Play Stump the DUCT TAPE GUY - Win Fabulous Prizes if you can STUMP the DUCT TAPE GUY
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Skim through all of the archives so you aren’t asking a redundant question, then click here for instructions.

If you see THIS: by the question that you sent us, you won some duct tape or one of our humor books! If you didn’t stump us, you can always go to the Duct Tape Pro Shop to get a great deal on our books and other Duct Tape stuff like cool t-shirts, tool boxes, etc.

"If Duct tape isn't the answer, then you must be asking the wrong question!"

NEWER QUESTIONS AT THE TOP: (An a gizillion more in the archives)

Hello. Say I am an astronaut in a new space station all by my self for a few days. Then suddenly the station starts decompressing and everything is being sucked out into space. I grab the first thing that flys by me. (which just happens to be duct tape) How would this single roll of duct tape be able to save me and the space station? --- Baracus

Okay, "you are an astronaut." There, we said it. Now, to answer your question: It depends on how extensive the damage is to the space station. If the tape on the roll will cover the damage, you're set. If not, at least you will die happy. --- The Duct Tape Guys

I don't have very good eye sight so it is hard for me to see the pictures on the Photo Caption Contest very well. Can Duct Tape help me? --- Andy A.

Use duct tape to repair everything you might be tempted to pay a high-priced professional to fix. Take all the money that you have saved and use it to purchase a larger monitor. Or, purchase of those big magnifying sheets that people put in the rear window of their motor homes - and tape it over your present monitor. --- The Duct Tape Guys

Can you think of 20 things to do with duct tape, a chicken and a garden hose? --- Drew McD.

Yes. --- The Duct Tape Guys

How can you use duct tape to make liquid hydrogen and liquid oxygen for rocket fuel? --- Karen H.

Because of national security and an "agreement" that we have with the NSC, we can't tell you the formula. However, be assured that there is duct tape involved. Oh yes! And plenty of it! --- The Duct Tape Guys

If duct tape were a person what would it look like? --- Chester

It would look just like this guy: click here --- The Duct Tape Guys

Is there any way to slice pizza with duck tape? --- Jon Passow, guitar god

Duct tape a four by four foot sqare of duct tape on the carpeting on the other side of an open door. Next, tightly string a few strips of duct tape across the open door frame. Fling the pizza at the strips of duct tape. It should slice it nicely before it falls conveniently onto the four by four eating surface. --- The Duct Tape Guys

I can't dive. What am I talking about... I CAN'T EVEN SWIM!!!! I tried learning but I can't get it. Can duct tape help me? --- Sarah Swim-less

Sure - get our video - we demonstrate how to make a swimming aid out of milk jugs, or snack food packaging, and duct tape. --- The Duct Tape Guys

My pet rats chew through their water bottles. If you try to fix them with duct tape it does not work. They chew through duct tape even when I put on 3 rolls of duct tape. Can you give me a solution to my problem? --- Christian

Stick little pellets of rat poison on the duct tape before you wrap their water bottles with it. You might lose a few in the learning curve, but it won't be too long before they learn not to chew on duct tape. --- The Duct Tape Guys

I have always wanted a snow plow for my four wheeler (atv). I had to pay for my atv I did lots of mowing this year I thought I would get it but this year it was close on the money and I didn't get it for Christmas. Can I make one out of duct tape? --- Jeb

Go to a junk yard and rip the hood off of any car. Duct tape the hood to the front of your ATV and plow on! Don't have an ATV? Forget buying one, they are WAY too expensive! Make a DTV (Duct Tape Vehicle)? Cover a refrigerator box with seven layers of duct tape, duct tape the box to the back bumper of an over-the-road big rig at your local truck stop. Crawl inside the box, and wait for the truck driver to get back on the road. It'll provide you with a free ride that you won't soon forget! --- The Duct Tape Guys

How could a single guy (like myself) use duct tape to ensure that he have a date for a high school prom? --- Chris M.

Make your tux entirely out of duct tape. Wear it to school and ask out that special gal that you've had your eyes on. Tell her that you will help her make her prom gown entirely out of duct tape in the hopes that the two of you can win this year's Duck® brand's "Stuck at Prom" contest. Tell her how you can show your creativity, win college scholarships, get lots of media attention, and save big money on your tux and gown at the same time. For a look at some of last year's contestants and information about this year's contest, click to - good luck! --- The Duct Tape Guys

I have a kidney infection, and I was wondering how Duck tape could possibly cure it. --- Erika P.

