The "BADGE of HONOR" If you've sent us something that we have used on our site, grab the graphic above and post it on your site and in your emails.
Submissions Please
If you have a joke or story that you would like to submit for inclusion in our next newsletter, email it to us. Just make sure it's suitable for all ages (we don't publish anything off-color). Thanks again!

Quote of the month:

"When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life in such a way so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice." - Indian Proverb

Soapbox presents Tim's personal opinions about serious issues that he feels are of importance.
It has been moved to a different page so those who would rather not have a dose of serious matters can avoid it. If you're concerned with the state of our nation, the future we are giving our kids, issues of peace, justice and faith/values in action, and would like to be exposed to more ideas than those presented by our corporate media, click here. If you don't want to, that's okay. Tape on!

The Public Needs to Know
To form valid opinions about what's going on in our world, to vote responsibly with full knowlege of who's doing (or not doing) their job as elected officials whether it be on a local, state, or national level, we MUST insist on responsible journalism. Media that delivers a prescribed "spun" message (there is usually money involved) serves no useful purpose in the well-being of our democracy. Let your local and national media know that we want them to ask the hard questions and bring the truth of every issue to our attention. click here to contact media in your town and nationally

Chairman In the late 1700s, many houses consisted of a large room with only one chair. Commonly, a long wide board folded down from the wall, and was used for dining. The "head of the household" always sat in the chair while everyone else ate sitting on the floor. Occasionally a guest, who was usually a man, would be invited to sit in this chair during a meal. To sit in the chair meant you were important and in charge. They called the one sitting in the chair the "chair man." Today in business, we use the expression or title "Chairman" or "Chairman of the Board."

Full Deck Common entertainment included playing cards. However, there was a tax levied when purchasing playing cards but only applicable to the "Ace of Spades." To avoid paying the tax, people would purchase 51 cards instead. Yet, since most games require 52 cards, these people were thought to be stupid or dumb because they weren't "playing with a full deck."

Ps and Qs At local taverns, pubs, and bars, people drank from pint and quart-sized containers. A bar maid's job was to keep an eye on the customers and keep the drinks coming. She had to pay close attention and remember who was drinking in "pints" and who was drinking in "quarts," hence the term "minding your "P's and Q's."

True or urban legend/myth? We didn't check these, but we figured you might want to... is a good place to check on stuff that's sent to you via mass emails or in cheesy newsletters from Duct Tape Guys.

Cookin' with Duct Tape:

Saucy! The special tangy sauce that bakes on the top of this tasty blend of meats and stuff give the variation on America's comfort food sets Tim's mom's meatloaf above any other (all bias aside). click here for the recipe

Take advantage of our overstock
We've had several orders lately from people taking advantage of our Garage Sale section of the Duct Tape Pro Shop. Some for gifts, but several for business incentives, promotional items, and thank you gifts. If you think about it, it makes good economic sense. For instance, if you are a Realtor: Add an Ultimate Duct Tape Book to a roll of duct tape and you have the perfect little "survival kit" for new homeowners. With prices at less than 50% of retail, you can give a gift that gives big for just a little bit of cash. Check out what's in the Garage today and get your marketing and public relations wheels turning!

Get a Bumper Sticker FREE! Send us a photo of you holding up a roll of duct tape and one of our books, our video, or wearing one of our shirts in front of a landmark (in your community, or some famous landmark anywhere in the world) and we will send you a Duct Tape Pro bumper sticker. Remember to include your mailing address with your digital photo.

OR If you don't have a digital camera or just want a bumper sticker, you can send $1.00 and get one delivered to your U.S. mailing address. Just send $1 with a self-addressed, stamped (39¢) #10 (business-sized) envelope to: Duct Tape Guys Bumper Sticker c/o 732 Memorial Drive, Suite 200, Sturgeon Bay, WI 54235

April 2006

Ultimate Duck Tape Announced
Henkel Consumer Adhesives’ new product features ultimate strength for ultimate projects 

AVON, Ohio – Consumers, contractors and duct tape enthusiasts searching for the strongest, stickiest and most durable Duck® brand duct tape need to look no further. Henkel Consumer Adhesives, Inc. (HCA), a company with more than 30 years experience in the duct tape business, announces the addition of Duck® brand Ultimate duct tape to its existing product line.

The strongest and best in the Duck brand line of duct tapes, Ultimate Duck Tape® is the ideal tool for repairing, fixing and sealing almost anything. It can be used to delay permanent repairs with extreme strength and it’s also ideal for jobs that need ultra strength, like bundling wood or construction materials.

Possessing superior strength, durability and adhesion, Ultimate Duck Tape joins HCA’s existing duct tapes, including Utility, All-Purpose, Professional and Industrial. The complete line affords users the ability to pick the duct tape that best meets their specific needs.

