The ARCHIVES (Page 2) Page 3 click here.
return to Stump the Duct Tape Guy main page

Try as we might though, guess what we can't get duct tape to stick to? Ummm.... Duct work. Now we use screws to put duct together (GASP), but that seems such a waste of good metal. We've cleaned the oil off the duct and gotten it to stick for a little while, but it eventually unravels. Any ideas? --- Ed Dean

Oily duct work! Could this possibly be the foil of duct tape? Check out the article at Duct Tape Headline News about Duct Tape and duct work. Well, other than cleaning the duct work more thoroughly, I guess you have me. So, I'm sending you a duct tape book so you can find other uses for your duct tape. --- The Duct Tape Guy

Hello I have a trampoline in the backyard of my home. It is so old and used that holes are coming throught the tightly wound fabric. Every time I try to duct tape it, it comes off from people jumping. So I covered the whole trampoline with strips of duct tape. It works well! But all of my neighbors think I am a freak. What should I do? --- LatteLuvr

I doubt that the fact that your neighbors think you are a freak has anything to do with your trampoline, or your use of duct tape. You might consider shaving and getting a job. Either that, or just ignore them. --- The Duct Tape Guy

Here's my duct tape stumper... I live in Hawaii and Volcanos can be a hazard. If Kilauea Volcano is spewing hot lava and a gargantuan flow is rapidly heading for my house, can duct tape & WD40 save the day? --- Miss Volkana

Cover your shoes in eight layers of duct tape and spray them down with WD-40 - then you can “Duct Tape Ski” to safety. And don’t forget your duct tape covered umbrella to keep the hot lava and ash from burning your hair. Duct tape the umbrella handle to your back so you don’t have to hold on to it. You might even get a slight thermo-rise weightlessness thing going from the hot lava you are fleeing. This will speed your escape. --- The Duct Tape Guy

There's this office in the subway,and it's for subway conductors.When I look in (I'm not supposed to) some people inside say hi, but some shoo me out. I'm certain that one even called security. How can I duct tape the mean ones to their chairs from the outside? --- Pinta Anaya

You are approaching the problem wrong. First, show that you come in peace by showing your roll of duct tape, slightly (gently) thrusting it towards them while nodding and smiling. Next, offer them a small strip of duct tape. If they take it, you’ve made a friend. If they don’t take it today, perhaps they will tomorrow. Eventually, duct tape will win them over. --- The Duct Tape Guy

I was evangalizing the other day when someone told me "Shut up, duct tape is stupid" So naturally he must die now. What’s the best way to kill a person using the very duct tape that was so recently disrespected? --- Gary Braham

WAIT! STOP! Gary, Gary, Gary! I can appreciate your passion, but you must NOT kill them because they are not converts! You must love them anyway and continue to show them the power of duct tape until they convert. Remember, Duct Tape was created for GOOD, not EVIL! In fact, sit them down to watch our video (left) with you and you can laugh together as you evangelize! --- The Duct Tape Guys

Dear Duct Tape Guy: My cat is grotesquely obese. She eats all the time, we even tried to put her on a diet, but she snuck snacks on the side. Our kitty door is now to small, we are thinking about getting a doggie door installed instead. What can we do? --- Kendra

Dear Kendra: Bind your cat entirely in duct tape except for her head and “bathroom apparatus” and let her eat. Her swelling body will become so uncomfortable in the unyielding duct tape corset that she will eventually either explode out of the unwrapped parts (and thus be permanently out of her misery - and your hair) or cut back on her eating. In the mean time, spray her down with WD-40 so she fits through the cat door more easily. --- The Duct Tape Guy

All great and ever knowing duct tape guy: I've got a hot date this weekend and naturally want to impress her with duct tape and WD-40. The only problem is I want her to like me for me and not my duct tape. How do I use duct tape to my advantage but not let it steal my spotlight? --- Page017@...

Duct tape the entire inside of your car. Make silvery vinyl seats, silver dash board, woven silver headliner, duct tape roll can holders on the dash... take it to the limit. If your “Duct Tape Limo” handywork doesn’t impress her that you are a quality, caring guy, dump her and find a gal that appreciates duct tape as much as you do - compatibility in relationships is paramount. --- The Duct Tape Guy

How can I use duct tape to help me get concert tickets? Every time I call in,
it's busy, even though I try and try! --- Braves732@...

