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How can duct tape keep the cat from getting worms? --- Anne

Anne: Assuming that your cat is getting worms from stuff that it's eating, there is a sure-fire way to prevent worms. Yes, duct tape over the cat's mouth. If you want to nourish it, give it an intravenous drip and duct tape the bottle of liquid food onto the cat's back. --- The Duct Tape Guys

If all you had to use as "toilet paper" was Duct Tape, would you use it? If so, Which side? --- Rod H.

Rod: How could you think of something so disgusting and disrespectful? We couldn't think of using duct tape for such a lowly task. We'd leave that duty to a lesser tape - like masking tape. --- The Duct Tape Guys

Hi, my dad occasionally gets really bad sinus drainage. How can duct tape fix his problem while still allowing him to breathe? --- Steven M.

Steven: How nice of you to ask this question on your dad's behalf. He must be proud to have such a considerate son as you. Unfortunately, neither of us are medically trained. Fortunately, though, I (Tim) have had an eight week bout of sinus drainage. To prevent the embarrassment of the drippy nose, I just put one strip of duct tape under the nostrils. No further embarrassment. If the drainage is into the throat, I would venture a guess that while little duct tape balls stuffed up into the drainage tube thingees might stop the drainage, they might in fact make your sinuses explode. So, not wishing that upon anyone, we won't recommend that you try it. Besides that, Jim tried it once and nearly gagged to death while trying to insert the duct tape balls. So, the best we can offer your dad is a copy of our Duct Tape Book Two - Real Stories. Perhaps it will help take his mind off of his miserable condition. --- The Duct Tape Guys

Dear Duct Tape Guys: How can I get my son to do his homework with Duct Tape? --- Linda

Bribe the guy with rolls of duct tape. "If you get an "A" on the next test, I will give you a 66 yard roll of Duck® brand duct tape. If you get a "B" you will get a 45 yard roll…" and so on. Homework assignments handed in on time can get a square of duct tape on a chart. When you fill the chart, you get a roll of duct tape. There you go! Simple, yet effective ideas for improving grades with duct tape. --- The Duct Tape Guys

My car battery died today. I don't have the money to get it replaced right now. How can duct tape fix it? --- Clara

Duct tape your car to the back bumper of a car heading in the direction that you are. Eventually, your alternator will charge the battery with the turning of the wheels. This gives new meaning to the term "car pooling." --- The Duct Tape Guys

How do you wrap your younger brother in duct tape from head to toe, and rip it off in less than 2 minutes without him yelling and going to tell your parents how you just tortured him? --- Mike

Mike: The answer is simple: Spray your brother down with WD-40 first. When it comes time to unwrap him, duct tape his feet to an old turntable (or lazy susan). When you pull the duct tape, your brother will unwrap and go for "spin" at the same time. (Note: Duct tape a motion-sickness bag to your brother's face first to save clean-up time.) --- The Duct Tape Guys (by the way - if you actually do this, don't blame us when you get in trouble - and you might want to read the precautions on the WD-40 can first . Come to think of it, coating your brother with vegetable oil would be safer and offer the same results.)

I have a dim, slow witted brother who doesn't help around the house. How can duct tape help? --- Tristan (King of Duct Tape)

Tristan: Being the King of Duct Tape, we are surprised that you haven't thought of duct taping your brother's feet (sticky-side-out) - as your brother slowly walks around the house, he will be doing the vacuuming for you. --- The Duct Tape Guys (You can purchase your "King of Duct Tape" shirt at The Duct Tape Pro Shop.)
If you where STARVING and there was no food or water, how could duct tape save you? --- Ryan

Lay a piece of "duct tape cloth" out on the ground overnight. It will collect dew which you can drink to replenish your thirst. And, duct tape, sticky-side up and used to cover pit traps will gather you enough woodland beasts to satisfy your hunger. --- The Duct Tape Guys

How can duct tape make your buddies on instant messenger respond to your "IM" messages over the internet? I really need to know because Jon A. from Baltimore will not answer my messages because he is obsessed with your site. --- Kim M., Baltimore

The obvious answer would be to open up our site at the same time you are instant messaging and talk about Duct Tape and The Duct Tape Guys. Heck, a chat room talking about this intriguing subject matter would probably bring the whole internet down! --- The Duct Tape Guys

What's the best way to duct tape someone the wall with a single roll? --- Jess B.

Stand them on a chair or solid box. Use most of the tape to secure their ankles and legs to the wall. The upper body will require less tape because the bulk of the body weight is supported by the taped legs. Be sure you visit our wall-taping page on our web site ( and read the warnings before you enter into this activity! --- The Duct Tape Guys

How can duct tape show the rest of the world that Macintosh computers are really fast? And not just the slow, junkers everyone thinks they are? --- Copernicus89

PCs benchmark against older Pcs, while apple benchmarks against more current chips. Apple's web site has info about how a 867mhz G4 can blow away a 1.5ghz Pentium4. Other than that hard information, I would point out that our entire site is designed on a Macintosh - a Mac designed site blows away any PC-designed site. Heck, even Microsoft's design department uses Macintoshs. Watch our Man-Made Movie segment from "Lethal Weapon" and you will see our duct tape use of a PC. --- The Duct Tape Guys

Dear Duct Tape Guys: After exploring your website, I had an uncontrollable urge to make something out of duct tape. I made duct tapre "fabric" and cut it out so I could make a purse. When I was about half-way done, my sewing machine got mad, and gave up. It took me an hour to finish the rest of my purse,
but it was such a cool project that I decided to make another one. On Monday, I took my purse to school, and everybody loved it. They all want one. I'd love to make more duct tape apparel but am having trouble figuring out what kind of sewing machine I could use to manufacture "duct tape wear". No, duct taping the duct tape together is not an option, I tried it already. Please be specific. Thanks! --- Jill

Yes, duct taping it together IS an option. That's how everyone else does it, including all of the prom dresses that you can view by clicking here: Maybe you aren't using the right kind of tape. Go for a good quality, tight thread-weave tape. We recommend Duck® brand - which will also give you a TON of fashionable colors for your creations as well as durability. --- The Duct Tape Guys
How could you take over the world with duct tape? --- Philip B., (Napoleon the 2nd)

That is classified information. On a need-to-know basis. You don't need to know. --- The Duct Tape Guys

Man I got this problem I hope Duct Tape can help me out. I was mowing my grass. The blade of my mower hit a rock and broke the blade. How can I use a roll of duct tape to fix the blade and still be able to finish cutting the grass? --- Mike

Mike: Throw that broken blade away along with the gas-sucking mower! Get yourself a goat that you tether with a long duct tape rope - allowing the beast free reign of your unfenced yard. You not only won't have to mow anymore, you will save money on gas, and be able to start up a nice little goat cheese business for yourself. --- The Duct Tape Guys

I seem to be allergic to the glue used in duct tape. I tried wearing gloves but they make it hard to move. Can Duct tape help me in any way? --- Brent W.

Bummer, man! That's a fate worse than death! The glue is a rubber-based adhesive which probably means that you are allergic to anything made of rubber - including the tires on your car! Better stop driving places immediately or you may throw your whole auto-immune system out of wack. Get a latex-allergy warning bracelet and wear it religiously. Search out hospitals that are latex-free. Change dentists... And get rid of those dusty old rubber tree plants that you have in your living room, too! To pass your time in your non-rubber world we will send you a copy of one of our books so you can still imagine the pleasures of duct taping. --- The Duct Tape Guys

How can duct tape stop the expansion of the universe? --- PCPerson

By "PC Person" are you "politically correct" or a "PC" and not a Macintosh user? In either case, we can see how you would be bothered by the expansion of the universe (being of feeble mind and all). Personally, Jim and I have no trouble with the concept of expansion (we're really good at it - take a look at our bellies in some of our photos). We deal with expansion by slitting out pant waists and duct taping in a little "V" which accommodates our middle-aged girth quite nicely. As for the Universe, it better keep expanding, because our population is growing and we have to put ourselves somewhere when we run out of room here. --- The Duct Tape Guys

How can duct tape or WD-40 overthrow the Taliban? --- Rosie

The mere fact that they possess neither of these precious American-made items, we have the advantage. Any information beyond this is strictly confidential - a matter of national security. Don't worry, they're going down, and it won't take long. --- The Duct Tape Guys

I recently had a hole in the front of my shoe that I chose to fix with duct tape. At that time I was playing 2 1/2 hours of soccer a day as well as tennis. The duct tape got worn through. How can I make duct tape stronger with duct tape while keeping my shoe light and balanced? --- T. M.

You are far too active for a Duct Tape Pro - no wonder your repair job didn't hold up. Just apply more duct tape - and make sure it is a good quality duct tape. Remember, spare the duct tape and spoil the job. --- The Duct Tape Guys

I live in Baltimore, Maryland and as many people know, as far as baseball goes, our team sucks. Is there any possible way that the Orioles could get any better, cause it's quite obvious that they can't get much worse. I was thinking of possible ways to improve the team and I realized that duct tape was A route that we have never considered! Any possible suggestions would be greatly appreciated! --- Jon A. Jr

Sure! For the ultimate home field advantage, put duct tape sticky-side-up on the baselines. Let your own team know so they don't run on the tape. Also, duct tape sticky-side-out in the gloves of your fielders will give them the advantage. We could go on, but our own hometown teams are paying us to keep these a secret. --- The Duct Tape Guys

Wanting to look cool around my friends, I started growing my hair a couple months ago, my parents hated it and forced me to cut it. After I stopped crying, I decided I would think of an ingenious way of gettin garound this problem, but I couldn't. Thats where you come, how can I use duct tape to make my parents not force me to cut my hair so I can look cool like you two guys. --- Nick

See Tim's hair - it's a wig duct taped into his duct tape headband. You do the same. Cut your hair a respectable length for your parents and wear your duct tape mullet headband when you leave the house. --- The Duct Tape Guys (By the way, Jim has about an eighth inch of hair.)

Here's a subject that has been bugging me quite a bit. It's the second law of entropy (disorder will always increase in a system unless energy is spent to prevent it). Now that seems very closed minded to me. Isn't any one set up of a system just as likely as any other? And who gets to decide which ones are called "ordered"? How can I use duct tape to convince my science teachers and anybody I happen to meet on the street and feel the need to convince of my views on this topic? --- Rheem

If you stick any system together with duct tape - ain't nothin' gonna disorder it (without a great deal of struggle). We hope that answers your question - because frankly, we don't have a clue what you are talking about. --- The Duct Tape Guys
My eyes are always hurting from my contacts. How can duct tape stop the burning? --- Lindsay

Duct tape little bottles of moisturizing eye drop above each eye. When your eyes get dry, relief is just a bottle-squeeze away. --- The Duct Tape Guys

How many cats can you duct tape together with one roll? --- Jonathan W.

It depends on how big the cats are and how big the roll of duct tape is. --- The Duct Tape Guys

I dropped the tooth paste cap down the sink. I am not lying. Now every time I fill up the sink, it won't go back down. How can duct (duck tape) tape help me fix this? --- Alexandra

Remove the trap under the sink and remove the trapped cap - this will clear the drain. (Replace the trap before running the water.) Next, throw the toothpaste cap away and replace it with a little "V" of duct tape with a pin hole in it. When you squeeze the tube it will make a cute little toothpaste noodle on your brush. --- The Duct Tape Guys

Although I have already hypothesized a possible duct tapic solution to this problem, I am interested in your corroboration. Here's the problem... In the not so distant future, we will as proven not to be hypothetical by Hollywood, eventually be annihilated by an incoming asteroid or comet unless we can come up with some daredevil oil derrick workers who are willing fix up our problem. How can duct tape limit this eventuality to something less than another ice age with limited loss of life? I'd prefer a chilly spell. Thanks. --- Michael S.

Wow! All we worry about is running out of duct tape! It must be depressing having to worry about that asteroid stuff. We had no idea that oil derrick workers were trained in asteroid aversion (we must have missed that movie). We could suggest that if an asteroid or comet of deadly proportions is heading toward the earth that you duct tape your head between your legs (that way you your lips will be closer to your butt so you can kiss it goodbye). However, we assume that you will not accept that as a valid answer to your question. Therefore (so we do not further depress ourselves by considering this inevitable doom, we will grant you the coveted and mail you a copy of one of our books (and a flat pack of Duck® brand duct tape to assist you in the discovery of a suitable asteroid deflection device). --- The Duct Tape Guys

I am looking at colleges right now and i have a rep. form a college coming to interview me at my home. It is a technical college so I want to show my creativity with Duct tape. How can I impress this rep.? --- WVGolferGuy

The first thing you want to do is show the guy that you are well read. Have all of our books and Page-A-Day calendars in plain sight where he interviews you. Remember, we also wrote The WD-40 Book. All of these books are available at the Duct Tape Pro Shop. Next, wallpaper (at least borders) with duct tape. Have a few chair legs repaired with duct tape. Cover the coffee table with a layer of duct tape "to protect the fine wood finish from beverage rings". If you have a pet, cover them entirely in duct tape to prevent the introduction of pet dander into the air (a courtesy to your interviewer who you assumed might be burdened with pet alergies). In fact, flip to any page in any of our four books and you will find usable information to impress the tech college dude. And, by all means, have your Duct Tape Tech diploma hanging on the wall and wear your Duct Tape Tech t-shirt to show the guy that you have already graduated from a quality institution - thereby showing him that you have the wherewithall to stick with an educational institution until matriculating. (Duct Tape Tech stuff is also available at the Duct Tape Pro Shop.) There you go! Thanks for the vehicle to advertise our stuff (all of which makes really cool gifts for any Occasion! --- The Duct Tape Guys

Is there any way I can stop my tv from buzzing without taping it to a bus and getting a new one? --- David Schueller

The buzzing is probably from one of two things: A busted speaker (which duct tape on the speaker cone will easily remedy), or static from poor reception (which duct taping a couple of static-free dryer sheets onto the antenna should take care of). --- The Duct Tape Guys

I lost my hairbrush, how can duct tape help me? --- godz girl

Nothing says "no need for a hairbrush" like a bald head. And nothing says "bald head" like getting duct tape stuck in your locks. Get the picture? --- The Duct Tape Guys
My boyfriend is a terrible kisser, one of those yucky sticky wet ones. If he knew I thought this it would kill him. I will deal with it (it's not that big of a deal, but I would rather not) How can I use duct tape to teach him how to kiss without him knowing? --- Amber

Amber: Your boyfriend suffers from movie-kisser-itus. The problem is that his only experience in learning to kiss has been from watching movies where the actors usually look like they are performing mouth-to-mouth resuscitation rather than kissing. It is YOUR responsibility to teach your boyfriend that there is another (some would say, more palatable) way to kiss. If he doesn't oblige you, duct tape his slobber-puss shut until he conforms. --- The Duct Tape Guys

I want to duct tape our hot water heater to the overhead joists. We keep our hot water heater at 130 degrees. Will the exterior of the water heater effect the Duct Tape? We live in an area that has earthquakes and I cannot secure the heater to the wall so can only go to the joists. --- Victoria T., Belleview, WA

If you look for a tape (by any manufacturer) that says "DUCT" on it - it should meet certain heat standards - as it is used on Duct Work. Check with your local hardware store. Also - there is a professional tape that HVAC workers use that is metal-based with the same rubber-based adhesive. This definitely will withstand 130 degrees. --- The Duct Tape Guys

Please Help me, the other day I was in the store shopping for duct tape (as usual) when I noticed the many brands of duct tape. I sat for hours puzzled over each brand's unique features, but could not decide on which to buy before the store closed! How can I use duct tape (and which brand?) to help me decide? --- Bill L.

