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If you have a joke or story that you would like to submit for inclusion in our next newsletter, email it to us. Just make sure it's suitable for all ages (we don't publish anything off-color). Thanks again!

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Quotes of the Month:
“Character consists of what you do on the third and fourth tries.”
- James Michener, American novelist

“Deep down, I’m pretty superficial.”
-Ava Gardner, American screen star

Soapbox presents Tim's personal opinions about issues that he feels are of importance.
It has challenging stuff to think about during your duct taping projects. If you want a dose of stuff to think about click here. If you don't want to, that's okay. Tape on! Here is a brief intro to what's in this month's SOAPBOX:

U.S. gas prices not all that bad...
I just returned from England where the gas prices were around .88 p per litre (the equivalent of over $6.35 per gallon). So, next time you complain at the pump, remember, we have some of the lowest gas prices in the world.

Obama on Energy Policy. Senator Barack Obama delivered a compellling and idea-filled speech about U.S. energy use and policy at Georgetown University - click here to listen

Are you on our e-mail list?
Click here - to subscribe. Then MAKE SURE you respond to the verification email that comes your way after you subscribe to make sure your email is activated in the system. Remember, we never sell or share our list with anyone and you can easily unsubscribe at any time. - Jim and Tim

Halloween Trivia:
Orange and black are Halloween colors because orange is associated with the Fall harvest and black is associated with darkness and death.
Jack o’ lanterns originated in Ireland where people placed candles in hollowed-out turnips to keep away spirits and ghosts on the Samhain holiday.
Pumpkins also come in white, blue and green. Great for unique monster carvings!
Halloween was brought to North America by immigrants from Europe who would celebrate the harvest around a bonfire, share ghost stories, sing, dance and tell fortunes.
Tootsie Rolls were the first wrapped penny candy in America.
The ancient Celts thought that spirits and ghosts roamed the countryside on Halloween night. They began wearing masks and costumes to avoid being recognized as human.
Halloween candy sales average about 2 billion dollars annually in the United States.

Jumbo keeps growing

The Jumbo Duct Tape Book - our fourth book of seven (with over 450 pages filled with duct tape uses real and wacky) has just gone into its 20th printing since its release in 2000. That means that there are now over 540,000 of this book in print! All of our books and calendars together have sold over three million copies. A testament to the universal appeal to duct tape. You can get all of our books (except our first book, "The Duct Tape Book", which is now gone forever) at the Duct Tape Pro Shop.

You asked for it - You got it! We've just launced some cool, designer black t-shirts with duct tape pro grunge designs and our popular "Will Duct Tape for Food". Just click to the Duct Tape Pro Shop to pick one up today. Watch for new black shirt designs, soon. Click the image on the left to go directly to our Duct Tape Pro Shop Apparel section.

Your First Kiss
So, it's your first kiss and several questions might come to mind:

Is it the right time?
Is anyone watching?
Does your partner even want to?
Is your breath fresh?
Should you use some tongue?

Then you lean in and just go for it!

click here for associated photo

October 2006

Halloween time again
Looking for a costume idea for this year's Halloween party? Look no further than your imagination and a roll of duct tape. And, if you are short on imagination, look no further than the Duct Tape Pro Shop or your local bookstore for our full-color "Original Duct Tape Halloween Book" - featuring over 101 imaginative costumes made all or in part with duct tape. From our easy 30-second costumes to the elaborate - all of these costume ideas will gain admiration and chuckles during your Halloween celebrations. Click here to preview the book and watch a video introducing some of the ideas in the book. Click here to see our special media video that was sent to television stations in the promotion of the book. Remember that the scariest thing about Halloween would be to be caught with no duct tape - so stock up and remember to grab some of Duck® brand's many colors of duct tape - including camouflage and clear.

"The Original Duct Tape Halloween Book" has been called our best book yet! And, all bias aside, we agree! (So does the Southeastern Booksellers Association - it made their Bestseller list!)
Order your copy at the Duct Tape Pro Shop and get an autographed copy of The Ultimate Duct Tape Book FREE! (total value $15.90 for only $10!) Or, visit your local bookstore and pick up a copy there.

