January 2008

Happy 2008 from the Duct Tape Guys!
It's a new year, and we usually get new friends each Janauary due to holiday gifts of our books and calendars. So... Welcome to our new friends! Make sure you sign up on our email list to get newsletter and special sale announcments for our subscribers only (click the link below). And welcome back to our old friends. Hope you all have a great year!

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Now, go exploring!
Our web site is getting killer huge! That's why we will always include this handy little pull-down menu in our newsletter and on our main page. Go discover the world's most massive online tribute to duct tape:


Look at the 2008 above. Notice how it looks like four rolls of duct tape? We won't see a year with more rolls of duct tape in it until 2088. So grab your digital camera and go on a DUCT TAPE SPOTTING PHOTO SAFARI! Get shots of any duct tape sighting you come upon in your daily life and email them to us. We'll post them on our Duct Tape Sighting pages and possibly put them into a future next book that's in the works. The duct tape usage doesn't have to be that obvious - in fact, it will be a challenge for our readers to spot the duct tape in every photo. There's your assignment, now go out and start seeing duct tape!

Dale's Discoveries
(A monthly feature that will be showcasing weird stuff that our friend Dale comes up with.) Visit Dale's TallToysTroupe site

Well, the holidays are over. We did things a little differently this year. Since we still had so many unopened boxes from moving, we just wrapped them and gave them to the kids. Not only did we save a lot of money buying gifts but the kids inadvertently helped us unpack. We just got a little tired of hearing, "I already have one of these!".

Speaking of the holidays, at my daughter's school they are so worried about political correctness that they actually had "Secret Non-Denominational Gift Giving Persons". I am not making this up! What better way to celebrate a non specific Winter holiday?

On Interstate 5 near San Diego there is a sign that says "Cruise Ships Use Airport Exit". (This was spotted and sent in by Charlie - thanks.)

My friend, Pat, informs me that, in England, they are test marketing a product called "Pringles Gourmet". (You could all probably just make up your own joke right here and skip ahead). I kid you not. It's true. I checked. In fact, one of the exotic flavors they have is "Sea Salt and Black Pepper". Well, I suppose that, if you buy the premise that reformulated potato bits could ever be labeled "Gourmet" then you would probably have no trouble thinking of salt and pepper as gourmet spices.

Dale's Website Discovery of the Month
I was going to tell you about origamirock.com but I thought I would go for something a little more cerebral this month. I have no idea why, maybe it's because it's the new year and all. Nah, probably not. Anyway, here is a site where you can find loads of books in audio file format so you can listen to them rather than read them. Now you can finally get to all those books on your shelves that you were always meaning to read, or have read to you. http://librivox.org/newcatalog/

Quote of the Month
"The trick is to remember that the shit that falls on you is fertilizer." - Sarah Susanka, author "The Not So Big House"  and now, "the Not So Big Life"

Meet us at The Duct Tape Diner. We’ve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you haven’t yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories. Just like these people did:

How to "Turn Off" a Skunk I have a friend that has a commercial greenhouse.  There are fans built into the wall near the floor and the ceiling to circulate air and maintain the temperature and humidity for the plants.  One morning, my friend came out to the greenhouse and there was a large skunk stuck in one of the fans.  Fortunately, and amazingly, it had not sprayed, as that would have seriously affected the retail value of the flowers in the greenhouse.  After much thought and debate about "what to do, what to do" the gathering crowd of onlookers, employees and interested persons decided that since a skunk can't spray unless it can fully raise its tail,  someone would duct tape the skunks' tail in the down (and off) position.  Once this was accomplished, my friend still had a stuck skunk in his fan.  He tried pulling and pushing, but to no avail.  He then dumped water on the misfortunate duct taped critter and squirted some dish soap on it.  He was able to back it out of the fan, and into a waiting garbage can.  He then took it to the Ranger Station, for a release into a more wild area.  Can you imagine the Ranger when he opened the garbage can to find a wet, sudsy, really really PO'ed skunk with its' butt taped shut.  Wonder how he got the tape off?  This is my best use for duct tape story. - Carol Adams

Duct Tape your way to a Warmer Home My wife (Dawn) duct taped real nice upholstery material to some foil faced foam sheets and we paneled the walls of our stone home. Note the big temperature difference. Seriously this is a great way to increase the comfort factor and save money in poorly insulated homes. - Fred W. Sturgeon Bay, WI

Fix a Broken Soul When my son Robbie was 7, he was in Sunday school.  The minister asked the class "Does anybody know how you fix a broken soul?"  Robbie raises his hand and says "My daddy can fix anything with duct tape" - Tim P., Elyria Ohio

Startin' the New Year with a Sven and Ole Joke as a tribute to Grandpa Bill (who was there in spirit in 1993 when Duct Tape Book [one] was born)

Ole and Sven were drinking buddies who worked as aircraft mechanics in Minneapolis. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.
Ole said, "I vish ve had somethin ta drink!"  Sven says, "Me too. Y'know, I've hear you can drink dat yet fuel an get a buzz. Ya vanna try it?"
o they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and got completely smashed.
Next morning Ole woke up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing!
The phone rang. It was Sven who asks "How iss you feelin dis mornin?"
Ole says, "I feel great.  How bout you?" 
Sven says, "I feel great, too. Ya don't have no hangover?" 
Ole says, "No dat yet fuel iss great stuff -- no hangover, nothin.  Ve oughta do dis more often."
Sven agreed."Yeah, vell, but dere's yust vun ting."
Ole asked, "Vat's dat?" 
Sven questioned, "Haff you farted yet?"
 Ole stopped to think. "No"
"Vell, DON'T, 'cause I'm in Milvaukee" 

YOU might be a teacher (school employee) if....
..you believe the playground should be equipped with Ritalin salt lick
...you want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to work 7 to 3:00 and have summers off
...it is difficult to name your own child because there's no name you can come up with that doesn't bring high blood pressure as it is uttered
...you can tell it's a full moon or if it going to rain, snow, hail....anything!!! Without ever looking outside  (LOOK AT THE CURRENT “DO NOT ADMIT LIST!!!)
...you believe, "shallow gene pool" should have its own box on a report card
...you believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, the kids sure are mellow today."
...when out in public, you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior
...you have no social life between August and June
...you think people should have a government permit before being allowed to reproduce
...you wonder how some parents MANAGED to reproduce
...you laugh uncontrollably when people refer to the staff room as the "lounge."
...you encourage an obnoxious parent to check into charter schools or home schooling and are willing to donate the UHAUL boxes should they decided to move out of district
...you think caffeine should be available in intravenous form
...you can't imagine how the ACLU could think that covering your students chair with Velcro and then requiring uniforms made out of the corresponding Velcro could ever be misunderstood by the public
...meeting a child's parent instantly answers the question, "Why is this kid like this?"
...you would choose a mammogram over a parent conference
...you think someone should invent antibacterial pencils and crayons...and desks and chairs for that matter!!!
...the words "I have college debt for this?" has ever come out of your mouth

Didn't get the Duct Tape Apparel you were hoping for?
Grab the cool duct tape apparel that you really wanted to get for the holidays at the The Duct Tape Pro Shop!
The Pro Shop is the only place in the universe to get Genuine Duct Tape Guys Originals. There are many rip-offs available - some at major department stores, but they're illegal copyright infringements. Please don't buy them. Anything that you see on our site are our original designs and sloggans. Thanks for your patronage! - The Duct Tape Guys

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May the Tape be with you!
- Jim and Tim - The Duct Tape Guys

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