No question! Duck® brand duct tape is our favorite for quality and quantity of colors and innovation. Look for the Duck! --- The Duct Tape Guys

I want to cover my old clunker's heavily stained seats with duck tape (black and white cow spots) but my dad says the edges of the tape will ooze in our Texas heat and everything will end up sticky. Is this true? --- Amy

Yup - that's true - it may help if you use Duck® brand's UV coated tape. But the heat will still cause the tape to ooze after a while. I suggest you do the seats in duct tape - as you wish, then put a clear plastic cover over the seats to protect your clothes from the ooze. --- The Duct Tape Guys

My closet door fell off its hinges when me and a friend has trapped my cousin in there on my last birthday. How can duct tape help me fix my door? And how can it help me trap her in there again this birthday (it's coming up again)? --- Sarah R.

Duct tape is hinge on a roll! Just tape the door back in place on the hinge side. When it's time to trap her again, tape all the way around. Remember: Spare the duct tape and spoil the job! --- The Duct Tape Guys

Hi! When I was 4, I got a Shave and Fun Ken Barbie Doll and when you shave his beard it grows back. When my sister saw it (she was 10) she said that if you cut off the real hair on his head it would grow back. I was only little so I believed her. Well, it hasn't grown back yet (duh!) and I was wondering if you could figure out how to make it look like he still has hair. --- Laura M.

Thank goodness for the Duct Tape Hair Club for Men! Duct tape comes in a variety of colors that would make Ken a lovely head of hair. Stunning black, Ken-doll brown, Steve Martin white, or Boy George pink. You pick the color, wrap it around Ken's head and he's ready to date Barbie again! --- The Duct Tape Guys

Recently my friends house burnt down, everything was lost. How is duct tape going to rebuild her house, and put all of her stuff back unharmed? --- Skatergirl

We have answered a similar question which makes your question ineligible to stump us. However, we'd like to give you an "ounce of prevention" hint to keep this from happening in the future. Smoke detectors are often ineffective because the batteries are dead or missing. Do what we do: Duct tape some Jiffy Pop popcorn containers onto your ceiling in various parts of your house. If you wake up in the middle of the night and hear and smell popcorn popping, you know it's time to get out of your house. Don't take time to gather together your valuables, they're just stuff and can be replaced. Get yourself and your family to safety. When you rebuild your house, the abundant use of duct tape will both save construction dollars (allowing you to buy more stuff) and make your house just that much more fire retardant. Tape on! --- The Duct Tape Guys

My trumpet is clogged with something, and I don't know how to get it out, I am to cheap to take it in and get it fixed. How can Duck Tape help me? --- Spiffyduck

Drill holes all over your trumpet until you find the clog. Patch the holes with duct tape. We believe that this method was actually invented by Dizzy Gillespie in the 1950s. --- The Duct Tape Guys

I'm taking a trip to Europe in June of 2002. Is there any way that duct tape could forecast with
100% accuracy what the weather will be like so I don't have to pack any more things that I won't
need? --- mikesluh

Bring a roll of duct tape and you will be prepared for whatever kind of weather there happens to be, rain or shine. Duct tape over any item of apparel makes it waterproof, and duct tape over your skin provides 100% UV block. --- The Duct Tape Guys

I wondering how to use Duck Tape to get my professor to ask questions that match the stuff I memorize!! --- F.

Duct tape over all of the questions on the test that you don't know the answers to, answer the ones that you do know with 100% accuracy. Write a note on the test that in the interest of saving time (yours and your professor's correction time), you have selected random questions to answer. The unanswered questions would have been answered with the same degree of accuracy. --- The Duct Tape Guys

My husband recently ran off with his secretary. Can you help? ---Rene

Can we help? No, Jim and I are married (not to each other - we're not that way). Can duct tape help? Well, yes. Duct tape is a great marriage saver - some of our suggestions in this matter are listed in the stump archives - read through them. If your husband's secretary's cleavage is the attractant, duct tape your own bossom into a more appealing cleve. If her hair is the attractant, no guy can resist a long, lovely Lana Turner doo made entirely out of duct tape. Once you get the schmuck back in within your grasp, duct tape a chastity belt onto the loser. --- The Duct Tape Guys

How can I use duct tape to make a rappeling device (lets you go down a cliff without killing yourself) to use with my duct tape climbing harness? I have tried using the sticky side and I got stuck, the other side will melt. --- Brian C.

Fold the tape over onto itself in thirds (sticky-side-in) and repeat - making a six layer "rope". If this method can pull a 2000 car out of a ditch, it should work as a rappeling rope. --- The Duct Tape Guys
Can duct tape end world hunger? --- Duct tape woman

We believe the more people who become acquainted with and put into practice our motto, "It Ain't Broke, It Just Lacks Duct Tape." the more people will be saving money by fixing old stuff and recycling... thereby not having to purchase new stuff... and having more money to give to organizations like Feed the Children, etc. So, yes, Duct Tape can end world hunger. --- The Duct Tape Guys
My clock keeps on losing it time and always wake up to 3 hours late and find it blinking with the wrong time? Can you help with ducttape? --- Meir M.

Throw that clock away! Make a duct tape rope that has one end taped to your toe and the other end fed out of your bedroom window and attached to your neighbor's car bumper. Every day when they leave for work, the duct tape rope will literally pull you out of bed. (Duct tape a scissors to your window frame so you can cut the rope before you are pulled out onto the street.) This hint assumes that you have a neighbor that leaves for work at precisely the correct time every day. If not - move. --- The Duct Tape Guys
How do you get a bunch of teenagers at a Catholic church's youth group to love duct-tape? --- Gary L.

Have them all gather around and listen to the Gospel According to Duct Tape. Then, give them each a roll of duct tape, divide them up into teams of four people, and have them create something using only the duct tape and one expendable item from the church. --- The Duct Tape Guys
How can duct tape help me cut my vegetables for a stew I'm making? --- Carolyn

Duct tape two butcher knife blades onto each of your feet. Put your vegetables on the floor. Duct tape your hands to your sides. Now crank up that Riverdance music! Your vegetables will be pulverized in no time and you will be fit and trim from all of the aerobic dancing. --- The Duct Tape Guys
Hey, I was listening to my 8-track yesterday, and I got really annoyed by the clicking sound it made after each song. How do I make it stop clicking? --- Waldo

8-Track?! You are still spinning your wheels in the sixties! Duct tape your old 8-track player to the back of a south-bound bus and go out and buy yourself a CD or MP3 player. In the meantime, stuff duct tape in your ears and you won't hear the annoying clicking. --- The Duct Tape Guys
If you where putting up a shed and your hammer broke, and you still had a lot of nails to put in how would you get the rest of them in with duck tape? --- charlie

If you have duct tape, you don't need a hammer... or nails. Duh! --- The Duct Tape Guys
How can I use duct tape to repel sharks while I am surfing? --- Liea R.

Duct tape your your surf board on the top of a boat and ride the board out of the water in complete safety. Either that or duct tape harpoons all over your body so the sharks pass you up and go for easier prey (lunch). --- The Duct Tape Guys

How can I rosin my bow (to play the cello) with only duct tape? --- Supergirl

Supergirl is asking US for help?! Skip the rosen and just stretch duct tape, sticky-side-out around the strings. Try it and let us know how it works. --- The Duct Tape Guys
I have this problem- when my little sister uses the duct tape she messes up and end up splitting the tape down the middle and twisting it into a BIG mess and it takes hours to fix. Is their any shorter way to fix this? --- Brian

Buy your sister her own roll. --- The Duct Tape Guys
How many horses feet can be held together with one roll of duck tape? I have used duck tape on race horses feet in all kinds of weather over all track surfaces for 25 years. I think a roll of duct tape can be used on 20 horses with 3 wraps per foot. Hope I win! --- Cheri B.

Too many variables. Too many types and qualities of duct tape. Too many different lengths of rolls. Too many varying degrees of horse hoof sizes and too many different degrees of damage. Sorry, you don't win anything, but the satifaction of being one of the "duct tape enlightened." --- The Duct Tape Guys
How can I laminate a piece of paper with duct tape so that I can still read all of the words on the piece of paper. (that means I don't want to rewrite everything on top of the duct tape.) --- Brian N.

Write with an ink that has a high radium content. Laminate the sheet of paper. Then, read your paper with an X-ray machine. Or, use duct tape on the back of the sheet for strength and durability, and a lesser tape (like transparent or package sealing tape) on the front for readability. --- The Duct Tape Guys

How can I use the one roll of duct tape that I have to end communisim in say, China? --- Kaptain Cnowledge

Assuming that you are versed in political rhetoric, fluent in Chinese, and public speaking; duct tape yourself to the hull of the next ship leaving for China. When you get there, go to work! (Remember to mention to them that a major benefit of capitalism is the ready availability of duct tape.) --- The Duct Tape Guys
How do you save the rainforest with duct tape? --- Tamsy & Pamsy R.

First, duct tape the blades and the starter cords of the chainsaws that are cutting down the trees. Then, put duct tape in the gas tanks of the heavy equipment and trucks used to clear the wood (it will dissolve and screw up their engines, making them incapable of running). Then, you teach the locals how to make duct tape clothing, wallets and other accessories, giving them another means of making a living... exporting duct tape ware. Those are just a few starter ideas. We could go on, but right now we have to go and boycott McDonalds for selling beef that was raised on the cleared rainforest land. --- The Duct Tape Guys

Let's say you are out riding the trails on your bike and you shear your lower support tube. How can you fix it with duct tape and have your frame rigid enough to make a long climb (remember you are in the middle of the woods), since sticks are too flimsy and rocks don't come in the right shape for support? --- Josef

Okay, Let's say you just walk your bike to the nearest abandoned railroad track, take up a section of rail, and duct tape it to the broken bike frame. Not only will this hold, you will develop massive leg muscles when pedalling home. --- The Duct Tape Guys
How fast can I go with duct tape holding the trailer doors shut on the back of my truck ? Must I not exceed 100 miles per hour (since they call it 100 mph tape)? Can I go, say 150 miles per hour and safely assume the doors will stay shut? --- Chele

Use enough tape and the doors will hold way past the limit of your engine. We guarantee it! (Guarantee doesn't cover your speeding ticket, loss of wages due to loss of driver's license, collateral comprehensive and liability damages, etc.. Our guarantee reward is limited to a free Jumbo Duct Tape Book if duct tape fails you.) --- The Duct Tape Guys
How can you punch perfect holes in a sheet of paper by just using duct tape? --- Becky M.

Actually, the perfect hole in our estimation is one that is filled with duct tape. So, what you do is rip a hole in a sheet of paper, any size or shape you wish, then cover both sides of the hole with duct tape. There! The perfect hole! You can do the same with a hole in your yard. Dig a hole, any size or shape, fill it with duct tape wads, then cover the hole with duct tape - either classic silver or grass green to blend in with your yard. There you have it again! Another perfect hole! --- The Duct Tape Guys (We are assuming that you think you us fair and square... well, okay. Send us your mailing address and we will send you some free junk.)

always have trouble standing up in the pool because my feet always slip. How can I use duct tape to help this problem? --- Gene I.

Duct tape your feet firmly to the decking around the edge of the pool... preventing your entry into the pool. --- The Duct Tape Guys

Suppose I am at my computer, and I have opened up an email to send to you guys. I have one (1) roll of duct tape right by my computer. A burglar comes in. He ties my hands together behind my back with 18 layers of duct tape, and does the same with my feet. he steals everything but my computer, the chair I am in, and my one roll of duct tape. Then he leaves. I can use the mouse and keyboard on my computer by typing and moving the mouse and clicking with my tongue. How can the roll of duct tape I have next to my computer (I can reach it) help me get untied? --- Max

When this actually happens, let us know and we will notify the authorities. --- The Duct Tape Guys
I work on stage crews a lot, duck tape was my favorite tool/adhesive/cure-all until I discovered gaff tape. At times we still have to use duck on wires and such. On these crews we don't have time to deal with stiff wires caused by leaving the tape on, and can't deal with the sticky residue. Also because of the constant hurry we don't have time to soak or scrub with WD-40, which might damage the insulation. If you can come up with a fast enough way to remove the residue it would save a lot of trouble for stage hands around the world. --- Daniel B.

