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December 2009 issue

Halloween Recap

We know that it is over a month past Halloween and we've been well into Christmas decorations in the stores since then, but we thought we should show you some of the duct tape halloween costumes that were sent into us this year. You can see more like these in our Halloween pages. Nice work, everyone! (Hey, how about making a Santa costume out of red, white and black duct tape? Photos anyone?

Shipping Season 'Tis the season to ship gifts across the country and around the world. And while a package wrapped entirely in duct tape will pretty much assure that the box won't pop open during shipping, it also will not be accepted by UPS (maybe if you used BROWN DUCT TAPE...?).

Any amount of duct tape on the outside won't assure that what's IN the package won't break. There, you'll have to rely on other packing materials.

Our friends at Duck have a line of shipping supplies that are both easy to use and are earth friendly (biodegradable and made from post-consumer recycled paper). To manufacture these products uses 65% less energy, 80% less water and creates 90% less air polution than virgin paper products. And, most are resuable at the other end when the giftee recieves their package. To learn more about CareMail® brand products from the folks that bring us Duck® brand tape, click here.

Remember, for a good practical joke, wrapping the inner gift in brightly colored duct tape instead of flimsy wrapping paper will warm the heart of any duct tape enthusiast and bring laughs to holiday gatherings.

How did you find us?

We were just curious what happens when you Google "duct tape" (always on the search for duct tape-related news, it's what we do every once in a while). We were delighted to find out that "The Duct Tape Guys" and came up #2 in the Google list - right after the Wikipedia entry for duct tape. That pretty much means to us that is the leading online authority for all things duct tape - and that's pretty cool!

Since building the original Duct Tape Guys' web site since 1994 (following the publishing of our first Duct Tape Book), we have amassed an amazing cult following for this popular household product. A testament to our writing abilities? Well, maybe - just a tad. But, more likely because duct tape is the universal panacea - the quick fix - the ultimate power tool. Easy to use. Generally available at low cost... It's been our pleasure to share your duct tape uses with other duct tape lovers, to bring you the latest product news in the duct tape industry, and to share some good clean humor along the way.

We're starting our sixteenth year of duct tape evangelism. We appreciate your continued contributions and your word of mouth advertising that has made our web site (and our books and apparel) so danged popular.

Thanks! - Jim and Tim

TEN Holiday Uses for Duct Tape:
by Jim and Tim

10. Hang stockings from the chimney with Duct Tape
9. Fasten decorative lights to railings of house with Duct Tape
8. Thin strips of Duct Tape make great self-adhering tinsel
7. Cover the inevitable gift fruit cake with Duct Tape and use as door stop
6. Wrap gifts in Duct Tape for the gift that says, “Open me... eventually.”
5. Cover Christmas tree boughs with green Duct Tape to prevent needles from dropping
4. Control that hideous holiday weight gain... Duct Tape over your mouth
3. Duct Tape over the names in last year’s greeting cards and resend them
2. Duct Tape over an old suit or dress to make shiny holiday formal wear
1. Duct Tape great grandpa upright in his chair

Bonus Hint: Make party cleanup easy! Cover the feet of your party guests with Duct Tape, sticky-side-out, and they’ll be doing the vacuuming for you as they walk around.

Read our reader-submitted holiday uses for duct tape by clicking here.

The Duct Tape Store has moved...
We moved our Duct Tape Pro Shop to Octane Street. In an effort to update our stores and get them to a place where more people can find them, we moved them to Octane Street. Here you can still purchase our books (in the bookstore) and Duct Tape apparel (in the Humor Apparel Store). There's also a storefront for the Duct Tape Guys. Check it out and click around Octane Street - you just might discover some other humorous creations from Tim and company while you are there.

Dale's Discoveries
(A feature that will be showcasing weird stuff that our friend Dale comes up with.) Visit Dale's TallToysTroupe site

I wanted to be a spy but didn't stay in spy school long enough to get my license to kill, I only got a license to annoy.

I went to the Thanksgiving feast at my son's first grade class. When they were passing out drinks, my six year old son loudly said, "Dad, you will have to have soda because they don't have any beer."

Speaking of Thanksgiving, how come you never get credit from your wife for all the years that you DIDN'T throw mashed potatoes at one of her relatives?

My eleven year old daughter asked, "When Thomas Edison thought of the idea for the light bulb, what appeared over his head?"

My nine year old son asked what movie I was watching. When I told him "Dog Day Afternoon" he said, "Well, if it is only as long as a dog day afternoon, it will be pretty short. After all, one person year is 7 dog years."

I was driving the other day and noticed that a section of the highway was adopted by the local "Freethinkers". Who would join this group? You are not going to find people who agree with you. If they do, they couldn't be members - unless, of course, they could prove that they came up with their opinions independently. I was actually surprised that they could all get together to agree to adopt a section of road.

I told my 9 year old son that there was no school one day last month. He said, "Yeah, Dad, it's Veterinarian's Day". True story.