We're not doctors, so this is only our best guess and not to be taken as authorized medical advise. Here's what we'd do: Take a six inch strip of duct tape and rip it into thin threads about 1/4" wide each. Swallow the strips, one at a time (so they don't bunch up going down your throat). As the sticky strips pass through your system, they will probably suck up all of the infection stuff and you will pass it. Until your infection passes, we suggest that you duct tape pillows on sides to protect your kidneys from bruising. Get well soon! And the rest of you... read the question submission rules. No more health questions, please (unless you send us your health insurance information so we can bill your insurance company for medical consultation fees). --- The Duct Tape Guys

I really want to get my pilot's licence, but I don't really have the time. How can duct tape help help me to acheive my goal? --- Bryan
Who says you need a license to fly? Heck, you can't even spell it! Just duct tape yourself to the underside of a small airplane and enjoy a free ride! Caution: Spare the tape and you will find yourself in need of a parachute. --- The Duct Tape Guys

It's almost Christmas here in Baltimore and we have no snow. In fact, it is only just getting cold this week. I've tried many substitutes, but I need to know, how can duct tape give me genuine snow? I'm dreaming of a white Christmas. --- Kim, the snow deprived skier

Cover your eyes with white duct tape, go outside and stare into the sun while someone pelts your face with cold water droplets. It will give you illusion of being "snow blind." As for the skiing sensation, duct tape your feet on the roof of your car and go for a 40 mph drive down a winding road while incorporating the first two hints. --- The Duct Tape Guys

My dog chewed my forest green spa cover, along with alot of other stuff....anyway, where can I buy Forest green duct tape to fix the mess? --- Chewed up in Washington State

Duck® brand has a lot of colors - though not a deep forest green - you can check some of the other duct tape manufacturers. Or, pick a new color and tape over the whole thing. --- The Duct Tape Guys

How can you fix a hockey stick with duct tape so it is secure? I've tried but it is never strong enough and the broken area flops around. --- Christian L.

You might play hockey, but you obviously don't duct tape like a hockey player. You aren't using enough duct tape, man! If you need more support than the tape affords you, use a splinting material, like a butter knife, or a coat hanger on the curved parts. Spare the tape and spoil the job, Christian! Tape on, and keep your stick on the ice! --- The Duct Tape Guys

Duct Tape seems to have so many uses. I was wondering what can you not use duct tape for? --- Karen H.

Don't attempt to make a bathing suit out of it when you are wet. It won't stick to wet skin... and you will be doing some inadvertant skinny-dipping! --- The Duct Tape Guys

Can duct tape fix my mother's ankle? She broke it in May and just got her ankle fused. Can duct tape heal a broken ankle or other broken part of the body COMPLETELY? --- Marissa F.

Sure! Medical professionals, when found without their "real tools of the trade" often resort to duct tape for splinting, suturing, etc.. Will it heal completely? If you set it right and immobilize the ankle completely during the recommended healing period. Sure! And, mom won't have to shave that ankle for months! --- The Duct Tape Guys

The Youth group I'm in is going to have our retreat thing soon and I have a question involving it, but you need some background info first. Well, last year the guys kind of toilet papered and silly stringed the girls' room while the girls weren't there. They were, to say the least, were mad. How can the guys protect ourselves with duct tape and still be able to leave our room? (In other words duct taping the doors and windows closed is out of the question.) --- Scott

Stand up like men and take what's coming to you! Then, while the girls are in the act of sabotaging your room, sneak in with your rolls of duct tape and tape them all together and secure the bunch of them to a post in your room. Then cover them with your choice of scavenged food from the camp kitchen. --- The Duct Tape Guys

My fiancee is from England. We are filing for a finacee visa to get him back into the country so we may be married. These papers are a pain in the butt to fill out and you can't be sure you're doing everything correctly without a visa lawyer, which we cannot afford to hire. Is there any way Duct Tape could help me with this? I'd love to be married by spring!! THANKS! --- Kearsten

We're thinking that the judge might be easily bribed with a few rolls of Duck® brand duct tape (which we just introduced in England in Janurary of 2001). Heck, he/she might not even require papers to be filled out. Good luck! --- The Duct Tape Guys

I just had a big fight with my girlfriend and have no clue what I did to start the fight. So my question is, how can man use Duct Tape to fully understand women? --- Chris Troupe

Short of duct taping yourself to a woman 24 hours a day for a week or so, you may never understand what makes women tick. --- The Duct Tape Guys (married over 50 years collectively)

I do a lot of random artsy things with a lot of different mediums. How can i use duct tape as a new medium (besides making clothes, wallets, etc...been there done that). --- Becca MacP.

