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October/November 2009 issue

Phew! Time Flys!

Sorry we're late - we thought it was still September and BAM! October is here, there is a chill in the air, bonfires are crackling and leaves are turning all shades of yellow, orange and red. And Duct Tape is here to help with all of your fall chores - from taping the plastic up over the windows to fight off the winter chill, to making halloween costumes.

Those of you who have been following us for a while, know that Jim and I LOVE Halloween time.

"Yeah, it's the only time of year when people look at us and don't think that we're dressed funny, right, Tim?"

That's right, Jim. And with duct tape and a little imagination, you can not only save money on your halloween costume, you can also be the most popular and creatively brilliant guest at the party. For example, take a look at the one on the right... Know what it is? It's the floor of a movie theatre. This is a great gag created by our friend Joel Hodgson (of MST3K fame).

For other creative costumes that are made using duct tape, grab a copy of our book, "The Original Duct Tape Halloween Book." You can get it right now at our Duct Tape Pro Shop. If you purchase the book from us, Not only is it autographed, we'll throw in a bonus duct tape book for free! Or, if you don't have any disposable income right now, that's okay - you can get a sneak peek at some of the ideas on our Halloween pages.

Other Tape Making the News You all know what "Duck" Tape is... not only was it the original (WWII) name given to the stuff that we now generically call "Duct Tape" - it's the brand name of our favorite duct tape. Lots of colors. Always tops in quality, and continually great innovations. Duck® brand tape is now owned by Shurtape Technologies.

The latest innovation from the Shurtape people is "FROG TAPE" - a breakthrough in paint masking tape technology. But Frog tape is not just another masking tape, it's the only pro painters tape that is treated with Paintblock® technology during the manufacturing process. When latex paint comes in contact with Frog Tape, PaintBlock instantly activates and creates a micro-barrier, sealing the tape edges. It's pretty cool. And, even though it's duct tape, we still LOVE this tape - because last time we used duct tape to mask a wall we were painting? Well, you tell 'em, Jim - it was your dumb idea.

"Hey, I said I was sorry, Tim... Well, I used duct tape to mask around a window that we were painting. When we removed the duct tape, it not only ripped the paint and the paper coating off of the sheetrock, it pulled a couple of panes out of the window. I knew duct tape was strong, but never thought it was THAT strong!"

Live and learn, huh, Jim. Always make sure that you are using the right tool for the job. And if your job is painting, then FROG TAPE is the right tool. Learn more about Frog Tape on their web site:

Remember Stump the Duct Tape Guys?

Digging back into some recent history (back to 1999 and following), we thought it was a good time to take a look back at one of our more popular web features: STUMP THE DUCT TAPE GUYS. This was a contest of sorts where we threw out the challenge - We bet that there is NOT a situation nor an object that can't be fixed with duct tape. We pretty much covered every possible question imaginable - and even published the results in a book - so we aren't taking any more challenges, but the give and take is still fun to read. So, visit the Stump section. Here's a little sampling before you click away:

My vintage 1976 self-winding watch no longer self-winds. How can duct tape fix my watch so that once again it will tell me the correct time more than twice a day?
We're thinking that a good smack to the watch would free the mechanism that makes it self-wind. In order to avoid damage to the crystal during the smacking operation, wrap your watch body in four to five layers of duct tape. Hold the watch by the band, and smack the watch on the face of a duct tape roll. If your watch doesn't work after this delicate procedure, rewrap the watch in duct tape and tape a little triangle on its edge on the top of the watch face creating a wrist sundial that will never need winding - just a sunny day. – DTG

I'm a college guy who just can’t seem to get a girl. Some of them call me ugly! How can duct tape help me look better and get a girl to go out with me?
Duct tape over your entire face and attend classes as "that mysterious duct tape mask guy." The intrigue will drive all of the girls absolutely nuts. You’ll be able to get your pick of the pack. Keep your duct tape mask on through at least your first four or five dates. The girl will come to love you for the person you are inside, and not the way you look. – DTG

How can we use duct tape to get chewing gum out of my sister's hair without ripping her hair out?
Actually, we recommend WD-40 for getting gum out of hair. To avoid getting the gum into the hair next time, cover your sister's hair with duct tape. When you remove the tape your sister won't have any hair to worry about. Note: Your hearing will also be gone - due to the excessive screaming that duct tape stuck in hair creates. – DTG 

< If you like what you read, why not pick up a copy of the book at our Duct Tape Pro Shop?
They're certified by the Octane Bathroom Review as "GREAT bathroom reading!"