When you get done with your Halloween creation, send us a photo and we will add it to our Halloween Gallery!

He keeps on rolling with the help of Tonka and tape!

"Anonymous Guy" in California provided this photo of his mending casted leg and foot. Having an issue with the foot dragging and getting caught on the carpeting while using the aluminum walker or while sitting at his desk, he duct taped a small Tonka truck to the bottom of his foot. Worked slick as a whistle! Good thinkin' - but with a duct tape use that creative, we can't figure out why you'd want to remain anonymous!

Warning: Stupid Warnings Abound!

Thanks to Steve K who sent us this scan of a peanut package. Note the warning under the ingredients: (This product may contain trace amounts of peanuts and other tree nuts.)

This brings to mind another book that Tim created with Duct Tape acquistions editor Tony Dierckins and prolific author friend Joey Green - It's "The Warning Label Book" - still in print and available at - click here to see some excerpts from the book and to order online - or ask for it at your favorite bookstore.

Yes, we've seen it...
We appreciate your sending us duct tape sightings from the internet. But chances are we've been sent them dozens of times - per incident. While we don't catch everything, we'd rather you sent us your original photographs of duct tape sightings rather than stuff that's been floating around via email - we will take care to post them and get them the attention they deserve at (recently named "the most comprehensive duct tape web site in the universe"). Here is the latest photo that's been going around - we post it here without the 3M branding attached.

Speaking of Stupid...
It's out! It's in the stores now! "It's breathtakingly stupid - yet, somehow, incredibly brilliant - possibly the Pet Rock of the new milennium!" It's Tim's latest wacky brain fart (idea) - "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall - the complete lyrics" Thanks to the geniuses at Andrews McMeel who laughed heartily at the idea and jumped at the chance to publish it. It's the perfect gag gift for the beer lover in your life, your frat brothers/sorority sisters, your weird uncle Ed...

Click here to find out more about the book and to order online right now. Or, if you'd like a copy autographed by Tim, click to the Duct Tape Pro Shop and order from there.

This newsletter is sponsored in part by

Dale's Discoveries
(A monthly feature that will be showcasing weird stuff that our friend Dale comes up with.) Visit Dale's TallToysTroupe site

You know in those fast food places when you are finished with your meal and you take that plastic tray up to throw the stuff away and they have the lid thing that you push and then you set the tray on the top? Well I think you can really tell a lot about what the place thinks of its customers by what they print on that little door thing. One place I was in had the door thing that said "Waste". I guess they assumed that people knew that they had to open it and put something in there but they weren't sure what to put in. Maybe they would try to pay by putting their money in or something.

In our Post Office the trash cans say "Waste" on the doors. I guess that is so you don't put mail in there. (Not that it would always really make that much difference.)

Another place had one that said "Push". They assumed that people knew what went in there, but they didn't know how to work the door itself.

Some of them have a picture of a hand pushing the door and holding a cup that is obviously being thrown away. This covers both of the first two categories and also makes the assumption that the person operating the door need not be literate.

My personal favorite is the one that says "Thank You". This one makes the assumption that you know what goes in there, you know how to work the door, you are literate, but you are not necessarily going to throw your stuff away in the first place.

One place I was in had a huge garbage can that had the word "Inedible" stenciled on the side. That certainly made you make a value judgement on what you put in there. I wasn't going to finish all of my fries, but I wouldn't exactly say they were inedible. I just left them on the table.

Dale's Website Discovery of the Month

Lazer Vaudeville recently played to rave reviews on Broadway and regularly tours this great land of ours. Their site has a video and their tour schedule so you can be sure to catch their show whenever it happens to be near you, which is likely to be sometime soon no matter where you live. You can also order videos and dvds in case you can't wait. Check back often for updates.