We suggest you check out our Duct Tape Art Gallery for some ideas of what others have done. And, when you get done with your creation(s) - take some photos and submit them to the gallery for display. --- The Duct Tape Guys

How do you use duct tape to determine the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow? --- Champrempro

You gotta get a life, man! Why don't we send you one of our books so you can get interested in more worthwhile pursuits! --- The Duct Tape Guys

My girlfriend does not have duct tape. What will convice her that it is the most important thing since the Bible? --- Daryl

Give her some! Duh! Duct tape's virtues speak for themselves. --- The Duct Tape Guys

How would you get a talkative cat to be quiet using Duct Tape? I don't want to put it on him, cause thats just cruel, and my ears are too sensitive to put in Duct Tape ear plugs, how could I solve this? --- Lisa

Hey, if you have a talking cat, don't shut it up! Take it on the road, start your own talking cat movie franchise. Heck, hire it out to Pixar - they'd save millions not having to animate the talking cat mouths. Next train your cat to memorize lines and you're all set! Good luck! --- The Duct Tape Guys

I love to fish, or feed the fish that is, I can't catch any. How can duct take help? --- Russ

This is one where we will enlist our other fine product, WD-40®. Many anglers have told us that a little WD-40 sprayed on the bait makes the fish strike like crazy. We don't know if it's that the fish like the WD-40 smell, or if it's that the WD-40 is covering up the human scent on the bait. Either way, give it a try - it just might work. Out of bait? Make little silvery minnows out of duct tape and spray them down with WD-40. --- The Duct Tape Guys

I am a pool installer and use duct tape almost daily. It's our secret weapon. However just recently I was horrified by a problem I encountered with it. I used it to tape some seams together. Let me explain more clearly. I was installing a vinyl pool liner into a concrete pool and on top of the existing cement pad was this polyetheline styrofoam about half an inch thick. I assume it had been used as abit of a cushion against the owners feet. I taped up the seams with my old pal duct tape and then installed my liner over it. I filled up the pool collected my cheque and went on my way. Two months later I get a call to go back and see why my customer is dismayed. What do I see? Some how the duct tape I had used under the liner has leached through the vinyl and had stained it a reddish brown color. Needless to say I've tried numerous methods to erase these stains. What could have caused this? For I am thoroughly perplexed. --- Brennan

It could have been a chemical reaction with the chlorine and the polyethylene of the tape, or the rubber-based adhesive. Or, perhaps you just grabbed a cheap roll of sub-standard duct tape. Unless we can analyse the exact chemical composition of the duct tape used (at considerable lab expense to you), we can't give you a definitive answer. Those are our two best "blind guesses". --- The Duct Tape Guys

How can duck tape help me make my model rockets fly straighter? --- Justin

Crooked rocket flight is often caused by an imbalanced rocket. Make sure your rocket is correctly balanced by duct taping small coins or paperclips onto the fuselage. And, make sure your rocket engine is sitting straight by putting a small duct tape wedge on the errant side of the engine chamber. --- The Duct Tape Guys

How much duct tape does the average person use throughout a lifetime? No, I really need to know! --- Wally

We know that the average household has 1.5 rolls of duct tape at any given moment. Since Jim and my idea of "average" is about one case a week, while someone else's idea of "average" is "What's duct tape?", my guess is somewhere in the middle. Let's go with one case a lifetime (average 36 rolls). But, through our Duct Tape Evangelism efforts, we are making every effort to up this to 36 cases per lifetime. Thanks for your help in this matter. --- The Duct Tape Guys

I pulled my hamstring during basketball practice and it is killing me! It hurts to walk. --- specialK