To get rid of the residue (as you say) WD-40 works, and is rather benign and will not damage the cord insulation (you can actually use it on spark-plug cables in older cars to keep the rubber from getting brittle during aging). If you want a quicker remove, since duct tape uses a rubber-based adhesive, use a rubber cement thinner. Caution: this stuff is flammable and not kind on your hands (or your lungs). Use sparingly. Or, you could just duct tape over the residue. --- The Duct Tape Guys
I have been trying to convince my parents to let me go visit my friend in NYC for the weekend( I live in Philadelphia). They have not met this person, as I met them on a trip I went on this summer. Their main objection is that this friends parents won't be there for the weekend. Also, they dont seem to recognize my proficiency with duct tape as sign of responsibility!! How can duct tape help me convince them? --- Rheem

Who do you think we are, Dear Abby? There is no tape required. Just don't waste it! Have your friend come to your house where your parents can supervise. --- The Duct Tape Guys
My wife and I have ten children and was told that there was a way to use duct tape to do a at home vasactomy? --- Michael H.

Sure, first, wrap duct tape around your head so tight that it is painful (this will take your focus from pain in your lower regions. Shave your privates. Then, you (or your wife) make the cut and tie (be careful you are cutting the right stuff). Then, duct tape makes for a great suture when you are done. --- The Duct Tape Guys
I am a web Master working on a web page. My problem is that the tags that i am using are not compatable with IE 3.0. How can duct tape fix this? --- Brian N.

Wrap duct tape around a large rock and any Microsoft product you own. Then, next time you are out boating, throw it overboard. --- The Duct Tape Guys
At the end of the year, my 365 Days of Duct Tape calendar will run out. I'm a poor college student and can't afford to buy another one. How can Duct Tape help me solve this problem? --- Elly

Easy! Write your request on several pieces of paper and duct tape these Christmas/holiday gift lists onto your parents' cupboards next time you are home. You should find at least one copy of the calendar (maybe even our new book, The Jumbo Duct Tape Book, and even some Duct Tape Pro Apparel from The Duct Tape Pro Shop) in your Christmas/holiday gifts. --- The Duct Tape Guys
How can duct tape be used to prepare an 8 course meal in 1 hour with only one chef? --- kirdiemorph

Jim and I do this all the time. Wrap a hot dog in duct tape (so it doesn't explode all over the microwave oven), slice the heated dog into a vat of baked beans. Open up six cans of beer. Consume. There you go, eight courses, one chef. --- The Duct Tape Guys
How can I use duct tape to produce electricity? --- Brett

Duct tape a small hydro-electric turbine on to the front bumper of your car. Seal the entire bottom of your car with duct tape (making it waterproof). Duct tape a 90 degree angle geared axel shaft onto one or both of your rear wheels. Attach a properler onto the end(s) of the 90 degree axel shaft(s). Hook up a large storage battery to the turbine. Now, take a leisurely drive up the river. By the time you return to shore, you will have enough electricity stored up to watch The Duct Tape Guys on the TBS Man Made Movie! --- The Duct Tape Guys
One thing that you can't fix with duct tape is a dead battery!! Did I stump you?? --- Mary Lou

Sure you can! Just do what we mentioned above, only hook the cables from the turbine up to your car battery instead of the storage battery. --- The Duct Tape Guys

A hypothecial problem: I live in a really, REALLY poor country. I am one of the lucky ones who have plumbing. I know about duct tape because on one of my daily walks I found the book "The Jumbo DUCT TAPE Book". I read it and wanted some duct tape to fix the leaking plumbing i have. The only problem is the since i live in a really, REALLY poor country no one has any money to buy any duct tape. Another problem is that there is no duct tape any where around. What do I do? --- Leslie

Since this is just a hypothetical problem, and imagined problem if you will, just IMAGINE yourself to have lots of duct tape and, for the heck of it, lots of money. It's as simple as that. --- The Duct Tape Guys
A few days ago I took a roll of film in to be developed, but the girl behind the counter screwed up and exposed it to light before developing. Now all the pictures come out completely blank. How can I use duct tape to recover my precious lost images. --- Rachel

Bummer! Next time, put a strip of duct tape over the film canister with the name and address of your lawyer printed on it and the amount of monetary damages be sought if anything happens to your film. This time, I guess you us! --- The Duct Tape Guys

I just finished a great pair of pants made entirely out of duct tape. They're almost perfect, except one thing. Too many wrinkles! How do I straighten out these pants? Wouldn't want three rolls of duct tape to go to waste. --- Nick ., State College, PA

And what's wrong with wrinkles? One of the endearing qualities about duct tape apparel is that it wrinkles to beat the band (Come to think of it though, I have never seen a wrinkled band.). We think the wrinkles add character. If you don't want wrinkles, go with another plastic product, polyesther (yuck!). If you want to get rid of the wrinkles in the duct tape, rent a steam roller and drive over your pants (remove your body first). --- The Duct Tape Guys
My Girlfriend and I are trying to make prom costumes and we have a big problem. First we can't make big duct tape squares, or any other element of the dress/tux without tons of air bubbles. How can we fix this? Second How can we make the dress/tux look like actual clothing instead of something from an 80s teckno video by Styx? Please please help us! --- Volnye

Make squares on a plastic cutting board. One side at a time. Pull up the square, flip it, and tape the other side perpendicular to the strips on the flip side. If you get an air bubble, use a razor blade to slit them and press the air out. Trace a dress/suit pattern on the sheets of duct tape material that you have made, cut it out, tape it together. --- The Duct Tape Guys
How can I build a car completely out of Duck Tape without using any other substance, and how can it be sturdy enough to transport eight 200 pound people. --- Gokuu S.

Dear Gokuu: We know the answer to your question, have complete plans, and will share them for the very reasonable price of $1.2 million plus 2% of your gross income for the first ten years. Just think, with that little money, you'd be starting an entire car company that, with the right marketing, could easily compete with the big four (or big three and one half as the case may be). It's indeed a real bargain! Have your lawyers contact our lawyers and we can have the paperwork drawn up. --- The Duct Tape Guys
P.S. Our plans are for a car that carries TEN full-grown adults (or thirteen partially grown adults).

I have entered, answered, attempted to stump, saved, and submitted everything I could think of to win something off of your site. Please!! how can duck tape help me win?? i use duck tape for everything, and I am only 15! imagine what kind of duck tape addict I will be when 20! 30! Please, if I win something now, I may have a chance of leading a normal duck tape life, but if not, who knows. So, my question is, how can i use duck tape to help me win? --- rachel

Your question sounds familiar - we may have answered it before (read the archives prior to asking questions). However, by using duct tape to repair stuff instead of buying new when something breaks, you will soon have enough money to go shopping at the Duct Tape Pro Shop - there you can purchase the same stuff that people (albeit very few people) win when they stump us. And, hopefully, Rachel, you will be a duct tape addict your entire life - well past your 30s! --- The Duct Tape Guys
I get uncontrollable farting spells, and its strong enough to blow holes in Duck Tape. Is there any way I can use Duck Tape to stop these farting spells? --- Jeff C.

If you can actually blow a hole through duct tape with your expelled intestinal gas, you will have indeed both stumped and amused us. Name the place and time that we can witness this event, pay for our airfare and lodging, and we'll be there. If your claim proves true, we will gladly award you with one of our fabulous prize packages (all for the cost of a couple of airline tickets and a moderately priced hotel). --- The Duct Tape Guys
Hi. I used your cow taping technique and the cow doesn't like it because it can't move. How can Duct Tape remove the Duct Tape without hurting the cow? --- Gokuu

You have to tape in more flexibility (less tight) around the joints. Just pull that tape off - it's a massage and loose hair removal in one easy step. ---- The Duct Tape Guys
Eight Annoying Questions from David:
a) My non-stick fryingpan surface is scratched, and my eggs stick to it while frying. How can I use Duct Tape to fix the teflon coating so that my eggs won't stick to the frying pan surface?
b) How much duct tape would I have to use to wrap up a black-hole, so that
it is large enough to see.
c) How can I use duct-tape to become the elected president of the USA... (bearing in mind that I am not a US citizen)
d) How can I use duct-tape to help me factorize prime numbers used in 2048 bit encryption public key cryptography techniques, so that I can win the $10,000 prize. (I'll share it with you if you actually figure this one out...)
d) Duct tape yourself to a mathematician until he figures it out and split the prize with him. We don't need your money, all we need is duct tape.
e) How can I use different coloured duct-tapes to create a laser? (This one is possible... But it's a good STUMP anyway...)
f) How can I use duct-tape to stop the earth's precession. (That's the wobble that occurs in the earth's axis about every 50 thousands years or so).
g) How can I use duct-tape to built a thermonuclear reactor... (This one is also possible, and one kid actually did this... With duct-tape... It's on the Internet ...) It's not a stump, but it's not on your site either.
h) How can I fold duct-tape to make a piece of double-sided stickytape that has no holes in the middle (eg, like when you roll up some duct tape to stick a poster to a wall, and it doesn't stick the poster flat, because it's like a cylinder.)

Eight Answers from the Duct Tape Guys:
a) Throw the pan away. Duct tape a paper plate, put the egg on the plate, put the plate in the microwave.
b) More tape than you could afford - so this is a moot question.
c) Read our Duct Tape Guys for President platform... that's how. (Now if we could just figure out how to get on the ballot.)
Not a U.S. citizen? As annoying as you are with all of your questions, I'm sure that if you run, they would give it to you just to shut you up.
d) Duct tape yourself to a mathematician until he figures it out and split the prize with him. We don't need your money, all we need is duct tape.
e) If you know how, why are you asking?
f) Make a huge pile of duct tape on one side of the earth to stablize the wobble.
g) Reread the article and follow their instructions (if you dare).
h) Roll it sticky-side-out, attach to itself, now fold the tape one quarter of the tape over onto itself. Repeat with the other outside looped quarter. There, no
looped edges.
New Rule: Only one question per person per month (blame David, the pesky question asker).

I am a beach cleaner, how can duct tape help? --- Fellow duct tape user, Zach

This is going to take a LOT of duct tape (but the duct tape companies won't mind that): 1) wrap the feet of everyone with duct tape, sticky-side-out, under the auspices of protecting them from the hot sand and "sand mites." Then, as they walk around the beach, the junk will stick to the tape. Set up used tape disposal sites right next to the beach shower. Presto! Clean beach! --- The Duct Tape Guys

Ok, the whole deal with duct tape is to be prepared for everything, right? Well, what if aliens abduct the world's supply of duct tape? You know like do that star trek "beam me up scotty" thing to it all. and to prevent the production of more duct tape, they abduct all the factory workers and plants and stuff. Where will we be then? Do we have an alternative to duct tape if duct tape suddenly disappears? And also, what if they don't take it, but put something in it to make it defective? The result would be catastrophic, utter chaos. How can this be avoided? I would sleep a lot better if you could lay my fears to rest. --- Crisco

Stop it! You're just depressing us with your hypothetical gibberish. Start to think more positively! We suggest that you focus on luring aliens to our planet through the use of duct tape as bait. When they come, instruct them on the manufacture and use of duct tape in exchange for life-saving information that they might possess. --- The Duct Tape Guys
I recently was awarded a fine of $350 for speeding on the highway, and was wondering how duct tape could help prevent me from getting another such fine. It wasn't photo radar, so taping the licence plate won't work. --- Tori

Duct tape a brick or two by four to your car's floorboard underneath the gas pedal. This will limit the amount that you can depress the accelerator - effectively acting as a governor for your engine. You'll may get a ticket for going too slow, but at least you'll be a little practice driving in for your "golden years". --- The Duct Tape Guys

My dad is a veterinarian and works mostly on cows. A big part of his job is to put his hand up the cows butt and feel around for diseases or signs of disease. He is used to it by now, but I have yet to meet a boy under age 20 that wants to be a veterinarian. Is there any way duct tape or WD-40 could help the many girls I meet that want to be veterinarians. Remember: they will have to be able to feel minute bumps and big bumps. --- Sam

Girls wouldn't be so squeamish as guys - remember the stuff that they have to deal with during child birth and changing diapers and stuff. (Yes, we know, there are liberated guys out there that change diapers, but not without the help of a strip of duct tape under their noses and a lot of gag reflex going on during the process.) Girls would just cram their hands up the cows butts - no duct tape needed... unless it's to duct tape the cow's hind feet to the floor so Bessie doesn't kick when being proctologized. (Did we just coin a new word?) --- The Duct Tape Guys
I once towed a British sports car with a roll of Duct tape (an entire roll probably was overkill, but as usual, we had plenty). Anyway, my problem is while scuba diving I always tape any lost treasures I find onto my lift, only to find they remain to be lost treasures when I surface. Please help! --- McDiver

Make a duct tape pouch for your treasures that you can hang over your shoulder while diving (shown in illustration). Larger treasures, make a duct tape sling to fit around the treasures. Make the sling from three or four plys of duct tape (depending on the weight of your treasures. Note that while duct tape won't stick to wet stuff, it still retains its strength even when wet. --- The Duct Tape Guys

Make a school bag by covering a grocery bag entirely in duct tape. Add a couple of duct tape straps and you have yourself a backpack that will last you all the way through college. Now, go and get your can of WD-40 and spray it on your stuck "CAP LOCK" key. --- The Duct Tape Guys
Is it possible to cure throat cancer with only duct tape? --- Ed M.

