The "BADGE of HONOR" If you've sent us something that we have used on our site, grab the graphic above and post it on your site and in your emails.
Submissions Please
If you have a joke or story that you would like to submit for inclusion in our next newsletter, email it to us. Just make sure it's suitable for all ages (we don't publish anything off-color). Thanks again!

Quotes of the month:
The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously." - Hubert Humphrey

"Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day. Give him a fishing rod and he will be forever hungry." - unknown

"Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will disappear for months at a time." - unknown

Thanks to Liggett • Stashower Public Relations for some of our quotes and trivia.

Soapbox presents Tim's personal opinions about serious issues that he feels are of importance.
These ideas are presented for your consideration, or your thoughtful rejection.
(see footnote)

Social Security Reform Scam
When a lie is repeated often enough, it becomes accepted wisdom. This seems to have become the modus operandi of this administration. And now, they're using another set of carefully constructed lies to "fix" our social security system (which, according to the nonpartisan Social Security trustees charged with overseeing the health of this vital program, is quite healthy and in no need of fixing).

Remember the adage "If it ain't broke, don't fix it?" The administration easily can look at these reports and see that Social Security isn't really in need of overhauling. What then could their motivation be? Are they really concerned with the well-being of future Social Security recipients? Guess again. If Social Security is privatized, Wall Street investment firms stand to make billions of dollars in commissions on the resultant trades.

It's just one more chance for the rich to get richer, and less opportunity for those living in poverty to have a fighting chance.

- Tim

More complete information on Social Security reform posted here.

"Social Security is like a car with a flat tire. We need to fix the flat tire, but we don't need to replace the car." - Peter Orzag, Brookings Institute

Footnote: If you don't agree with me, you do have options: Ignore the soapbox. Or, use it to get informed about other sides of issues so you can contribute more informed rebutals.

Trivia: Teddy Roosevelt - people think that he was the first American President to ride in a car. He wasn't. He was preceded by William McKinley who took his first - and last - ride in a motor vehicle. It was the hearse in his funeral procession.

Mr. Mom - About two million American fathers stay home with the kids while Mom is at work.

Seconds Count - the U.S. Census Bureau reports that as of January 2004, they recorded a birth every eight seconds and a death every 13 seconds. Add to that an immigrant every 25 seconds and you have a U.S. population that increases by one person every 12 seconds.

Cookin' with Duct Tape:
This month we're featuring Tim's French Onion Soup recipe - the perfect dish to show off your culinary skills and to make your way through the last of winter. click here

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March 2005

Go fly a kite.
Make a kite out of duct tape? Oh, yeah, baby! As shown by these photos of members of the Ohio Society for the Elevation of Kites. And, as you can see, they don't have to look like a kite. The telephone booth box kite actually flew! Get out your rolls of colored duct tape and get creative - make use of those spring-time winds!

SnowFari The Zoo in Utica, New York sponsors a fun fund-raiser every year that uses cardboard and duct tape to make sleds. Here are some of their creations... Click here to see the winning entries this year and previous years.

It's Time for Stuck at Prom again! This is a contest that's definitely sticking around! Duck® brand's "Stuck at Prom" contest is in its fifth year! This year, a talented and creative couple will walk away (though not briskly) with a $5000 college scholarship. For more information and to enter, click here. If you need instructions on how to make your duct tape gowns and tuxes, there aren't any instructions per se. You could just tape over clothing, or, do what many do, make duct tape sheets of "cloth" (see our how-to page), then cut your selected dress or tux pattern out of the cloth (just as you would do with real cloth). Then, instead of sewing the pieces together, just use more tape. Take a look at our previous year Stuck at Prom archives to get an idea of what you are up against for competition, creativity and quality. Go wild!

Spring Book Deal of the Month
This offer has been so popular, we decided to run it another couple of months. Visit the Duct Tape Pro Shop and pick up our second book and the hard to find WD-40 Book (autographed of course) - retail $13.95 - yours for just $10!

Practical Joke du Jour (du Month)
Phone Problems Grab yourself a roll of clear duct tape (Duck brand has it) or regular clear tape and tape down the phone button that activates the phone when the handpiece is picked off of the craddle. The tape will keep the button down - and the phone will refuse to function until the victim notices the tape. Want more joke ideas? Click to

Dale's Discoveries (and random thoughts):
(A monthly feature that will be showcasing weird stuff that our friend Dale uncovers.)

No one knows the day or the hour of one's death. Therefore, how do you really know when to have your mid-life crisis? Of course, in the 1800's, people didn't live as long. They had to have their mid-life crises when they were 28 or so.

My daughter, Keziah, came home from Sunday School and told me that she learned that the first shall be last and the last shall be first. Then she wanted to know what happened to the people in the middle. Do they just stay there? That didn't seem fair to her. At the very least, she thought that the first should move to the end and then everyone else should just move up one.

Sign at our local greeting card store: “YOU ARE MY ONE AND ONLY” Valentine cards, now on sale: 10 for $4.95.
- Dale

Nostradamus they weren't... (There was probably someone somewhere who thought that duct tape would never catch on either.)

Electric Light - "good enough for our transatlantic friends, but unworthy of the attention of practical or scientific men" - British Parliment report on Edison's work, 1878.  

The Telephone - "That's an amazing invention, but who would ever want to use one of them?" - Pres. Rutherford Hayes, 1876  

Television - "People will soon get tired of staring at a plywood box every night."
- Darryl F. Zanuck, head of Twentieth Century-Fox, 1946.  