Sorry about your hamstring. That must have been embarrassing! We usually pull the string off of the ham in the kitchen right after it comes out of the oven. Why you chose basketball practice to do it, we haven't a clue! Frankly, we have no idea why they put that string around the hams anyway. It seems like they are all one hunk of meat. We also don't really know why this humiliation would make it hurt to walk, unless it's some kind of psychosomatic thing. We're not psychiatrists, so we can't help you there. But, if you hang a roll of duct tape out in front of your face on the end of a long stick that's taped to the top of your head, it will give you something to concentrate on and get your mind off of the pain associated with your walking. Hope that helps - now go get some psychotherapy! --- The Duct Tape Guys

My Lionel trains don't work how can Duct tape help me? --- Cobrajr

Usually they don't work because of dirty or rusty connections. So, spray down all of the connections with WD-40 and then wipe them clean - it should work. If you have loose wires, duct tape them into place so they don't wiggle off the tracks and transformer terminals. --- The Duct Tape Guys

How can I save money on my upcoming hernia operation with duct tape? --- Tedrick

Since a hernia is a weakening in the abdominal muscle wall, you can make an exterior muscle wall (basically a girdle) out of duct tape. This won't actually heal up the weakening or hole in the muscle wall, but it will prevent you from rupturing and stangulating your hernia. So, you could probably skip the operation and live the rest of your days in a duct tape girdle. --- The Duct Tape Guys

Can duct tape do my calculus homework? --- Howfish

No - but it can give you something to look forward to when you are done doing your homework. So, you might say that you stumped us. Your question is very similar to others concerning the completion of homework, tests, papers, and other school related stuff. So, this is the LAST time we will take any school related STUMP questions. --- The Duct Tape Guys

Hi, not too long ago I had an operation on my knee and I found out that I am allergic to topical iodine and I makes my knee itch so much I go crazy but I can't itch it because I just had surgery. Can you make my knee not itch anymore by only using duct tape? --- Howie

Put the tape on the surrounding area, then rip it off. You will find that it creates a wonderful "scratching" sensation. Repeat as needed. --- The Duct Tape Guys

On the Stump rules, it says to read through ALL the archives before asking a question, but they are, um, LONG! How can I use duct tape to read through them all in under five minutes? --- Kaptian Cnowledge

Duct tape yourself to Evelyn Wood. --- The Duct Tape Guys

I recently discovered that my fontanels has not been developing properly, and needless to say, I started to worry! I'm Sixteen, how could this be happening?! Anyways, I was wondering if there was anyway that I could stimulate the development process of my fontanels with the use of my roll of ducttape. --- krystian

Your fontanels should have sealed up long ago - like by the age of two or three for sure. If you are sixteen, they probably never will. So, duct tape a metal bowl to your skull for protection. --- The Duct Tape Guy

HATE DUCT TAPE! Explain that! --- Johannes (Not really but I want to stump you.)

We can see how you might hate duct tape if you are buying cheap, imitation duct tape. Look for the Duck® brand and you will be getting a consistently good quality tape - in a whole plethora of colors, too. There, is that explanation enough for you? --- The Duct Tape Guys

How Would you Cure a Horiblie Stinkey Sock With Duct Tape? --- Nugblunt

By duct taping over your feet before you put them into your socks. As for curing your spelling problem... duct tape a dictionary to your non-writing arm. --- The Duct Tape Guys

I have a set of drums in the garage and the neighbours are complaining. Is there any way I can soundproof the garage with duct tape? Or is there anything I can duct tape to the walls for the soundproofing? --- DC

Duct tape mattresses onto the garage walls and egg cartons onto the mattresses. Or, duct tape mattresses and egg cartons to your neighbors' ears. --- The Duct Tape Guys

Hey I was just wondering how to make a ball of duct tape bounce cause I tried it and it is not really working out for me. So if you could figure it out I would just poo my pants. --- Dunkaroo

Don't put the tape sticky-side-out or it will never bounce. Since duct tape has a rubber-based adhesive, you would think that it would bounce better, but since it doesn't seem to, you might want to take advantage of this and make juggling balls out of the stuff - they won't bounce or roll away when you drop them. --- The Duct Tape Guys