Prevent - not cure. (A strip of duct tape over the mouth prevents, cigarettes, pipes, cigars, and chewing tobacco from entering - thereby reducing the possibility of throat cancer to nil.) If you are a smoker, work on duct taping your tobacco products shut so us non-smokers don't develop lung cancer from your second hand smoke. (By the way... our submission guidelines for Stump the Duct Tape Guy prohibit asking health questions. Before you submit a Stump - please take time to read the guidelines. Thanks.) --- The Duct Tape Guy
I have come to realize that I am, in fact, allergic to duct tape. When I smell duct-tape I sneeze. When I touch duct-tape I sneeze. When I see duct-tape I sneeze. When I write about duct-tape in an E-mail, I asdf sdg sgd , erm, sneeze. How can I use duct-tape to alleviate the symptoms, so that I can make more use of Duct Tape. --- David

Gee - sorry to hear that - if you weren't allergic to the stuff, I would have send you a roll - or one of our books. But, since you are so allergic to it - even thinking about it must make your brain itch. I guess you stumped us in that we don't know what to send you having stumped us. --- The Duct Tape Guys
Okay, I give up. I admit. I love duct tape. I love WD-40. I can't live without the stuff. I love your web site. I hit "refresh" ten times a day to see if you've answered any more questions. I watch it like a sitcom, pulling in family members to watch. Obviously, I'm a bit deranged. So my question is -- can duct tape somehow cure me? --- jim

Sure - just get your roll and duct tape over your computer monitor. Then, get your butt off the chair and go fix stuff with duct tape. Soon the activity of fixing stuff will take over your desire to read about others fixing stuff. In a week or two (the time it takes to form a habit) you will be cured. --- The Duct Tape Guys
I would like to know how you would fix an exhaust manifold on a 1953 ford tractor. (By the way the temp has reached up to 400 degrees before.) --- Adam BEEF R.

Cut apart a tin can or two, wrap the flattened can metal around the exhaust manifold hole(s), hold the cans to the manifold with duct tape. Make sure that the duct tape that you use is called "Duct Tape" - for to be labeled as such, it must meet the heat standards of HVAC applications. Now, we don't know of any tape that is manufactured to withstand 400°, so we suggest that you apply a LOT of tape - that way, when it melts around the cans, it will make a kind of gooey "weld" that should stay in place long enough for you to raise the money to fix it the "right way." --- The Duct Tape Guys
I was wondering: If I was in a plane crash over the ocean and all food and flotation devices were destroyed how would a roll of duct tape help me survive and be rescued? --- Ed

Something would be left floating (like your seat cushion - which, as they always tell you, can be used as a flotation device). As the plane is going down, duct tape yourself to the seat cushion. Hopefully the plane will crack in half near where you are sitting so you can float out with ease. Note: you can NOT duct tape stuff when it is wet - therefore, it is imperative that you tape yourself to whatever you will trust to float BEFORE the plane hits the water. --- The Duct Tape Guys
How can you use duct tape to make waffles in a George Foreman grill?

The grill works just fine making waffles without duct tape. It's just that the waffles look more like pancakes because they are missing that waffle pattern. To fix this, just duct tape over the soles of your "waffle stompers" - you know, those hiking boots with the waffle pattern on the bottom. Next, walk on your George Forman "pancakes" to deboss them with that waffle pattern you desire. --- The Duct Tape Guys
I dropped my FULL can of WD-40 and managed to drop a welder on it when I went to pick it up, and made a hole in the top. It was leaking ever where (only a small hole/split) but I put it upright, and after all the gas escaped, it didn't work anymore. The hole is too small to tip the remaining contents out, and there is a full (almost) can of WD-40 in it. I thought of duct-taping the hole up, and pumping it full of air from a bike pump somehow, but I discovered that Duct Tape doesn't stick to the can once I get some pressure in there, and the WD-40 gets on the duct tape. How do I fix my can of WD-40? --- David

You are not applying enough duct tape. Heck, guys have repaired hydraulic hoses with duct tape. It should stick. But, if you think about it, you can probably get a new can of WD-40 for $2 to $3... so why waste duct tape? --- The Duct Tape Guys

My cat, who I have had for seven years has a kidney stone, is there anyway that duct tape or WD-40 can help me? --- J. Doe

No, I'm sorry, your cat will have to suffer through passing the stone. However, duct tape can be used to muffle your ears so you don't hear the feline screams of sheer agony while getting rid of the rock. --- The Duct Tape Guys

How could duct tape be used to fix the leaning tower of Pisa? --- Ross D.

We actually tackled this subject in our second book, "Duct Tape Book Two - Real Stories" when we did our round the world tour. You can see our slideshow from that trip by clicking on the viewer on our main page, or by purchasing our second book at the Duct Tape Pro Shop. To answer your question, we had an elaborate system of weights and counterweights and duct tape tow ropes hooked up to the tower - we were all ready to put the plan into action when the authorities came and stopped us. It turns out, they like the tower leaning like that. So, there is no need to fix the lean of the Tower of Pisa... not that duct tape couldn't handle the job. --- The Duct Tape Guys
Is duck tape vegan? --- Menty

Since no animal products are used in its creation - We would assume that duct tape is vegan. Duck tape, on the other hand... --- The Duct Tape Guys
I'm having a hard time trying to get Linux working on my computer. I tried duct taping myself to my chair until I managed to fix it, but that just made me really hungry after a few days. What's a poor, hungry guy supposed to do? --- Jim

Duct tape over your PC, use it as a door stop or a boat anchor. Then, go out and get yourself a Macintosh with System X (10) which is Unix based. You will never be happier! --- Tim, The Duct Tape Guy (avid Macintosh user since 1984)
How can duct tape stop my cat from puking all over my house at night for me to step on in the morning? --- Fonny

Fonny: Your cat is puking to get your attention. Duct tape the cat to your leg and it will feel like it's getting constant attention. Soon you will tire of the cat on your leg and send it off to a farm somewhere. Then, you can get yourself a real pet that really does care about you: A dog. --- The Duct Tape Guys
STUMP THE DUCT TAPE GUY is a very funny site. Currently, it is accessible only via a computer, browser and the internet which can be a limitation to most of the world's population. How can duct tape remedy this so that all of humanity can access STUMP THE DUCT TAPE GUY and get a good laugh? --- Mike and Sue

What'da mean funny? We didn't think that we were being funny... We're deadly serious about this stuff. To answer your question, it may be a book someday. So keep asking questions and you eventually might see your answer in print. --- The Duct Tape Guys
Hi, I'm having a special lady coming over for dinner next week, how can I use Duct Tape to win her love. --- Nima P.

Serve her dinner on paper plates covered in duct tape. She will be amazed at the pewter-like quality of these homemade plates and impressed at your frugality. You will win her heart in no time. --- The Duct Tape Guys
I have an extremely vindictive EX who won't stop harrassing me. I can't do anything that doesn't displease her. I have tried duct taping her mouth shut but unfortunately, this woman is a hell spawn and the tape just melts away (something like a special effect from Star Trek) and she is at it all over again. I have tried duct taping her feet to her wrists but then she just yells (see previous item for melting effect of tape over mouth) for her lawyer who comes to her rescue and cuts through all the duct tape (red tape). What am I doing wrong? --- Drewski

Hire some college-aged hooligans to abduct your ex, take her to the train station and duct tape her to the next train leaving for the opposite coast. Then, say goodbye to your troubles (for at least a week or two). --- The Duct Tape Guys

How can duct tape be used to remove the sticky residue that adheres to your spouse's new steel door after you decided in a moment of idiocy to stick some duct tape there (because you thought it would "stick something real good") - and let the hot sun turn it into a slimey fly, infant and pet attracting eyesore that looks like aluminum intestines from about 20' away? CAN the sticky residue be removed? Should I just trade my remaining duct tape in on a new door? --- Signed, Harv

You will find that WD-40 when sprayed on duct tape goo will remove the goo. Then use a detergent to remove the WD-40 slick. Or, just duct tape over the entire door to cover the goo and to create a wonderful silvery work of art that will enhance the entrance of any home. --- The Duct Tape Guy

Duct Tape Guy: I am part of a marching band, and we have two issues that we hope you can solve. The first is that we can't always remember which is our left hand, and which is our right. The second is that we have trouble marching in step with each other. Any suggestions? --- WRHS Drum Major

Duct tape your left feet to the left feet of the row in front of you. Do the same with all of your right feet. Do this to each row and you will remain in step, even if you are out of step. --- The Duct Tape Guys

How can I use duct tape to bring down the price of gasoline? --- Jerry Balling

Forget the cost of gasoline, just duct tape your car onto the back of any passing vehicle. Only drawback is that you have to go where they are going... but who knows, maybe it will lead to some remarkable changes in your life! --- The Duct Tape Guys

A couple of days ago, my toilet "mysteriously" clogged up. I was wondering if for some reason someone didn't have a plunger, how would you unclog the toilet with duct tape? --- Gary Chan

This answer is actually featured in our new book, "The Jumbo Duct Tape Book" - Drill a hose through the rubber cup of your toilet plunger where the handle goes. Duct tape the hose of your shopvac onto the plunger cup. Put the cup over your toilet drain hole, and turn the shopvac on reverse. This will create a super sewer blaster that will clear any drain! If you don't have a plunger, simply duct tape the shopvac hose into the toilet bowl and tape entirely over the bowl opening. You will have, in effect, created a large plunger cup from the toilet bowl shape. --- The Duct Tape Guys

Dayglo colors of Duct Tape [Duck® brand duct tape now has X-Treme tape in dayglo colors]? Isn't that sacreligious? God intended duct tape to be silver. --- Pearce Wilson

No, actually the first duct tape was army green - and gaff tape has usually been black. So, we are glad for these new colors - it gets a wider audience of people appreciating duct tape for its intrinsic strength and versatility! --- The Duct Tape Guys

How much wood would a wood chuch chuck if a wood chuck could chuck duct tape? --- Tom Curzon

Tom: We don't normally care to deal with hypothetical questions, but assuming that a wood chuck would ever choose to chow on duct tape instead of wood, I'm sure that the wood chuck would up chuck since duct tape is not chuckable. --- The Duct Tape Guy (who is pretty sure that his answer is just about as stupid as your question)

Dear Duct Tape Guy: A few months ago I visited a friends relatives house for Grandad's Birthday Party, who currently reigns as..."The King of Duct Tape"; He says..."If it can't be fixed with duct can't be fixed at all." and stands by this theory religiously.
The kids were all outside...SOooo I decided to find refuge inside. As I entered the kitchen, I was greeted with hysterical laughter...There stood "BUBBA" as we call him, he's 6 years old...standing at the counter...diigently working on forming 3 hot dog weiners (in a triangle), and covering them carefully with 2 or 3 layers of duct tape...
When the hysterical laughter finally died down to a dull roar...We asked him..."BUBBA, just exactly what are you doin' with those wienies and duct tape"...? What do you think his reply was...? We were all stumped by this 6 year old...are you??? --- Overwhelmed with laughter in Oklahoma City, honorary member of the Underwood Family

Since this is how Jim fixes his hot dogs all the time while camping, no, we wouldn't be stumped. Watch our mega mini movies for an upcoming episode featuring Jim's (and Bubba's) wiener roasting technique. --- The Duct Tape Guys ... By the way, what did he say? We're not Karnak!

Night Rider wrote back:
You guys may roast your wienies that way but "BUBBA'S" answer was...It's for my Atheletic Cup! --- Valli Simonton

That child is seriously twisted... we suggest professional help. On second thought, the extra padding... yeah, it’s a pretty good idea! --- The Duct Tape Guys

Knowing duct tape won't stick under water, how could you use it to fix AND raise the Titantic.Yes I am talking about the one at the bottom of the ocean.I am looking for a way that would actually work,not just a hypothetical answer. If you can figure this one out let me know. --- "Bubba Hyde"

Bubba: We thought of the answer, but aren't going to publish it. We believe that the Titanic is best left in its final resting place. Hope you understand. --- The Duct Tape Guys (By the way, we posted your Swamp Buggy use for duct tape at the Duct Tape Diner.)

I'm constantly bothered by a nagging brother who insists on wearing all white with a blue Star of David on his chest and screaming "Super Jew, SHALOM!" and running around like a superhero.
I have at my disposal the following:
1) 3 rolls of duct tape
2) 2 cans of WD-40 (the big ones. We don't buy wussy)
3) A 15" Goodyear Aquatread tire
Can you recommend the most effective means by which to either stop him or divert his fountain of annoyance? --- Elliot

Elliot: Why stop him? Maybe he is Super Jew! The days of the super hero are not gone. Haven't you seen Mystery Men and X-Men? I would suggest throwing the 15" Goodyear Aquatread tire in the recycling bin at your local service station, and giving the 3 rolls of duct tape and 2 cans of WD-40 to your brother to assist him in his heroic endeavors. --- The Duct Tape Guys

How can duct tape prevent "The Property of Diminishing Marginal Utility" as it applies to food, where as the more of a certain food you get the less you will desire it, so I can live cheaply off of Chef Boyardee and Top Ramen for the rest of my life yet still be content in doing so. --- John Robey

Another fancy-talker who learned a new term in school, ehh? Well, John, I would suggest that you simply duct tape over your tongue so you have no clue what you are eating. Then sit back and pretend you are eating something different at every meal. (This hint works great with my mother-in-law's cooking, too!) --- The Duct Tape Guy

How can I use duct tape to reduce the specific absorption rate (SAR) of a cellular telephone without decreasing its radiating efficiency? --- Rob R.

Create a ten-layer duct tape shield on the side of your head and put a little pinhole over your ear (so you can hear), then duct tape the cell phone right to the side of the shield. Then, sit back and chat comfortably hands free and don't sweat the radiation and SAR stuff. I'm not sure that's the answer you are looking for, but it's a pretty good hint anyway. --- The Duct Tape Guy

Two questions: First, how can you use duct tape to get rid of the bats in the house? Second, we found a dead turtle in the yard and would like to keep the shell but we don't know how to get the body out. Any ideas as to how duct tape can be used for this purpose? --- Nancy W.