This is an easy one! Stand outside the concert hall with three rolls of duct tape. Offer one roll per ticket and a bonus roll if they are good seats. Bring a whole case and bribe the roadies - it’ll get you backstage passes. Works for Jim and me every time! --- The Duct Tape Guy

Hi... i am a single male who is looking for a beautiful intelligent fun loving, sincere faithful woman who isn't psychotic. How can duct tape help me find her and win her over? --- Sean Buk

So all of a sudden this is a personals column? Sean, it’s as easy as flaunting your duct tape gene. Carry duct tape with you wherever you go. Have a roll looped to your belt, on the dashboard of your vehicle, around one or both wrists like WWF bracelets. Speak of its virtues. Any woman who is not attracted by this behavior isn't worth your time. --- The Duct Tape Guy

Duct Tape Guy: Ok, what would happen if I got sucked into a parallel universe where Duct Tape and WD-40 worked in reverse - i.e. broke everything? Carrying only my Duct Tape and WD-40, because I never go anywhere without them, how would I get home again? - Tom Mould

If they worked in reverse, you would use WD-40 if something wasn't stuck and was supposed to be, and Duct Tape if something was stuck and was NOT supposed to be. What's the big deal? --- The Duct Tape Guy

Hi I am studying very hard right now for my French finals. This morning I had French toast for breakfast and now I have forgotten all the French I knew....can duct tape help? - flipper_5551212@...

Duct tape means never having to say "Je parles français." Drop your stupid French class and study the language of duct tape - it's universal! --- The Duct Tape Guy (P.S. Serve that French Toast on a paper plate lined with duct tape and the syrup won't seep through.)

I'm a Telemarketer and in this industry when somene says they want to be taken off of a call list, it means it's against the law to call them again...Well I forgot to mark one down and well My company has this policy that the persn who called pays the $500.00 fine...Well there you are How do I Use Duct Tape and WD-40 to not pay the fine. --- Fry Guy

Absolutely! Just duct tape your phone headset to the floor and stomp on it until it is not functioning any longer. That way you won't be getting the fines, you won't bothering us during dinner time with your ridiculous offers, and we'll all have more time to focus on our duct taping. --- the Duct Tape Guy

O.k. your on a flight to a "Duct Tape Convention" when your plane, which just happens to be a small 6 passanger sesna type commuter....goes down on a deserted island. You and your six passangers are lucky to have made it out of the you look at the badly recked plane (as everyone turns to you to fix it) you realize you are almost out of duct tape! You have a 1"x 8" piece left! Now none of the others have duct tape either, and your spare duct tape was burned in the wreckage. (Being of a highly flammable nature as you know!) But the plane hasn't been burned totally you think it looks salvageable. So now how do you use your piece of duct tape to help get you out of this situation. All by yourself. Remember your passangers are counting on you! --- All Taped Up in South Bend....

There are some problems with your question - duct tape is not highly flamable.
A duct tape guy would never have a limited supply of duct tape.
Duct tape guys do not travel on Cessna type planes.
There are no Duct Tape Conventions (yet).
Not to mention your abundance of spelling atrocities.
Back to the drawing board you go! --- The Duct Tape Guy

My mother absolutely loves the smell of lilacs, however she cannot keep them alive for long. WD-40 will kill them and duct tape cannot do anything but hold them together, yet how can they keep flowers blooming longer? --- Reverend Ed

Wean your mother from the smell of the lilacs by blending it with the wonderful smell of just-ripped Duct Tape. Simply wrap the vase holding her lilacs with duct tape (it will look like a lovely pewter vase and give added protection if she happens to drop the vase). Your mother's brain will gradually replace the true lilac smell with the hybrid duct tape/lilac smell. By the time the lilacs die, she will still have the duct tape smell. Just add a few new strips every month to keep that pungently refreshing duct tape smell alive. --- The Duct Tape Guy

My friend Rod was behind my snomobile riding on a car hood that in which I was towing, we rounded a corner and BAM!! He hit a parked hay bailer. We were moving at approx 55-60 mph is there a way that duct tape or WD-40 could have prevented such a horrific scene? --- Wahookiller@...

