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Well, I have brown hair. Everyone says blondes have more fun, but NO DYE I've ever used will work. Getting a clue from you, I sprayed WD-40 on my hair, hoping that would work. It didn't. It just made my hair super oily. So, how will duct tape and WD-40 make me a blonde? --- Ashley

Two ideas come to mind. First, let the sun bleach your hair to a nice golden blonde. Just cover all exposed parts of your body (except for your hair) to avoid painful and harmful burning. Then, just sit out in the sun for three or four days until your hair has bleached to the desired degree of blondeness. Second, skip the sun altogether and use yellow duct tape (or white if you prefer platinum blonde) to create a duct tape hairdo in any style you choose. This is my preferred method, since I am a member of the Duct Tape Hair Club for Men, and the duct tape hair never needs washing - just a dusting or hosing off every two to three weeks. --- The Duct Tape Guy

Here is my problem: I have a favorite tree, and it's huge. Very tall and very wide. It has just crashed down, breaking in half. It was a healthy tree, so no, the wood wasn't rotting. How can i put the tree back together using Duct Tape, and have the tree still look the same as it did before it fell? --- Jes

Consider this a God send! Move the tree into your house and decorate the branches with leaves made from colored duct tape (change the color with the season, or keep them green all year long). Spray the trunk and branches down with WD-40 to create a "just-rained-on" sheen. Then sit back and enjoy your favorite tree in the climate controlled comfort of your own living room! --- The Duct Tape Guy

I was drinking one of my favorite drinks (Jolt Cola) which is hard to find where i'm from. But, before i could finish, It went flat. is there any way that duct tape or WD-40 will help get the fizzle back in my drink and help me to enjoy the rest of my wonderful drink? --- Preston

Live and learn, Preston! Next time, put a little tab of duct tape over the hole of the can when you are not drinking and it will retain the carbonation longer. Although the WD-40 has a propellant that would work to recarbonate your drink, I advise against consuming the rest of what is in the miracle spray. --- The Duct Tape Guy

I'm in science and I just threw a beaker of sulfuric acid at the door and made a big hole in the door. If I try to put duct tape on it the duct tape will just melt. know what do you do? --- Losdios@...

 Quick! Sit in a chair and wrap duct tape around your feet. Then put a strip over your mouth and eyes. Finally, put your hands behind the chair and wrap the tape around your wrists. When the teacher comes back into the classroom and finds you tell him/her that you were overcome by some vandals while doing your lab assignment. This should get you off the hook for the damage to the room. Have your teacher clean up the acid mess - they’re trained to do that. --- The Duct Tape Guy

Not knowing much about the stuff, I was wondering if it's possible to get double sided duct tape and would I be able to use it to bond polythene membranes to the metal on the insides of my car doors to provide a waterproof seal? --- Matt.

Double Stick Duct Tape? Just roll it over into a tube - sticky-side-out - and stick together whatever you want to stick - it's super glue on a roll! Or, merely seal your car doors shut with duct tape and crawl through the windows like Bo and Luke Duke. --- The Duct Tape Guy

We are tired of letting our dog out to go to the bathroom. How can duct tape help us? --- Patricia Harris

 Duct tape a kitty litter box to your dog's southern regions. He/she will be so humiliated walking around with the litter box attached to them, that they will learn to use the porcelain fixtures. --- The Duct Tape Guy

My computer is way to slow. How can I fix this w/ Duct Tape? --- Tapyrik

Duct tape RAM chips together to double and triple their capacity, spray them down with WD-40 (less friction, more speed) and stick them back in your computer. If it works at all, it will work faster. --- The Duct Tape Guy

World peace can’t be solved with duct tape! can it? --- Bill & Kay St. John

 Boy, Jim and I sure think so. In fact, the answer to your question is included in our "Duct Tape Party" platform (Foreign Policy). Yup, The Duct Tape Guys were running for President in 2000. Check out the entire Duct Tape Party platform by clicking here. --- The Duct Tape Guy

I have a problem...i want to buy the duct tape books and calander, but i don't have any money and i don't want to steal them. How would duct tape/WD-40 get me these items?? --- Stephen Carter

Dress yourself entirely in duct tape, duct tape a fifteen cans of WD-40 to yourself, then walk into your local bookstore and threaten to stand outside their front door all day if they don't give you a set of Duct Tape and WD-40 Books. It worked for us! --- The Duct Tape Guy

Broken tv antenae - poor reception. How can duct tape help? --- MaiaX@...