Best OFFICE Uses for Duct Tape
by the Duct Tape Guys, authors of The Duct Tape Book(s)

10. Who needs Post-It™ notes? Duct tape turns any piece of paper into a self-stick note.
9. Cubicle redecorating: Use Xtreme® Duck Tape (in bright fluorescent colors) as wall paper border for your dull cubicle.
8. Practical joking: Use duct tape to tape the backs of desk drawers so they won’t open.
7. Tape over the mouth of the office gossip.
6. Want more privacy? Build a roof on your cubicle with duct tape and discarded appliance boxes.
5. Always have a roll of duct tape handy to fix whatever is broken around the office. You will save the company thousands of dollars. We smell a promotion!
4. Adhere duct tape, sticky-side-out, on your office walls for a floor to ceiling self-stick bulletin board.
3. Too much internet or computer game time during office hours? Duct tape over the offender's entire computer monitor leaving bare a one inch strip across the middle. Their computer viewing will be dramatically reduced.
2. Duct tape your boss to the wall.
1. Never misplace your coffee mug again! Duct tape it into your hand.

The Duct Tape Store has moved...
We moved our Duct Tape Pro Shop to Octane Street. In an effort to update our stores and get them to a place where more people can find them, we moved them to Octane Street. Here you can still purchase our books (in the bookstore) and Duct Tape apparel (in the Humor Apparel Store). There's also a storefront for the Duct Tape Guys. Check it out and click around Octane Street - you just might discover some other humorous creations from Tim and company while you are there.
Dale's Discoveries
(A feature that will be showcasing weird stuff that our friend Dale comes up with.) Visit Dale's TallToysTroupe site

I found that a good way to get people to leave you alone in a public place is to start telling them about your recent vacation to that pig farm in Mexico.

If I had a time machine, I know I would use it to go back and change a few things. Like I would go back and NOT eat that burrito on my first (and only) date with the cutest girl in high school. But I think I might be tempted to use it for little things too, like not being late for work.

My daughter's Junior High School has a dress code that says, "Outerwear must cover underwear". I am not making that up. Not to sound old but, when I was in school, that was kind of assumed - unless you were the janitor.

I took my other daughter to register for her High School and saw a booth for the "Home Run Club". I was relieved to discover that it was raising money for the baseball team and had nothing to do with the prom.

Who said, "What doesn't kill me only makes me stronger"? What if it brings you right up to the edge of death and then leaves you in a severely weakened condition?

I am planning to attend the annual Hermits' Convention in Provo, Utah in November. Last year I was the only one there.

Why aren't there any "B" cell batteries?

I had a momentary memory loss when I was taking a shower the other day and lost my place. As a result, some parts may have been cleaner than others.

I took the online quiz "Do you have a life?" As soon as I clicked on the button to start, it said "NO".
Click here for the "Do You Have a Life?" quiz.

M&Ms don't seem to last as long as they did before I had kids.

Dale's Website Discoveries

Here is a link to an incredible short film. This is one of the best things I have seen in a long time. It is 20 minutes long so be sure you have that much uninterrupted time before you start it. I guarantee it is 20 minutes well spent.

Jim and Tim's Cool Website Finds

Only one site this time - but what a site it is. Like us, they have a thing for duct tape - and for humor in everyday life - and an affinity for stupid people... It's (drum roll, please) THERE I FIXED IT - have fun - and tell 'em that the Duct Tape Guys sent you!

