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|June and July 2009 issue|
The Father of all Father's Day Gifts
If you're like us, and we know we are, you like top ten lists. And, sure enough, we have one of those for Father's Day. So here, without further ado (or adeaux for your of the French persuation), is our TOP TEN FATHER'S DAY USES FOR DUCT TAPE:
10. Remote Control Control: Duct tape the remote onto Dad’s arm so he never has to relinquish remote control use to the wife and kids.
9. Keep the junk mail and bills away by duct taping the mail box shut.
8. A gift necktie made entirely out of duct tape is not only a nifty fashion statement, but also resists stains from Dad’s spilling problem like the dickens!
7. Lower Dad’s receding hairline by applying a strip of duct tape from the forehead to the underside of chin.When Dad open’s his mouth it will pull that hairline right back down into place.
6. Dad’s hairline recession on it’s way down the BACK side of his head? Simply fashion a duct tape toupee and tape it onto Dad’s dome. He’ll be able to swim in it, play tennis in it, even bowl in it with complete confidence!
5. Cover Dad’s golf club head with duct tapethe impression that the ball makes in the tape will show him why he keeps getting that nasty hook or slice.
4. Soak strips of beef in marinade, then stick the strips of meat on a piece of duct tape hanging over the kitchen sink (to catch the drips) until it air dries into a tasty beef jerky for Dad to enjoy at his next poker party.
3. Here’s another nifty gift idea: Grass Clipping Retrieval Shoes. Simply cover an old pair of snowshoes with duct tape, sticky-side-out, so Dad is picking up the grass clippings as he mows. (He'll also be a few inches taller by the time he gets done mowing!)
2. Another Bald Dad Hint: If Dad misses that fly-away hair look, duct tape a couple of pigeons to his head.
And the number one use for Duct Tape this Father’s Day:
1. Duct Tape the toilet seat UP!
Keeping Your Personal Economy Stimulated For those of you who might have missed last month's newsletter, here is a reminder to review our Duct Tape Economic Stimulus Package on a Roll page. Thanks.
Stuck at Prom Countdown
Is Duct Tape BAD just because it's sometimes used in crimes?
Much to our dismay, we're often "informed" of crimes that have been committed using duct tape. But is this any reason to give duct tape a bad rap (wrap)? Heck, no! Even a hand egg beater in the wrong hands can be a dangerous weapon!
We've documented some of the instances of "Duct Tape Gone Wrong" on a special page that we aren't all that proud of, but, the truth needs to be told - and, like Fox News, we aim to be "Fair and Balanced" (although we usually end up being fairly imbalanced - thanks in no small part to the beer we consume). Take a look at Duct Tape Gone Wrong - and learn what you should NOT use duct tape for.
The cartoon on he left is by Vic Lee - thanks for the inadvertant plug of our books, Vic! You can see other duct tape cartoons here.
The Duct Tape Stores are moving...
Got a Duct Tape Story to Tell?
(A monthly feature that will be showcasing weird stuff that our friend Dale comes up with.) Visit Dale's TallToysTroupe site
I stopped at a truckstop called Johnson's Corner the other night. On the comment card it asked, "If you owned Johnson's Corner, what would you do differently?" I said, "I would eat here for free!"
Later I realized that I would probably also change the name to "Dale's Corner". - Thanks to Marlene B.
When you see paintings of angels in heaven, how come none of the prophets from the Old Testament are ever playing the Jew's Harp?
I bought some edible underwear the other day. I threw my back out trying to eat them. I guess maybe you are supposed to take them off first. - Thanks to David D.
Before you build a building you break ground. Before you build an airport, do you break wind?
What did they call the "Deer in the Headlights" look before cars were invented?
Fred Flintstone worked in a rock quarry driving a dinosaur. How come he needed to wear a tie? In fact, that one outfit is all he ever seemed to wear. The only other time he wore something different was to go to the Water Buffalo lodge. I wonder if he realized that buying that outfit would essentially double his wardrobe.
Dale's Website Discoveries
It is rare that I find a series of photographs that I really like. This site is one of those rare times. click here
Anyone who has ever been to a movie will certainly enjoy this: click here
Finally, here is one for math nerds. click here
Jim and Tim's Cool Website Finds
Not that we can speak or write in other languages...
True enough (a guest on Jay Leno tells it like it is): click here
Speaking of Jay, if you haven't vistied Jay Leno's Garage, you are missin' out on some great (and unusual wheels - duct tape or no... JayLenosGarage.com
MulletLikeMe.com - remember the Mullet? It's back! Read this humorous blog by someone very near and dear to the Duct Tape Guys' hearts.
And, speaking of odd cars, check out the Octane Garage - Tim's collection of weird cars (no he doesn't own them, he just looks for "different" vehicles, runs them through his powerful Photoshop bodyshop for a new paint job and parks them in his virtual garage. The results are intesting... like the one shown below.
Meet us at The Duct Tape Diner. We’ve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you haven’t yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories. Just like these people did:
Glove Repair in India I am from the US, but I teach at a school in rural in India, and the wildlife (snakes, scorpions on the exciting side, lizards and rats on the not-so-exciting side) tend to co-habitate with us. So I returned from my summer off to find about $500 of my best outdoor gear eaten to shreds by a rat (one of my students found the rat, decomposing, in one of her best sweaters...who got the worse deal?). Anyway, one of my gloves was almost completely demolished, as well as a wool sweater. So I cut up the sweater, put it inside the glove, and duct taped it in! The result -- one glove that was way too warm on my backpacking trip in the Himalayas in November!
Shake it Up! I had 2 cans of spray paint that needed to be shaken so I duct taped them to the wheels of my self-propelled mower started it up raised the wheels off the ground and Voila! Paint mixed with no effort. - Richard S.
Duct Tape Gun Holster This is a "custom fit" duct tape gun holster that I made. Notice that it also has a slot for an extra magazine!! The gun in it is a fake airsoft gun, so I hope that won't cause any legal trouble. Michael L., Forest, VA
Barb's Inspired Uses: My mother-in-law knits slippers for us. They have a yarn bottom, so they wear out in about six months from walking on them. So I always put duct tape on the bottom of my slippers, to act as a "sole" and have had my slippers for years!! Be careful, they are very slippery, so if you go outside and it's wet, or icy, the slippers will act as ice skates.
High School English Class Metaphors:
Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Since school is out for the summer, we thought we'd share last year’s winners…
1.Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants i n a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8.The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup. (Prof. Wood’s personal favorite)
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
12.Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13.The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17.He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
18.Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
21.The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while..
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24.It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
Nab all the cool, original Duct Tape Pro Duct Tape Apparel you want at the Pro Shop
And remember, when it comes time to buy our BOOKS - including the WD-40 Book and the entire Duct Tape genre for your dad, grandpa... friends and relatives (or yourself) there's no better place than the Pro Shop - that's because we autograph everything that we ship. And, we've got GREAT deals that you won't find anywhere else - in the world! So stop by the Duct Tape Pro Shop and see what's in store for you! Thanks for your patronage! - The Duct Tape Guys
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May the Tape be with you!
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