For more information about The Ultimate Duck Tape - click here

Did you fall off of our list?
We've switched our e-mail listserve software If you were a subscriber to our email list in the past, you would have gotten a verification email making sure you want to opt-in to our new list. Over 700 of you didn't respond to this and thereby fell off of the list. If you want to keep getting our newsletter announcements and special notices that we send out (not more than twice a month), Click here - and resubscribe. Then MAKE SURE you respond to the verification email that comes your way after you subscribe to make sure your email is activated in the system. Remember, we never sell or share our list with anyone and you can easily unsubscribe at any time. - Jim and Tim

Get Lost!
Our web site is getting massive. So we little always include this handy little pull-down menu in our newsletter and on our main page. Go discover the world's most massive online tribute to duct tape:

The other most useful tool in the world!
Forbes article featuring the 20 greatest tools of all time draws angered response from Duct Tape lovers.
The Forbes magazine list of 20 Greatest Tools Ever - including the abacus, compass, pencil, harness, scythe, eyeglasses, lathe, needle... but didn't mention duct tape! How could you possibly miss duct tape?! That's what many people wondered and the article prompted a rash of letters and emails from duct tape enlightened individuals from around the globe demanding our "ultimate power tool" be included in the list. So great was the response that they were forced to write another article proclaiming duct tape as "The Other Greatest Tool in Ever." You can read the interview online here.

Stuck at Prom reminder
You could be well on your way to winning a $3,000 scholarship.  All you have to do is make a prom outfit out of Duck Tape, enter the contest, and win!  Concerned you may not be able to stick with it?  Don’t worry, Duck Tape has you covered!

Click here for complete information about this year's Stuck at Prom contest!
And then, click to our Prom Viewer to get inspiration from hundreds of our favorites from the five previous years of the contest.

Dale's Discoveries
(A monthly feature that will be showcasing weird stuff that our friend Dale comes up with.) Visit Dale's TallToysTroupe site

I heard a radio commercial reminding me to celebrate National Frozen Foods month by buying a certain type of ice cream. I thought: One - Who knew, and two - Who cares?

I then decided to use this column to once more perform a public service and
help inform people of some of the things upcoming in April. I swear I am not
making any of this up! I am just doing my part to keep you informed.

April is:

National Poetry Month
(So what does rhyme with April?)

National Alcohol Awareness Month
(I think people are pretty aware of this already)

Irritable Bowel Syndrome Awareness Month
(I plan to celebrate this quietly at home or with a loved one.)

National Humor Month
(It's about time this was taken seriously and given its own month.)

Candlelight Vigil for Eating Disorders Awareness Month
(I never know what food to serve for this.)

National Facial Protection Month

National Welding Month
(Of course, combining the above two would save lots of time.)

National Anxiety Month
(Oh no, what if I don't celebrate this right? What will people think? I don't need all this pressure!!! Why doesn't everyone just LEAVE ME ALONE?!!!!!!!)

Panda Month at the National Zoo
(Even I draw the line at making jokes at a Panda's expense.)

and April 17th (I am not kidding) is National Cheeseball Day.
(I don't know about you, but I try to live each day as if it were National Cheeseball Day.)

Please celebrate responsibly.

And, while we are on the subject of holidays, I saw a toy catalog which was advertising plastic camouflage Easter eggs. Isn't this kind of missing the point? I always thought that you WANTED your kids to find these rather than having them hidden all over the yard for months.

Finally, people have been suggesting that a regular feature of this column should be a monthly website "discovery". Well, I am not sure that I will be doing this every month, but this month, since there seem to be a lot of juggling videos floating around the net, I thought I would highlight what I consider to be a superb routine. Just click on the "basement" link in the movies section on this site: Thanks to Paul F. for the recommendation and remember that April 18th is National Juggling Day.

Duct Tape Dad of the Year Contest!
This year, the Duct Tape Dad of the Year Contest at the Avon (Ohio) Duct Tape Heritage Festival has been opened up to Dads across the United States! Please click here to get all the rules and information. The contest starts on March 13, 2006 and ends on May 12, 2006. The winner and their dad will win a trip to Avon, Ohio to visit this year’s Duct Tape Festival. The winning dad will also win a spot in the Parade on the Duck® brand duct tape float.

Meet us at The Diner. We’ve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you haven’t yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories.

Just like these people did:
Doo Doo Don't Stick...
Last Halloween I was home alone, telescope star gazing in the back yard whilst listening for the Halloweenies to ring the door bell. Halloween style lighting in the house between the back door and the front door caused me not to see what I was tracking in the house each trip. I saw it in the morning when I let the dog out in the daylight. Even though I was vigilantly wiping my feet, the traction bottoms of my tennies kept some dog poop - giving me eleven unique poop marks on the carpet. Who needs all that traction most days - and most tennies have traction kinda bottoms to collect dried grass and stuff. My wife is much happier now that I've got Duct Tape traction covers. Me, too. - Yours Truly, Tucson Ted
PS. I'm all set for Curling, too.