Meet us at The Duct Tape Diner. We’ve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you haven’t yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories. Just like these people did:

Horticulture Tape I'd like to confirm the horticultural handiness of Duct Tape. Five years ago we were fighting a running battle with the wood pigeons in our garden (Portsmouth, UK). The heavy feathery lumps insisted on sitting in/on our young cherry tree, and at one point they'd almost snapped-off four of the branches. My husband laughed when I stuck them back together with Duct Tape, but the tree is now in fab shape and 8 foot tall. - Rachel G.

Cockroaches Foiled by Duct Tape!
Permacel P-665 Gaffer Tape [actually, any duct tape will do] is a 100% effective cockroach trap. Lay out a strip at night and pick it up in the morning. -submitted by Stan @ Filmtools

Gooey Farmers My father was a duct tape specialist from way back. His most useful project was recovering the seat on a D17 Allis-Chalmers tractor. It didn't have a cab, so after time passed with the tractor being in the sun the duct tape goo eventually oozed out of the edges and you'd come off the field with the back of your legs sticky with duct tape adhesive. - Melinda Good point to remember - if you are going to have duct tape in the head, it will ooze after a while. So cover your duct tape repair job with a sheet of plastic before using it.

Cherry Bounce - Duct Tape Style (left) When Kelly puts up bottles of Cherry Bounce (cherries, sugar and brandy allowed to co-mingle for two or three months thus yielding a tasty treat), she seals the bottles with duct tape. We think it creates the foil-capped look of a bottle of fine champagne!

Jazz Tape I've been playing jazz for almost twenty years now and duct tape is always along on our gigs! It holds sheet music to our stands on windy outdoor gigs, is great for instrument case repair, and is always available to hold wires in place to the stage floors. Last night I used it to hold a mic in place on my sax. - Stanley T., Memphis, TN

Burning Man Every year I go to Burning Man in Nevada which is THE duct tape capital of the world. New uses for duct tape are greatly appreciated over there. The best one I saw last year was a group of people walking along with quarts of beer duct taped to their hands. I asked them why they had their beers duct taped to their hands and they said they didn't have to worry about putting their beers down anywhere and forgetting them. It was one less thing to remember. Things get pretty screwy at Burning Man. One year we made a complete dress on my sister in law in duct tape. It looked really cool, but at the end of the night we had to cut it off her with scissors. Oh yeah, everything at Burning Man is held together with duct tape.- Kay

Faux State Mottos

Alabama: Yes, We Have Electricity

Alabama: Like the Third World, but Closer! (thanks to Jim Villani)

Alabama: Keeping it in the Family Since 1819 (thanks to Robert Pfaff)

Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!

Alaska: Jeez, it's Cold.

Alaska: Yeah, But It's a Dry Cold. (thanks to Andy Hynds)

Arizona: But It's a Dry Heat

Arizona: Soon To Be the Pacific Coast State (thanks to Michelle Steiner)

Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything

Arkansas: Attention K-Mart Shoppers! (thanks to Mike Tamburri)

California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda

Colorado: Now 100% John Denver Free! (thanks to John Mozena)

Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother

Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedys Don't Own It Yet

Connecticut: The Middle C is silent, Ca**hole. (thanks to Mike Dougherty)

Delaware: Everything is Smaller Here!

Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water

Florida: Get Off of My State, You Kids! (thanks to Joe Lex)

Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids

Florida: So Close, You Can Smell Fidel (thanks to Jim Villani)

Florida: More Than Just a Great Place to Die (thanks to Joe Lex)

Florida: America's Wang

Georgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism

Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)

Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes. Well Okay, Not Really, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good

Idaho: You Can Be Da Ho Next (thanks to Ken Hirlinger)

Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"

Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

Indiana: Dan Quayle's Favorite Country! (thanks to Nabeel Ibrahim)

Iowa: We Do Amazing Things with Corn

Kansas: First of the Rectangle States

Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names

Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, but That's Our Tourism Campaign

Maine: We're Really Cold, but We Have Cheap Lobster

Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It

Massachusetts: Our Taxes are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)

Massachusetts: Now with 30% Fewer Kennedys! (thanks to Brian DiMattia)

Michigan: First Line of Defense From the Canadians

Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes

Mississippi: Come and Feel Better About Your Own State

Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars at Work

Missouri: Loves Company! (thanks to Ilene Morgan)

Montana: Land Of the Big Sky, the Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, and Very Little Else

Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest

Nebraska: The "N" is for Knowledge (thanks to Chris Pultz)

Nebraska: Land of Two Seasons - Winter and Construction

Nevada: Whores and Poker!

