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Submissions Please
If you have a joke or story that you would like to submit for inclusion in our next newsletter, email it to us. Just make sure it's suitable for all ages (we don't publish anything off-color). Thanks again!

Go Directly to:
Our web site is getting massive. So we will always include this handy little pull-down menu in our newsletter and on our main page. Go discover the world's most massive online tribute to duct tape:

Quotes of the Month:
"Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end." - Jerry Seinfeld

Soapbox presents Tim's personal opinions about issues that he feels are of importance.
It has challenging stuff to think about during your duct taping projects. If you want a dose of stuff to think about click here. If you don't want to, that's okay. Tape on! Here is a brief intro to what's in this month's SOAPBOX:

Putting it all in perspective
If the world's population was reduced to 100 people, what would it look like? click here

Are you on our e-mail list?
Click here - to subscribe. Then MAKE SURE you respond to the verification email that comes your way after you subscribe to make sure your email is activated in the system. Remember, we never sell or share our list with anyone and you can easily unsubscribe at any time. - Jim and Tim

How's Your Prom Dress Coming?

The Duck® brand duct tape Stuck at Prom® Scholarship Contest is on now - challenging high school students to create and accessorize their prom formalwear with America's favorite fix-all - duct tape. And, for the first time, this year it's the public's choice as to who's got the hottest fashions. Online public voting will decide the winning couple from the top 10 finalists. The couple winning the first place title will recieve a $6000 cash scholarship for college!

So, get your plans drawn up, go out and stock up on any or all of Duck® brand's 20 colors and patterns of duct tape and get busy creating YOUR winning prom outfit.

The contest started on March 5th, 2007
Complete information is online at and we will have more information in the March newsletter as well. For inspiration, visit our duct tape prom fashion gallery.

May 2007

A little help here?
Hi. The editorial staff (Jim and me) would like to solicit your help in fixing our web site. We just changed servers and a few things got screwed up in the process. If you ever are cruising around our site and see a missing photo, dead link, etc., would you be so kind as to that you found it on? That way we can duct tape the image and or link back into place so the site is fully functioning. Thanks for the assist.

Duct Shui Our thinkiest, most philosophic, but most overlooked book that we've published to date is "Duct Shui." Were we learned about the ancient Chinese practice of Feng Shui and fixed it with duct tape. Just because the critics never noticed our book, doesn't mean that you shouldn't take note of this valuable tome. Click to our Duct Shui section to learn more about Duct Shui - and while you are there, stock up on a few of the books. You can order them directly from our Duct Tape Pro Shop - where every order comes with a free Duct Tape Pro button and bumper sticker - and all books are personally autographed.

Duct Tape your Computer Monitor? Yup! you can now have a completely duct taped desktop using one of our handy and free Duct Tape Guy desktop patterns. Just click here and download which pattern suits your taste. From massive blob of duct tape to an elegant Carpe Ductem... they are yours for the picking... FREE!

This newsletter is sponsored in part by Duck brand Duct Tape - Home of The Original Duck Tape Club.

Dale's Discoveries
(A monthly feature that will be showcasing weird stuff that our friend Dale comes up with.) Visit Dale's TallToysTroupe site

So I had this thought over Easter: Is it sacrilegious to make deviled eggs with eggs that you get from the Easter Bunny?

Every once in awhile I like to pass along a helpful hint for living. I got this one from my friend, Mike, who is an EMT, but I think it could easily apply to anyone in their daily life: "If it's wet and sticky and not yours, don't touch it!".

If you went to the gift shop of a nudist colony, could you buy a souvenir T-shirt?

I took this at the University where I am taking a class. I expected there to be a huge pile of cars at the end of this road but, for some reason, there wasn't.

Dale's Website Discovery of the Month:Here is a perfect way to spend 4 minutes and 19 seconds. Some people went all the way to the Bermuda Film Festival to see this, and all you have to do is push a button. You lucky dogs!! click here to watch video
Editor's Warning: Contains clowns!