Well, duct tape and WD-40 can't prevent you from being stupid (it still hasn't helped Jim and me), but I guess you could take two car hoods and sandwich your friend (wrapped in foam rubber) in between them. Duct tape around the hoods, spray them down with WD-40 - and go for it! When he does happen to hit something, you'll probably need the jaws of life to remove him, but he will probably still be in one piece. --- The Duct Tape Guy

After the post office destroyed yet another letter, I thought I would be clever and make my next one out of duct tape. I stuck the sticky sides together in an overlapping fashion, until I had an 8.5"x11" sheet. Cool! Indestructible stationery! The problem is that while it goes through the printer without too much trouble, the ink will not stay on the tape. If you do it sticky side out, the sheet jams the printer (even with a coating of WD-40). I even tried melting the duct tape glue off the tape and mixing it in with the ink, but only managed to ruin a printer by that method. How do I get the ink to stay on the duct-tape "paper"? --- Jon Anderson

Well, unless you want to purchase a $3000+ printer that will handle thick stock (such as your duct tape stock), I suggest that you print out your letter on regular paper and then BACK the paper with duct tape after the printing has been accomplished. Now you can mail your letter without fear of the post office mangling it. (If they do manage to mangle the letter, the duct tape will gum up their machines so badly that they will be out of business for at least a week - that will teach 'em!). --- The Duct Tape Guy

If a key breaks and you still need to use to save a baby in a burning car, how can duct tape or WD 40 help you. You can't touch any other part of the car. What do you do? --- Darlyce Schlechter

Wow, what a name! And I thought Duct Tape Guy was bad - well, you won't hear me complaining again! now, to answer your question: Wrap duct tape around your fist (at least two layers) and smash any side window (avoiding baby if possible), unlock the door with your unduct-taped hand, and rescue the kid. Next time, duct tape a spare key to the underside of your car and you won't have to break a window - but then, what the heck, if the car is on fire, the thing will be wrecked anyway. --- The Duct Tape Guy

Duct Tape Guy: I do not have any Kleenex but do have a really bad cold, what should I use Duct Tape or WD-40? Please help. --- Sick in Bed (Dick Martin)

Well, Sick Dick: A strip of duct tape under the nose will save you from that embarrasing dripping. Or, if you are totally clogged and dripping is not the problem, I suppose you could spray some WD-40 up your nose to loosen things up a bit (not really recommended by anyone, just a thought). --- The Duct Tape Guy

Can you mow the lawn with duct tape or WD-40? respond ASAP- I'm having serious problems... mryuk8@...

Sure - we discuss the lawn applications in our books. Spray WD-40 on the lawn, it will kill the weeds (and the grass) and you won't have to mow again. And, duct tape, sticky-side-out on your feet will remove the dead grass from your beautiful yard of dirt. --- The Duct Tape Guy

The Empire State Building is falling down. You need to keep it from crashing down on the busy streets below. What do you do? --- J. Wilson

Isn't the answer fairly obvious? Just wrap the whole thing in duct tape. This will prevent the deterioration like it did when we did the duct tape tuck pointing job on the pyramids (pictured in Duct Tape Book Two - Real Stories --- which you can purchase now online for your personal library or for gift-giving at the Octane Bookstore) --- The Duct Tape Guy

Dear Duct Tape Guy: This came to me in a dream one night...An old woman is sitting on her rocking chair, sipping on some lemonade. A blinding light appears and aliens appear. They order her to surrender all of her duct tape and wd40 and then they take and destroy all duct tape, wd40, and the factories across the globe. They then declare martial law over us and we are forced to be their slaves. At that moment, a baby breaks the arm off of its new Tickle Me Elmo, and begins crying. If my dream were to come true, how would we find a way to fix the child's toy and reclaim Earth?? --- Carolyn Purnell

Answer to your dilemma: Sorry, there is no solution. In fact, don't sweat the Tickle Me Elmo incident, because the world, as we know it, would end without Duct Tape and WD-40. Let's hope your nightmare never comes true. --- The Duct Tape Guy

hey i have a problem. there is a time bomb in my kitchen that specifically reads "if tampered with by duct tape, WD-40, or anything of the sort, the bomb will destroy the entire planet" the bomb blowing up does not solve the problem, so how do i solve this, with duct tape? --- Drumchuk@...

