The "BADGE of HONOR" If you've sent us something that we have used on our site, grab the graphic above and post it on your site and in your emails.
Submissions Please
If you have a joke or story that you would like to submit for inclusion in our next newsletter, email it to us. Just make sure it's suitable for all ages (we don't publish anything off-color). Thanks again!

Go Directly to:
Our web site is getting massive. So we will always include this handy little pull-down menu in our newsletter and on our main page. Go discover the world's most massive online tribute to duct tape:

Quotes of the Month:
"All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence and then success is sure." - Mark Twain

For other quotes this month we head you over to David Letterman's web site for some George W. Bush quotes - which have been stacked up against some of the greatest presidential speeches of all time. Click here.

Soapbox presents Tim's personal opinions about issues that he feels are of importance.
It has challenging stuff to think about during your duct taping projects. If you want a dose of stuff to think about click here. If you don't want to, that's okay. Tape on! Here is a brief intro to what's in this month's SOAPBOX:

The end of small politics by Barack Obama
I believe that this is a speech that every American who considers themselves a "patriot" ought to digest and act accordingly. Click here to read. Click here to watch the video of Barack delivering the speech.

Also, please consider listening to an important speech by Barack Obama given at the Call to Renewal conference. It deals with faith and politics... An important listen for any person of faith who believes that their faith plays an important role in their public life, their voting, their government. click here to listen

The Blue Pill
In the movie "The Matrix", Neo had the option of taking the red pill (to keep on living in the fantasy world that had been created - not knowing reality) or the blue pill (to reveal to him the truth and to then live accordingly). I would like to offer you the "blue pill" in the form of "Loose Change" - a film digging for the truth about what REALLY happened on 9/11. Watch the video and form your own conclusions. click here

Virginia law prohibits "corrupt practices or bribery by any person other than candidates."
Cookin' with Duct Tape:

It's summer time and you might not think that chili sounds quite right, but the heat of the food will actually cool you down. And if you make the switch to chicken, you won't feel so weighed down after eating it. So, crack a cold one and belly up to a steaming bowl of Julie's (Tim's wife, Jim's sister) White Chili! click here for the recipe.

Get a Bumper Sticker FREE! Send us a photo of you holding up a roll of duct tape and one of our books, our video, or wearing one of our shirts in front of a landmark (in your community, or some famous landmark anywhere in the world) and we will send you a Duct Tape Pro bumper sticker. Remember to include your mailing address with your digital photo.

OR If you don't have a digital camera or just want a bumper sticker, you can send $1.00 and get one delivered to your U.S. mailing address. Just send $1 with a self-addressed, stamped (39¢) #10 (business-sized) envelope to: Duct Tape Guys Bumper Sticker c/o 732 Memorial Drive, Suite 200, Sturgeon Bay, WI 54235

We've had several orders lately from people taking advantage of our Garage Sale section of the Duct Tape Pro Shop. Some for gifts, but several for business incentives, promotional items, and thank you gifts. If you think about it, it makes good economic sense. For instance, if you are a Realtor: Add an Ultimate Duct Tape Book to a roll of duct tape and you have the perfect little "survival kit" for new homeowners. With prices at less than 50% of retail, you can give a gift that gives big for just a little bit of cash. Check out what's in the Garage today and get your marketing and public relations wheels turning!

July 2006

Duct Tape Poetry Contest
We are in the process of posting a Duct Tape Poetry page and will be using some of the poetry in our 2008 calendar. Enter your favorite form of poetry about your favorite tool (we are assuming, of course, that tool would be duct tape).

