a feta cheese dip that she guarantees your guests will rave about. This is a sure-bet for summer entertaining: check out the recipe by clicking here
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June 2005
We were recently at the funeral of my wife's grandmother. All of my lovely wife's family was there. Her grandmother had been cremated and the box containing her ashes was on the ground where it would soon be buried. All the children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren came up and put flowers on the grave. We thought we had explained things adequately to our children beforehand about what was going on. It wasn't until we were leaving that our four and a half year old son made
Remember that your Father's Day book and video orders must be placed by June 13th to ensure delivery in time for Father's Day!
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Meet us at The Diner. We’ve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you haven’t yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories. Just like these people did:
Window Caulk on a Roll Mitch of Whittier, California, used duct tape to fix his window and says that it has stood up to all kinds of weather without a leak. We think he ought to keep going and do the entire window - he'd get rid of that nasty wood rot and never have to paint again. Mitch's wife, Sarah, must be sooo proud! Shirt of the Month: ![]() Got an idea for a shirt? Look through our apparel offerings. If you don't see your idea, and we haven't used it in the past, we just might use it. If we produce it, we will send you a free shirt. (email your idea to tim@ducttapeguys.com - put "shirt idea" in the subject line) |
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Be Creative! Want to be more creative? Use the tried and true methods that have fueled the Duct Tape Guys for the past ten years with the Duct Tape Guys' FREE brainstorming curriculum. It makes a great teaching tool. We've posted it here for use by teachers, students... heck, anyone can use it! |
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Your caption?
Click to enter our photo caption contest! Click the link to see our previous monthly caption contest winners, too! |
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![]() Musical Jeers: ![]() 1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays. 2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Ontario and mine is in Tucson. 3. I take my wife everywhere.....but she keeps finding her way back. 4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen. 5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. 6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair. 7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake." 8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off. 9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said "No, jump in!" 10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. 11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. 12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her. 13. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked "What's on the TV?" I said "Dust!" Product Names that Didn't Translate Well Here's a look at how some of our advertising slogans translate into foreign languages: When Braniff translated a slogan touting its upholstery, "Fly in leather," it came out in Spanish as "Fly naked." Click here to see Tim's latest Duct Tape Pros cartoons. |
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If you spot duct tape - snap a photo and send it to us. We'll add it to our Duct Tape Sightings pages. Make sure you tell us where the shot was taken! |
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Well, that’s it for this issue of "Duct Tape on a Roll" Remember that you can share this FREE duct tape and humor newsletter with your friends. Just send them this address: http://www.ducttapeguys.com/list so they can SUBSCRIBE to our email notification list.
If you want OFF of our email list at any time, that’s fine with us, we don’t want to bother anyone with stuff they don't want. Just click the list link above and follow the unsubscribe instructions - don't send us an email asking us to remove you - we have no control over the list - you must click the link above or on your email notification to unsubscribe. Thanks. May the Tape be with you! Click here for archived On a Roll Newsletters: 1/02, 2/02, 3/02, 03/19/02, 4/02, 5/02, 6/02, 7/02, 08/02, 09/02. 10/02, 11/02, 12/02, 01/03, 02/03, 03/03, 4/03, 05/03. 06/03 07/03 8/03 9/03 10/03 11/03, 12/03, 1/04, 2/04, 3/04, 4/04, 5/04, 6/04, 7/04, 8/04, 9/04, 10/04, election issue, 11/04, 12/04, 01/05, 2/05, 3/05, 4/05, 5/05, |
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Tim (left), Jim (other left).
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