Just don't tamper with it! Duh! --- The Duct Tape Guy

hi. I am working on an oil painting for my art class. It is due tomorrow and I just ran out of yellow ochre paint. I really need it and it is too late to go to the store. All I have is a roll of duct tape...what can i do?? ~Beth W.

Hopefully it's a roll of yellow duct tape. If not, use duct tape (silver) in the spots where the yellow is to appear, then wear a bright yellow ochre jumpsuit to the opening of your show and stand in front of the painting all night. The duct tape will reflect your outfit - appearing to be yellow ochre. And, you will probably sell it for ten times the amount of a normal painting just by having added the duct tape. --- The Duct Tape Guy

hi.. im wondering, if a guy wants to commit to you, how can duct tape solve this problem, if i dont want commitment? ---fishnetducttapesafetypingirl

Wow! If this guy is thinking about having you committed, you need to demonstrate to him how sane you actually are! Just take your roll of duct tape and start covering all of your earthly possessions. Upon observing your duct taping fetish, he'll quickly come to his senses and realize what a terrible mistake he almost made. --- The Duct Tape Guy

I skate. And my skate board deck shattered in millions of pieces after doing a grind. I don't have enough money to bye a new deck, and if I try to use WD/40, it's too slippery. What can I do with duct tape? --- NoLife1986@...

Hey, NoLife! Get one! Just duct tape yourself a new board with about fifty layers of duct tape woven together into the shape and size of board that you dream of! Tape on the wheels - and do that grind thing you do on a new, silvery, extra durable Duct Tape Board! --- The Duct Tape Guy

What if I am in a forest that is on fire, I'm surrounded on all sides by the flames, and all I have is a rolls of duct tape and a can of WD40, how would I use these two fantastic tools to escape? --- Eric Sartain

Wrap yourself entirely in as much duct tape as you can (keeping limbs movable). Now, make a dash through the fire spraying the WD-40 ahead of you to propel the flames away from you. Good luck! --- The Duct Tape Guy

ok..... lets say I got locked in a safe by a guy who had a gun to my head and that safe was locked in a bigger safe. The only person who knew the combonation killed himself. I REALLY want to get out, and all i have is a roll of duct tape. How can I get out? --- The Skelly Family

Don't sweat getting out - you're gonna die because of the lack of oxygen. Too bad you are in that dark safe, otherwise I'd send you one of our humor books to read while you await your impending doom. Well, better get right with God, the next light that you see may be His... --- The Duct Tape Guy

I locked myself out of the safe and have forgotten the combination. This safe is tamper proof and it has no outside parts that can be unscrewed. How can I get inside of it with duct tape and wd 40. --- MumseyHere@...

What is it with you people and safes? Forget having a stupid safe around... just do what I do - duct tape your valuables to the underside of your bed. (Oops - I guess now I have to move my valuables elsewhere...) To get into the safe you make a thirty-layer duct tape sling, put it under the safe. Get an army helecopter, attach the duct tape sling to the helecopter. Lift the safe 100 feet off the ground. Cut the duct tape sling. The safe will crash to the ground and open up! - How's that?--- The Duct Tape Guy

I was driving my '58 Buick home from the liquor store. No, I hadn't opened any yet. When out from nowhere a snowy owl flew toward my windshield. In a desperate attempt to avoid hitting and killing an endangered animal (I work at the zoo - bad press and all) and yet, keeping in mind the 1,104 bottles of Guinness (it was St. Patrick's Day) I had in the back seat and trunk, I swerved. Not far enough and yet too far.

