The "BADGE of HONOR" If you've sent us something that we have used on our site, grab the graphic above and post it on your site and in your emails.
Submissions Please
If you have a joke or story that you would like to submit for inclusion in our next newsletter, email it to us. Just make sure it's suitable for all ages (we don't publish anything off-color). Thanks again!

Quote of the month:

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." - Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign

Soapbox presents Tim's personal opinions about serious issues that he feels are of importance.
It has been moved to a different page so those who would rather not have a dose of serious matters can avoid it. If you're concerned with the state of our nation, the future we are giving our kids, issues of peace, justice and faith/values in action, and would like to be exposed to more ideas than those presented by our corporate media, click here. If you don't want to, that's okay. Tape on!

"To begin your 15-minutes of frustration, press ONE."
If you're like me (and I know I am), you hate wading through the automated prompts to get the information that you need from a company. Here's a useful little tool for tricking those *&@! automated phone systems

It's a list of little-known codes let you bypass automated phone systems and go straight to live operator. Blogger Paul English has posted a customer service "cheat sheet" that offers tricks for finding a live operator. this is what "customer service" has come to.

Download for the list for free or bookmark it for future reference:

Got water?

$46 billion - Amount spent per year globally on bottled water

$1.7 billion - Amount needed per year beyond current spending to provide clean drinking water to everyone on earth

More than one billion - Number of people worldwide who lack reliable access to safe drinking water

80 - Percentage of world illnesses due to water-borne diseases

Source: The New York Times

Check out the solution to some of the world's water problems that has been created by Tim's friends at Healing Waters International.

Straight Laced - Ladies wore corsets, which would lace up in the front. A proper and dignified woman, as in "straight laced". . . wore a tightly tied lace.

Gossip - Early politicians required feedback from the public to determine what the people considered important. Since there were no telephones, TV's or radios, the politicians sent their assistants to local taverns, pubs, and bars. They were told to "go sip some ale" and listen to people's conversations and political concerns. Many assistants were dispatched at different times. "You go sip here" and "You go sip there." The two words "go sip" were eventually combined when referring to the local opinion and, thus we have the term "gossip."

Cookin' with Duct Tape:

No specific recipe this month. Besides, we're still full from the holidays. So, we're directing you to our Cookin' with the Duct Tape Guys page to check out all of our recipes.
click to our "Cookin's with Duct Tape" page for an archive of our wonderful recipes

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February 2006

Duct Tape Browsing
By the time you get done discovering all there is to discover at using the handy pull-down quick links below, it may be well into April. So, pour yourself a beverage, grab a bowl of pretzels and enjoy perusing the hideously massively mess that is - the largest Duct Tape site in the Universe!

Valentines Trivia
Reminder guys - make your dinner reservations, now!

73% of people who buy flowers for Valentine's Day are men, while only 27 percent are women.

15% of U.S. women send themselves flowers on Valentine's Day.

About 1 billion Valentine's Day cards are exchanged each year. That's the largest seasonal card-sending occasion of the year, next to Christmas.

About 3% of pet owners will give Valentine's Day gifts to their pets.

California produces 60 percent of American roses, but the vast number sold on Valentine's Day in the United States are imported, mostly from South America. Approximately 110 million roses, the majority (red), will be sold and delivered within a three-day time period.

February 14, 270 A.D. : Roman Emperor Claudius II, dubbed "Claudius the Cruel," beheaded a priest named Valentine for performing marriage ceremonies. Claudius II had outlawed marriages when Roman men began refusing to go to war in order to stay with their wives.

Hallmark has over 1330 different cards specifically for Valentine's Day.

In the Middle Ages, young men and women drew names from a bowl to see who their valentines would be. They would wear these names on their sleeves for one week. To wear your heart on your sleeve now means that it is easy for other people to know how you are feeling.

In the United States, 64 percent of men do not make plans in advance for a romantic Valentine's Day with their sweethearts.

100 percent of (two out of two) Duct Tape Guys forgot to get their honey a Valentine's card last year and then fashioned one out of pink and red duct tape.