 Obviously tape the antenna back together with a coathanger reinforcement. Then, to remove the static, duct tape those static-free dryer sheets to the antennae. --- The Duct Tape Guy

How can duct tape ease the pain of childbirth? --- Laura, Providence, RI

 Just have your childbirth coach hold a roll of duct tape in front of your face. Concentrate on the tape and its powers. This has worked for Jim and me when having bullets removed (don't ask) without any anesthesia whatsoever. Or, another option is to put a duct tape "headband" wrap around your head and make it so tight that the pain of the duct tape headband distracts you from any pain in your southern regions. --- The Duct Tape Guy

I have braces and they really hurt. My ortho says that I can not take them off and my problem is that the wire sticks into my cheek. I tried taping the end of the wire with duck tape but the wire goes through. I also cannot duck tape my cheek because the duck tape will not stick to it. So, how can I fix my problem? --- Bryan Welch

I used to have the same problem. All you have to do is dry off your teeth (and braces) and put a couple of layers of duct tape over your teeth (like a sports mouthguard). This will prevent the wires from going into your cheek. --- The Duct Tape Guy

I have a bike and plenty of Duct Tape, and I want to go to the Moon (or Mars) to claim large quantities of land to sell in the future. How can I get there? --- Nick

Simple, Nick! Just duct tape yourself and your bike to the next rocket going to Mars (duh!). --- The Duct Tape Guy

I am short, is there any way Duct Tape can make me taller? --- Jared the Great

 Obviously your name is someone’s cruel idea of a joke (if GREAT is based on your size). Sure. Duct tape bricks onto the bottoms of your shoes - you will be at least four inches taller immediately, Then, hang from the rafters of your garage with the bricks duct taped to your shoes and you will eventually stretch your legs for permanent height gain. Good luck! --- The Duct Tape Guy (now 6'3" after using this same technique)

Oi! I got this migrane that you can't believe!! My head feels like it's in a vice! Can duct tape help me?? --- Trench N. Wolfhound

 As a fellow migrane sufferer, I have also struggled with how duct tape or WD-40 can fix a migrane. Prevention is the only thing that I have come up with. Since my migranes are food related, I duct tape my mouth shut whenever I am tempted to eat them. If it's too late for that, and the migrane is making you nauseous, duct tape an airsickness bag to your face and go about your duties. However, I'm afraid that is all I've been able to come up with short of shooting WD-40 into my veins to open up the bloodflow (which could prove fatal - thus ending the migranes I guess. So, Trench, I believe you may have me. Some Duct Tape and books will be winging your way as a distraction from your pain. --- The Duct Tape Guy

It is now legal to collect, cook and eat roadkill in North Carolina. How can duct tape or WD-40 assist in this new found food source. --- G. Robinson, Salem, NC

Cool! Attach strips of duct tape to your back bumper. Let the strips dangle onto the roadway. Start your vehicle and drive. You’re trollin’ for roadkill! --- The Duct Tape Guy

I lost my wallet last week and I cant find it anywhere. How can WD-40 or duct tape help me there? Any suggestions? --- Matt Nichols

 Attach strips of duct tape to your back bumper. Let the strips dangle onto the roadway. Start your vehicle and drive. You’re trollin’ for lost wallets! (After this, do what millions do: Duct tape your money to the back of your thigh, cut a hole in your back pocket into your pant leg so you can reach in a retrieve it.) --- The Duct Tape Guy

I'm a guitar player and I broke my G string, what should I do? By the way I already have lots of duct tape. Thanks --- Elf

Sorry, Elf - this is a G rated web site, we don’t talk about nude guitar player’s needs. --- The Duct Tape Guy (Off the record, I think the answer is rather obvious. Use the duct tape for the G... ahem.. string.)

