The "BADGE of HONOR" If you've sent us something that we have used on our site, grab the graphic above and post it on your site and in your emails.
If you have a joke or story that you would like to submit for inclusion in our next newsletter, email it to us. Just make sure it's suitable for all ages (we don't publish anything off-color). Thanks again!
Quote of the month:
"When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life in such a way so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice." - Indian Proverb
Soapbox presents Tim's personal opinions about serious issues that he feels are of importance.
The Public Needs to Know
Chairman In the late 1700s, many houses consisted of a large room with only one chair. Commonly, a long wide board folded down from the wall, and was used for dining. The "head of the household" always sat in the chair while everyone else ate sitting on the floor. Occasionally a guest, who was usually a man, would be invited to sit in this chair during a meal. To sit in the chair meant you were important and in charge. They called the one sitting in the chair the "chair man." Today in business, we use the expression or title "Chairman" or "Chairman of the Board."
Full Deck Common entertainment included playing cards. However, there was a tax levied when purchasing playing cards but only applicable to the "Ace of Spades." To avoid paying the tax, people would purchase 51 cards instead. Yet, since most games require 52 cards, these people were thought to be stupid or dumb because they weren't "playing with a full deck."
Ps and Qs At local taverns, pubs, and bars, people drank from pint and quart-sized containers. A bar maid's job was to keep an eye on the customers and keep the drinks coming. She had to pay close attention and remember who was drinking in "pints" and who was drinking in "quarts," hence the term "minding your "P's and Q's."
True or urban legend/myth? We didn't check these, but we figured you might want to... Snopes.com is a good place to check on stuff that's sent to you via mass emails or in cheesy newsletters from Duct Tape Guys.
Cookin' with Duct Tape:
Saucy! The special tangy sauce that bakes on the top of this tasty blend of meats and stuff give the variation on America's comfort food sets Tim's mom's meatloaf above any other (all bias aside). click here for the recipe
Take advantage of our overstock
Get a Bumper Sticker FREE! Send us a photo of you holding up a roll of duct tape and one of our books, our video, or wearing one of our shirts in front of a landmark (in your community, or some famous landmark anywhere in the world) and we will send you a Duct Tape Pro bumper sticker. Remember to include your mailing address with your digital photo.
OR If you don't have a digital camera or just want a bumper sticker, you can send $1.00 and get one delivered to your U.S. mailing address. Just send $1 with a self-addressed, stamped (39¢) #10 (business-sized) envelope to: Duct Tape Guys Bumper Sticker c/o 732 Memorial Drive, Suite 200, Sturgeon Bay, WI 54235
Ultimate Duck Tape Announced
The strongest and best in the Duck brand line of duct tapes, Ultimate Duck Tape® is the ideal tool for repairing, fixing and sealing almost anything. It can be used to delay permanent repairs with extreme strength and it’s also ideal for jobs that need ultra strength, like bundling wood or construction materials.
Possessing superior strength, durability and adhesion, Ultimate Duck Tape joins HCA’s existing duct tapes, including Utility, All-Purpose, Professional and Industrial. The complete line affords users the ability to pick the duct tape that best meets their specific needs.
For more information about The Ultimate Duck Tape - click here
We've switched our e-mail listserve software If you were a subscriber to our email list in the past, you would have gotten a verification email making sure you want to opt-in to our new list. Over 700 of you didn't respond to this and thereby fell off of the list. If you want to keep getting our newsletter announcements and special notices that we send out (not more than twice a month), Click here - and resubscribe. Then MAKE SURE you respond to the verification email that comes your way after you subscribe to make sure your email is activated in the system. Remember, we never sell or share our list with anyone and you can easily unsubscribe at any time. - Jim and Tim
The other most useful tool in the world!
Stuck at Prom reminder
I heard a radio commercial reminding me to celebrate National Frozen Foods month by buying a certain type of ice cream. I thought: One - Who knew, and two - Who cares?
Duct Tape Dad of the Year Contest!
Meet us at The Diner. We’ve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you haven’t yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories.