Suggested forms are Haiku a non-rhyming form that follows a 5 - 7 - 5 syllable form - for example:

Strong and sticky tape
We can't live without the stuff
World will fall apart

Or a Cinquain - following this form:
Line 1 - a one word title or two syllables
Line 2 - a 2 word phrase that describes your title or you can just use two words (or 4 syllables)
Line 3 - a 3 word phrase that describes an action relating to your title or just actions words (or 6 syllables)
Line 4 - a 4 word phrase that describes a feeling relating to your topic or just feeling words (or 8 syllables)
Line 5 - one word that refers back to your title (or 2 syllables)
for example:

Duct Tape
Strong and sticky
Rip it, place it, press it
you can fix it yourself right now

If you are brave (or of Irish descent), try a Limerick:
A limerick is a five-line poem written with one couplet and one triplet. If a couplet is a two-line rhymed poem, then a triplet would be a three-line rhymed poem. The rhyme pattern is a a b b a with lines 1, 2 and 5 containing 3 beats and rhyming, and lines 3 and 4 having two beats and rhyming. Some people say that the limerick was invented by soldiers returning from France to the Irish town of Limerick in the 1700's.
Limericks are meant to be funny. They often contain hyperbole, onomatopoeia, idioms, puns, and other figurative devices. The last line of a good limerick contains the PUNCH LINE or "heart of the joke."

Or, just a SHORT rhyming poem about duct tape.

So, there's the challenge. Random winners from the best entries will recieve a free duct tape book and/or Duct Tape Pro Pin and/or Bumper Sticker (include your correct mailing address with your entry so we can get stuff if you win (no, we won't bug you with advertisements or sell your information). The DEADLINE IS JULY 31st for entries that wish to be considered for inclusion in our 2008 365 Days of Duct Tape Page-A-Day™ Calendar. Click here to email your entry.

Need help rhyming? click to
For help with Poetry Forms and Terminology click here

Be safe and be prepared during road trips! It's always a good idea to have a roll or two of duct tape in your car at all times. If you drive a car like Tim's (a 1972 Ford Pinto) you never know when you are going to lose a rear quarter panel. Or, lose an oil cap like this guy did: "While on a road trip to a funeral I stopped for gas about 5:30 pm. Checking my oil (like any conscientious car owner should) I noticed that my oil fill cap had fallen off. Since the town's only parts store had closed, I looked for other options. Since I always carry a roll of duct tape in my Durango, I balled some up a bit bigger that the opening and taped it down with more duct tape! It help with no leakage for another 80 miles when I finally replaced it with a standard oil file cap!" - submitted by Daniel Hitson

Did you fall off of our list?
We've switched our e-mail listserve software If you were a subscriber to our email list in the past, you would have gotten a verification email making sure you want to opt-in to our new list. Over 700 of you didn't respond to this and thereby fell off of the list. If you want to keep getting our newsletter announcements and special notices that we send out (not more than twice a month), Click here - and resubscribe. Then MAKE SURE you respond to the verification email that comes your way after you subscribe to make sure your email is activated in the system. Remember, we never sell or share our list with anyone and you can easily unsubscribe at any time. - Jim and Tim

Music to duct tape by:
We've added a new little section to the newsletter that will feature music that we dig for one reason or another. You can also check out our duct tape-specific music offerings by clicking to our Music area. Tim's son (Jim's nephew), Jake, has a trio that is based in the Twin Cities, Minnesota. The New Mercury Trio started out playing jazz and gave it a healthy chunk of groove to come up with groove-based jazz renditions of popular tunes from jazz standards to music by Nirvana, Zero 7, Soul Coughing... - click here for New Mercury Trio's web site. And, you can listen to full-song MP3s of their music to listen to while you are reading this issue of Duct Tape on a Roll.

Dale's Discoveries
(A monthly feature that will be showcasing weird stuff that our friend Dale comes up with.) Visit Dale's TallToysTroupe site

I had always heard that, once you have kids of your own, you will find yourself saying things that your parents said. I guess I was kind of ready for that. What really took me by surprise was when I caught myself saying things that I would have never, and by that I mean
never, imagined I would ever say. The other day words escaped my mouth that definitely fit that category. I swear that I actually said: Cheese is not a toy!!

When I told my niece, Heather, who works in a hospital, she allowed as to how she often says things in the course of her job that fall into
that category. One example is: Leave that in your nose.