I was having breakfast in a restaurant and wanted eggs benedict with sliced turkey instead of Canadian bacon. I asked the waitress if it was possible to have a turkey eggs benedict. She looked incredulous and said, "NO! We don't have turkey eggs!" Another true story.

Editor's note: Hey, Dale. Remember the pig from Green Acres? I hear that when he died, he was made into Eggs Benedict Arnold.

I recently saw a Hummer parked in the parking lot of Whole Foods in Boulder, Colorado with the motor running. The nearest I could figure was that it was a suicide attempt.

For our anniversary I took my wife to a very exclusive, members only establishment but she wasn't satisfied. I found out the hard way that watching a movie on the demo televisions and then eating the samples at Costco is not every wife's idea of a nice date.

Every time I clean I am amazed at how dirty a bathroom can get from just four kids in a matter of two months!

I have come to the conclusion that, during one's lifetime, it is possible to change one's political views. It is even possible to change one's religious views. One thing that will never change though, is one's views on whether or not to rinse dishes off before putting them into the dishwasher.

Dale's Website Discoveries

Most of you know that I really like interesting home designs. Here is a site that I found that is lots of fun to poke around in.

If you like top ten lists, then here is the site for you.

Finally, here is something that should appeal to just about everyone.

Jim and Tim's Cool Website Finds

A blatantly biased marketing plug! This issue's web find is one of Tim's sites: If you are looking for a unique profile image/avatar for your facebook or other social media pages, look no further than this site. Tim will create a custom profile portrait for you in one of three styles - an original acrylic painting, a custom photo treatment, or the new "pixel sculptures" - a riff on Tim's paper sculpture style (only created digitally - no more cut fingers or paper scraps all over the office).

They are all priced reasonably and make a great gift. Check out the site for more details. Thanks for spreading the word!

Meet us at The Duct Tape Diner. We’ve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you haven’t yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories. Just like these people did:

Luggage Retrieval When our family travelled to England a few years ago, my son, Timothy, put duct tape on our large suitcase so we could find it easily in the luggage train. He decorated it quite a bit. We arrived back into Philladelphia, and there was a delay for the final leg of the journey. (It was the day of New York's blackout) We finally got home - with no luggage.

The lost luggage form had a description line. After watching me write "covered with duct tape," the station representative remembered our case and retrieved it immediately. - Sue G., State College, PA

Lady Bug Remover Here in Indiana we get TONS of ladybugs in the fall. They always manage to get inside my house. I get very tired of grabbing kleenex after kleenex to kill them. So I take a strip of duct tape and roll it up, sticky side out, and then gently press it on all the lady bugs I find. Once they're on the duct tape, they can't escape. It's quick, easy and best of all, cheap! - Randy Hoover

Resourceful Room Cleaning 101 I am a messy person, and I live in my room... I hadn't cleaned my room in a year and my mom had started getting really annoyed and was always yelling at me to "get the garbage off the floor." So one day me and a few friends decided we'd do just that. We put what little money we had together and ran up to the store to buy about four rolls of duct tape, came back, and proceeded to tape all the garbage from my floor onto my wall... Mom almost had a stroke when she saw what we had done. - Yuri K., Toronto, Ontario

Do you know Boswell D. Rabbitsmith?

If you’re not familiar with the work of Boswell D. Rabbitsmith, he’s the famous erudite scientist who once said: “I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.” His mind sees things differently than most of us do, to our amazement and amusement. Here are 33 of his gems: (BTW - Boswell D. Rabbitsmith is also known as comedian Steve Wright.)

1 - I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists — they don’t expect it back.
3 - Half the people you know are below average.
4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
9 - All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
12 - OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
13 - How can you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16 - When everything seems to be coming your way, maybe you’re in the wrong lane.
17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not being smart enough to be lazy.
18 - Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
19 - I intend to live forever… so far, so good.
20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
22 - What happens if you get scared half to death…twice?
23 - My mechanic told me, “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
25 - If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27 - Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.
32 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don’t have film.
33 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

Nab all the cool, original Duct Tape Pro™ Duct Tape Apparel you want at the Pro Shop
The Duct Tape Pro Shop is the only place in the universe to get Genuine Duct Tape Guys Originals. There are many rip-offs available - some at major department stores, but they're illegal copyright infringements. Please don't buy them. Anything that you see on our site are our original designs and slogans.

And remember, when it comes time to buy our BOOKS - including the WD-40 Book and the entire Duct Tape genre for your dad, grandpa... friends and relatives (or yourself) there's no better place than the Pro Shop - that's because we autograph everything that we ship. And, we've got GREAT deals that you won't find anywhere else - in the world! So stop by the Duct Tape Pro Shop and see what's in store for you! Thanks for your patronage! - The Duct Tape Guys

Well, that’s it for now. Remember that you can share this FREE duct tape and humor newsletter with your friends. Just send them this address: so they can SUBSCRIBE to our email notification list.

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May the Tape be with you!
- Jim and Tim - The Duct Tape Guys

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