Sure, Nancy, and the two solutions are remarkably similar. First the bats. Fill a bucket with water (make a bucket our of duct tape if you don't have a bucket - it is waterproof and will work fine for this) and hang the bucket in the attic of your house. The bats will fly into the water and drown (the water and the bucket screws up their sonar). Then, seal the entrances to the attic with duct tape so new bats don't enter the house.

Secondly, the turtle. Use duct tape to hang the dead turtle from a rafter in your attic until the summer heat dehydrates and decomposes the meat leaving the shell. Use the duct tape to cover the entire floor of your attic to prevent the hideous smell, flies and magots from getting down into your house. --- The Duct Tape Guys

How can you use duct tape to get caramel into a Caramilk bar? --- squidman

Squidman (what kind of unfortunate name is that?): The question should be, why do you need a Caramilk bar when you have duct tape? You don't! just make a little pocket out of duct tape, fill the pocket with caramel. Then, tape the pocket shut with a little duct tape flap. Now, when you want to experience that satisfying carmel goodness, you just peel back the duct tape flap and squeeze the caramel into your mouth. No chocolatey mess! No muss! No fuss! --- The Duct Tape Guys

Dear Duct Tape Guys. I have been in the construction industry all of my working life. And I am a testament to the knowledge that in fact Duck(t) tape can fix ANYTHING! My question to you is however not so simple. Can you tell me how civilization progressed and people could have possibly survived prior to the invention of duck(t) tape? --- Bansheex

Great question, Bansheex! We're --- The Duct Tape Guys

My dog often has fits were he can hardly breath. What should I do? --- Edward Nielsen

Make a "venturi" (cone shaped funnel thing) air scoop cone and duct tape it to your dog's snout. Then, invite the dog for a ride in the car. Roll down the window and the dog will be instinctively drawn to stick his/her head out. When they he/she does, the venturi air scoop will force air into your dog's lungs at an excelerated rate (like the hood air scoop on Jim's street rod). This process will jumpstart anyone's breathing. --- The Duct Tape Guys
P.S. Being dog lovers, we'd like to donate a pack of Duck® brand Duct Tape in the convenient Flat Pack to assist in the process.

Please, please, please help me. I'm looking for important research material to prove my senior thesis. I truly believe that the use of duct tape would have had a positive and more uplifting influence on the generally morose and melancholy nature inherent in the works of Soren Kierkegaard. I am unable to bring a this proposition to a fitting conclusion without some input and literary resource from acknowledged experts such as yourself. Please, please, please tell me you are not stumped. --- Much obliged, Mr.Sean

Well, Mr. Sean, Jim had a sore in his "kierkegaard" and he, too was pretty morose and melancholy about it. Jim acheived relief (and uplift at the same time) by duct taping a pillow to his backside. Hope that helps with your thesis. --- The Duct Tape Guy

How do you fix a burned out lightbulb with duct tape? ---XKev

You can carefully disassemble the bulb, put a thin strip of duct tape across where the filament was, replace the glass, duct tape it to the metal socket, screw in the bulb and turn it on. The bulb will glow with an erie gray/orange - for a bout fifteen seconds. Unscrew bulb, repeat. There, it's that simple! --- The Duct Tape Guys

Dear Jim and Tim-
How can duct tape or WD-40 help you find out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a
Tootsie-Roll Pop? --- Ryan Kloos

Ryan: No WD-40 needed here. We suggest duct taping the Tootsie-Roll Pop to your dog's snout (if you don't have a dog, a cat will do, but their tongues are generally somewhat smaller and their lick "dantier" so it will take longer) with the business end of the pop extending past your dog's nostrils. Sit down with your licker clicker (can be purchased at most office supply stores) and click off the number of licks it takes the dog before the brown center shows. When you see the brown center, immediately remove the pop from the dog's nose and give them a biscuit (dog's are allergic to chocolate). If you used a cat, just leave the sucker stuck there beyond the end of the experiment and you will find out if cats are allergic to chocolate, too. Publish your findings in the Journal of Veteranary Medicine and you will acheive notariety. ---- The Duct Tape Guys

Dear Duct Tape Guys: How can duct tape prevent or put out a fire? --- Ryan Kloos

Ryan, we just answered a question from you... give someone else a chance. --- The Duct Tape Guys ...Well, okay... but just this one more question. Make a large blanket by laying strips of duct tape side by side on your floor. Now, lay another layer of duct tape strips at a right angle on top of your first layer of strips. Peel up the two layers and flip it over. Repeat the process on the other side (one layer will suffice, but two makes it a stronger blanket). Since duct tape has a pretty high heat resistance before it starts to burn, you have a pretty good chance of smothering the fire out with your duct tape blanket before it spreads. Good luck, firefighter Ryan! --- The Duct Tape Guys

Okay, so the Wise Old Owl claims it only takes three licks to get to the center of a Tootsie-Pop®. I tend to disagree. I think he cheated. Is there a way to use Duct Tape to figure out how many licks it REALLY takes to get to the center? --- Stephen

See Ryan's answer, above. (Read all of the archives before submitting the same question that someone else did, folks... we're busy guys!) --- The Duct Tape Guys

Dear Duct Tape Guy: I have obsessive-compulsive disorder. can duct tape help me? --- Anna

Absolutely! Train your disorder to be based solely upon the use of duct tape toward the goal of order and world peace. Your relentless duct tape discipleship will probably lead you to some sort of sainthood. --- The Duct Tape Guys

Okay guys can you tell how I can fix my radiator hose on my 1968 Volkswagen bug? --- Lennie

A 1968 Volkswagen bug doesn't have a radiator hose.But, if it did, you could just tape the heck out of it and it would work fine. --- The Duct Tape Guys

I don't have a lot of cash, and only one roll of duct tape (sorta). Well, in the process of soaking engine parts in WD-40 (MY kind of tuneup), the roll of duct tape at my belt sorta fell in without my notice. When I was done, I poured out the WD-40, and much to my dismay, the duct tape had been totally penetrated by the WD-40, rendering it completely non-sticky, from one end of the roll to the other. Now I don't have any useable duct tape, the WD-40 is now all grimey with the engine work, and, again, I have no cash. What do I do, cashless and everything, to get some more duct tape without stooping to the level of begging or the like? I can't bring it back to the store, either, because, first, I don't have the proof of purchase at the time of checkout (receipt, and, second, the tape reeks of WD-40. Please help. --- Sylencer

Move to Roswell, New Mexico and sell the stickless tape to non-suspecting tourists as alien intestines. You will soon have enough money to buy cases of fresh Duck® brand duct tape. --- The Duct Tape Guys

Dear Duct Tape Guys, Hi. i was sitting in my room the other day reading and the light went out. i was really tired and I didn't want to get up and go find another bulb cause it would take forever and i probably would end up not having one anyway. I had a roll of duct tape sitting there and thought maybe I could fix it. How many duct tape rolls does it take to fix a light bulb? --- Aubrey, Beavercreek,OH

With duct tape, you don't need a lightbulb. Simply cover your eyes with a strip of duct tape and poke pin holes right over each pupil (we recommend you do this before putting the strip over your eyes). This will allow just enough light to enter your eye to form an image on the back of your eye (like a camera does), and basically allow you to "see" in the dark. --- The Duct Tape Guys

I want to make a time machine in a 1997 Escort. Can WD-40 or duct tape help? --- Leetta Taylor

Well, of course WD-40 and Duct Tape can help. The first thing that you’ll want to do is cover the entire vehicle in duct tape (windows and all). Then spray the entire vehicle down with WD-40. This will make it super slippery, allowing it to slip past molecules into another dimension of time. Throw that puppy into gear and floor it! The loud crash that you hear will be you cracking the time barrier. We aren't positive if this will actually work, but we are too busy right now to test this hint before passing it along to you. Please let us know your results. --- The Duct Tape Guys (Who weren't , but will send you a Duck® brand Flat Pack of tape to help with your project... just send us your mailing address, Leetta.)

I run a small cleaning company, and I have a tough time keeping good employees. I am nice, and kind, never yell, and I pay my workers the highest wages in town for this type of work, but still after a few weeks they move on. Turnover sucks, and I'm tired of having to say goodbye to good employees, and my last hope is duct tape!! Which we have plenty of back at the shop. Matter of fact we have about six monster rolls of the silver type in the supply closet. Please, please tell me as a manager how can I keep from losing good workers!! Thanks... --- Chuck in Minot

Chuck: We suggest a Duct Tape incentive program for your employees. When they have been employed by your company for one month, give them the reward of one roll of duct tape. Two months, two rolls of duct tape; three months, three rolls, etc.. We're pretty sure that you will find your employees staying on for years as their duct tape incentive kicks in - we sure would. Also, have a duct tape challenge once a year. This challenge would pit employee against employee for the most innovative and time-saving use of duct tape in the cleaning industry. Who knows, you might just revolutionize the cleaning industry and be able to sell your concept for millions of dollars! --- The Duct Tape Guys

My wife keeps buying these cars that she thinks are cute, when in actuality they are pieces of junk that die within a month. then the process repeats over and over and over again. I've tried applying duct tape to her butt then removing it very slowly after a day or two each time this cycle repeats to no avail. Is there another way duct tape can help me resolve this issue. Desperately awaiting your reply. --- Gordon

Gordon: The problem is that you are applying to duct tape to the wrong part of her anatomy. Put a strip of duct tape over each of her eyes. If she can't see the cars, she won't think they are cute, and she won't buy them. --- The Duct Tape Guy

How would duck tape help Canada defeat the USA if there were ever to be a World War 3? I know it's mighty powerful, but... --- James Britton, Quebec

That's strictly on a "Need to Know" basis - and you don't need to know. --- The Duct Tape Guys

OK, we are moving from one side of the country to the other (east to west) and we have to use a truck and a '69 Camero. How could we use duct tape to get us across the country and keep all of our thousands of dollars of stuff? --- Nic

Nic: Heck, who needs a truck? Wrap all of your things in about eight layers of duct tape and place them on a giant duct tape blanket which you have secured to your Camero’s rear axle using braided duct tape ropes. Now you can drag your stuff across the country like the settlers did. Happy trails! --- The Duct Tape Guy

If I am in the middle of the sahara desert and I am out of water and rapidly dehydrating how can duct tape help me? --- Smashinpumkins

Dear Smashin... You will want to make a water recirculating device out of duct tape. Here's how you do it: Make a large duct tape circle, cut out the middle to fit over your head - like a hat brim. Duct tape this into place on your forehead. Punch a little hole in the front of the "brim" right over your nose. To this hole attach a folded-over strip of duct tape that dangles toward your mouth. Your sweat will collect in the brim, exit the hole, trickle down the tape and into your mouth.
Or (this would be option #2), you can wrap your hand with the duct tape to prevent needle-prick and crack a cactus open and drink the water that dwells inside of it. --- The Duct Tape Guy

My two year old Rottweiler drips water all over the kitchen floor after she drinks water. How can Duct Tape stop her from slobbering all over the floor? --- Bob Francis

Bob: We have a eight year old Black Lab that does the same thing. We fixed his drooling problem by duct taping a bucket under his muzzle that swings into place after he drinks from his water bowl. The bucket catches all of the drips quite nicely. It also comes in handy when he decides to "horf up" his dinner. --- The Duct Tape Guy

Two questions: How do you fix a meal with duct tape? How do you fix duct tape if the sticky part is not at all sticky? --- Munkyhoper

Dear Munkyhoper: Most duct tape doesn't contain any metal (some does, though, so be careful using this hint), so you can form a duct tape plate or bowl using duct tape that can be microwaved. If you don't have a microwave, you can use the duct tape bowl to eat cereal out of (fashion your spoon out of duct tape, also). You can also dry off a hotdog, secure a length of duct tape to it, and dangle it over a candle or a campfire to roast it without burning your hands. As for the unsticky duct tape (some cheapo brand, we guess), just secure the unsticky duct tape into place using duct tape. We recommend Duck® brand Tape for the best quality and widest assortment of colors. --- The Duct Tape Guys

How can duct tape help get us a presidential candidate who is neither a moron or an executioner? --- Tony

Tony: Your answer lies here. --- The Duct Tape Guys (for President)

I have a roll of duct tape thats been sitting around for a while and the adhesive seems to have sort of affixed the tape to itself so that I can't pry the end up to use it. HOW CAN I USE DUCT TAPE TO HELP ME WITH THIS PROBLEM!?!?! Gleefuly awaiting your answer. --- Troy

Not used for a while? How can this be. Perhaps you need our books to give you more ideas for duct tape usages. Our new book (a massive 464 pages) is coming out this October, 2000. It’s called "The Jumbo Duct Tape Book." In the meantime, retire that old roll to the dashboard of your vehicle - it will glue itself on making an excellent can holder. You might want to check out Duck® brand’s UV coated tape - the protective UV barrier will prevent tape melt-down. It’s referred to as “Removable Duck Tape.” --- The Duct Tape Guys

I have worked in education all my life at a major university or college as the AV (AudioVisual) guy. I have used duct tape for everything. I even fixed the muffler on my car with duct tape and a beer can for over a month. Anyway, my new female assistant, wants to use that rubber or plastic molding for cables on the floor instead of duct tape. What can I do? --- Mark B, Michigan

Hand her a roll of gaffer tape (duct tape that is specially made for cables and floors - no sticky residue left when removed) and tell her that the money that she saves if she uses the gaff tape instead of rubber and plastic cable runs will go directly into the party fund; “You choose, but everyone will be watching for her to make the ‘right’ choice.” --- The Duct Tape Guy

I work in HVAC and use Duct Tape every day for many things, but yet me and My buddy can't find a way to use Duct Tape to help cut down on the amount of time it takes to hang Duct and set the Equipment, any help would sure make our day move faster or allow us to take longer breaks, either or would be nice. Thank you --- Mark.R., Ky.

Not knowing your hanging technique, it's hard for us to analyze what you are doing inefficiently. Do this: set up a video camera and tape yourself working for a day. Send it to us and we will then analyze your methods of hanging and make suggestions as to how you can become more efficient tapers. --- The Duct Tape Guys

Our preacher lost his faith in god... how can duct tape help? --- Bungeeballs@...