Why is it that a duty free shop doesn't sell diapers?

Dale's Website Discovery of the Month

Were you ever watching a movie and saw an actor and wondered what his name was? Did you ever wonder what else you may have seen him in but couldn't place it? Did you ever want to know what other films the director made? Well, rather than driving your wife crazy (about that), you can just go to and the information will appear right before your eyes. You will find that this will be a constant reference if you are the type of person who ever watches any movies.

Ok, here is something for those of you who already knew about imdb. On this site you can watch old tv shows, cartoons, commercials, etc. I highly recommend the Woody Allen special from 1968. Best of all, it is free if you are willing to watch a couple of ads.

On the off chance that there is someone who knew about both of these sites, here is one that I guarantee you have never heard of. If you are looking for a T-shirt in braille, this is the site for you. If you already know about this one, I am sorry, I can't help you. (Braille Tees - get your hands on one today!)

Meet us at The Diner. We’ve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you haven’t yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories.

Just like these people did:

Keepin' it Warm. Duct tape and plastic sheeting keeps this yard tractor owner warm during the winter.

Taping for a Good Cause I have done two 60-mile walks for Breast Cancer and am in training for my third. I use the tape to keep me from getting blisters. I put a strip of duct tape around the bottom of my foot, from the top of my big toe to the top of my pinkie toe. During all the training walks the tape kept me from getting any blisters. During the first walk I only got blisters after 45 miles. I think I pulled the tape too tight and made my toes rub together. The second walk I got them sooner, but I didn't have NEAR the problems other walkers were having. I will definitely be using duct tape throughout this training and walk!! - Kimber Streeter

Airplane Repair I am a pilot and used to fly regularly. I was exiting my tie down at Dulles and since just getting from the tie down to the run way is the most difficult navigating I am going to do for the whole trip I have my airport map out and am watching it more than I should have. I clip the nose of a parked Piper Chieftain. I am only about 2" into the nose, but that is enough to take out their weather radar antenna/dish. I tear off the plastic ends to my wing.

Long story short, I leave my aircraft at Dulles to be repaired and fly home. When I get back I call the guys who owned the aircraft I hit to be sure my insurance company had contacted them. I asked they what it cost to get it fixed. When they told me I was surprised. FBOs at airports like Dulles are not close to reasonable - their cost of repair was damn reasonable. They said that was because the duct taped the nose and flew it back to TEXAS!!! - Dave S., New Albany, IN

Blister Preventer I'm a figure skater, and I would get horrible blisters in the same places every single year. Practicing for hours with blisters on your feet is very uncomfortable. I would get blisters year after year, and it would take a few weeks for me feet to toughen up. I tried to put bandaids on my feet, but they would never stick. My grandfather suggested that I use duct tape. Now I swear by this, it's been years since I've started doing this and I haven't gotten a blister since. I suggested the idea to a bunch of my friends, and now they all duct tapes their feet before they skate. Great performances have been possible because of duct tape. - Melissa

You asked for it - You got it! We've just launced some cool, designer black t-shirts with duct tape pro grunge designs and our popular "Will Duct Tape for Food". Just click to the Duct Tape Pro Shop to pick one up today. Watch for new black shirt designs, soon. Click the image on the left to go directly to our Duct Tape Pro Shop Apparel section.

Got an idea for a shirt? Look through our apparel offerings. If you don't see your idea, and we haven't used it in the past, we just might use it. If we produce it, we will send you a free shirt. (email your idea to - put "shirt idea" in the subject line)

How to catch a snake. Duct tape, sticky-side up, whether planned, or by accident (as was the case here) will stop, will catch a snake. What you do with the snake at this point, is up to you.

Be careful how you pick your web site name.

All of these are legitimate companies dealing in regular products and
services, but they didn't think their domain names through! Take note
of their Domain Names!

Some of them are prime candidates for the "What was I thinking?" Award!

