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Submissions Please
If you have a joke or story that you would like to submit for inclusion in our next newsletter, email it to us. Just make sure it's suitable for all ages (we don't publish anything off-color). Thanks again!

Quotes of the month:
"Instead of hating the people you think are warmakers, hate the appetites and the disorder in your own soul, which are the causes of war." - Thomas Merton

"Just when I found out the meaning of life, they changed it." - George Carlin

"The future is already here, it's just not evenly distributed." - Science Fiction Writer, William Gibson

"The White House is completely disconnected from reality." - Republican Senator Chuck Hagel

Thanks to Liggett • Stashower Public Relations for some of our quotes and trivia.

Soapbox presents Tim's personal opinions about serious issues that he feels are of importance.
It has been moved to a different page so those who would rather not have a dose of serious matters can avoid it. If you're concerned with the state of our nation, the future we are giving our kids, issues of peace, justice and faith/values in action, and would like to be exposed to more ideas than those presented by our corporate media, click here. If you don't want to, that's okay. Tape on!

How is the War on Terrorism Going?
Click here for a critical look at the need to scrutinize the effectiveness of our "War on Terror".

Trivia: World War II Vets are dying at a rate of 1,100 daily. Thanks to these vets who have given of themselves in an effort to make our world a better place.

Since 1960, Los Angeles has had 11,000 unsolved murders. Presumably, this figure includes the O.J. Simpson case.

Top Ten Foods that have influenced the way we eat.
According to a reader's poll in Cuisine at Home magazine, they are:
Ritz Cackers, Heinz Ketchup, Wonder Bread, Lipton Onion Soup Mix, Kellogg's Cereals, Birds Eye frozen foods, Nathan's Famous Hot Dogs, Lender's Bagels, Hershey's Chocolate and Starbucks Coffee.
Hey, how about beer?

Reader Thought: Nowadays everyone is wearing Livestrong and other colored wristbands. This sparked my idea for a Duck tape one. It doesn't even need an engraved message because it is made out of the product it supports! - Michael L., Forest VA
Cookin' with Duct Tape:

Being from Wisconsin, we love our brats! Tim's favorite method of cooking them is to cook them slowly covered in beer and then finishing them off on the grill to give them a nicely browned and smokey flavor. Tim's brother, Dan, prefers to grill them raw basting them with beer while they are being grilled (he swears it's "the German way"). Jim prefers Tim's method only he adds lots of onions to the beer mixture and returns them to the beer and onions on the stovetop after grilling to keep them hot and flavorful. What's your favorite method? Let us know and we may add it to our recipe page.
check out our "Cookin's with Duct Tape" page

Video Sale:
Order by mail and help us get rid of our remaining video stock before we convert to DVD. We'll make it worth your while with incredibly LOW prices (less than cost). Click the image below for details.

Not on our Emailing List? Subscribe Now! Click here to get on the new list now! If you are getting our emails and don't want to, you need to click on the link above and follow the remove instructions (there is no way that we can remove your email for you).

Duct Tape Pro Bumper Sticker!
Let everyone who is behind you know that you are Duct Tape Pro with this cool bumper sticker. (available at the Duct Tape Pro Shop now):

Duct Tape Summer Sale! Use this special code to save $3 off all apparel at the Duct Tape Pro Shop! (expires 7/14/05). Coupon code: LOLSAV (use when checking out)

July 2005

The 2nd Annual Duct Tape Festival
The 2nd annual Avon (Ohio) Heritage Duct Tape Festival has culminated this past Father's Day weekend. It featured a parade with ovr 30 duct tape floats (quite impressive), duct tape sculptures (like "Henkel the Dragon" above - which is made out of 1000 rolls of duct tape and took over 200 hours to create), duct tape fashions on the attendees, appearances by Ellie, the duct tape craft gal, Todd Scott, the duct tape sculptor, and three shows by us (Jim and Tim, the Duct Tape Guys). Click here to meet our friends that we met at the festival and see more of the sculptures and festivities.

Practical Joke du Jour (du Month)
Drive-Thru Speaker Mockery:
Next time you go to the fast food drive-thru, give your entire order through a kazoo. You will sound on their end, exactly how they sound through the little speaker on your end.
. Want more joke ideas? Click to

Draw the Duct Tape Guys Hey! No artist's out there? There are no entries in our latest contest yet. So, once again, we are putting out the call to artists of all ages to send us your best artistic interpretation of the Duct Tape Guys. You will find a host of photos of us throughout the site. Click here for more information and instructions as to how to submit your masterpiece. We will pick the best of the lot at the end of the year and award your efforts with a duct tape prize package.

Dad Stories
We will be posting our dad stories from our recent appeal for submissions. Click here to get up to date on what dad's around the world are using duct tape for and check to see if your entry is a winning entry! You can still add your dad's duct tape story. We wanna collect enough to publish a book specifically dedicated to our dads' love for duct tape.

Dale's Discoveries
(A monthly feature that will be showcasing weird stuff that our friend Dale comes up with.)

I was in a restaurant in Springfield, MA for lunch one day and I asked the waitress what the Soup du Jour was. She said that she didn't know and would check and be right back. Well, she came back and said, "Oh, that's the Soup of the Day". True story.