It's hard to lose stuff when it is duct taped to you. So, I suggest that you help your preacher regain his faith by duct taping him to the lowliest of faithful parishioners. He will soon experience God through their steadfast, unwavering faith (despite their circumstance). Then, to further restore your preacher's faith, duct tape him/her to the handle of a hammer or shovel in a third world country so they can selflessly and humbly serve others without recognition or compensation. Then, bring them back and stick them in the pulpit... they'll have real stuff to talk about. --- The Duct Tape Guy

Dear Duct Tape Masters: I find that as a mid-lifer, my mind keeps wandering off. Although I am in possession of the Right Tool (and you KNOW what THAT is) to keep my thoughts physically attached, I have yet to figure out how to do "interior" duct taping. Any hints? --- A midlifer who resides in ... um ... PLEASE HELP ME SOON!

Dear MidLifer: We recommend you accomplish your "interior duct taping" by practicing the ancient art of "Transcenducktape Meditation". You merely THINK about duct tape as you are thinking about the other stuff that you are trying to remember, that stuff will "stick" in your brain. Mentally folding the duct tape over onto itself, sticky-side-out, will double its effectiveness. Hope this helps. --- The Duct Tape Guys
PS. To help you in your endeavors, we are mentally projecting a case of duct tape to your home at this moment.

Dear duct tape guys: You always hear the Idiots at N.A.S.A. ( may I add a complete waste of BILLIONS of dollars which could be spent on duct-tape-for-the-un fortunate people who can't afford it.) You hear them complain about GLOBAL WARMING (hence my question). How can duct tape shut them up and solve GLOBAL WARMING??? --- Andrew

Andrew: We answer that question in our upcoming book - and frequently at our appearances at home shows throughout the country; Simply send up a mess of duct tape (blue Duck® brand tape would do the job nicely) on the next shuttle flight and tape over that hole in the ozone layer! Until they do that, we suggest that you cover yourself entirely in duct tape whenever venturing outside to protect yourself against the increased harmful UV rays. --- The Duct Tape Guy

I've been working on some heated air pipe things in my cellar. I've managed to get them fitted together fairly snug, but it's impossible for me to close up all the little gaps where the pipes join. Can I use duct tape to prevent loss of heated air? --- Stanley Norwood

You’re kidding, right? Of course... just make sure that the tape you are using is called "DUCT" Tape - by any manufacturer (we recommend Duck®brand. To be called DUCT Tape - the tape has to meet certain heat standards. --- The Duct Tape Guy

My Wife hates chest hair! I want to use duct tape to remove it.... yeah, I know the obvious ( apply -
Rip - ouch ) How can I make this painless and not remove the skin too? --- Jamie

I doubt that duct tape will remove the skin, and depending on how clean and dry you are, you will have varying success at removing the hair. Painless hair removal might be accomplished by giving your wife the duct tape, having her hit you over the head with a frying pan (rendering you unconscious), and then doing the duct tape "wax job" while you are out. When you regain consciousness, you will be hairless and can use duct tape to secure the ice bag to your aching head. --- The Duct Tape Guy

I have a duct tape wallet made by me entirely out of duct tape, which is supplemented by orange and black electrical tape. It is like a normal wallet but it is waterproof, better looking, and more durable. However the edges of the duct tape where in some cases I was forced to leave a little bit of the sticky exposed have collected quite a bit of dirt. How will I clean out the grime and prevent the sticky qualities of duct tape from defiling my wallet? --- Goldpenq

Keep adding more duct tape over the duct tape edges. Pretty soon your wallet will be massive - always impressive when trying to lure women. --- The Duct Tape Guy

My wife and I are thinking about having a baby and we would like to have a girl. How can duct tape help? --- Sergio Lopez

To be 100% sure it's a girl, use duct tape as a chastity belt for either of you and then adopt a girl. --- The Duct Tape Guy

I work in bioinfomatics, that's computer science with biology thrown in. Currently I am working on a piece of the human genome project. It involves working on algorithms to sort through all the genetic data. To tell you the truth, my algorithms (in C++) are pretty poor, and aren't helping me too terrifically. Can duct tape help me? --- brian murphy

Attend a seminar about the very topic that you are lacking knowlege in. When you are sitting there, create a "Knowlege Magnet" by putting duct tape, sticky-side-out, around your head. Wearing this, anything that the seminar leader speaks about will stick to the tape and soak into your brain by a process similar to osmosis. You can read more about this incredible use of duct tape in our new book, "the Jumbo Duct Tape Book." Coming October, 2000. --- The Duct Tape Guys (ductoinfomaniac)

I've got a large portable water fountain in my front yard thats broke on the top where the water comes out. I've tried to duct tape it but it won't stick.HELP. --- Stokes...

Make sure whatever you are taping is bone dry when you apply the duct tape. And, don't spare the duct tape, you'll spoil the job! --- The Duct Tape Guy

I am so sick and tired of America Online sending me CDs through the most un-appropriate means.
I hate them with a passion. Is there anything Duct Tape can do to help bring this terrible company down? --- David H. Jones

David: Consider AOL a "gift horse." Cover each CD you get with duct tape and turn them into attractive coasters which can you use yourself, give as gifts, or sell at crafts fairs for top dollar. Or, you can duct tape them together to make an attractive 60s retro room divider curtain. Heck, if they want to keep wasting their money on CDs and mailings, they'll bring themselves down. In the meantime, I'd send AOL a letter thanking them and tell 'em to keep the disks coming! --- The Duct Tape Guy

In your (what I'm sure is hectic) daily schedule, you might not have had time to think about it yet but I still need to know how to fix a cracked wheel rim using duct-tape. Any help with my dilema would be greatly appreciated. Thanx --- Warren

We suggest using a LOT of duct tape - to cover the wheel rim, then to secure the tire to the rim (so air doesn't leak out of the cracked area). Or, just skip the tire entirely and wrap hundreds of layers of duct tape around the wheel to create a "tire"... put the last layer sticky-side-out and you'll have great curve-hugging traction! --- The Duct Tape Guys

How can Duct Tape help me in swimming lessons. --- Mallory

Well, Mallory, I believe you will find the answer to your question in our new book, "The Jumbo Duct Tape Book" (page 243) due in stores October, 1, 2000. (Until then, duct tape a couple of potato chip bags (unopened) to each arm - they make great floatation devices, and if you get hungry while stranded at sea, once you learn to tread water, you can eat the contents of the bag to tide you over until your rescue.) --- The Duct Tape Guys

I live in an old house in the country. This is my first summer here and I have discovered that the house has a harmless but irritating and disgusting summertime infestation of earwigs. How can duck tape help me eliminate these pests in my home? --- Cindy Jones

Most older guys can grow their own ear (and nose) hair with no problem. We've never heard of "earwigs", but suppose that some guys with no ear hair might have earhair envy and resort to wearing an earwig. We wouldn't purchase an earwig, though... just get a little duct tape, sticky-side-out made into a little ball, roll it around the barbershop floor until it picks up a nice glob of hair, and stick the ball into your ear. This might adversely affect your hearing, so make sure that you duct tape a sign to your chest asking others to "speak loudly, I have very hairy ears." Hope that helps. --- The Duct Tape Guys

How can duct tape help me practice my soccer skills? --- Stephen Gregory

Fold a six foot long piece of duct tape over onto itself. Tape one end to your soccer ball and the other end to your ankle. Now you can practice your kicking and dribbling (or whatever you call it in soccer) while retaining the control of the ball. --- The Duct Tape Guy

HELLO, I want to paint my room green but i only have red paint. I have no money either, how can i get red paint to turn green with duck tape? --- Ty H.

Get green Duck® brand tape and cover your walls with it. No muss, no fuss. --- The Duck Tape Guys

My cat is always jumping up and climbing on the wooden stair banister that overlooks the dining room. She often falls off, breaking the breakable items that are underneath. How can duct tape prevent this without causing harm to the wood or to my kitty? ----Laura

Put duct tape, sticky-side-up, on your stair banister. The cat will attempt her feat once more, get stuck on the tape, and never go there again. This method has worked for others on chairs and on the tops of refrigerators, it should work on your stair railing, too. --- The Duct Tape Guys

How can I take home a large pizza on my bike without ruining it with the use of duct tape --- Kathy R.

Simply duct tape the pizza box securely to your handlebars. To assure that the pizza stays warm, cover the box with three or four layers of duct tape first. This method may work so well that you'll want to go into the pizza delivery business. --- The Duct Tape Guys

How will Duct tape help you eat a Reese's. --- John, Hersey's Sales Coordinator

We don't know (yet) - you will have to send us a case so we can experiment and give you an appropriate answer. --- The Duct Tape Guys

My (so called) friend is always duct taping me to walls so I can't move or get down. How is the most effective way to get out of this mess? --- Bizkitbaby131@...

I would suggest anticipating your friend's attack and spray yourself down with a can of WD-40 (or quickly drench yourself in water). Duct tape will not stick to the WD-40 (or the water) and you will be able to slide right out of your sticky dilemma. --- The Duct Tape Guy

I can't hear the ocean when I put a seashell up to my ear. Can Duck Tape help? --- Lake

Yes, see page 300 in our new book, "The Jumbo Duct Tape Book." It will be in stores starting October, 2000. --- The Duct Tape Guys

I cut my finger off, and I want it to work again, with feeling and everything... how can duct tape help me? --- Mika

By the time you e-mailed me this question and we responded, your finger will have been separated from a healthy blood flow too long - and there will be no hope of restoring it. Next time, skip writing the e-mail. Have duct tape immediately available when you sever your limbs and you can skip the emergency room - it may function like your grandpa's sawed-off and reattached finger did (not real good) but think of the money you will be saving. Enough to purchase a really big ring that makes it appear that the size of the ring is causing the lack of flexibility. --- The Duct Tape Guy

What does lumpy tape represent? --- Kathy R.

You are either in a hurry, or duct taping over a serving of Jim's oatmeal. --- The Duct Tape Guy

Being the handy man at a nudist colony I often have the need to use duct tape, my problem is I cannot carry my new drill and my hammer AND my duct tape... any suggestions??? --- Pete

Please send a photo of your situation (including chicks in the background) so we can more accurately craft an answer to your problem. --- The Duct Tape Guys

What's my name? --- Ryan13legodude@...

RYAN. Now write that backwards on a piece of duct tape and stick it on your forehead - everytime you look in the mirror - you will be reminded - so you won't forget again. --- The Duct Tape Guys

I got duct tape stuck in my hair and i want to keep all of my hair how can duct tape get the tape out of my hair without loosing any hair? --- Luke Walton

Spray it all down with WD-40 and wait five minutes the tape will come right out. The Duct Tape Guy

Hey, you owe me a duct tape book i asked how duct tape could solve my problem not WD-40!!!

Sorry. Duct tape got you into the problem - so unless you want to join the duct tape hair club for men, we still suggest that you spray on a little WD-40. --- The Duct Tape Guys

Hi. I work with large particle accelerator where we colide sub atomic particals into each other. Unfortunately, we have to contain the heat released by these explosions and we don't have the magnets to do it. How can duct tape be used to contain the massive heat released by these explosions? --- Chad W.

Encase each atomic particle in duct tape. This will contain the heat. --- The Duct Tape Guys
P.S. It worries us that someone who works with this highly scientific stuff can't spell better than you can. Duct tape a dictionary to your arm so you can appear more intelligent in your written communications.

I got stung by a hornet on the lip and it really hurts how can duct tape take away the pain so i can get back on the dating cycle? --- One of the Waltons

Ouch! First, try to remove the stinger by pressing a strip of duct tape on the sting area, then quickly ripping it off. Next, grab an ice cube fresh from the freezer, encase it in duct tape (so it won't drip as it melts) and duct tape the duct taped ice cube directly on the sting. This will numb the pain. It also makes for interesting kissing on your dates. --- The Duct Tape Guys

P.S. We were not , but send us your mailing address and we will send you some duct tape to aid you with the treatment of your painful misfortune.

How can duct tape help me with my typing problem? It takes forever to write anything! --- Base2002ball...

Duct tape a microphone to your head and use voice recognition software to do the typing for you. --- The Duct Tape Guy

Napster banned my IP address from their forum! I like duct tape so I want to use duct tape to solve this terrible problem! Please tell me how duct tape can get my IP un-banned, and no I can't go to CA and ductape Napster stuff. :) --- Drew Armon.

Just kidding about our forum ... but, you might want to consider what is getting you banned from forums to begin with. Are you typing stuff that is innappropriate? If it is your fingers doing the typing and the words are getting you banned, duct tape all of your fingers together into one stump. This will cause you to type very slowly and give you time to think before you type something that you will wish you hadn't. --- The Duct Tape Guy

I play the alto saxophone, and it's been probably two years since I last took a lesson. I was wondering if there was a way that duct tape could help me get my groove thang back when it comes to playing sweet melodies on my horn? Thanx! --- thedinger...

I think just being able to say "groove thang" indicates that you are on the right path. I would suggest duct taping the sax to your body so it is with you at all times - this will force you to keep playing as you would you look ridiculous just walking around with a sax duct taped to your torso. --- The Duct Tape Guy
Although you didn't really stump me, I will say that you accomplished a stump just so I can send you enough tape to accomplish this task. We need more good alto sax players. Just don't do the soprano Kenny G thing or I'll have to track you down and duct tape over your blow hole.