Some people used to believe that if a woman saw a robin flying overhead on Valentine's Day, it meant she would marry a sailor. If she saw a sparrow, she would marry a poor man and be very happy. If she saw a goldfinch, she would marry a millionaire.

Teachers will receive the most Valentine's Day cards, followed by children, mothers, wives, and then, sweethearts. Children ages 6 to 10 exchange more than 650 million Valentine's cards with teachers, classmates, and family members.

In the 17th century a hopeful maiden ate a hard-boiled egg and pinned five bay leaves to her pillow before going to sleep on Valentine's eve. It was believed this would make her dream of her future husband.

The Empire State Building in New York City played a prominent role in the movie "Sleepless in Seattle." Each year and average of 15 couples will take (or renew) their vows on the 80th floor of this famous landmark.

The Italian city of Verona, where Shakespeare's lovers Romeo and Juliet lived, receives about 1,000 letters addressed to Juliet every Valentine's Day.

The red rose was the favorite flower of Venus, the Roman goddess of love. Red stands for strong feelings which is why a red rose is a flower of love.

Valentine's Day is big business. Consumers will spend an average of $77.43 on Valentine's Day gifts this year. E-commerce retailers expect to rack up about $650 million in sales of food, candy, flowers, and other Valentine's Day gifts. Of that amount about $350 million will be for gifts and flowers and another $45 million will be spent on food (including chocolate) and wine.

Wearing a wedding ring on the fourth finger of the left hand dates back to ancient Egypt, where it was believed that the vein of love ran from this finger directly to the heart.

Dale's Discoveries
(A monthly feature that will be showcasing weird stuff that our friend Dale comes up with.)

When you drive into the train stations for the Metro in Washington D.C. you have a choice of two separate lanes that you can enter. One is for people who are parking their cars and the other is for those who are dropping passengers off. The one for the parking lane is labeled "Park and Ride" and the one for dropping off is labeled "Kiss and Ride". The first time I saw that I thought it was very clever but it might make it a little awkward for people who are getting dropped off in a cab.

I went into my daughters' bedroom the other day and noticed the floor almost completely covered with toys, games, scraps of paper from various "craft" projects, and all manner of clutter. I informed them that I would come back in an hour and that I would throw out anything that was still on the floor. Well, after an hour I went back and they had picked up all the toys and games but there was still paper, tissues and all kinds of trash all over the floor. When I asked what the heck all this stuff was they just laughed and said "Ok, throw it out".

I saw the National Geographic documentary, "March of the Penguins" the other day. I think that every parent of young children should see this. It will give you a whole new perspective on child rearing. No matter what your kids do you can think, "At least I don't have to sit on a block of solid ice 70 miles away from food in 60 degree below zero weather and 100 mile an hour winds for four months with the kid under me."

Bumper Crop Remember, our new Bumper Stickers are now available - shiny black and fully weather-proof. They are available now at the Duct Tape Pro Shop in three packs for just $5 and also come free with many combo specials. Or, for a limited time, you can send $1.00 and get one delivered to your U.S. mailing address. Just send $1 with a self-addressed, stamped (39¢) #10 (business-sized) envelope to: Duct Tape Guys Bumper Sticker
c/o 732 Memorial Drive, Suite 200, Sturgeon Bay, WI 54235

Tim's taken to painting:
In Tim's spare time (between books and duct tape gigs), he has taken to painting (after a brief 30-year vacation from the canvas). He paints everything from cartoony explorations (like the one on the left) to abstracts, waterscapes and barns. You can see some of Tim's work posted in his online gallery. And, if you find yourself in art purchasing mode, many of the works are for sale online.

Calling all cheapskates!
You loved this offer, so we're keeping it going!
Nab our video and two books for only $15 DELIVERED! Click here for details. It's over $25 worth of merchandise plus postage for just $15. Such a deal!

Meet us at The Diner. We’ve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you haven’t yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories.