In my basement, I have a dead snowy owl. I have 1,004 bottles that are broken. I have a hangover from drinking the other 100 bottles. I wrapped my aching head in duct tape. I lost my hair taking it off. I inhaled the WD-40 to ease the pain. I got that suggestion from reading your response before to someone else "put the WD-40 where it hurts" - it hurt inside.

So, here's the question. Can Duct tape help me properly prepare a nice snowy owl dinner? For six? What kind of wine? I've decided to go with a flambe for dessert (utilizing the WD-40 and the Guinness that spilled - good thing for the galvanized bucket).

Any suggestions? (hic).--- Murph

Man - you have terrible luck. Stay away from me! I think it's illegal to cook a snowy owl - even if it is dead... but it probably would taste good boiled in Guiness and served on a duct taped platter. Send me your mailing address and I will send you a roll of duct tape to cover that platter with. So I guess you could say that I'm --- The Duct Tape Guy

From a reader (GWF Hegel): (To Murph, with the snowy owl problem) Try wrapping it 3 times in foil with a half cup of guiness and putting it on your Buick's manifold while you drive around for an hour or so.

Dear Duct Tape Guy: Can Duct Tape or WD-40 fix my traffic tickets? <schwarjm@SLU.EDU>

Well, here's what I do with mine: I duct tape over the ticket (like I was securing it to the dashboard so I didn't forget to pay it) and then rip off the duct tape --- thus totally trashing the ticket. When they pull me over on the next offense and find out that you have outstanding tickets, get a tear in your eye and a look of shear joy on your face and say,"I'm so glad that you found me! Look what happened to the last ticket you gave me! I duct taped it to my dashboard so I wouldn't forget to go down and pay it promptly, and the duct tape stuck to the ticket and ripped off the remittance information. So, now, you can give me the information I need so I can be a law-abiding citizen and pay the ticket!"

Either that, or duct tape over your entire vehicle and spray it down with WD-40 --- it just may turn into a stealth vehicle that is undetectable by radar. --- The Duct Tape Guy

Recently my good friend's muffler developed a hole in it, which (apparently not knowing how hot mufflers get) she tried to repair using a terry cloth towel and duct tape. The makeshift patch promptly caught fire and the muffler fell off her car. How can Duct Tape or WD-40 increase my friend's working knowledge of the modern automobile so that such misuses of duct tape can be prevented in the future?

The problem clearly lies in the fact that your friend was born without the duct tape gene. Therefore, he/she didn't know that you must use only duct tape (a brand certified for heat applications) and no terry cloth towel. This duct tape gene shortage can be fixed only by careful instruction from a duct tape pro. Where can he/she acquire such an education? From our books of course, which are available online by clicking here, or by going to your local bookstore and purchasing them. But, being the duct tape evangelist that I am, I will start your friend out by providing the first book free. Not that you the duct tape guy, I am just taking pitty on your poor friend and desire to protect duct tape's good name. --- The Duct Tape Guy

OK without getting the DHS(department of human services) knocking at your door.Tell me how to use it to keep the kids quiet? The kids are teenagers. --- mastec@...

Nothing keeps kids (pre-schoolers, grade schoolers, and college aged kids) busy and quiet like a roll of duct tape. The teenagers can create sculptures with duct tape, decorate their apparel into duct tape-hip fashions, or play that popular teenage game, spin the duct tape. So give them a roll or two and tell them to be creative with it (it comes with no instructions - which is a good thing because it doesn't limit your creativity). At first, they'll look at you like you are nuts. Then, after they experience the power of duct tape, they'll thank you for it. --- The Duct Tape Guy

I recently have been having troubles with my computer. Namely, my hard drive crashed and i lost all data including my 40 page term paper for my applied marketing class. now i don't exactly remember what i wrote about, but i'm sure it was brilliant and I really want the original back
because if i rewrite it I know it will be inferior to the original. Anyways, my question is how can I retrieve data (stored in an electronic state) from my crashed hard drive using duct tape and/or WD-40?---royally screwed <01bgbowe@...>

