The "BADGE of HONOR" If you've sent us something that we have used on our site, grab the graphic above and post it on your site and in your emails.
Submissions Please
If you have a joke or story that you would like to submit for inclusion in our next newsletter, email it to us. Just make sure it's suitable for all ages (we don't publish anything off-color). Thanks again!

Quotes of the month:
"There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened."- Douglas Adams

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Albert Einstein

"Astronomers say the universe is finite, which is a comforting thought for those people who can't remember where they leave things." - Unknown

Thanks to Liggett • Stashower Public Relations for some of our quotes and trivia.

Soapbox presents Tim's personal opinions about serious issues that he feels are of importance.
It has been moved to a different page so those who would rather not have a dose of serious matters can avoid it. If you're concerned with the state of our nation, the future we are giving our kids, issues of peace, justice and faith/values in action, and would like to be exposed to more ideas than those presented by our corporate media, click here. If you don't want to, that's okay. Tape on!

Can you be a "Liberal and be still be a Christian?" Click here to read Tim's thoughts on the matter.

Trivia: Michael Eisner the head of Disney, has earned (over his 20-year reign) $1 million per week.

Smoke much? The major cause of fires is cigarettes. Nearly one in four fire deaths is attributable to smoking.

Cookin' with Duct Tape:

Tim's mom (Dorothy) made this. It was so good, he ate it until he got sick. But that didn't stop him from asking for the recipe...
Here it is in all of it's rich (but simple) glory:
Chicken Almondine
click to our "Cookin's with Duct Tape" page

Dad Stories
They're dribbling in (the stories) and we are still looking for more! Click here to get up to date on what dad's around the world are using duct tape for and check to see if your entry is a winning entry! You can still add your dad's duct tape story. We wanna collect enough to publish a book specifically dedicated to our dads' love for duct tape.

Video Sale (still going strong):
Order by mail and help us get rid of our remaining video stock before we convert to DVD. We'll make it worth your while with incredibly LOW prices (less than cost). Click the image below for details.

Not on our Emailing List? Subscribe Now! Click here to get on the new list now! If you are getting our emails and don't want to, you need to click on the link above and follow the remove instructions (there is no way that we can remove your email for you).

Duct Tape Pro Bumper Sticker!
Let everyone who is behind you know that you are Duct Tape Pro with this cool bumper sticker. (available at the Duct Tape Pro Shop now):

GEAR UP NOW for Halloween!
We nabbed a bunch of our Halloween Books for sale during our fall Halloween Media Tour. Because we purchased so many, we got a great deal. So, we're passing along the savings to you. Pick up our full color Original Duct Tape Halloween Book (autographed of course) - retail $9.95 - for just $7! - To get this special price you must click the SPECIAL HALLOWEEN DEAL link on the DEALS page.

We also have a great deal on our video tape. See the click-to image on the right.

August 2005

Stuck at Prom Winners Announced!
Nope, neither of these couples were the winners, but you can find out who won the top honors and the $5000 Duck® brand scholarship this year by clicking to our Stuck at Prom page. We've also added a new Prom Gallery that will cruise you through some of our favorite entries from the past five years of the contest. Once again this year, we were BLOWN AWAY by the creativity and craftsmanship (craftswomanship if you prefer, or craftspersonship if you must). We're looking forward to the 2006 Stuck at Prom entries. It's hard to imagine how you guys can keep upping the standards in this fun contest.

Practical Joke du Jour (du Month)
The Mysterious Tipping Cup:
Duct tape the end of a strand of fishing wire to the bottom of a friends cup. (Clear duct tape reccomended) when they lift the cup to take a sip, pull like you would in tug a war, and you'll turn out to be the winner for once. Thanks to Alix M Borkowski.
Want more joke ideas? Click to

Duct Tape and Cover by Yongjin Park, a student at The School of the Art Institute of Chicago - Here is a brilliant, funny, eerie (for those of us who grew up in the 1950s and 60s) parody of the Duck and Cover films that we saw in school. Combining simple instruction manual illustrations with the retro script and sound, Yongjin has created an enjoyable flash movie that speaks to the bizarre ridiculousness of the recent order from the Dept. of Homeland Security to use duct tape (and plastic sheeting) to protect ourselves from chemical and biological attacks. Click the graphic below to watch the movie.

Dale's Discoveries
(A monthly feature that will be showcasing weird stuff that our friend Dale comes up with.)