Dear Duct Tape Guys: Where do I begin? Obviously, gaffers tape is a much better product than duct tape. First of all, duct tape leaves a residue on everything. Why deal with that? Gaffers tape never does that. Also gaffers tape is easier to rip, and the black looks prettier than ugly gray. Ew gray. I hope you take some time to consider that benefits of gaffers tape as opposed to duct tape, and maybe next time, you'll think twice before devoting an entire book to such a poor product by comparision. Thank you for your time. --- Ginger, The (only) Irate Gaffer Tape Consumer

Ginger, Ginger, Ginger. Have you ever tried to fix an exhaust manifold with gaffer's tape? Or seal a heating duct? Or any number of other hundreds of thousands of repair jobs from plumbing to resealing disposable diapers with gaff tape? It's just not as sticky - on purpose. It's sole job is to secure cables to the floor temporarily and to be inconspicuous while doing so. It's a first cousin of duct tape (which now comes in a huge assortment of colors (including black). So don't be so quick to write off the virtues of duct tape. We have never dis'ed gaffer's tape! --- The Duct Tape Guys

I play the clarinet, and have recently discovered that my B natural will not come out without squeaking. How can duct tape prevent this from happening anymore? Also, How can duct tape make my reeds last longer, as I go through a box of reeds a month. --- Peter P.

B natural, the 13th key (a sliver key) is obviously very important since it is used in the chalmumeau and clarion registers. We might suggest a number of things you can try. First, clean your pads with duct tape. Secondly, look for missing or leaking pads - replacing them with duct tape (not sticky-side-out or the tone hole will stay closed). Or, your mouth may not be sporting the correct embouchure... tape your mouth and jaw into the correct position so you are putting the proper pressure on the reed (tape the corners of your lips back into a smile). As for the reeds lasting longer... if you do the mouth and jaw taping for correct embouchure, you won't be as hard on the reeds - and they will subsequently last longer. --- The Duct Tape Guys

Hey Tim, Hey Jim, I need help, my cat keeps climbing up the curtains and leaves rather large holes in them, HELP ME please. --- Moonboy

Dear Moonboy (Do you weigh more here on earth?): Duct tape your curtains, sticky-side-out, and your cat will lose interest quickly (cats hate sticking to the stuff). When the cat has lost interest, remove the tape (or just leave it there - eventually it will start collecting a nice layer of dust and look like fancy gray velvet curtains). --- The Duct Tape Guys

Duct Tape Guys: Hey man (men), my parents just had a tree cut down in our back yard, and I didn't know about it. When I got home, it was just gone! How can I use duct tape to help me restore my tree to new, when it's chopped up in little iddy bitty tiny pieces? --- Confused and Saddened, Duct Tape Child

So, you are taking the word "STUMP" the Duct Tape Guys literally! Grab a few cases of brown and green Duck® brand duct tape and create a perfect (and weather proof) replica of your favorite tree. If you don't want to waste duct tape, fill the inside of the tree replacement with the iddy bitty pieces from the old tree. --- The Duct Tape Guys

I'll bet you can't fix scissors with duct tape its just not possible! --- strong duck tape addiction guy

Not knowing exactly what is wrong with the scissors, we don't know how to solve your "problem". However, we question why you even need a scissors. If you have a strong addiction to duct tape, you must realize that you can rip the tape with your bare hands and that cutting it with a scissors is a gummy and futile endeavor. If you get more specific as to how your scissors is busted, we can tell you how to fix it with duct tape and/or WD-40. --- The Duct Tape Guys

I have recently moved into a new apartment. A sweet elderly woman, who lives above me, uses a rocking chair that squeaks incredibly loud and obnoxious. Without confronting this sweet lady, how can I put an end to this annoyance using Duct Tape? ---Kim

Visit her apartment (bearing a gift of duct tape) and ask if she will allow you to spray WD-40 on her chair and into the floorboards under the chair to remove that squeek that must be driving her nuts. If she says, "No, I like that squeek." politely return to your apartment and make some duct tape earplugs. --- The Duct Tape Guys

Hey guyz - I am having trouble getting a decent job. How can duct tape help me get a decent job, without duct taping me in a classroom to learn more! --- Erin

First, you have to qualify for us what constitutes "decent". Then, we will proceed to give you your answer. --- The Duct Tape Guys

Decent meaning a job that does not asking "would you like fries of onion rings with that?" --- Erin

Being a duct tape guy is a decent job, even if we do say so ourselves. Being a duct tape gal might not be that bad either. Try writing a book about duct tape, then sell a million copies of it as you travel around the world being Erin, the Duct Tape Gal. Or, you might be well advised to choose some other product that hasn't been exploited to the hilt by a couple of yahoos from Minnesota and Wisconsin. --- The Duct Tape Guys

How could I get more channels on my satelite with only the use of duct tape and wd-40? --- Katie B.