Meet us at The Duct Tape Diner. We’ve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you haven’t yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories.

Just like these people did:

Marshmallow Roaster No this is not a picture of a strange alien caught in the woods, but instead a way to cook marshmallows while at Yellowstone National Park. My wife was struggling with how to cook marshmallows with little more than a pants wire hanger. Since pants hangers have the paper tube at the bottom, they were too short to comfortably use even when 'unwound.' Pulling out every travelers favorite tool - duct tape - I took the short hanger, bent it in half, taped it to a long straight stick and even taped a handle at the
base for comfort. Now my wife can quickly cook two marshmallows in comfort even with the largest of campfires. - Chris L.

Fungus Toe Nail Remedy I had toe nail fungus for some years. My doctor prescribed a pill that I took for a year and the nails normalized. Several years later, the fungus returned, particularly to one toe. Because of the possible side effects on one's kidneys, pills were out and I resorted to a topical solution that really did not help. About to lose one toe nail, I applied duct tape encircling the nail. Now after two months and no topical solution, my nail is half way back and looking healthy. One never knows. (see more medical uses in our HMO on a Roll area)

How do you stop a fast truck? Duct Tape! I volunteered at the Quad City Air Show this summer. While wandering to my post, I got to see the Shockwave crew ready the jet-powered truck. It looks like duct tape holds up even at 376 MPH. Awesome! - Cory "Spydee" L.

Can't finish a beer? I was drinking a beer the other night and couldn't finish it. I didn't want to waste it cuz it was good belgian ale so i duct taped the bottle closed with green duct tape. I "opened" the beer the next day and it was nice and fizzy. - matthew Hey, Matt - Good idea, but we have one question: Can't finish a beer? This is a foreign concept to us!

Duct tape as a precision colorimeteric instrument Stick a palm-sized strip of duct tape on the outside surface of a disposable air filter (the big, flat rectangular or square ones that filter air going through your house's air conditioning system) where you can see the duct tape after the filter is installed. When the color of the filter media (usually white, to start off with) has collected enough gunk so that it's about the same color as the duct tape (dirt won't stick to the duct tape as much as to the filter), time to replace the filter! - Mark Adelson

Babyproofing hints from north of the border. Why spend so much money on "baby proofing products" which you will only use for a short while when duct tape will do the job just fine? (see Warning below) Also, bring duct tape along with you when you are travelling or visiting to instantly baby proof your temporary home. Don't you hate it when you visit someone for dinner and baby just wants to open the cupboard doors? Tape the handles together! Can't relax at the cottage because baby keeps pulling the phone off the table? Tape it in place! Keep a roll of duct tape in your diaper bag ... don't leave home without it! If a whole roll is too big to carry, wrap some duct tape around a pencil in multiple layers so you can bring smaller quantities.

You can use duct tape to:
• cover electrical outlets
• tape garbage can closed (or dog food container)
• tape up wires
• tape plugs to the outlets so baby can't pull them out
• put power bar for your computer inside a shoe box and tape the box closed
• tape a ball of duct tape to sharp corners of tables/shelving
• tape the tv/dvd/phone etc. to the counter top so baby can't pull the object off
-safety proof the tub by making it non-slip
-tape the edges of the tub spout so baby can't bang his head
• tape cupboard doors closed
• tape entry doors closed
• tape door handles so baby can't turn them
• tape plates to table
• tape a diaper that had the fastener rip off
• tape your bag closed so baby can't get into it
• attach a toy to a stroller/chair so baby can play without dropping it
• tape a napkin to a baby to make an instant bib

Warning: Don't create new hazards. Babies should always be supervised when they are around duct tape. Be careful with pieces of duct tape that could come off and eventually become a choke hazard and beware of pieces of duct tape longer than 6" that could wrap around babies neck and cause a strangulation hazard. - Thanks to Heather P., Toronto

Dollar Store Mirror Fix...
On the road and bust a mirror? A quick stop at the nearest dollar store and your roll of duct tape fixes the problem and gives you 20-20 hindsight once again. A nice photo grab by David, Caroline and Conrad in Charlottesville, VA

The Duct Tape Guys' stage show is pretty surreal - bizarre - breathtakingly stupid. As what was caught on camera backstage between shows seems to indicate. What's seen here are Tim's headband (complete with "pocket mullet"), baby back ribs costume and Tim's stage jacket.

