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If you have a joke or story that you would like to submit for inclusion in our next newsletter, email it to us. Just make sure it's suitable for all ages (we don't publish anything off-color). Thanks again!

Click to our Duct Tape Pro Shop apparel page for more information. Remember that you get a free flatpack of Duck® tape with your order while supplies last!

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When you're at the Pro Shop, make sure you check out our new cool apparel and merchandise (stuff) section, too! We those cool lunch boxes shown on the left!

Quotes of the month:
"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house." - Steven Seagal

In times like these... "it helps to recall there have always been times like these." - Paul Harvey

Thanks to Liggett • Stashower Public Relations for some of our quotes and trivia.

Soapbox: Habitat for Humanity. The Duct Tape Guy's favorite charity.
Habitat for Humanity International is a nonprofit, ecumenical Christian housing ministry. HFHI seeks to eliminate poverty housing and homelessness from the world, and to make decent shelter a matter of conscience and action.

Habitat invites people of all backgrounds, races and religions to build houses together in partnership with families in need.

Habitat has built more than 175,000 houses around the world, providing safe, decent, affordable shelter for more than 900,000 people. Click here to learn more about Habitat for Humanity.

Trivia: "Say cheese" supposedly results in a look that creates a smile. However in Japan, it's the English word "whiskey" that gets a grin. czechs say "fax." Australians say "sex" or "money."
Funny, all I have to do to get Jim to grin is to have him say, "duct tape." (Although, come to think of it, it's less of a grin and more of a dreamy, lazy-eyed-look.)

September 2004 Edition (a bit early*)

Back to School with Duct Tape

The Duct Tape Guys are now on a lunch box! Imagine the scorn and ridicule - I mean, praise and satisfaction you'll receive when you go to school (or work) totting your lunch in an official Duct Tape Guys lunch box. Of course, if the thought of the Duct Tape Guys staring at you when you are eating your peanut butter and jelly sandwich makes you a bit queezy, there is also a LoCarb Duct Tape lunch box with our "Got Duct Tape?" logo on the back. These sturdy metal lunch boxes are a cool, retro-look boxes that are sturdy enough to protect even the most delicate of luncheon cuisine. Or, you can store a couple rolls of duct tape in them if you wish. You can pick 'em up today online at the Duct Tape Pro Shop! Click here: - and, they're on sale right now!

*Also specially priced for our back to school sale are our mousepads. There are several designs to choose from, and each features a tribute to duct tape. Hurry! The Back to School Sale ends August 30th (that's why this September newsletter is early).

Special Discount to our newsletter subscribers:
When you order any (non-book or video) items from our newly redone store, you can get a discount on your order. Just click here and follow the link and coupon code instructions. This is a secret link for our subscribers only (although you can pass the information along to your friends if you would like).

Halloween is right around the corner - plan ahead and start your duct tape costume now! Click the banner for some ideas:

It's about Time
Are you, or your friends or relatives, working more now but enjoying it less? Does your family's schedule feel like a road race? If so, you're not alone. Millions of Americans are overworked, over-scheduled and just plain stressed out.

• We're putting in longer hours on the job now than we did in the 1950s, despite promises of a coming age of leisure before the year 2000.

• In fact, we're working more than medieval peasants did, and more than the citizens of any other industrial country.

• Mandatory overtime is at near record levels, in spite of a recession.

• On average, we work nearly nine full weeks (350 hours) LONGER per year than our peers in Western Europe do.

Working Americans average a little over two weeks of vacation per year, while Europeans average five to six weeks. Many of us (including 37% of women earning less than $40,000 per year) get no paid vacation at all.

More information about Take Back Your Time Day at

P.S. If you are an avid duct tape user, you are saving tons of time (and money) by fixing stuff with duct tape. Why not put that time to good use. Sit down with the family for a table game, read a good book (we have seven), watch an old sitcom, go for a walk with your honey... - The Duct Tape Guys

FREE Brainstorming Curriculum Hey, teachers! We've posted some new brainstorming curriculum online for you to download and use with your students. Click here and you will have access to the secret formula that the Duct Tape Guys have used for ten years to create over 5,000 wacky uses for duct tape. If you are a student - print out the curriculum and give it to your favorite teacher to use - you'll score big points!

Here are some sample brainstorming exercises for you:

What could you do with a fifty foot wide roll of duct tape
How many uses can you find for the cardboard duct tape core?
Duct tape comes in colors now, too. List some creative uses of colored duct tape.
How many different words can you make using these letters?

Cooking with Duct Tape Did you know that you can actually use duct tape to make ice cream? Okay, so there's no cooking involved, we just didn't want to post a new page called "Freezin' with Duct Tape." While traveling across Wisconsin, we were listening to Wisconsin Public Radio and heard Shannon Jackson Arnold, author of "everybody Loves Ice Cream" being interviewed by Jim Packard. As we reached Green Bay the words, "seal the cans with duct tape" were spoken. Suddenly our interest in ice cream was elevated to an all-time high. Read Shannon's recipe on our Cookin' page. Thanks to Shannon for allowing us to post it - make sure you pick up her book while you are getting the recipe.