My lovely wife taught a class in math this year at a school for inner city children. On one of the tests she asked this question: "A whole number is either odd or what?" She was very surprised when many of the students answered, "Yes". (The answer she was looking for was "even".)

"In retrospect, I think hindsight is overrated". - Alfred E. Newman

Many amusement parks now have special tickets that you can buy that let you get right to the front of the line ahead of all the people who didn't pay the extra price. Sometimes they call these "fast passes". Well, I was thinking that this was a pretty good idea and that it could really catch on. Then there would be a long line of people using the fast pass line and soon the parks would start selling "really fast passes" that let you get in front of the regular fast pass line. If this kept up then eventually they would have a "double super secret fast pass". That would be where you just drove your car up to the ride, went on it, then drove home.
I'm waiting for the "super time warp fast pass" - where, when your kids bug you to take them to the amusement park, you flash it at them and instantaneously they are back on the couch having spent the afternoon at the amusement park, no money is gone from your wallet, and no one has gotten sick in the back of the car.

Duct Tape Aids Shuttle Mission (August 2, 2005)
SPACE CENTER, Houston - Employing the kind of NASA ingenuity seen during Apollo 13, an astronaut prepped for an emergency repair job Wednesday on Discovery's exterior with forceps, scissors and a hacksaw fashioned out of a blade and a little duct tape.
Stephen Robinson's mission was to remove two short pieces of filler material that were sticking out of the shuttle's belly. NASA feared the material could lead to a repeat of the 2003 Columbia tragedy during Discovery's re-entry next week.
He could simply pull the stiff fabric out with gloved hands. If a gentle tug did not work, he was to pull a little harder with forceps. And if that didn't work, he was supposed to use a hacksaw put together in orbit with a deliberately bent blade, plastic ties, Velcro and the handyman's favorite all-purpose fix-it: duct tape. (photo credit: NASA TV
) See more NASA Duct Tape uses here.

Send us your sightings!
One of our favorite activities is finding duct tape sightings around the country We post them in our Duct Tape Sightings pages (as seen below in our parting shots). And we LOVE it when you send in your sightings - like Denise from Oklahoma did with the images below (which we promptly turned into a fake ad for "College Movers". Thanks Denise - great grab!

It's another book!
Once again, Jim said something that triggered Tim's creativity and within a day, it was a lovely book. 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall - the complete lyrics is the perfect gag gift for beer lovers, those about to embark on a long road trip, hostess gifts, etc. It's spiral bound to lay flat and has easy-to-follow lyrics. You'll never have trouble remembering all 100 verses of 99 Bottles... again! Click the image on the right for more information and to order your copy today!

Meet us at The Diner. We’ve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you haven’t yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories.

Just like these people did:

Seal out Radiation I work at a nuclear power plant in providing physical security, and I've been wanting to send you this picture (left) I took at the Nuclear Power station in Florida. The sign reads "Door sealed on the outside with duct tape - Emergency Use Only". This door seals two boundaries from contaminants and radiation. Courtesy of the Turkey Point Nuclear Security Team.

Zombie Mop I work in the produce department of my local hannaford and weve had this squegee mop combo thing for about 20 years (three years older than i am!). Just today it broke in half and I wasn't sure what to do, so i talked to my boss and he told me to throw it out. When I came back from my break a coworker said that she had noticed it died and she brought it back to life by tightly wrapping it with duct tape and small metal rods around to the fracture point. And it lives! The zombie squegee mop thingee.- Luke B.

Duct Shui Certified (left) J. Michael Knoll proudly displays his framed and mounted Duct Shui certificate.

Duct Tape Saves Seat After serving me well through my premobilization and then my time in Kuwait, my chair decided to rip halfway through my tour in Iraq! One particularly busy day after my shift was done, I went back to my room to sit in my trusty chair and have a cold drink of water to relax. Everything changed when the seam on the chair burst and I couldn't get comfortable. I got quite upset until I saw a roll of duct tape that I always try to keep handy. A couple of times around the top and side of the chair was all I needed to keep the old chair going and keep me relaxing! Thank you duct tape! - SPC Matthew Austin, Binghamton, NY writing from Iraq

Shirt of the Month:
Quick Name three things that can save the world. If you answered, PEACE, LOVE AND DUCT TAPE, you're right! this shirt grabs a ton of great comments from passers by. Check out all of our designs at our Duct Tape Pro Shop.