I have a saltwater fish tank and an eel who absolutly loves to eat fish... therefore my fish are growing few by the day. how can duct tape keep the eel from eating the fish and still keep the fishes and eel safe? --- Bleidt

Empty the water out of your tank, thoroughly dry the glass walls of the tank. Using duct tape, create a large gray wall which will separate the eel from the fish. Refill the tank, reload the fish, and don't forget to feed the eel. --- The Duct Tape Guy

Why does duct tape only come in one color? --- Katie Saldate

It doesn't - Duck Brand tape comes in many colors - available at most Wal-Mart stores. You will even find "camo" tape, and a new "Flat Pack" that packs 3 feet of Duck brand tape on a flat pack the size of a credit card - great for your pocket, purse, or glove compartment. --- The Duct Tape Guy

Can duct tape help me see the future?? Haha, if it does, let me know!! Great site! Very hilarious...keep up the good work! --- Samantha

When you look at duct tape, you ARE seeing the future. --- The Duct Tape Guys
P.S. Very hilarious!? What ever do you mean? We're deadly serious about this stuff!

I've got a problem. In the future I plan to build a craft that will launch one or two people into space, outside the earth's atmosphere. My biggest problem is the heat that is created on re-entry. I know NASA has all their fancy shieldings to prevent people from being cooked, but I can't afford that. What would be the best way to do this using duct tape, done properly so it ensures that nobody will be harmed on re-entry? --- Thanks, Ryan

Ryan: See page 76 in Duct Tape Book Two - Real Stories. Jim and me have taped the exterior tiles onto the shuttles since the program began. We bet you could even do without the tiles and just rely and about eighty layers of duct tape, but decide for yourself. You might just want to duct tape some oven-safe plates (like Corell) all over the nose cone. Remember to make it blunt - it doesn't get as hot. - Hope that helps. --- The Duct Tape Guy
P.S. If you don't have our second book, you can order it (and our others) online at

Two Questions: Is it possible to duct tape over a New York City Taxicab seat? Or does all the junk on the seat keep the tape from sticking? And, how many rolls of duct tape does it take to build a workable tent for two people?--- Friday713@...

Usually, we only allow one question per person per day, but since these are related, I will answer them both together. We recommend duct taping over your entire body before ever sitting in a New York City taxi cab. It not only keeps the "kooties" off of you, but will prevent YOU from sticking to the seat. And, when you are totally wrapped in duct tape, you will soon find that there is no need for a tent while camping - since you are totally water and insect-proofed from head to toe. We would, however, not recommend camping in New York City... seek out the wilderness. --- The Duct Tape Guy.

In the store they sell marshmallow chicks in various colors although purists won't eat purple or blue or green things. The controversy is this: If one prefers to eat them MUCH later so they are dried out and crunchy, how can one dry them out QUICKLY. We have eliminated the oven, toaster microwave and the handy dandy hair dryer as our appliances might end up sticky and then of course we cannot eat said delights. If I wrap them in duct tape that would only ruin my precious tape. WD 40 would probably melt them. WE are desperate since we didn't by them early enough (like December 98) to get them just right by now. Without your help, we may have to wait until 2001 to eat these ones! --- Rubber Chickie fan.

You EAT these things? You aren't supposed to EAT them! Go and get your stomachs pumped immediately! --- The Duct Tape Guy P.S. Hang a strip of duct tape over your stove. Flatten the rubber chicks with a rolling pin. Stick the rubber chickie road kill to the strip of tape. Cook dinner. Wait until the next day and you will have very nicely dried Rubber Chickie Jerky.

...How can I duct tape my sister's door shut when it opens into the room. I can't tape it from the inside or I won't be able to get out and if I duct tape it from the outside or she'll be able to open the door because it will open away from the duct tape and it won't hold. I hope you can answer this question quickly because despite my attempts to restrain her and pleas to my parents, she still bothers me everytime my parents are away. --- DigitySteverman

Make a rope out of duct tape. Fasten one end to the door knob, and bring the other end out the front door of your house and down the street to the nearest fire hydrant. If she pulls hard enough that the door opens, either the door knob will break off, or the fire hydrant will errupt - causing such a neighborhood disturbance that she will be banished to her room for at least a year. --- The Duct Tape Guy

Dear duct tape guys: My dog keeps on trying to escape. I have used many different types of restraints. But they never work. I think he is turning into Houdini.How can duct tape help me with this situation? --- w_monroe1@...

You either are not using enough duct tape, or some inadequate brand. If you go with Duck® brand Tape, and plenty of it, to restrain your pooch, he'll be staying put. Or, you could secure a pork chop just out of his reach above his dog house. This will keep him home and teach him some valuable jumping skills. Keep raising the chop and he will be on Letterman in no time. --- The Duct Tape Guy

I want to get into Wind Ensemble, the most advanced band in our school, next year. I play the flute. How can duct tape help me get into the band? --- S. Kim

No band director, worth his/her salt, can resist the offer of free duct tape. They use it to fix broken music stands, tighten lose fittings on brass instruments, muffle drum heads, bind worn music folders, etc.. What you need to do is go to auditions sporting duct tape apparel, duct tape on your flute case, duct tape covering one or two of your harder to reach "open holes" on your flute... use your imagination. Dispite your playing ability, your director will be so impressed with your duct tape finesse, the you will make the ensemble - no problem! --- The Duct Tape Guy

Hey Duct Tape Guy: My teen-age son won't get out of bed in the morning. How can duct tape help? --- Larry

Larry: Your son lacks motivation. Begin a father/son tradition of duct taping together. Start with something small - like that leaky plumbing under the kitchen sink. Progress to larger projects, like duct tape wallpaper borders in your workshop. Then, start the ultimate duct tape project: converting your old car into a motorhome using nothing but appliance boxes and duct tape. Soon, your son will be beating you out of bed in the morning - especially when he realizes that the duct tape motorhome will be a GREAT babe magnet! --- The Duct Tape Guy

How can Duct tape help you watch all the shows you want to without using a VCR?? --- Jon W.

This is an easy one! Just duct tape 100+ television sets together. --- The Duct Tape Guy

I believe I am paranoid. People are always out to get me. How can duct tape prevent that most horror of horrors, social contact, from happening? (I've already tried building a duct tape cage and wrapping myself completely in duct tape, neither were satisfactory solutions.) --- Peter

Duct tape a circle of mirrors around your head. That way, whichever way you look - you will find someone you know and trust - yourself. Now, if you don't trust yourself, you will want to build up your self confidence by constructing an ark, just like Noah did, only build yours entirely out of duct tape. A big project, to be sure, but when you are finished, you will have the admiration of both yourself, and all those around you. --- The Duct Tape Guy

I need to loose some weight. How can Duct Tape help me? No I will not except, Tape your Mouth! --- PTS@...

You will find your answer cleverly packaged into our third book, "The Ultimate Duct Tape Book" and in our new video. There is a six day duct tape diet. I'm sure you will find success with this diet - even though the sixth day is to duct tape your mouth shut if the other five hints don't work. You can purchase the book at the Duct Tape Pro Shop. --- The Duct Tape Guy

I'm concerned about the envronment and I was wondering if duct tape is biodegradeable? --- Carlotta

NO, duct tape is not biodegradeable - unless of course you are purchasing cheap duct tape that delaminates in the UV light and the rubber-based adhesive and the fabric goes to live with Jesus. Still, the plastic backing will hang around for a while. We suggest that you get Duck® brand tape, some of which has a UV barrier that prevents this ugliness from happening. Then, you can tape to your heart's content. Remember, it’s better to repair with Duck Tape than to have what you are repairing ending up in the landfills. --- The Duct Tape Guy

My rare china plate broke! To duct tape or not to duct tape, that is the question. Which is nobler? --- Will S.

‘Tis far nobler to duct tape paper plates into a fine "pewter-like" service. Serve your guests with pride on these cheap, elegant, unbreakable plates. --- The Duct Tape Guy

If I am covered in duct tape and there are no ends because they are all tucked in somewhere, then how do I take the duct tape off without taking any hair off my body? --- R McCabe

You can't. Unless of course you sprayed yourself down with WD-40 first. Remember, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of hair removed! --- The Duct Tape Guy

How can Duct Tape help stop people from breaking into my online account? --- Nate H.

Unplug your computer from the wall and the phone line. Place Duct Tape over the outlets. Never go online again. There.
You are now absolutely safe - thanks to Duct Tape. --- The Duct Tape Guy

I was recently bitten by a Brown Recluse Spider, how can duct tape help? --- Chris

You’d think that with a name like Reluse Spider, they would not want to been seen in public... Anyway, we keep preaching this, but nobody seems to listen! An ounce of prevention, my friend. All you have to do is either surround yourself with a circle of duct tape, sticky-side-up - which will stop anything that crawls in its path. Or, cover yourself entirely in Duct Tape - which is (to the best of our knowledge) spider-bite proof. --- The Duct Tape Guy

How can duct tape improve my ability to spell? --- Hookedon Fonicks

Hookedon Fonicks... ha - we get it. Your answer is simple: Duct Tape a dictionary to your non-writing arm. --- The Duct Tape Guy

How can duct tape help the pathetic movie "Snow Day"? --- Looc Man

I haven't seen the movies, just the trailer. But, I would imagine, if they would have had The Duct Tape Guys involved in the stunt work and duct taping Chevy Chase to his sled, you would have enjoyed the movie a LOT more. --- The Duct Tape Guy

How can duct tape help me figure out which came first, the chicken or the egg? --- Chris Lyons

Believe it or not, our friend Bob Shuck has already answered this question. Go to: Ask Bob at find the answer there, print it out, and duct tape it to your refrigerator door. --- The Duct Tape Guy

I have been stuck on this puzzle for a long time. There are supposedly three "gry" words, and I can only find two, "hungry" and "angry" how can duct tape help me? --- Word Puzzler

You can now add a third - The Duct Tape Guys have just coined: "Ductgry" The act of Duct Taping when you are filled with angst from not eating in a long time. --- The Duct Tape Guy

Is there a way to improve upon Duct Tape? --- Jeff Chabotte

Yes, by making it into a convenient "flat pack" that is about the size of a credit card, has three yards of tape on it, and can fit easily into your pocket or purse! Hey, wait a minute! I just described Duck® brand Flat Pack® - and it already exists! Well, then, your answer is no. Unless, of course, you combine the moisture curing adhesive in Super Glue with duct tape and create a tape that will stick to wet stuff! --- The Duct Tape Guy

I am a concerned voter, how can duct tape help me select the right canidate? --- Concerned Voter

Vote for the Duct Tape Guys! Read our platform. --- The Duct Tape Guys

How can duct tape help the Simpsons figure out who shot Mr. Burns? --- Simpsons Fan

Getting closer to a REAL product like duct tape will help you get one foot in the REAL world. At this point, you may realize that the Simpsons are NOT a real family, just drawings, and that nobody shot Mr. Burns. --- The Duct Tape Guy

When the inner gyroscope of my double gyroscope levetron accelerator, spins at full speed, the accelerator pulls to the right or left and dis-engages from the electronic pulse runway. Resulting in catastrophic surface damage! How can duct tape help me? --- Bubba Tea Backwoods

Obviously, you haven't duct taped your double gyroscope levetron accelerator down. If you did, you didn't use enough duct tape. Remember, if it's not stuck and it's supposed to be, duct tape it! --- The Duct Tape Guy

How can Duck Tape help my friend Nate who broke a bed? --- Jelly Bean

I'm thinking that the Duct Tape Hammock would be just the answer that Nate is looking for. Check it out by clicking here. --- The Duct Tape Guy

A lot of people consider me verrry annoying, how can duct tape help me? --- Laura Pirk

I don't know why, possibly you spell very with three "r"s? Possibly because you are constantly talking about yourself? Why not try talking about something that virtually everyone is interested in; Duck Tape! Send me your mailing address and I will send you a package of Duck® brand Tape so you can familiarize yourself with its many desirable qualities. --- The Duct Tape Guy

Ryan has a solution: I was reading the question that you were stumped by, the one about the person who said that she is verrry annoying. I know how duct tape could help. She could be duct tape to a bed with duct tape over her mouth, with an IV drip duct taped to her arm. This way she couldn't move or speak or do anything and she just plain ol' COULDN'T be annoying.

How can duct tape stop deer from eating my mom's garden? --- Etan Kouh

Put duct tape, sticky-side-up, around the perimeter of your mom's garden. When the deer step on the tape, it will stick to their hooves and legs and freak them out. Repeat for three days and your should have the situation solved. --- The Duct Tape Guy

This is the honest truth. I woke up yesterday and there was a sort of round circle wound on my hand, and we think its ring worm, but it looks pretty bad. How can duct tape help me? --- Avlis Mailliw

Ishy! I believe that if your entire body was encased in Duct Tape, the ring worm would suffocate. You would also be impermeable to new parasites. --- The Duct Tape Guy

I got put in Team A at school, along with all of these not so smart kids. At least half of us are failing. How can duct tape help us? --- TeamAStinks@...

As I recall "The A Team" wasn't there a big Black dude named "Mr. T" who sported a mohawk and a mess of jewelry around his neck and fingers? Try taking all of the failing students and tape their heads so only mohawk-fashion hair is showing, and make duct tape jewelry for their neck and fingers. Then, when you show up at school dressed like "Mr. T" you will be such a distraction that they will move the whole lot of you failing trouble makers to Team F where you can linger in your academic complacency. --- The Duct Tape Guy

I'm soooooooooooooo obsessed with your website, how can duct tape help me get un-addicted from duct tape? --- Chris Lyons

We would never disclose that - unless you paid us huge sums of money. --- The Duct Tape Guy

How can duct tape help me take the trash out to the curb at night? --- Somaht Olsyn

Securely tape around your trash can and make a duct tape rope that extends across the street where the garbage truck will be passing in the morning. When the truck hits the duct tape rope, it will fling your trash can from the side of your house up into the truck,or possibly, all over the street. Either way, duct tape has helped bring your trash can to the street for you. --- The Duct Tape Guy

Late breaking addition/warning: Sometimes a police cruiser makes the rounds during the night before the garbage truck. This may result in a very expensive fine and/or jail time. In retrospect, it might be easier to just walk your can out to the street. --- The Duct Tape Guy

I qualify handcuffs for a living. how can duc ktape help me? --- Anthony P.