Did you ever wonder what color Crayola crayon in a box of eight you would be? Me neither. Still, if now that you are thinking about it, you did want to know, here is a site that will tell you. I am not sure what you will do with this information once you have it, but here you go: click here to see what color crayon you are

Thanks to Christina for the crayon suggestion. She actually has a pretty good website her own self. You can check it out here:

Cookin' with Duct Tape:
No new recipe this month - but check our archives for some ideas!
Tim's web humor finds:

I love bloopers - here's one that we think is real - however, any of these bloopery things may be staged. Check out: Fishing Show Outtakes

Hallelujah Nuns A new take on the Hallelujah Chorus... Handel may be doing spin cycles in his grave - or, may he'd love it! watch it here

Meet us at The Duct Tape Diner. We’ve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you haven’t yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories. Just like these people did:

Teenage Mutant Ninja EGG? I was decorating Easter eggs yesterday afternoon with my mom, when I realized that our creations were lacking something. After a few minutes of thinking, I knew what it was: duct tape!  I knew I had to incorporate duct tape into my masterpiece somehow, but I wasn't sure in what way. So I just started fooling around with different ideas, when it hit me: how awesome would a Ninja Easter egg be? With a small strip of duct tape wrapped around my egg, I dyed it green and decorated it like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.  Cool huh? - Diana G., Pittsford, NY

Duct Tape: it will never let you down...
When my #1 child, Stefanie, went to Pitt as a freshman in 2001, the last thing I gave her, with a little speech was a roll of Duct Tape. I said something like "friends will let you down, things will break and need fixing and I won't be here to help, but this will never, ever let you down." She thought it was the dumbest thing in the world and very stupid.
It took a few months I think, but she told me on the phone that the Duct Tape is very useful. I bit my lip...
Anyway, she is getting married this Saturday to a great young man. I told my wife that during the evening dinner when I am supposed to toast them, I am going to give her and him a couple of rolls of Duct Tape, saying something like, "each of you must give 110% to make a marriage work, at times he or she will let you down and you must work through the problem, forgive and forget it, and another will come along and you must do the same thing with that one...each of you may at times let each other down, but THIS (giving each of them a bag with a roll of DT inside) will NEVER, EVER let you down." - Dave D., Landisville, PA

The New Ferrari
A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available, a brand new Ferrari 550. It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000.
He takes it out for a spin and stops for a red light. An old man on a moped (about 75 years old) pulls up next to him. The old man looks over at the sleek, shiny car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there, sonny?"
The young man replies, "A Ferrari 550. It cost half a million dollars!"
"That's a lot of money, "says the old man. "Why does it cost so much?"
"Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the young dude proudly. The moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?"
"No problem," replies the owner. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then sitting back on his moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right . . . but I'll stick with my moped!"
Just then the light changes so the guy decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 160 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, whhhoooossshhh! Something whips by him, going much faster!!!!
"What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?!" the young man asks himself. He floors the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph.
Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the moped. Amazed that the moped could pass his Ferrari he gives it some more gas and passes the moped at 275 mph. Whoooooosh! He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him again. Astounded by the speed of this old guy he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph.
Not ten seconds later he sees the moped bearing down on him again. The Ferrari is flat out and there's nothing he can do. Suddenly the moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear.
The young man jumps out, and unbelievably, the old man is still alive!!! He runs up to the mangled old man and says, "Oh my God! Is there anything I can do for you?"
The old man whispers with his dying breath, "Unhook . . . my suspenders from your side-view mirror.


1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
2. A will is a dead giveaway.
3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backward poet writes inverse.
5. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
7. If you don't pay your exorcist, you can get repossessed.
8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
13. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
14. Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
15. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
16. A calendar's days are numbered.
17. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
21. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.
22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
23. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
27. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
28. Acupuncture: a jab well done.
29. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.

Well, that’s it for this issue of "Duct Tape on a Roll" Remember that you can share this FREE duct tape and humor newsletter with your friends. Just send them this address: so they can SUBSCRIBE to our email notification list.

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May the Tape be with you!
- Jim and Tim - The Duct Tape Guys

Click here for archived On a Roll Newsletters: 1/02, 2/02, 3/02, 03/19/02, 4/02, 5/02, 6/02, 7/02, 08/02, 09/02. 10/02, 11/02, 12/02, 01/03, 02/03, 03/03, 4/03, 05/03. 06/03 07/03 8/03 9/03 10/03 11/03, 12/03, 1/04, 2/04, 3/04, 4/04, 5/04, 6/04, 7/04, 8/04, 9/04, 10/04, election issue, 11/04, 12/04, 01/05, 2/05, 3/05, 4/05, 5/05, 06/05, 7/05, 08/05, 09/05, 10/05, 11/05, 12/05, 01/06, 2/06, 3/06, 4/06, 5/06, 6/06, 7/06, 8/06, 9/06,10/06,11/06, 12/06, 1/07, 2/07, 3/07. 4/07,

Tim (left), Jim (other left).