Got an idea for a shirt? Look through our apparel offerings. If you don't see your idea, and we haven't used it in the past, we just might use it. If we produce it, we will send you a free shirt. (email your idea to - put "shirt idea" in the subject line)

Be Creative!
Want to be more creative? Use the tried and true methods that have fueled the Duct Tape Guys for the past ten years with the Duct Tape Guys' FREE brainstorming curriculum. It makes a great teaching tool. We've posted it here for use by teachers, students... heck, anyone can use it!

Your caption? Click to enter our photo caption contest! Click the link to see our previous monthly caption contest winners, too!

A pastor was visiting an older parishioner in her nursing home. During his visit the pastor helped himself to the peanuts in a dish sitting on the nightstand. By the end of the visit, the pastor realized that he had eaten all of the peanuts.
"I'm so sorry," the pastor told the old woman, "I've eaten all of your peanuts!"
"Oh, don't worry about it. I don't like the peanuts, I just suck the chocolate off of them."

Let's kick 'er up a notch:

A young cowboy walks into a seedy cafe in a small town in West Texas. He sits at the counter and notices an older cowboy with his arms folded staring blankly at a bowl of chili.

After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asks, "if you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?"

The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in his best cowboy manner says, "Nah, go ahead."

Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead rat in the chili. The sight was shocking and he immediately pukes up the chili right back into the bowl.

The old cowboy quietly says, "Yep, that's as far as I got too."

Bad Prognostications:

"If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment. The literature was full of examples that said you can't do this." - Spencer Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesives for 3-M "Post-It" Notepads

"So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we'll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we'll come work for you.' And they said, 'No.' So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, 'Hey, we don't need you. You haven't got through college yet.'" - Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and H-P interested in his and Steve Wozniak's personal computer

"You want to have consistent and uniform muscle development across all of your muscles? It can't be done. It's just a fact of life. You just have to accept inconsistent muscle development as an unalterable condition of weight training." - Response to Arthur Jones, who solved the "unsolvable" problem by inventing Nautilus

"Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You're crazy." - Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859

"The bomb will never go off. I speak as an expert in explosives." - Admiral William Leahy, US Atomic Bomb Project

"This fellow Charles Lindbergh will never make it. He's doomed." - Harry Guggenheim, millionaire aviation enthusiast

"Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau." - Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929

"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value." - Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre

"Man will never reach the moon regardless of all future scientific advances." - Dr. Lee De Forest, inventor of the vacuum tube and father of television

"Everything that can be invented has been invented." - Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899

Funny or not so funny?
Turns out this is bogus. Read about it at - and thanks to Scott for the sluthing.

Imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics:
36 have been accused of spousal abuse
7 have been arrested for fraud
19 have been accused of writing bad  checks
117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
3 have done time for assault
71 cannot get  a credit card due to bad credit
14 have been arrested on  drug-related charges
8 have been arrested for  shoplifting
21 currently  are defendants  in lawsuits
84 have been arrested for drunk driving during the last year

Can you guess which organization or group this is?

It's the 535 members of the United  States Congress.
Yes, the same group that cranks out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.

Click here to see Tim's Duct Tape Pros cartoons.

If you spot duct tape - snap a photo and send it to us. We'll add it to our Duct Tape Sightings pages. Make sure you tell us where the shot was taken!

Well, that’s it for this issue of "Duct Tape on a Roll" Remember that you can share this FREE duct tape and humor newsletter with your friends. Just send them this address: so they can SUBSCRIBE to our email notification list.

If you want OFF of our email list at any time, that’s fine with us, we don’t want to bother anyone with stuff they don't want. Just click the list link above and follow the unsubscribe instructions - don't send us an email asking us to remove you - we have no control over the list - you must click the link above or on your email notification to unsubscribe. Thanks.

May the Tape be with you!
- Jim and Tim - The Duct Tape Guys

Click here for archived On a Roll Newsletters: 1/02, 2/02, 3/02, 03/19/02, 4/02, 5/02, 6/02, 7/02, 08/02, 09/02. 10/02, 11/02, 12/02, 01/03, 02/03, 03/03, 4/03, 05/03. 06/03 07/03 8/03 9/03 10/03 11/03, 12/03, 1/04, 2/04, 3/04, 4/04, 5/04, 6/04, 7/04, 8/04, 9/04, 10/04, election issue, 11/04, 12/04, 01/05, 2/05, 3/05, 4/05, 5/05, 06/05, 7/05,

Tim (left), Jim (other left).