Dear Royally Screwed (Is that your given name, or did you have it legally changed?):
You problem lies in depending on a computer in the first place. Open up your typical computer. What do you see? A bunch of circuit boards and little metal water towery looking things. But, nowhere will you find any duct tape. How can you rely on a machine that doesn't have any duct tape in it's composition. When I write a paper, I tape a wall with duct tape and write all of my notes on the duct tape. I know that the tape isn't going anywhere. The wind won't blow it away, it won't accidentally fall into the waste basket, the dog won't eat it. When I'm ready for the final draft, I write it on paper that has been reinforced with a duct tape backing (so it can't be shredded). It also does a nice job of thickening up the report - and the thicker the report - the hgher the grade. Plus, your professor will be impressed to see that you cared enough about your paper to reinforce it with duct tape. They may even overlook the fact that what you wrote is total drivel and give you an "A" anyway. --- The Duct Tape Guy

How can I take out my own appendix using only Duct-tape & WD-40? WD-40 is a good analgesic, but does not function well as a general anesthetic, although general anesthesia is contra-indicated in this context, since the patient should remain awake and alert throughout the procedure. Duct tape makes a first-class suture, and perhaps should be placed over the mouth during the operation to avoid unseemly interjections. Is there any known cure for pompous prolixity? mckenonj@...

I have no idea what pompous prolixity is, but I wouldn't doubt that duct tape or WD-40 could cure it. As for your do-it-yourself appendix operation... I am sending you a roll of duct tape. Use it for suture on a roll, and as for an anesthetic, just duct tape very tightly around your head so the tape pulls your hair. The excruciating pain will take your mind away from the trauma that is happening in your southern hemisphere. --- The Duct Tape Guy

How can I make my spaghetti sauce tastier with both/either duct tape and WD-40? It's been kind of bland lately...I may have lost my touch! --- Wendy Power

WD-40 is not to be taken internally, so I can't put that into the equation. However, there is a way that duct tape can make your food tastier --- that is by sensitizing your taste buds. Here's how you do it: Dry off your tongue as thoroughly as possible. Now, press a strip of duct tape onto your dried tongue. Wait sixty seconds, waiting for your tongue and the duct tape to "bond." Now, yank the strip off and your tongue (and the indwelling taste buds) will be sensitized to bring our the flavor in any food. It's like chemical-free MSG on a roll. --- The Duct Tape Guy

Hey, I had to type a 15 page report for school. When I finished I went to bed. The next mourning I woke up late and I had to get leave for school in 7 minutes. I went to get my paper and my mom had accidentally put it through the shredder. I went down to the computer and it had crashed and every thing was gone. If I was late I would get expelled for excessive tardiness. If the paper was late I would get an F. If I got an F I would go to a bad collage. If I went to a bad collage I would get a bad job. When the job gave me my paycheck it would not be enough to pay taxes so the IRS would repossess everything. Then I would die on the streets. How can duct and/or WD-40 return the paper into its original state in less then 7 minutes. HELP ME TIME IS RUNNING OUT!!! --- ducttapeduce@...

I'm sorry, by the time I got your e-mail your seven minutes was up. Next time coat the back of the paper with duct tape so it doesn't get shredded when your mother tries to put it through the shredder. What kind of mother do you have anyway?! --- The Duct Tape Guy

The situation is that I have to go to work tomorrow and I dont want to .. can you fix it with tape and or wd/40? ---<>

Be a duct tape pro and your work will seem like play. There's no way that you won't feel like going to work. --- The Duct Tape Guy

OK Duct Tape Guy: I am driving in the 125 degree dessert in a brand new black Hummer and I end up getting wedged, bumper to bumper 50 feet above the ground and 50 feet below the rim of what was once a raging river. I have only one roll of duct tape with me, no tools, no chain, no winch and no cable; I am a plump 325 pounds. I am without a phone, no town or paved road for 500 miles and only the water in the radiator, it's full of anti freeze. The air space above me is forbidden for flight. There is no rain in the forecast for 2 weeks and I have no means of leaving the vehicle without jumping to my death or scaling the 50 foot vertical bank. Survival with duct tape, how? --- shardlms@...