You could cut your neighbors' cable, splice in a line going from your satelite dish to your television, cover the splice with duct tape and bury the cable. Presto! More channels! Or, get a bunch of aluminum pie plates and duct tape them all over the circumference of your dish - this will broaden the pick-up area and extend the focus range of the dish and bring in more channels (we think). WD-40 is not needed here. --- The Duct Tape Guys (not The Satelite TV Guys)

Dear Duct Tape Guys:
The good people at Boersch Farms need to know where duct tape ranks in the mouse food chain ? Thanks for your help! --- Gisela, Duct Tape School Graduate (2001)

Fortunately, mice do not eat duct tape. If they did, they would have a field day in our garages. --- The Duct Tape Guys

Hey i've got a problem. I'm a concert pianest and i have a performance in two days.The middle E string broke (wich is very unusal to break a string). I tried duct taping right on the string to connect them together but the note won't play when something stops the viberation of the string. --- Jackson Hunt

For a concert pianist, you have terrible spelling! You can either play around it, or duct tape an E tuning fork in the spot vacated by the broken string. --- The Duct Tape Guys

I am a redneck and I want to know how I can turn my riding mower into an excavator using just duck tape? --- Dick

Take off the mower deck and duct tape it to the front of your rider. Plow on, dude! By the way, you're not fooling us... real rednecks don't have email! --- The Duct Tape Guys

Hey Jim and Tim... I got a question for you: How is it possible to live life with out duct tape or WD-40? --- Andrew

That's not a real question, Andrew. You KNOW it's not possible. Geez, don't waste our time! --- The Duct Tape Guys

I'm a student attending high school in Helena, Montana we are doing a science article in the newspaper (The Independent Record). The article is about tape. My question is why does tape stick? What properties of Duct tape adhesive makes it stick so well? --- Kyle T.

We're not chemists, or physicists... but our guess is that the rubber based adhesive coupled with the polyethylene backing provide the flex that allows for good adhesion, while the fabric in the center gives it strength. If you need more technical information than that, we suggest that you contact a duct tape manufacturer like Shurtape ( or Duck® brand ( --- The Duct Tape Guys

I love duct tape but i can never get that last peice of tape with out pulling up the cardboard with it. How can i keep the duct tape from pulling up that cardboard? --- Andrew

Don't pull up the last round - leave one layer on the roll to keep the cardboard roll strong and protected as it makes its journey to the landfill. --- The Duct Tape Guys

How can I stop the spread of the all-to-evil rap music? --- DucttapeMZ

Write you own rap music - or WRAP music shall we say - about duct tape. That won't be evil, and will help spread the Gospel of Duct Tape at the same time. --- The Duct Tape Guys

I want to duck tape a guy's car - the whole thing. I want to know though, would the duck tape remove the paint from his car? --- Bennie K., Texas

You will not be well advised to duct tape someone's car without their permission - or unless it has an absolutely hideous paint job. The duct tape WILL leave a residue. --- The Duct Tape Guys

I was talking to this girl about duct tape and she said if duct tape could do everything then why don't I use it to clear up my acne. So is this possible with out putting it on my face? --- tRIPCORD

Since some acne is caused by what you eat, put it over your mouth to avoid the ingestion of the wrong foods. No, wait. You didn't want to put it on your face... okay, duct tape your wrists to your hips and your hands will not be able to lift food to your mouth. Or, some acne is caused by stress. Destress by laying on the couch with your eyes closed and recite this mantra: "Duct tape, duct tape, duct tape... repeat until your stress melts away and soon, so will your zits. Until they do, duct tape over that girl's eyes so she won't be so bothered by your acne. --- The Duct Tape Guys

I'm working on a web site about dog food, and I tried just about everything I could think of to use duct tape to try and make my dog food site more better. --- Mike