A Gift of New Knees Being a carpenter, my pants quickly develop holes in the knees, which I cover with criss-crossed pieces of duct tape. Early one cold winter morning when entering the lumberyard store, the crew greeted me with a roll of warm duct tape for my pants. They got a big laugh out of their action. I simply took them up on their offer, mended my pants, and laughed with them -- a great way to start a day! - Jery W., Eureka, Montana

Tape over the mouth Usually withheld for a comment about wive's or kid's mouths by husbands and/or parents, the Lenny Bruce's audio compilation has used the duct tape over the mouth idea for the cover of their collection (seen at Barnes and Noble).

Katrina Story I'm down here in New Orleans (I LIVED in the eastern part). Before the storm I had tape everywhere. I always keep a roll in my truck, my friends have often referred to me as "the duct tape lady." When I had to evacuate to Denham Springs, LA to my girlfriend's house, I brought my tape with me. My daughter has a black 1993 Ford Escort GT hatchback. She and her boyfriend had to evacuate to Arkansas and live in a camp ground area for almost three weeks. When they finally got back home they got in a fight and he threw a rock which hit the hatch. The glass shattered but didn't fall out. The glass with defroster coils alone will run about $900.00. We can't find a spare hatch at any junk yards because all cars have to be crushed so no flooded cars are sold. Needless to say, we cannot afford $900 for new glass so my daughter (like her mother) got some black ducttape and taped the hatch so the window would not fall out. It actually looks pretty good!! This was more than 3 months ago and it is still holding strong. I wish I could get it fixed for her but there just isn't x-tra money around this area and no junk yards. So ducttape will have to do. I am a true believer in ducttape. I work for attorneys and I can't tell you the ways to use it around here! - Lynn B.

Duct Tape Suits Him At my retirement party, family members could not resist the chance to emphasize my affection for the stuff. They awarded me with a dress suit completely covered with duct tape from top to bottom, including the shirt, tie, jacket, and pants. To accomplish this feat, four rolls of duct tape were required. The suit came with a lifetime guarantee, plus a roll of duct tape for any necessary repairs. I think this requires some sort of special recognition for the extraordinary use of duct tape, let alone the skill and time required to accomplish it. - Jack C.

Got a kid who loves duct tape?
Our Junior Duct Tape Pro and Junior Duct Tape Diva apparel is a popular gift item for infants through grade school-aged kids who aspire to be like mom and dad (or the Duct Tape Guys - yeah, like that's gonna happen). But we have a TON of others to choose from. Just click to the Duct Tape Pro Shop to pick one up today. They come in a variety of shirt styles - even a nice cozy sweatshirt for fall and winter wearing!

Got an idea for a shirt? Look through our apparel offerings. If you don't see your idea, and we haven't used it in the past, we just might use it. If we produce it, we will send you a free shirt. (email your idea to - put "shirt idea" in the subject line)

Get the message? Duct tape often enhances a message, be it the "out of order" on a urinal or a "no parking" sign. Whenever your message needs to be enhanced, the application is sure to draw attention (of the Duct Tape Guys at least).

Special Classes Offered for Men AT THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS


Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays - Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll - Does It Change Itself? - Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? - Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor - Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink? - Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity - Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other. - Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things - Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming. - Open Forum .
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch - Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health. - Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost - Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks? - Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live - Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife. Online - Classes and role-playing .
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy - Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late - Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered. Three nights;
Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used. - Live Demonstration. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Don't worry guys, next time we'll pick on the gals...

Click here to listen to the Duct Tape Guys early radio bits, "Duct Tape Talk".

If you spot duct tape - snap a photo and send it to us. We'll add it to our Duct Tape Sightings pages. Make sure you tell us where the shot was taken!

Well, that’s it for this issue of "Duct Tape on a Roll" Remember that you can share this FREE duct tape and humor newsletter with your friends. Just send them this address: so they can SUBSCRIBE to our email notification list.

If you want OFF of our email list at any time, that’s fine with us, we don’t want to bother anyone with stuff they don't want. Just click the list link above and follow the unsubscribe instructions - don't send us an email asking us to remove you - we have no control over the list - you must click the link above or on your email notification to unsubscribe. Thanks.

May the Tape be with you!
- Jim and Tim - The Duct Tape Guys

Click here for archived On a Roll Newsletters: 1/02, 2/02, 3/02, 03/19/02, 4/02, 5/02, 6/02, 7/02, 08/02, 09/02. 10/02, 11/02, 12/02, 01/03, 02/03, 03/03, 4/03, 05/03. 06/03 07/03 8/03 9/03 10/03 11/03, 12/03, 1/04, 2/04, 3/04, 4/04, 5/04, 6/04, 7/04, 8/04, 9/04, 10/04, election issue, 11/04, 12/04, 01/05, 2/05, 3/05, 4/05, 5/05, 06/05, 7/05, 08/05, 09/05, 10/05, 11/05, 12/05, 01/06, 2/06, 3/06,

Tim (left), Jim (other left).