New Hampshire: Go Away and Leave Us Alone

New Hampshire: Just Like Old Hampshire, but Newer

New Jersey: What Smell? (thanks to James Rouse)

New Jersey: You Want a ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!

New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets

New Mexico: Cleaner than Regular Mexico

New York: You Have the Right To Remain Silent, You Have the Right To an Attorney

North Carolina: Tobacco is a Vegetable

North Dakota: We Really Are One of the 50 States!

Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan

Ohio: Where One of Your Dad's Friends Lives

Ohio: It's Not Just "Hello" in Japanese (thanks to Lara Allan)

Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing

Oregon: Spotted Owl - It's What's For Dinner

Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal

Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island

Rhode Island: Small, Yes, But We Know What to Do with It! (thanks to Joe Lex)

South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender

South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota

Tennessee: The Educashun State

Texas: Si' Hablo Ing'les (Yes, I Speak English)

Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

Vermont: Yep

Vermont: Gettin' Busy with New Hampshire since 1791

Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs and Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?

Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds and Slackers!

Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?

West Virginia: One Big Happy Family - Really!

Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese

Wisconsin: Come Smell our Dairy Air

Wyoming: Where Men are Men (And The Sheep are Scared)

Nab all the cool, original Duct Tape Pro™ Duct Tape Apparel you want at the Pro Shop
The Duct Tape Pro Shop is the only place in the universe to get Genuine Duct Tape Guys Originals. There are many rip-offs available - some at major department stores, but they're illegal copyright infringements. Please don't buy them. Anything that you see on our site are our original designs and slogans.

And remember, when it comes time to buy our BOOKS - including the WD-40 Book and the entire Duct Tape genre for your dad, grandpa... friends and relatives (or yourself) there's no better place than the Pro Shop - that's because we autograph everything that we ship. And, we've got GREAT deals that you won't find anywhere else - in the world! So stop by the Duct Tape Pro Shop and see what's in store for you! Thanks for your patronage! - The Duct Tape Guys

Well, that’s it for now. Remember that you can share this FREE duct tape and humor newsletter with your friends. Just send them this address: so they can SUBSCRIBE to our email notification list.

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May the Tape be with you!
- Jim and Tim - The Duct Tape Guys

Click here for archived On a Roll Newsletters: 1/02, 2/02, 3/02, 03/19/02, 4/02, 5/02, 6/02, 7/02, 08/02, 09/02. 10/02, 11/02, 12/02, 01/03, 02/03, 03/03, 4/03, 05/03. 06/03 07/03 8/03 9/03 10/03 11/03, 12/03, 1/04, 2/04, 3/04, 4/04, 5/04, 6/04, 7/04, 8/04, 9/04, 10/04, election issue, 11/04, 12/04, 01/05, 2/05, 3/05, 4/05, 5/05, 06/05, 7/05, 08/05, 09/05, 10/05, 11/05, 12/05, 01/06, 2/06, 3/06, 4/06, 5/06, 6/06, 7/06, 8/06, 9/06,10/06,11/06, 12/06, 1/07, 2/07, 3/07. 4/07, 5/07, 6/07. 7/07, 8-9/07, 10-11/07, 12/07, 01/08, 02-03/08,4-5/08, 6-7/08, 8-9/08, 10-11/08, 12/08 and 1/09, 2-3/09, 4-5/09, 6-7/09, 8/09, 10-11/09, 12/09,