Well, thanks for sharing. Did you make your site more better? Did you ask us a question? Your question reads more like a statement. How about duct taping yourself into a seat in an English classroom until you learn how to properly phrase a question. Then ask us again. --- The Duct Tape Guys

How can duct tape make a bake sale more profitable? --- Grant

Jim and I are suckers for a good pie! Tell us where it is and we'll be the honorary judges of the pie tasting contest. Our being there should bring in a few more people (along with their dollars). Or, skip the baked goods and sell rolls of duct tape. --- The Duct Tape Guys

My ears hurt a lot when my nose is stuffy is their a way duct tape can help my ears stop hurting? And, how many rolls of duct/duck tape would it take to go around the world? --- Alberto

Duct tape two of those menthol smelly stuff tubes right up each nostril and it will probably help your nose clear out and your ears stop hurting. As far as tape around the world... click here for the answer. --- The Duct Tape Guys

Last year, sometime around the holidays, somewhere I read or heard the directions on how to make a Christmas wreath out of red and green duct tape. Now I don't remember how I heard or knew about this."... Can you help me? --- A reader of the Arizona Republic

Duct Tape Guys to the Rescue!
While we don't know the exact duct tape Christmas wreath directions this guy’s referring to, we would simply wrap green duct tape around an old tire and add a big red duct tape bow. However, if you are a Martha Stewart wannabe (have WAY too much time on your hands), rip four hundred twelve-inch strips of green duct tape, fold them over onto themselves, and cut fringes in each side of the six-inch strips. Duct tape the four hundred fringed green duct tape strips around a hoola hoop, add a big red duct tape bow, and presto - there you have a charming duct tape Christmas wreath that will surely gather lots of positive comments from your holiday guests. Duct tape: It's like Martha Stewart on a roll... only a lot less irritating! --- The Duct Tape Guys
(more duct tape holiday hints at
(Red and green duct tapes are available from Duck® brand and are available at most Wal-Mart stores nationwide.)

Having just finished fixing my broken Ikea deliveries (a couch and a halogen lamp) with duct tape, I was feeling the duct love! I thoroughly enjoyed your site! Now, here's what I'm wondering-- If there's one thing I love more than Duct Tape, it's *Nsync. How can I meet *Nsync with duct tape? Eagerly anticipating your reply! --- heather

Since duct tape is the tool of choice of rock and roll roadies, we suggest dressing in a duct tape mini skirt and hang around the stage door when the band is arriving. You will be certain of getting hooked up with a backstage pass. Let us know how it goes and send us a photo of you in your duct tape apparel posing with Nsync! --- The Duct Tape Guys

My family has a farm. How can duct tape be harvested as a crop and give us money by selling it? --- Jimmy

Our second book (pages 54 and 55) feature a section about Organically Grown Duct Tape. We suggest that you pick up a copy of Book Two (you can buy it at The Duct Tape Pro Shop) and study up on Organic Duct Tape. --- The Duct Tape Book

My brother and dad won't stop playing with baseball cards, all they do is stare at them how can I get them to notice me without sticking them to me? --- Rosi

We were going to suggest duct taping cards to yourself, but since you seem unwilling to do that... Start your collection of duct tape books (we have four - soon to be five - books and a video). They will soon loose interest in their cards and join you in your appreciation of fine duct tape literature. --- The Duct Tape Guys

I was at a summer camp and we didn't have anything pull pranks on anyone with. What is a way to pull a prank with ducktape? --- Andrew

Here is one that you can do in the mall (or at camp): Take a six foot piece of toilet paper and attach a piece of duct tape to one end (half of the tape on the toilet paper, half hanging off the roll). Place the paper and the tape - sticky-side-up - on the floor at the entrance of the bathroom. When your "victim" steps on the tape, they will be dragging the toilet paper from their shoe. --- The Duct Tape Guys
Hey - got any other practical jokes using duct tape? E-mail them to us, we'll start a new Practical Joking with Duct Tape section.