Why is it that when I need a permanent marker I can't seem to find one
no matter how hard I try but my two year old son has no trouble finding
one and drawing on the television screen? My first thought was, "Oh, that's never going to come off". My second
was, "Where the heck did he find that?".

When you turn your air conditioner on, in order for it to work well, do you have to let it warm up?

Hot Summer Book Deal
This offer has been so popular, we decided to run it another couple of months. Visit the Duct Tape Pro Shop and pick up our second book and the hard to find WD-40 Book (autographed of course) - retail $13.95 - yours for just $10!

We also have a great deal on our video tape. See the click-to image on the right.

Ellie the Duct Tape Gal

During the Duct Tape Festival in Avon, Ohio, we had the opportunity to meet Ellie Schiedermayer (we just called her "Ellie") who wrote Got Tape? about three years ago when she was in high school. This is a how-to duct tape craft book that you will love if you want to learn how to make duct tape fashions and accessories. Ellie was a delight. She was showing Festival attendees how to make duct tape crafts along side Todd Scott (our Canadian duct tape sculptor friend). We recommend picking up Ellie's book. Not only is it informative, it will help her pay her college bills to boot! click here to order online

Meet us at The Diner. We’ve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you haven’t yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories.

Just like these people did:

Won't Work Minneapolis artist Jean Humke has news for ex-Homeland Security chief Tom Ridge: Duct tape doesn't stick to plastic sheeting. New owners of a former crack house in the Seward neighborhood, Humke and her husband, David Pitman, figured they should check out just how long it would take to secure their home against chemical or biological attack. So, aided by the Twin Cities Artists Front, a group of about 20 artist-activists, they tailored a 7,000-square-foot plastic tea-cozy to cover the two-story house. The duct-taped seams deteriorated even during construction so they switched to plastic tape heat-sealed with electric irons. They used a rented forklift to hoist the cozy into place on April 1. "It was very beautiful and kind of sail-like with the light reflecting through," Humke said. "The U.S. government should have tested its materials before issuing that warning. And every security kit definitely needs an iron. The home iron: Don't go to war without it."

Prevent Deer From Electrocution I use duct tape "flags" for my electric fence. The deer see the flags and know something is there and they need to jump it. If there's nothing hanging, the deer tend to go thru the fence because they don't see it. I had to put it up 3 times in 5 days one year because I forgot. The horses hear the pulse and stay away from it but deer need to see it. Works better than anything else I've tried over the years. I just do it spring and fall and have no problems. - Candie W., Spinnerstown, PA

Dam Good Tape (below) I’m a Dam Safety Inspector for the Greater Vancouver Regional District and I recently discovered some Duct Tape Strapping on one of our concrete stop logs… the functionality keeps growing! I’m not sure what the workers were using it for… I suspect it is securing a rubber stopper held between this stop-log and the one below it. - Jonathan Funk

Shirt of the Month:
This is our #1 selling shirt! Over the past year, we have sold more of "got duct tape?" than any other shirt (and we have a ton of 'em!). Check out all of our designs at our Duct Tape Pro Shop.

Got an idea for a shirt? Look through our apparel offerings. If you don't see your idea, and we haven't used it in the past, we just might use it. If we produce it, we will send you a free shirt. (email your idea to - put "shirt idea" in the subject line)

Be Creative!
Want to be more creative? Use the tried and true methods that have fueled the Duct Tape Guys for the past ten years with the Duct Tape Guys' FREE brainstorming curriculum. It makes a great teaching tool. We've posted it here for use by teachers, students... heck, anyone can use it!

Your caption? Click to enter our photo caption contest! Click the link to see our previous monthly caption contest winners, too!

Partisan Jabs:
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Democrat."

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Republican."

"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault.

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that. . .
electricians could be delighted,
musicians denoted,
cowboys deranged,
models deposed,
and dry cleaners depressed?

Wouldn't you expect laundry workers to decrease, eventually becoming depressed and depleted?

Likewise, bedmakers might be debunked,
baseball players debased,
bulldozer operators degraded,
organ donors delivered,
software engineers detested, and
underwear manufacturers debriefed.

And won't all composers one day decompose?

On a more positive note, perhaps we can hope politicians will someday be devoted.
- courtesy of

Click here to see Tim's latest Duct Tape Pros cartoons.

Click the photo below to witness Jim's obsession.
If you spot duct tape - snap a photo and send it to us.
We'll add it to our Duct Tape Sightings pages. Make sure you tell us where the shot was taken!

Well, that’s it for this issue of "Duct Tape on a Roll" Remember that you can share this FREE duct tape and humor newsletter with your friends. Just send them this address: so they can SUBSCRIBE to our email notification list.

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May the Tape be with you!
- Jim and Tim - The Duct Tape Guys

Click here for archived On a Roll Newsletters: 1/02, 2/02, 3/02, 03/19/02, 4/02, 5/02, 6/02, 7/02, 08/02, 09/02. 10/02, 11/02, 12/02, 01/03, 02/03, 03/03, 4/03, 05/03. 06/03 07/03 8/03 9/03 10/03 11/03, 12/03, 1/04, 2/04, 3/04, 4/04, 5/04, 6/04, 7/04, 8/04, 9/04, 10/04, election issue, 11/04, 12/04, 01/05, 2/05, 3/05, 4/05, 5/05, 06/05.

Tim (left), Jim (other left).