Duct tape was used for handcuffs in the LA riots when the police ran out of handcuffs and cable ties. So, quit qualifying handcuffs and start qualifying Duck Tape! --- The Duct Tape Guy

We have a guy at work that keeps falling a sleep no matter what the job. How can duck tape help? --- Tony Pratt

Tape two strips of duct tape from his eyebrowns, over the top of his head and down his back. Stretch it tightly. The tension will keep his eyes open, his head upright, and pull on his back hair - he won't easily fall asleep. Even if he does, he will look wide awake and alert. --- The Duct Tape Guy

Dear Duct Tape Guys: My parents won't let me see Scream 3. How can duct tape help me? --- Thomas

With duct tape you can pull and stretch your skin into the horrid configuration of the Scream mask - then look in the mirror and scare yourself (and your parents). Besides, a roll of duct tape is cheaper than going to see the movie - and you won't leave with that "I wasted eight bucks" feeling. --- The Duct Tape Guy

I have been made fun of for being a little chubby, I enjoy snacking as much as the next person. How can duct tape help me get on a diet? --- Willum Silva

If you wrap duct tape around your torso (like a huge sticky girdle) it will slim you visually while making you feel your girth more, causing you to desire to eat less. This, coupled with the "sauna suit" aspects of the duct tape girdle will work wonders on your figure in no time. Note: Belly hair will be virtually non-existant after using this method. --- The Duct Tape Guy

I am trying to trace my family genealogy, and have been unable to get anything earlier than Jan
Van Valckenier, born 1400 in the Netherlands. How can duct tape help me find his ancestors? --- J.C. Anderson

Since duct tape only dates back to the 1940s, you will not be able to find any of your ancestor's DNA strain on old duct tape remnants. However, we do recommend organizing your family tree by building all of the branches out of duct tape on a large wall in your house. The sticky side out "twigs" on the branches can hold the name cards, or you can merely write on the duct tape itself. --- The Duct Tape Guy

I have always been an avid user of duct tape and have found that it works great for bandages. My question is: at what point do you give up on adding layers of duct tape to stop the bleeding and resort to the barbaric practice of closing the wound with a needle and thread? --- Tim Hoag

Cover your wounds with as many layers as needed to stop bleeding, or use the duct tape to secure towels, shirts, blankets, or other forms of compress on those really nasty wounds. From one Tim to another, I can't see the point of needle and thread when duct tape is around either. But, old habits are hard to break. --- The Duct Tape Guy

I got a huge crack in my best sled on a rock, and I figured, "Hey, if there's a problem, duct tape can fix it!" So, first I tried putting a small amount of duct tape on the broken sled. That didn't work, so I put a lot on, and still it came off. How can duct tape fix the hole without comming off at 40 miles an hour? --- Jimmy Fig

Make sure the sled is bone dry and room temperature before applying the tape. Tape overlaping strips from back to front of the entire sled bottom. Better yet, just cover your bottom entirely in duct tape and forget the sled! --- The Duct Tape Guy

I’m bored. I have a long piece of rope, a bowling ball, duct tape, and lots of spare time.... how can duct tape help my boredom? --- GrinchBoy

Well, if you have imagination as well, you can have hours of fun with these items! Here’s just one idea: Braid three long strands of duct tape together and fasten one end of this duct tape rope to the bowling ball and the other to a tree limb. Climb the tree with the bowling ball in hand and wait for a knight in armor to ride underneath the tree on his horse. Swing the ball downwards and try to knock the knight off of his horse. Hours of fun! --- The Duct Tape Guy

I live on Bainbridge Island, and there is a lot of trees, so we frequently get power outages. When the power goes out, all of the food in the refridgerator goes bad, how can duct tape help? --- Christopher T. Riffick

During the next power outage, quickly put all of your perishable food in a large cardboard box, seal the entire box in duct tape (it’s waterproof) and make a duct tape tether attached to one corner of the box. Now go off the island in a rowboat and dump the box over into the cool waters surrounding the island. Sit in the boat holding on to the tether until the power comes back on, haul the box aboard an carry your cold food back to your refridgerator. It’s that simple! --- The Duct Tape Guy

I having been trying to become a better duct taper. But I am failing...maybe it’s just not in me, I dunno. But I just can’t come up with ideas for duct taping! --- Nate

Obviously you haven’t read our books and calendars - they feature more than 2,000 uses for duct tape (and growing). Pick them up and try some of the hints. Soon, you too will be a Duct Tape Pro! --- The Duct Tape Guy

I have a '95 Compaq Presario, its pretty slow and it makes soo much noise! how can duct tape help? --- C.Thomas

Duct Tape a Macintosh G-4 (or even an iMac) on top of it, turn off the Compaq, and use the Macintosh - it will blow doors on anything out there! --- The Duct Tape Guy (avid Macintosh user since 1984)

Dear Stump master: I am doing a report for my relgion class in school. The point is to prove the non-existace of evolution. I do not believe that god is a duct tape fearing man but I want to prove to all the kids I see on the street that there is no evolution. How can I do this using duct tape? --- Renee

Can't help you here. Mainly because I believe that God created evolution. And duct tape had nothing to do with it. Man, a creation of God, invented duct tape in the 1940's (or 400 B.C.) - See our History of Duct Tape section. --- The Duct Tape Guy

From Chris Hendricks: You didn't give much of an answer (showing your support for evolution instead) here's my solution: One of evolution's main points is that sometime, somewhere, a bunch of atoms and molecules that are not alive somehow got zapped together into life. Well, it's more than likely that all of these life-essential nutrients can be found on an average roll of duct tape. Challenge anyone to turn a strip of duct tape into some sort of living single-celled organism. This of course can not be done (duct tape may be the ultimate power tool, but it ain't alive), and he will have proved his point.

My dad's too cheap to buy Cable for our TV, how can duct tape help? --- DuctTape Fan@...

Assuming that the only reason you want cable television is to waste away your hours watching mindless rubbish that highly paid network executives choose to spoon feed you in an effort to sell advertising time (i.e. you are looking for entertainment)... Why not get one hundred rolls of Duck Tape and start creating a lifesize replication of Michaelangelo’s statue of David. You will be entertained, have a feeling of accomplishment, and who knows, maybe even make it on one of those cheesey cable documentaries about eccentric artists. --- The Duct Tape Guy

Help! My Dad is the Duct-Tape-King. (When we were little, he held our diapers together with duct tape). But seriously, his current problem is fixing the grill on his 1977 Chevy 4X4. The grill has broken in half vertically. The problem is that the tape is not holding the patch together. Is there a certain scientific way to tape it, or does he need Extra Strength Duct Tape? Also, the mounts are so rusty on the taillights that the brackets won't hold, and the duct tape slides off. Again, what should he do? Take a trip around the truck to duct tape it together or what? But then he won't be able to enter through the doors.
This truck was a gift from my husband, and my Dad supplied the motor from his old Chevy truck called, "Bill". So it wasn't like the truck cost him a fortune, and he never has to enter it in any beauty pageants. So, don't anyone trash my Dad's farm truck, because he is a very big guy who doesn't take kindly to anyone picking on his duct tape mobiles. --- Kim

I think you need to do a total duct tape body job. Just cover that whole vehicle with duct tape (including the windows (to prevent chips and stone dings). Even though this isn't a case where I was by your question, I am sending the first roll for the project in honor of your dad - the Duct Tape King. --- The Duct Tape Guy

OK, here's my stump for you... I go to a private school and we hafta wear unifroms. They're really really really ugly and the skirts are so long. My mom can't sew so she can't hem my skirt in an attempt to make it look almost half way decent. How could I use the duck tape to hem up my PLEATED skirt so it wouldn't look funny on the pleats. When I did it before my skirt was round instead of pleated... it looked bad. And, I almost got a detention, which I don't mind too much but it was annoying how my skirt looked like like a hoop skirt.

Just rip pieces of duct tape the length of the width of each pleat - leaving bare cloth at the folds. It should pleat fine, the hem should hold about five or six washings - after which you will find little duct tape balls in the drier - telling you it's time to duct tape your hem again. --- The Duct Tape Guy

I am an expert on duct tape, but when I was doing some construction work in the attic, i discovered the duct tape would not stick to a certain Stucko brand dry wall, it slips straight off. I was so astonished, I went and bought a new roll in case it was defective, it still didn't work. Please help me. --- dcttapeman@...

Rip that flakey dry wall right off the wall and cover the wall with duct tape. This new, high quality wall covering is durable, washable, and is easier to repair than a hole in drywall... you just add more duct tape. Best of all - you don't need to wall paper or paint the surface - it is a nice bright silver (or whatever duct tape color you chose). --- The Duct Tape Guy

I always get stuck with cleaning the dishes, how can duct tape help? ---Topher

Use paper plates. To avoid Jello melt-through, cover the plate entirely with duct tape prior to serving. When you are done, just throw them away, or rinse them off and use them to play a quick game of indoor Frisbee golf! --- The Duct Tape Guy

Why doesn't duct tape come in hot pink? --- Josh

It DOES! Look for Duck Brand’s X-Treme Tape at your local Ace Hardware or Wal-Mart store. --- The Duck Tape Guy

How can I use duct tape to prove Coulomb's law? --- Erin Boland

First, you will have to tell a Duck Tape Guy what Coulomb's Law is... then he can answer your question. --- The Duct Tape Guy

So I was at this Mexican Resturant, and my friends dared me to eat five of these extra spicy hot peppers, so like the idiot I am, I gulped them down, and yes..... well I practically burned my tongue off! So I was wondering how duct tape could have helped me in this situation?? ---Mister Lyons

Although I doubt that this really happened because you certainly would have noted the pain the next day on the other end... well, here is your answer: Duct Tape over your tongue with red Duck® brand Tape (red so nobody notices your hot pepper shield). No, this won’t help the next day on the other end... --- The Duct Tape Guy

Last year, it was like 14 degrees outside. I was standing by the back of our house, when this six inch icicle comes zooming down, hits me flat in the top of the head, and I pass right out. It wasn't just passing out, I got a terrible concusion, and it was 14 degrees!! So my dad runs me over to the nieghbor, shoves me in the 4x4, and we raced to our local clinic, where I had to get 17 stitches in my head! So I was just wondering, how could duct tape have helped me? --- Mister Lyons

You again! Another case where an ounce of prevention would have prevented your misfortune. You could have secured the icicles to your house with duct tape forbidding their fall, or duct taped a metal pie tin to the top of your head to act as a head armour. Next time - prepare for the worst and you won’t end up in stitches. --- The Duct Tape Guy

When I am talking on the phone and doing something I have to hold the phone by bending my neck so it pressed on my shoulder and my ear. The problem is, I get really bad neck cramps what do I do? Help me. --- Nick

The answer is illustrated beautifully in our first book, "The Duct Tape Book." Simply duct tape the phone to your head. This is a great hint for all of you telemarketers out there! --- The Duct Tape Guy P.S. For all of you who are NOT telemarketers - put duct tape over the phone ringer during the dinner hour so you won't be disturbed by telemarketers.

My stereo speaker is blown and the duct tape I used to fix it really muffled the sound. What should I do? --- John Tader

John: Here is an instance where too much duct tape SPOILS the job. Speakers work so nicely because they are thin and can vibrate so they can produce the sound. I suggest carefully removing the duct tape and starting over - this time using just one thin layer of duct tape ripped in a thin strip just wide enough to secure the rip. If the sound still seems muffled, switch the music that you are listening to MegaDeath - you won't be able to tell the difference. --- The Duct Tape Guy

I am an aspiring hockey wife (so I don't become a hockey widow). I've got the basics, but how can duct tape help me learn the finer points of the game? I've tried making a list of my questions, and duct-taping it someplace prominent to remind me to ask them, but it turns out my husband seldom knows the answers. What's a girl to do? --- Isangeles@...

I think the obvious thing to do would be to duct tape yourself to the nearest professional hockey player. When it comes to learning, nothing beats hands-on experience. --- The Duct Tape Guy

My friend Nate is attempting to live on the computer 24-7 his goal in life is to "ween himself off of sleep" how can duct tape help him do this? --- Chris (again)

Tell this dweeb/geek to get some duct tape and get a life! In the meantime, he can stay awake by duct taping his eyelids open and head in a locked and upright position. --- The Duct Tape Guy

The thing is that my sisters always eat all the donughts and good food before I wake up, how can duct tape help me? --- Chris

You should probably be thankful to your sisters as they will be the ones who get obese and die early due to clogged arteries... but, if you are like us, and we know we are... you love the doughnuts. So sneak down into the kitchen before they get up and duct tape a sack of doughnuts up underneath the kitchen table where they won't find it. Then you can sit down to the table and grab doughnuts from your secret stash without them noticing. --- The Duct Tape Guy

How can Duct Tape improve my sex life? --- Bols07@...

Our books are G-rated so I won't get into specifics - I'm sure you have an imagination and will do just fine at creating your own bondage and S and M applications. My thought is that if you share your duct tape with your spouse (or sex partners if you aren't the type to abide by the marital guidelines found in the Bible), your sex life will dramatically improve just by virtue of your having developed a relationship of trust and mutual admiration of one of the finest mending devices on the planet. --- The Duck Tape Guy

I always wake up too early in the morning because the sun comes through the window, how can duct tape help me solve this problem? --- Coolman757@...

If you haven't figured out that duct taping over your entire window will work quite nicely at keeping the sunshine out, well, we don't know how you ever got the moniker "Coolman." Perhaps because your brain has frozen or something. --- The Duct Tape Guy

The stupid speaker on the side of my monitor keeps falling off! I duct taped is real good and it still isn't staying, how can duct tape, or WD40 help me? --- Chris

You obviously didn't use enough duct tape. Spare the Duck Tape and spoil the job! --- The Duct Tape Guy

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