Computers - "There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home."
- Ken Olson, Pres. of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977  

Aviation - "The popular mind often pictures gigantic flying machines speeding across the Atlantic and carrying innumerable seems safe to say that such ideas are wholly visionary." - Harvard astronomer Wm. Henry Pickering, 1908.  

Nuclear energy
- "Nuclear powered vacuum cleaners will probably be a reality within ten years." - vacuum cleaner manufacturer, Alex Lewyt, 1955.  

Medicine - "The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will be forever shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon". - leading British surgeon Sir John Erichsen, 1837.  

Meet us at The Diner. We’ve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you haven’t yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories.

Just like these people did:

Luggage Retrieval When our family travelled to England a few years ago, my son, Timothy, put duct tape on our large suitcase so we could find it easily in the luggage train. He decorated it quite a bit. We arrived back into Philladelphia, and there was a delay for the final leg of the journey. (It was the day of New York's blackout) We finally got home - with no luggage.

The lost luggage form had a description line. After watching me write "covered with duct tape," the station representative remembered our case and retrieved it immediately. - Sue G., State College, PA

Lady Bug Remover Here in Indiana we get TONS of ladybugs in the fall. They always manage to get inside my house. I get very tired of grabbing kleenex after kleenex to kill them. So I take a strip of duct tape and roll it up, sticky side out, and then gently press it on all the lady bugs I find. Once they're on the duct tape, they can't escape. It's quick, easy and best of all, cheap! - Randy Hoover

Noise Abatement My PC was driving me crazy because it was so loud. I have an adjustable case fan and keep it running around 3800 RPM's. The side panels let sound through, the front panels did as well. I decided to try Duck Tape and see if it helped to quiet down things. I placed 2 layers on the side panels, and 2 layers on the front panel. Afterwards there was a noticable drop in noise levels, and the only noise now comes from the back where there is little area to keep sound from escaping. Duck tape is less expensive then soundproofing material and easier to remove. - Sam DeR

Swimmer's Training Cap I was at a swim meet last week in and my son's swim cap ripped from ear to top of his head. We did not have another cap so I ran to the car to get my roll of duct tape and fixed it. His entire swim team thought it was great, so we put duct tape on everyone's cap. It was a big hit at the swim meet. - David R. H.
Good idea - until it starts flapping and causing drag - good during training - but not during a meet - hey, maybe that's an idea. -DTG

Shirt of the Month:
Give me liberty or give me death! (on second thought - just give me a roll of duct tape) Like all of our designs, this design is available in a number of different shirt styles. You will also find a nice assortment of caps, housewares and other stuff at the Duct Tape Pro Shop. Click to the Duct Tape Pro Shop's apparel store. These make GREAT GIFTS!

Got an idea for a shirt? Look through our apparel offerings. If you don't see your idea, and we haven't used it in the past, we just might use it. If we produce it, we will send you a free shirt. (email your idea to - put "shirt idea" in the subject line)

Your caption?

Click to enter our photo caption contest! Click the link to see our previous monthly caption contest winners, too!

Be Creative!
Want to be more creative? Use the tried and true methods that have fueled the Duct Tape Guys for the past ten years with the Duct Tape Guys' FREE brainstorming curriculum. It makes a great teaching tool. We've posted it here for use by teachers, students... heck, anyone can use it!

An ad campaign that sucked! Electrolux, the Scandinavian electronics company, can make one heck of a refrigerator (Fridgidare) and if you need a vaccum cleaner that's suck the chrome off a trailer hitch, they're your guys. But the company ran into a little trouble trying to persuade the American consumer of that in the early 1970s. When the company took its catchy rhyming phrase, "nothing sucks like an Electrolux" and brought it to America from English-speaking markets overseas, they failed to take into consideration the fact that "sucks" had become a derogatory word in the States. The serious language barrier persuaded the firm to turn to a U.S.-based PR firm for future ad campaigns. - from Mental Floss magazine.

Husband to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."
We know that there will be more than a few of you using that one soon.

A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts."

She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, "

Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start."

This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, "Quick, another beer before it starts."

That's it! She blows her top! "You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"

The husband sighed. "It's started!"

Fake ad modification by Tim - source of original photos unknown. See more at

Click here to see Tim's latest Duct Tape Pros cartoons.

If you spot duct tape - snap a photo and send it to us.
We'll add it to our Duct Tape Sightings pages. Make sure you tell us where the shot was taken!

Well, that’s it for this issue of "Duct Tape on a Roll" Remember that you can share this FREE duct tape and humor newsletter with your friends. Just send them this address: so they can SUBSCRIBE to our email notification list.

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May the Tape be with you!
- Jim and Tim - The Duct Tape Guys

Click here for archived On a Roll Newsletters: 1/02, 2/02, 3/02, 03/19/02, 4/02, 5/02, 6/02, 7/02, 08/02, 09/02. 10/02, 11/02, 12/02, 01/03, 02/03, 03/03, 4/03, 05/03. 06/03 07/03 8/03 9/03 10/03 11/03, 12/03, 1/04, 2/04, 3/04, 4/04, 5/04, 6/04, 7/04, 8/04, 9/04, 10/04, election issue, 11/04, 12/04, 01/05, 2/05,

Tim (left), Jim (other left).