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|December 2008 / January 2009 issue|
It's Dang Winter!
That's still more desirable than what Jim came up with last year... Someone (me) dared him to snowblow in the buff (Jim lives way out in the country where nobody could possibly see him without the assist of a powerful telescope (or a busted GPS). Fortunately, I was there to catch it on film (or on pixels as the case may be). So, Jim not only won the bet, he upped the antie by blowing the snow out of his... Well, needless to say, we were quite impressed. You've hear of hemorroids? I think Jim had POLARroids after this episode.
Speaking of halloween, we got a few images in from a WAY creative duct tape inventor (Bob from Brielle, NJ). Click here to check out some of the coolest costume/vehicles that we've ever seen. It might not be too early to create your award-winning costume for next halloween (or for any of those many costume parties you are invited to throughout the year.- Tim
Duct Tape: the Video $2 or FREE with Book Purchase Looking for a gift idea? We'll send you our half-hour $12 duct tape video for just $2. Sure it's VHS - and DVD and blueray is the latest thing... that's why we're practically giving 'em away. We'll even throw in a bumper sticker and button when you order. This is a by mail offer only. We're about to retool our video and put it on DVD and have about 200 of these gems left. So, if you want one, click to the Duct Tape Pro Shop and click on the FREE video link. Click here for the Pro Shop link - then click on DEALS for the $2 by mail video link.
Or, if you purchase any of our autographed books at the Pro Shop using our paypal shopping cart, we'll throw in the video FREE (just mention FREE VIDEO in your purchase comments at PayPal where you can order securely with your credit card).
Tim's shameless gallery promotion
If you are interested in watching Tim paint, here's a little slideshow that shows the creation of one of his latest paintings "Rothko meets Hitchcock." If you don't know who Rothko is, click here for a quick art history lesson. The Hitchcock reference is to his movie, "The Birds."
Remember, to go exploring!
We always include this handy little pull-down menu in our newsletter and on our main page. This is an easy way for you to explore the world's most massive online tribute to duct tape:
Quick Quiz - BEAMER BUMMER
If you said, "they held down the smashed hood with flimsy packaging tape rather than super strong BMW-silver-matching duct tape, you're right!
Catch our act on YouTube...
(A monthly feature that will be showcasing weird stuff that our friend Dale comes up with.) Visit Dale's TallToysTroupe site
During a recent extended family gathering, one of our relatives was watching the History Channel. Another member of the family walked into the room and asked him what he was watching. He replied that it was a special about the war between the Egyptians and the Hittites. The second family member then said, "Well, I don't know what's going on over there. I never watch the news". (Names have been omitted to protect the innocent.)
At another family weekend, a certain family member noticed that I never ate breakfast at her house. My lovely wife explained to this family member that there was not really any food that I liked to eat available in the house. She then suggested that I enjoyed NewYork Delicatessen type food. The next morning I was served lox with cream cheese and red onion on a cinnamon raisin bagel. Hey, she tried. (Again, names have been omitted to protect the in-laws.)
How come, on those electric hand dryers in public bathrooms, there are little sales pitches? You know, the ones that say that using the hand dryers is more sanitary than paper or that it is a more efficient use of natural resources. Why aren't these sales pitches on other fixtures? I never see anything about the faucets being better than a hand pump or the toilets being better than outhouses. Seems like plumbing manufacturers are missing a great advertising opportunity here.
Dale's Website Discovery of the Month
Rather than give a blatant plug for GrayMutter.com, our new website where you will find loads of gifts for everyone on your list, I decided to provide something educational this time. You can watch many of the last few season's episodes of "Nova" online at their site http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/ I would particularly recommend "The Elegant Universe" and "Hunting the Hidden Dimension", but I am sure you will have no trouble at all finding one that interests you. If not, then don't worry. I will not mention your name in order to protect the innocent.
Jim and Tim's Cool Website Finds
Water music http://www.goodwatermusic.com/
Don't know if it's the same guy, but we'd put a dollar in this guy's bucket! click here for a street musician wineglass demo - We're sure some of you will be trying this at your holiday dinner party.
Wacky headlines/ads from the Tonight Show - accumulated and posted by Andrew:
Meet us at The Duct Tape Diner. We’ve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you haven’t yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories. Just like these people did:
Christmas Stocking Fix Not having a Christmas stocking and still wanting a substantial haul from Santa Claus, I got out my red and green duct tape and fashioned this sturdy sock. It's hung on the closest thing we have to a mantel, our television shelf. Yes, I'm quite optimistic. - Kyle J
Holiday Footwear I didn't have the appropriate shoes to go with my hoilday party dress, so I grabbed my roll of silver duct tape and had at an old pair of orange bride's maid shoes. The conversion took about ten minutes and got rave reviews all night. - Ginger
Musical Fix On November 1, 2008, the Roller Mills String Band was playing at the Attic Books and Coffee in Green Bay. As we were setting up, the fiddle was accidently fell on the floor and the ebony fingerboard separated from the instrument. Our fiddler, Jim Burch, reached into our all purpose repair kit (consisting of one handy roll of duct tape, a screw driver and a pair of pliers). He took two small strips of duct tape, rolled them up and put them on the back of the fingerboard. Then, he pressed the fingerboard back on to the neck and viola, he was able to fiddle the night away. - Dale P.,The Roller Mills String Band
Television Set Repair on a Roll I use duct tape to repair my television set. The socket for the cable is on the back of the tv and it has a bad connection. If you move the cable that screws into the socket to just the right position the picture is perfect. Of course you have to reach behind the tv to move the cable with your hand and the position may shift due to sound vibrations. Sooooo enter Duct Tape. I tore off a 2' strip of duct tape and secured one end to the cable and folded the other end back to itself 1" for a "pull" so that now all I have to do is grab the "pull" and adjust the cable until the picture is perfect and stick the duct tape to the side of the tv to "lock" it in place. Now, I don't care if I ever find a tv repair guy to replace that socket. - Tom K. Pearland, TX
Last issue we offered some wonderful insults from famous people that actually sounded at times as compliments. This issue's humor offering gives you some more of the same (not all have been attributed). Who knows, some of these may come in handy at your holiday gathering.