How did you write me this e-mail --- a lap top with a cellular phone? I thought you said you had no phone?! You are a plump 325 pounds, you should be able to live off of your body fat for a while. In the mean time, too bad there isn't postal delivery where you are, or I would send you a FREE Duct Tape Book to help you enjoy the time until your eminent death. --- The Duct Tape Guy

Dear Duct Tape Guy: I liked this guy and he led me on and kept making and breaking dates with me. Now he's flirting with my "best friend" and she knew how I felt about him. Tell me how duct tape and/or WD40 could possibly fix my broken heart. --- Carolyn Purnell

Your problem lies in the fact that you probably are not showing your duct tape appeal enough. Guys are naturally attracted to girls AND moreso to duct tape. Dress in duct tape, decorate your room with it, repair your car with it - the more uses you come up with the better! Soon, he will see you in a totally different light and drop your best friend and come running back to you. If he doesn't - he really isn't worth having. Send me your mailing address and I will send you a starter roll of duct tape to help you in your quest for this idiot. --- The Duct Tape Guy

What if a magic portal is opened and wild monkeys with chainsaws for arms wearing gas masks come in through it? --- Scott Hansin

I suggest a healthy addition to using the ultimate power tool - Duct Tape - rather than the drugs that you have been using. --- The Duct Tape Guy

What if I had a javelin thrown into my face, how could you fix that? --- Sincerely Jester

Consider this a God-send! All you have to do is cover that javelin and your forehead with duct tape and get a job at the circus sideshow as the “Humanacorn!” --- The Duct Tape Guy

Water seeping in through basements windows. --- CSWNY@...

Duct tape and WD-40 were both created to deal with the repelling of water (read their histories by clicking on the links). Simply duct tape your entire house from the foundation up to the first floor window bottoms, spray that down with WD-40, and the flood waters should part like the Red Sea around your house as they try to avoid these two water-repelling power tools! --- The Duct Tape Guy

Duct tape man: My mother HAD this beautiful antique vase that she fills with fresh flowers every week. Her mother-in-law gave it to her, and HER mother gave it to HER. She is out of town for the week, and I was at her home with my children. While playing they broke it. She will be hurt and mortified! It means alot to her, and it is in alot of little pieces, even a pro couldn't fix it, if it looks any different, even a little chip, I am in SO much trouble. How can Duct tape or wd40, repair this vase back to original state, perfection, AND keep me out of HOT WATER!!!! --- Justine Lambert

Get the kids and simply reassemble the pieces with duct tape (like a puzzle - it will be a fun activity). Apply the duct tape inside and out. Your mother will absolutely LOVE her new “pewter vase” that you and the kids have created for her! It will mean far more to her than that old impersonal antique thing she had been forced to use for her flowers. --- The Duct Tape Guy

OK, I'm stranded on a desert island, and I need food. I also need a way to know what time it is, so I can keep up-to-date with the outside world. Unfortunately, all I have is a can of WD-40 and some duct tape. WHAT DO I DO?? ---Ashley

You can easily make a sundial out of a wedge of duct tape stuck into the sand. But, my question is: Why do you remain stranded with duct tape and WD-40 in your posession? All you have to do is down a couple of trees, make a duct tape “hammock” between them, and raise a sail made of duct tape sheeting. There, you have a nifty looking catamaran to sail you to safety! Spray the contraption down with WD-40 prior to your voyage and it will help it repell water and create a nice shiny surface that will act as a beacon to the rescue plane. --- The Duct Tape Guy

One time when i was surfing I fell and one of the fins on my surfboard went into my leg and there is still a dent (and pain) in my leg after a year. How can duct tape and/or WD 40 solve this problem???? -- Srfrgirl13@...