Just like these people did:

The Duct Tape Demolition Dude Leroy uses duct tape when doing remodeling demolition to seal off ductwork, drains and pipes - keeping them free from debris.

Pocket Patch Everyone knows how annoying it is to have holes at the bottom of your pockets. For some unknown reason, it seems like I always manage to put my valuable items in the bad pocket. Why just today I had a pencil, pen, and my car/room keys through that dreadful opening. I suppose the best answer to my problem would be to sew the hole shut. However, I don‚t own a sewing machine and I certainly am not going to go out and spend hundreds of dollars on one of these machines just to fix a cheap pair of pants. This is where duct tape comes into play. Just invert the pockets and place a piece of duct tape over hole and the pockets are as good as new. - Andy Overy

Duct Tape: Prototyping Tool Here is a photo (right) of a working prototype of an Internet-based pet treat dispenser I invented. The first working model relied heavily on duct tape as you can see. This gizmo allows me to give my dogs treats while I'm away from home. - Gary

Another use for duct tape on the farm:
Huge Tom Turkey while mating with the Hen, pulled off the right side of her breast with his claws, it was just hanging down.  After cleaning her up and spraying with medicine here comes the duct tape. This happened a couple of days ago and the Hen, though confined, is walking around now.  Duct tape still keeping her together.  We are keeping our fingers crossed. - Toni

  • Got Duct Tape Apparel?
    This design is far and away our bestselling shirt! Got Duct Tape? But we have a TON of others to choose from. Just click to the Duct Tape Pro Shop to pick one up today. They come in a variety of shirt styles - even a nice cozy sweatshirt for fall and winter wearing!

Got an idea for a shirt? Look through our apparel offerings. If you don't see your idea, and we haven't used it in the past, we just might use it. If we produce it, we will send you a free shirt. (email your idea to - put "shirt idea" in the subject line)

Got a good duct tape use photo? send it into our Duct Tape Diner and we'll post it! Make sure you include your first name (and/or initials) and city/state.
Duct Tape at the Miss America Pageant Rob G. found this on the site (AP photo) Adrienne Rosel, Miss Kansas, poses for a photo Thursday as she enters the dressing room during rehearsal for the 2006 Miss America Pageant at the Aladdin Resort and Casino in Las Vegas. It seems duct tape now helps to preserve the virtue of Miss America contestants, as well!


1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
(Yes, we have heard that one before... but only about 3,506,398,422 times!)
18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Jesus was a...
There were three good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone brother
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He couldn't get a fair trial.

But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father's business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God.

But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with His hands
2. He had wine with His meals.
3. He used olive oil.

But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
1. He never cut His hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.

But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:
1. He was at peace with nature.
2. He ate a lot of fish.
3. He talked about the Great Spirit.

But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.

But the most compelling evidence of all - three proofs that Jesus was a woman:
1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was work to do.

Click here to listen to the Duct Tape Guys early radio bits, "Duct Tape Talk".

If you spot duct tape - snap a photo and send it to us. We'll add it to our Duct Tape Sightings pages. Make sure you tell us where the shot was taken!

Well, that’s it for this issue of "Duct Tape on a Roll" Remember that you can share this FREE duct tape and humor newsletter with your friends. Just send them this address: so they can SUBSCRIBE to our email notification list.

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May the Tape be with you!
- Jim and Tim - The Duct Tape Guys

Click here for archived On a Roll Newsletters: 1/02, 2/02, 3/02, 03/19/02, 4/02, 5/02, 6/02, 7/02, 08/02, 09/02. 10/02, 11/02, 12/02, 01/03, 02/03, 03/03, 4/03, 05/03. 06/03 07/03 8/03 9/03 10/03 11/03, 12/03, 1/04, 2/04, 3/04, 4/04, 5/04, 6/04, 7/04, 8/04, 9/04, 10/04, election issue, 11/04, 12/04, 01/05, 2/05, 3/05, 4/05, 5/05, 06/05, 7/05, 08/05, 09/05, 10/05, 11/05, 12/05, 01/06,

Tim (left), Jim (other left).