This book fills a much-needed gap.
People who like this sort of thing will find it just the sort of thing they like. - Abraham Lincoln
Oh, the majesty of French Justice, which forbids rich and poor, alike, to sleep on park benches! - Anatole France
I enjoy your company most when I am by myself.
This man's work cannot be underrated.
Way down deep he's shallow.
Before they made him they broke the mold.
Anyone who goes to a psychoanalyst should have his head examined. - Samuel Goldwyn
Right or wrong, it's a message!
I feel a lot more like I do now than I did when I came in.
This is generally useful, but not especially.
For every honest man he names, I can name another who tells the truth.
That was a typographical error,-it should have been a blank space.
Only unsolvable problems are worthy of artificial intelligence.
The UFOs show than our worst fears were groundless.
You don't think so, eh? That's your trouble! You don't think!
You have the distinction of being the only one who is not exceptional.
I am certain of it, but I may be wrong.
You have one choice.
This report contributes a lot to the problem.
Anyone who reads this is illiterate.
Acupuncture is pointless.
"Essentially" is essentially meaningless.
It's 90% too late.
It's probably a lot worse than it is.
She ran the gamut of emotions from A to B.
The Avant-Garde is Passe.
While these results may seem rather trivial, their importance cannot be underestimated.
Our product is best because all the others are average.
Even though I don't say so, I think you stink!
There's more to photography that meets the eye.
If you think about it long enough, you'll see that it's obvious.
She's genuinely bogus.
Worst Analogies from High School Essays
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake.
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
And, here's one for your holiday travel:
A gentleman was standing in line at the airport check-in counter. By his appearance you could tell he was very anxious. There were others in line ahead of him who had also arrived late for the flight and they too became anxious as they watched the door to the jet-way close. When he realized what was happening and that the gate agent was going to have to re-book some of the people in line, he jumped out of line to take the matter into his own hands.
"Excuse me, Miss, but I need to get on this flight," he said.
She replied, "Yes, sir, so do the rest of the people who are in line in front of you. Now kindly take your place back in line and we'll help you when it is your turn."
He didn't like being put off and he thought being a little more forceful would help. So he told her, "You see, if I don't get on that flight, I'm going to miss my meeting. And if you make me miss my meeting, I'm going to be very angry with you."
The agent calmly replied, "Sir, we'll help you when it's your turn."
Having had enough, the man, a vice president of this particular airline, glared at her and growled, "Do you know who I am?"
Also, having had enough, the agent picked up the microphone and announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please. This gentleman at the desk does not seem to know who he is. If anyone can identify him, we would all greatly appreciate your assistance."
Mr. Vice-president returned to his place in line.
Tim's art on shirts. Check out Tim's goofy paintings on apparel. click here
and while we're talkin' about apparel, you can nab all the cool, original Duct Tape Pro Duct Tape Apparel you want at the Pro Shop
And remember, when it comes time to buy our BOOKS - including the WD-40 Book and the entire Duct Tape genre for your dad, grandpa... friends and relatives (or yourself) there's no better place than the Pro Shop - that's because we autograph everything that we ship. And, we've got GREAT deals that you won't find anywhere else - in the world! So stop by the Duct Tape Pro Shop and see what's in store for you! Thanks for your patronage! - The Duct Tape Guys
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May the Tape be with you!
Click here for archived On a Roll Newsletters: 1/02, 2/02, 3/02, 03/19/02, 4/02, 5/02, 6/02, 7/02, 08/02, 09/02. 10/02, 11/02, 12/02, 01/03, 02/03, 03/03, 4/03, 05/03. 06/03 07/03 8/03 9/03 10/03 11/03, 12/03, 1/04, 2/04, 3/04, 4/04, 5/04, 6/04, 7/04, 8/04, 9/04, 10/04, election issue, 11/04, 12/04, 01/05, 2/05, 3/05, 4/05, 5/05, 06/05, 7/05, 08/05, 09/05, 10/05, 11/05, 12/05, 01/06, 2/06, 3/06, 4/06, 5/06, 6/06, 7/06, 8/06, 9/06,10/06,11/06, 12/06, 1/07, 2/07, 3/07. 4/07, 5/07, 6/07. 7/07, 8-9/07, 10-11/07, 12/07, 01/08, 02-03/08,4-5/08, 6-7/08, 8-9/08, 10-11/08, 12/08,