The "BADGE of HONOR" If you've sent us something that we have used on our site, grab the graphic above and post it on your site and in your emails.
If you have a joke or story that you would like to submit for inclusion in our next newsletter, email it to us. Just make sure it's suitable for all ages (we don't publish anything off-color). Thanks again!
Quotes of the month:
"There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened."- Douglas Adams
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Albert Einstein
"Astronomers say the universe is finite, which is a comforting thought for those people who can't remember where they leave things." - Unknown
Thanks to Liggett • Stashower Public Relations for some of our quotes and trivia.
Soapbox presents Tim's personal opinions about serious issues that he feels are of importance.
Can you be a "Liberal and be still be a Christian?" Click here to read Tim's thoughts on the matter.
Trivia: Michael Eisner the head of Disney, has earned (over his 20-year reign) $1 million per week.
Smoke much? The major cause of fires is cigarettes. Nearly one in four fire deaths is attributable to smoking.
Cookin' with Duct Tape:
Tim's mom (Dorothy) made this. It was so good, he ate it until he got sick. But that didn't stop him from asking for the recipe...
Here it is in all of it's rich (but simple) glory:
click to our "Cookin's with Duct Tape" page
Video Sale (still going strong):
Emailing List? Subscribe Now! Click here to get on the new list now! If you are getting our emails and don't want to, you need to click on the link above and follow the remove instructions (there is no way that we can remove your email for you).
Duct Tape Pro Bumper Sticker!
GEAR UP NOW for Halloween!
We also have a great deal on our video tape. See the click-to image on the right.
Practical Joke du Jour (du Month)
Duct Tape and Cover by Yongjin Park, a student at The School of the Art Institute of Chicago - Here is a brilliant, funny, eerie (for those of us who grew up in the 1950s and 60s) parody of the Duck and Cover films that we saw in school. Combining simple instruction manual illustrations with the retro script and sound, Yongjin has created an enjoyable flash movie that speaks to the bizarre ridiculousness of the recent order from the Dept. of Homeland Security to use duct tape (and plastic sheeting) to protect ourselves from chemical and biological attacks. Click the graphic below to watch the movie.
My lovely wife taught a class in math this year at a school for inner city children. On one of the tests she asked this question: "A whole number is either odd or what?" She was very surprised when many of the students answered, "Yes". (The answer she was looking for was "even".)
"In retrospect, I think hindsight is overrated". - Alfred E. Newman
Many amusement parks now have special tickets that you can buy that let you get right to the front of the line ahead of all the people who didn't pay the extra price. Sometimes they call these "fast passes". Well, I was thinking that this was a pretty good idea and that it could really catch on. Then there would be a long line of people using the fast pass line and soon the parks would start selling "really fast passes" that let you get in front of the regular fast pass line. If this kept up then eventually they would have a "double super secret fast pass". That would be where you just drove your car up to the ride, went on it, then drove home.
Duct Tape Aids Shuttle Mission (August 2, 2005)
Send us your sightings!
It's another book!
Meet us at The Diner. We’ve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you haven’t yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories.
Just like these people did:
Seal out Radiation I work at a nuclear power plant in providing physical security, and I've been wanting to send you this picture (left) I took at the Nuclear Power station in Florida. The sign reads "Door sealed on the outside with duct tape - Emergency Use Only". This door seals two boundaries from contaminants and radiation. Courtesy of the Turkey Point Nuclear Security Team.
Zombie Mop I work in the produce department of my local hannaford and weve had this squegee mop combo thing for about 20 years (three years older than i am!). Just today it broke in half and I wasn't sure what to do, so i talked to my boss and he told me to throw it out. When I came back from my break a coworker said that she had noticed it died and she brought it back to life by tightly wrapping it with duct tape and small metal rods around to the fracture point. And it lives! The zombie squegee mop thingee.- Luke B.
Duct Shui Certified (left) J. Michael Knoll proudly displays his framed and mounted Duct Shui certificate.
Duct Tape Saves Seat After serving me well through my premobilization and then my time in Kuwait, my chair decided to rip halfway through my tour in Iraq! One particularly busy day after my shift was done, I went back to my room to sit in my trusty chair and have a cold drink of water to relax. Everything changed when the seam on the chair burst and I couldn't get comfortable. I got quite upset until I saw a roll of duct tape that I always try to keep handy. A couple of times around the top and side of the chair was all I needed to keep the old chair going and keep me relaxing! Thank you duct tape! - SPC Matthew Austin, Binghamton, NY writing from Iraq
Shirt of the Month:
Got an idea for a shirt? Look through our apparel offerings. If you don't see your idea, and we haven't used it in the past, we just might use it. If we produce it, we will send you a free shirt. (email your idea to email@example.com - put "shirt idea" in the subject line)
A young cowboy walks into a seedy cafe in a small town in West Texas. He sits at the counter and notices an older cowboy with his arms folded staring blankly at a bowl of chili.
After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asks, "if you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?"
The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in his best cowboy manner says, "Nah, go ahead."
Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead rat in the chili. The sight was shocking and he immediately pukes up the chili right back into the bowl.
The old cowboy quietly says, "Yep, that's as far as I got too."
"If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment. The literature was full of examples that said you can't do this." - Spencer Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesives for 3-M "Post-It" Notepads
Funny or not so funny?
Turns out this is bogus. Read about it at Snopes.com - and thanks to Scott for the sluthing.
Imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics:
Click here to see Tim's Duct Tape Pros cartoons.
|If you spot duct tape - snap a photo and send it to us. We'll add it to our Duct Tape Sightings pages. Make sure you tell us where the shot was taken!|
|Well, that’s it for this issue of "Duct Tape on a Roll" Remember that you can share this FREE duct tape and humor newsletter with your friends. Just send them this address: http://www.ducttapeguys.com/list so they can SUBSCRIBE to our email notification list.
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May the Tape be with you!
Click here for archived On a Roll Newsletters: 1/02, 2/02, 3/02, 03/19/02, 4/02, 5/02, 6/02, 7/02, 08/02, 09/02. 10/02, 11/02, 12/02, 01/03, 02/03, 03/03, 4/03, 05/03. 06/03 07/03 8/03 9/03 10/03 11/03, 12/03, 1/04, 2/04, 3/04, 4/04, 5/04, 6/04, 7/04, 8/04, 9/04, 10/04, election issue, 11/04, 12/04, 01/05, 2/05, 3/05, 4/05, 5/05, 06/05, 7/05,
Tim (left), Jim (other left).