A site called 'Who represents' where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name is:

'Experts Exchange', a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at:

Looking for a pen? Look no further than 'Pen Island' at:

Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at:

Then of course, there's the 'Italian Power Generator Company' -

And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales:

If you're looking for computer software, there's always

Then, of course, there's these brainless art designers, and their wacky website:

Thanks to Alex B. for submitting these web sites.

The silent treatment...
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddently, the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 am for an early business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and lose), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me up at 5:00am." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning the man woke up only to discover that it was 9:00am and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 am. Wake up."

Click here to listen to the Duct Tape Guys early radio bits, "Duct Tape Talk".
In honor of our newest contest (The Duct Tape Poetry Contest - see above) we though we'd publish some Jewish Haiku sent to us by one of our readers.

After the warm rain
the sweet smell of camellias.
Did you wipe your feet?

Her lips near my ear,
Aunt Sadie whispers the name
of her friend's disease.

Today I am a man.
Tomorrow I will return
to the seventh grade.

Testing the warm milk
on her wrist, she sighs softly.
But her son is forty.

The sparkling blue sea
reminds me to wait an hour
after my sandwich.

Lacking fins or tail
the gefilte fish swims with
great difficulty.

Like a bonsai tree,
your terrible posture
at my dinner table.

Beyond Valium,
the peace of knowing one's child
is an internist.

Mom, please! There is no
need to put that dinner roll
in your pocketbook.

Seven-foot Jews in
the NBA slam-dunking!
My alarm clock rings.

Sorry I'm not home
to take your call. At the tone
please state your bad news.

Is one Nobel Prize
so much to ask from a child
after all I've done?

Today, mild shvitzing.
Tomorrow, so hot you'll plotz.
Five-day forecast: -- feh!

Left the door open
for the Prophet Elijah.
Now our cat is gone.

A lovely nose ring,
excuse me while I put my
head in the oven.

Hard to tell under the lights.
White Yarmulke or
male-pattern baldness.

Oscar Night with Pat Simpson
Jim and Tim joined HGTV's Pat Simpson in the hospitality suite of a California hotel during the 2006 Oscars for a pizza, beer and to cheer on their favorite actors. The range of emotions during the event was obvious as seen in the picture on the left. The only duct tape used during the event was to secure the pizza box on the table to avoid being dumped on the floor when the responses to Academy voting got out of hand.

If you spot duct tape being used to hold something together - snap a photo and send it to us. We'll add it to our Duct Tape Sightings pages. Make sure you tell us where the shot was taken! Random entries will be chosen for use in our books and calendars. See our submissions page for complete information.

Well, that’s it for this issue of "Duct Tape on a Roll" Remember that you can share this FREE duct tape and humor newsletter with your friends. Just send them this address: so they can SUBSCRIBE to our email notification list.

If you want OFF of our email list at any time, that’s fine with us, we don’t want to bother anyone with stuff they don't want. Just click the list link above and follow the unsubscribe instructions - don't send us an email asking us to remove you - we have no control over the list - you must click the link above or on your email notification to unsubscribe. Thanks.

May the Tape be with you!
- Jim and Tim - The Duct Tape Guys

Click here for archived On a Roll Newsletters: 1/02, 2/02, 3/02, 03/19/02, 4/02, 5/02, 6/02, 7/02, 08/02, 09/02. 10/02, 11/02, 12/02, 01/03, 02/03, 03/03, 4/03, 05/03. 06/03 07/03 8/03 9/03 10/03 11/03, 12/03, 1/04, 2/04, 3/04, 4/04, 5/04, 6/04, 7/04, 8/04, 9/04, 10/04, election issue, 11/04, 12/04, 01/05, 2/05, 3/05, 4/05, 5/05, 06/05, 7/05, 08/05, 09/05, 10/05, 11/05, 12/05, 01/06, 2/06, 3/06, 4/06, 5/06, 6/06,

Tim (left), Jim (other left).