It's always interesting when someone asks us, "So, what do you do for a living?"

How bad a mistake can you make on your resume? Here are some real-life examples:

"My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable."

"Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting."

"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."

"Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet."

"I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."

"I am a rabid typist."

"Created a new market for pigs by processing, advertising and selling a gourmet pig mail order service on the side."

"Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business."

"Proven ability to track down and correct erors."

"Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far."

"I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and
absolutely no one."

"References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me."

"Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."

"Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers."

"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

"I procrastinate--especially when the task is unpleasant."

"I am loyal to my employer at all costs...Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voicemail."

"Qualifications: No education or experience."

"Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets."

"Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department."

"Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!"

Real Life Bathroom Humor

True story:
I left Montreal on route 20 heading toward Quebec city, when I decided to stop at a comfort station. The first toilet stall was occupied, so I went into the second one. I was no sooner seated than I heard a voice from the next stall:
"Hi, how are you doing?"
Well, I am not the type to chat with strangers in highway comfort stations, and I really don't know quite what possessed me, but anyway, I answered, a little embarrassed:
"Not bad."
And the stranger said, "And, what are you up to?"
Talk about your dumb questions! I was really beginning to think this was too weird! So I said, "Well, just like you I am driving east?"
Then, I heard the stranger, all upset, say, "Look, I'll call you right back, there is some idiot in the next stall answering all the questions I am asking you. Bye!" - anonymous

Actually - a similar thing happened to me.
I was in a restroom. My cell phone was on vibrate - I was at a urinal. There was only one other guy was in the restroom - in one of the stalls.
I answered my phone, "Hello."
A voice from the stall said, "Hello."
My caller, apparently not having heard me said, "Hello."
To which I replied, "Hello, Hello! Can you hear me?"
The voice from the stall said, "Yeah, I can hear you."
I cracked up, pee'd on my shoe, hung up the phone, washed up and left the room (still laughing).
- Tim, the Duct Tape Guy

Click here to listen to the Duct Tape Guys early radio bits, "Duct Tape Talk".

Red Oak Winery Barrell Labeler
The Red Oak Winery in Sturgeon Bay, Wisconsin uses duct tape to label their wine barrells. Ah, the sight of oak wine casks - made even lovelier with duct tape!

If you spot duct tape being used to hold something together - snap a photo and send it to us. We'll add it to our Duct Tape Sightings pages. Make sure you tell us where the shot was taken! Random entries will be chosen for use in our books and calendars. See our submissions page for complete information.

Well, that’s it for this issue of "Duct Tape on a Roll" Remember that you can share this FREE duct tape and humor newsletter with your friends. Just send them this address: so they can SUBSCRIBE to our email notification list.

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May the Tape be with you!
- Jim and Tim - The Duct Tape Guys

Click here for archived On a Roll Newsletters: 1/02, 2/02, 3/02, 03/19/02, 4/02, 5/02, 6/02, 7/02, 08/02, 09/02. 10/02, 11/02, 12/02, 01/03, 02/03, 03/03, 4/03, 05/03. 06/03 07/03 8/03 9/03 10/03 11/03, 12/03, 1/04, 2/04, 3/04, 4/04, 5/04, 6/04, 7/04, 8/04, 9/04, 10/04, election issue, 11/04, 12/04, 01/05, 2/05, 3/05, 4/05, 5/05, 06/05, 7/05, 08/05, 09/05, 10/05, 11/05, 12/05, 01/06, 2/06, 3/06, 4/06, 5/06, 6/06, 7/06, 8/06, 9/06,

Tim (left), Jim (other left).