Hi, my name is Mike, and i LOVE duct tape. but I have this problem, I love it so much, I hate sharing it. many people find it rude, and i can't help it, I don't want to share. So can duct tape fix my problem, or do I have to search deep withen my soul to find why i have a phobia of sharing duct tape. please help. --- Mike

Get a job with a duct tape company and you will have all the tape you want - free - then share to your heart's content - they'll make more. --- The Duct Tape Guys

How can you get a dog to lose weight without duct taping its mouth closed? --- Susan

Duct tape your dog on an outrigger taped to the side of your bike and go for a twenty mile ride. Do this every day for a month and your dog will lose weight (or die trying). --- The Duct Tape Guys
How can you sharpen a pencil with duct tape? --- Pat

Duct tape the pencil, at an angle, to the side of your shoe - eraser end facing forward. Drag that foot when you walk and the lead end of the pencil will wear off into a nice sharp point. --- The Duct Tape Guys

You know how gross canned peas are right? Well, how can you fix the taste of a can of peas with duct tape? Is it possible? --- Joseph

We thought they were supposed to taste that way. In fact, Tim likes 'em! If you don't like the taste of something, you might try duct taping over your tongue. That way, stuff can pass over your taste buds without leaving any flavor behind. --- The Duct Tape Guys

I have curly and I want straight hair! At least for a day. How can duct tape help me achieve my goal? --- menty

Duct tape lead fishing sinkers to the ends of your hair - it will straighten out in no time! --- The Duct Tape Guys

I am building a fighting robot and I was wondering how can I make a moving and dangerous robot completely out of duct tape. Using EB green for armor of course. --- JeffriesMW

If you are planning on using your robot on Battlebots, fine. If you are using your robot for human destruction and world domination, we can't tell you. --- The Duct Tape Guys

What can I do about my dog jumping on people? it's getting really annoying. We tell her no and she still wont obey.. what should I do? --- Wickedemmi

Try duct taping your dog's front feet to bricks. The weight of the bricks should hold the critter down. (Not approved by the ASPCA) --- The Duct Tape Guys

I live just outside of the city of Philadephia PA. The express-ways into the city are often jammed. How can Duct Tape solve this? --- Frustrated Motorist

Jim and I were just in Phillie and didn't find the traffic to be that bad. Of course, it could have been because we took the wrong exit to the airport and ended up driving through the projects. But we did find people to be filled with the brotherly love that your town is noted for. Grab a roll of black and a roll of white duct tape. Go out at 3 in the morning and change the directional signs on the freeway to route commuters off of the exits and out of your way. The next day you can enjoy a jam-free commute (or room and board provided at the city's expense). --- The Duct Tape Guys

How can you stop Tim and Jim from loving Duct Tape with only Duct Tape? --- Chet

Certainly not by taking it away, absense makes the heart grow fonder. Certainly not by giving us more and more of the stuff - there can never be too much duct tape. I guess until they come out with a product more versatile than duct tape, you have
us. --- The Duct Tape Guys

How can I use Duct Tape to fix a computer that has been blown into tiny bits by a mini nuclear warhead? --- Eric & Chet

The more we answer these "Stump the Duct Tape Guy" questions, the more amazed we are at all of the terrible stuff that happens to people every day! Eric and Chet, we suggest that if your computer has been hit by a tiny nuclear warhead, you have bigger problems facing you than the rebuilding of your computer. Like the radiation that you must have been exposed to, or your family and friends who must be grieving over the inevitable loss of their loved ones. Forget about your stupid computer - they are replaceable (even better and cheaper than the one you lost). Grab your roll of duct tape and go about repairing the lives shattered by this horrific event. --- The Duct Tape Guys

There is no way to fix the tape inside of a video cassette with duct tape.
There is no way to fix a hole in the o-zone layer with duct tape.
There is no way to fix a rotten banana with duct tape.
You cannot fix a crack in the ice with duct tape.
There is no way to fix a bad movie with duct tape.
If a dam breaks, you can't fix it with duct tape. --- John

You are way too pessimistic and obviously unenlightened as to the power of duct tape. We suggest you take a few hours and read through our archives before you dare poison our readers and send us into a deep depression us with your negative thinking. --- The Duct Tape Guys

The sun will eventually grow large. That means when our sun starts to die it will first become much larger. Larger means engulf the first 5 planets and burn everything on them to a nice firey black. How can we use duct tape to prevent this but yet still have light so that we don't freeze to death? --- fedie

This will not happen in our time - so don't worry about it. Go duct tape something. --- The Duct Tape Guys

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