Just like these people did:
A Gift of New Knees Being a carpenter, my pants quickly develop holes in the knees, which I cover with criss-crossed pieces of duct tape. Early one cold winter morning when entering the lumberyard store, the crew greeted me with a roll of warm duct tape for my pants. They got a big laugh out of their action. I simply took them up on their offer, mended my pants, and laughed with them -- a great way to start a day! - Jery W., Eureka, Montana
Tape over the mouth Usually withheld for a comment about wive's or kid's mouths by husbands and/or parents, the Lenny Bruce's audio compilation has used the duct tape over the mouth idea for the cover of their collection (seen at Barnes and Noble).
Katrina Story I'm down here in New Orleans (I LIVED in the eastern part). Before the storm I had tape everywhere. I always keep a roll in my truck, my friends have often referred to me as "the duct tape lady." When I had to evacuate to Denham Springs, LA to my girlfriend's house, I brought my tape with me. My daughter has a black 1993 Ford Escort GT hatchback. She and her boyfriend had to evacuate to Arkansas and live in a camp ground area for almost three weeks. When they finally got back home they got in a fight and he threw a rock which hit the hatch. The glass shattered but didn't fall out. The glass with defroster coils alone will run about $900.00. We can't find a spare hatch at any junk yards because all cars have to be crushed so no flooded cars are sold. Needless to say, we cannot afford $900 for new glass so my daughter (like her mother) got some black ducttape and taped the hatch so the window would not fall out. It actually looks pretty good!! This was more than 3 months ago and it is still holding strong. I wish I could get it fixed for her but there just isn't x-tra money around this area and no junk yards. So ducttape will have to do. I am a true believer in ducttape. I work for attorneys and I can't tell you the ways to use it around here! - Lynn B.
Duct Tape Suits Him At my retirement party, family members could not resist the chance to emphasize my affection for the stuff. They awarded me with a dress suit completely covered with duct tape from top to bottom, including the shirt, tie, jacket, and pants. To accomplish this feat, four rolls of duct tape were required. The suit came with a lifetime guarantee, plus a roll of duct tape for any necessary repairs. I think this requires some sort of special recognition for the extraordinary use of duct tape, let alone the skill and time required to accomplish it. - Jack C.
Got a kid who loves duct tape?
Got an idea for a shirt? Look through our apparel offerings. If you don't see your idea, and we haven't used it in the past, we just might use it. If we produce it, we will send you a free shirt. (email your idea to email@example.com - put "shirt idea" in the subject line)
|Get the message? Duct tape often enhances a message, be it the "out of order" on a urinal or a "no parking" sign. Whenever your message needs to be enhanced, the application is sure to draw attention (of the Duct Tape Guys at least).|
Special Classes Offered for Men AT THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY End of APRIL 2006
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS
SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays - Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
The Toilet Paper Roll - Does It Change Itself? - Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? - Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor - Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink? - Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM
Loss Of Identity - Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other. - Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Learning How To Find Things - Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming. - Open Forum .
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Health Watch - Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health. - Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost - Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks? - Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Learning to Live - Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife. Online - Classes and role-playing .
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy - Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late - Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered. Three nights;
Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used. - Live Demonstration. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
Don't worry guys, next time we'll pick on the gals...
Click here to listen to the Duct Tape Guys early radio bits, "Duct Tape Talk".
|If you spot duct tape - snap a photo and send it to us. We'll add it to our Duct Tape Sightings pages. Make sure you tell us where the shot was taken!|
|Well, that’s it for this issue of "Duct Tape on a Roll" Remember that you can share this FREE duct tape and humor newsletter with your friends. Just send them this address: http://www.ducttapeguys.com/list so they can SUBSCRIBE to our email notification list.
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May the Tape be with you!
Click here for archived On a Roll Newsletters: 1/02, 2/02, 3/02, 03/19/02, 4/02, 5/02, 6/02, 7/02, 08/02, 09/02. 10/02, 11/02, 12/02, 01/03, 02/03, 03/03, 4/03, 05/03. 06/03 07/03 8/03 9/03 10/03 11/03, 12/03, 1/04, 2/04, 3/04, 4/04, 5/04, 6/04, 7/04, 8/04, 9/04, 10/04, election issue, 11/04, 12/04, 01/05, 2/05, 3/05, 4/05, 5/05, 06/05, 7/05, 08/05, 09/05, 10/05, 11/05, 12/05, 01/06, 2/06, 3/06,
Tim (left), Jim (other left).