Here’s where an ounce of prevention would have helped. You should have been wearing a duct tape wet suit - the second skin could have prevented the board from puncturing your hide. Now, all you can do is get some duct tape (either a close color match to your skin, or go with silver for that Terminator look) and patch the hole. The WD-40 should help ease the pain. We’ve been told numerous times that it relieves arthritis pain - simply spray it on, rub it in, and the pain subsides for 24 hours. --- The Duct Tape Guy

It’s 40 degrees below zero, I'm driving in a snow storm. The Cover on my pickup blew off, how do I get it to stay on for the rest of the trip. Duct tape won't stick in the cold? --- Brian and Lianne

 Again, when are you people going to learn? AN OUNCE OF PREVENTION! We made our pick-up cover entirely out of duct tape and it has NEVER blown off. In fact, we can’t get it off to use the bed of the pickup! You can make the pick-up bed cover and bed liner out of matching or contrasting duct tape colors. You’ll be cruisin’ down the road in style! Duct Tape (contrary to your assessment) sticks even better when it gets cold - just keep the roll next to your body heat or truck heater until it’s ready to be applied. --- The Duct Tape Guy

Our TV is facing a window to our back yard. One day some kids were playing baseball and hit it through the window and into the tv screen. How can DUCT TAPE or WD-40 fix my tv.--- Barbara and Chris Ramsay

Another God send! You just duct tape over the TV screen to create a new screen surface, onto which you duct tape book pages and magazine and newspaper articles for your family to READ. You will soon come to appreciate the baseball that changed your viewing habits. --- The Duct Tape Guy

I have just received a power surge on my other computer causing my modem to be fried. The entire circuit board has a trace of where the electrical charge went. How do I fix my modem and get onto the internet, using only duct tape or WD-40? --- Tim Speer

Remove the circuit board, determine which circuits had been blown, then reconnect them using tiny strands of metalic-impregnated duct tape (the kind the HVAC workers use). Plug the board back in and (if you did it right) I’m guessing that you will be cruising the internet at speeds never before accomplished! --- The Duct Tape Guy

What if your door handle breaks on your car? --- Wildjane15@...

Make a big duct tape “X” on your side window, take a can of WD-40 and smack the window on the cross-section of the “X” as hard as you can. The window will pop out and you can reach in and open your door. Now, just duct tape over the window hole and hit the road! Happy trails! --- The Duct Tape Guy

What if the main singer in your band leaves? --- Fullkontk!@...

No problem! First, change your music to heavy metal. Then find a guy or gal off of the street (musical talent handy, but not required) and cover them entirely in duct tape. Call the new main singer Duct Tape Man / Woman. With all of the attention and exposure you will be getting from your trendy new band, your old singer will get jealous and come crawling back, begging to be in the band once again. --- The Duct Tape Guy

I live in an apartment and would like to hang my pictures/paintings on the wall. The landlord has informed me that we are not allowed to use nails in the walls, as it will leave holes behind, and also no tape on the walls, as it may pull off the paint when removed. How can duct tape help? --- Sheri

The landlord did not say that you couldn't put tape on the ceiling! So attach a strip of duct tape to the ceiling right next to the wall. Now fold the tape over onto itself so long non-sticky silver strips hang down to wherever you want to hang your pictures. Then, simply duct tape the silvery strip to the back of your pictures. Voila! You've created a duct tape gallery! --- The Duct Tape Guy

I play hockey and let's say one day I forget one of my skates, how will duct tape help me in this situation? --- Bryan Gaiser

Since you are talking hypothetically, it means that you have not forgotten your skate(s) yet. So, I suggest replacing your shoes with your skates and wear them all the time so you could not possibly forget them. You can duct tape two 2" by 2" by 8" boards around each skate blade to protect the blade and to provide a solid flat surface to walk on.
Or: If you actually do forget your skate(s), duct tape two pizza cutters to the side of each of your shoes, and you've got yourself some Italian rollerblades (they work on ice, too)!
Or finally: Duct tape a big note to your forehead, "Don't forget your skates, you idiot!" Hope that helps. --- The Duct Tape Guy

If you break a cd into many pieces by accidentally running it over with your car how can i fix it and still be able to play it the whole way through? HotfemO@...

Hummm... It's too late for an ounce of prevention (which would have been to duct tape your CD into your hand, the CD player, or the CD carrier so it didn’t fall on the driveway in the first place). Actually, you can make a neat CD hold for your car by applying duct tape to the dashboard and visors of your car sticky-side-out and sticking the CD’s label side on the tape. But as for your broken into many pieces CD, I guess you have me

For more STUMP the DUCT TAPE GUY Archives, Click Here