Top Ten Back to School Uses for Duct Tape
10. Backpack reinforcement - help that old backpack make it through one more year of school - reinforce the bottom and seams with duct tape.

9. Contruct your own backpack! Cover a grocery bag entirely in Duct Tape, then duct tape the bag onto your kid's back (over clothing to avoid back skin and neck hair loss).

8. Book covers: Cover your books in paper, then cover the paper with duct tape. Don't tape right onto the book (school administrators are not real duct tape friendly, and will probably fine you for duct tape stickem all over your returned books).

7. Lunch money clip: Duct tape your kid's lunch money to the back of their leg so they don't loose it or have it stolen by the school bully.

6. Note from home security: Tape those notes from home onto your kid's forehead so they don't forget to give them to the teacher.

5. Reusable lunch bag: Don't waste your money purchasing a nylon reusable lunch bag... simply duct tape over a paper lunch bag - your kid will be the envy of the classroom, and this bag will last them right through to college!

4. Sandwich safety belt. Avoid the stain and embarrassment of sandwich spills. Duct tape around the sandwich holds the fillings in place. You just eat down to the duct tape - then squeeze the contents out.

3. Book straps: Some schools are forbidding backpacks because of security issues. The Duct Tape Guys suggest making a book strap out of duct tape (like grandpa and grandma used as kids). To avoid books from spilling out of the strap, duct tape the spines of the books to the strap.

2. Duct tape fashion: Save HUGE bucks... instead of purchasing expensive brand name clothing, cover your last year's outfits entirely in duct tape. Go with silver for the heavy metal look, black for a mysterious/artsy look, or try one of Duck® brand duct tape’s NEW Xtreme Tape® - it's duct tape in dayglo colors: hot pink, lime green, citron yellow, and blaze orange. The same colors that are so trendy with the Xtreme Sports participants.

1. Make a knowledge magnet. Duct tape around your head sticky-side-out, and every word that your teachers say will stick to the tape and soak into your brain. (This has not been fully tested, it's just a theory at this point).

Meet us at The Diner. We’ve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you haven’t yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories.

Just like these people did:

Mud Buddies Every Year We play in Oozfest at The University at Buffalo - a 128 Team Mud Volleyball Tournament. Duct Tape is the only way their shoes (and clothes) stay on.

Dry Money Recently my friends and I went to Six Flags Great America (it would be better if they included free rolls of duct tape) we went on the water rides. My parents gave me a couple hundred to take with me. We all decided to go on the water rides (all of them). I was soaked and forgot my money in my pocket. Thanks to my duct tape wallet the money was dry, but no one else's was! - Peter

Toad Abode This hanging flower pot fell and broke, so I duck taped it - of course! The result: A Toad Abode. - Maggie K., St. Peters, MO

Shirt of the Month:
It's D U C T T A P E spelled out in American Sign Language. The perfect gift for the sign-literate duct tape lover! Click to the Duct Tape Pro Shop for this and other shirt designs that are perfect gifts when given with a roll of duct tape and one or more of our books!

Your caption?

Click to enter our photo caption contest! Click the link to see our previous monthly caption contest winners, too!

Hollywood Squares Classics
For those of you who are old enough to remember the original Hollywood Squares show, these will bring a smile. (Can't you just hear Paul Lynde?)

Q: If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?
A: Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q: True or false...a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A: George Gobel: Boy it sure seems that way sometimes...

Q: You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A: Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he's really attractive, is it okay to come out directly and ask him if he's married?
A: Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.

Q: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A: Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q: In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I love you
A: Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q: What are "Do It", "I Can Help" and "Can't Get Enough"?
A: George Gobel: I don't know but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q: As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while you are talking?
A: Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing older question,
Peter...and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget!

Q: Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A: Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q: Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during your first year?
A: Charley Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I'm too busy growing strawberries!

Q: In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A: Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?
A: Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q: According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A: Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army!

Q: While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo! Poo!" What does that mean?
A: George Goebel: Cattle crossing.

Q: Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A: George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A: Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A: Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q: Do female frogs croak?
A: Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Click here to see Tim's latest Duct Tape Pros cartoons.

Got a car window or other auto repair sighting? Snap a shot and we will post it in our Bodyshop on a Roll pages.

RANDOM WINNER: The random winner of a duct tape book in this issue: Lloyd Rumble - Congratulations! Email us your postal mailing address and we will send you an autographed Duct Tape Book.

Well, that’s it for this issue of "Duct Tape on a Roll" Remember that you can share this FREE duct tape and humor newsletter with your friends. Just send them this address: so they can SUBSCRIBE to our email notification list.

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May the Tape be with you!
- Jim and Tim - The Duct Tape Guys

Click here for archived On a Roll Newsletters: 1/02, 2/02, 3/02, 03/19/02, 4/02, 5/02, 6/02, 7/02, 08/02, 09/02. 10/02, 11/02, 12/02, 01/03, 02/03, 03/03, 4/03, 05/03. 06/03 07/03 8/03 9/03 10/03 11/03, 12/03, 1/04, 2/04, 3/04, 4/04, 5/04, 6/04, 7/04, 8/04,

Tim (left), Jim (other left).