My husband is a cigar smoker. How can I clean our air using duct tape or WD-40? --- Sylvia Johnson, Langston, NM

 Got a ceiling fan? Attach strips of duct tape (each about four feet long) to each blade and turn the fan on high. The twirling duct tape will suck all of the yucky cigar smoke onto its super sticky side and buff 'n polish the air clean with its smooth side. --- The Duct Tape Guy

I am in the military. My superior officer assigned me to only shave the beards of all the men that ordinarily shave their own beards. Those who do not ordinarily shave their own beards must shave their own beards while under his command. I do not ordinarily shave my own beard, so I must shave my own beard, but in order to shave my own beard I must ordinarily shave my own beard. How can duct tape or WD-40 solve this predicament? --- Seth Wharton

Seth: This is a prime example of that oxymoron that is “military intelligence.” One of the uses for WD-40 is to spray it on your razor blades to keep them sharp longer. So, while you are figuring out the Catch 22 of your shave/don’t shave situation, you will know that your blade will be sharp and ready. And duct tape will be standing by in case you nick yourself (or someone who ordinarily shaves his own beard nicks you shaving yours). --- The Duct Tape Guy

I live in the Bible belt, my 21'st birthday will be on Easter Sunday, needless to say, no bars or liquor stores will be open. How can duct tape help? --- Mr. Do!

I don’t quite understand what your problem is. You see, with duct tape, you can get a kind of natural high. This “high” comes from a positive self image and self confidence that is associated with duct tape accomplishments. As far as I know, duct tape is always available at the local convenience store which is open year around. Now, if THEY are out of duct tape... then you’ve got problems! Let’s hope that never happens! Happy 21st birthday! --- The Duct Tape Guy

How am i going to entertain myself through a 3 hour school play with just a roll of duct tape and a can of WD-40 --- bobagadoosh@...

My gosh, bobagadoosh! What more do you need? Sneak around a duct tape the inevitable theatre seat ripped upholstery, and spray the seat pivots with WD-40 so they don’t squeak. - The Duct Tape Guy

Problem: I have about a week to get two F's up to at least C-'s, or I can't go to California with my friends in two weeks. How can I use Duct Tape and/or WD40 to solve this? --- Chris Oney

 Take a strip of duct tape and rip it to the width of the lines of the “F” in the grade book. Put one short strip coming out at a right angle from the bottom of the “F” and another strip going vertical from the bottom of the previous strip to the top line of the top right of the “F.” Do this on the other “F”, There, now you have two “B”s. Have fun in California! --- The Duct Tape Guy

My neighbor’s dog has telephathic powers. The dog keeps on barking in my head! I would normally duct tape the animal’s mouth shut, but since the dog has telepathic power, he barks in my head, and by doing so, it would make the dog angry and make the dog bark more. PLEASE HELP! this dog is keeping me up all night! --- MrClean187@...

Since the barking is only in your head, you must THINK about duct taping the dog’s mouth shut. This will solve the problem. --- The Duct Tape Guy

I need to get to my grandmother's house within the next few days, but the only quick way is right where a mountain is blocking. How can I move the mountain with Duct Tape or WD-40? (And don't say to go around, because the mountain chain is world-wide, as I am on another planet. ---

Gee, as far as I know, earth is the only planet that has duct tape and WD-40. So, sorry, I guess you are plumb out of luck until NASA starts shipments to your planet. --- The Duct Tape Guy

Hey, everybody! If you want to e-mail this guy from another planet, I left his whole address here for you.

I want to get my math homework done, but I don't have time. Can I use duct tape or WD-40 to solve the following question? (4x + 1)(x - 2) = (2x - 3)(2x + 3)--- ssmith9@...

Cover a sheet of paper with duct tape and hand it in. When the teacher asks you where the answer is, tell him/her it is under the duct tape. When they remove the tape, it will destroy the paper (thus obscurring the fact that you didn’t really have the answer. When they ask you to perform the solution again, tell them that you think it’s unfair, since they destroyed your work. Get the principal and the schoolboard involved. You will get an “A” for your creative problem solving ability. --- The Duct Tape Guy

I am a theater technichian and I need to hang a 75 pound lighting instrument from an electric 200 feet in the air and I have no ladder, hoist, crane or boom. How can WD-40 or Duct tape get the fixture 200 feet off of the deck? --- Ashley Goodin

Find a tech assistant who weighs 76 pounds. Attach a duct tape harness around their armpits and above their head. Fold a four hundred foot long strip of duct tape over onto itself three times. Attach one end to a three pound rock and one end to the 75 pound light around which you have wound duct tape sticky-side-out. Get your star quarterback to throw the rock over the lighting grid. The rock will come back to the theatre floor with the tri-folded duct tape attached to it. Remove the rock and attach the assistant to the tri-folded duct tape. Get a weightlifter to hoist the assistant up to the grid. When the 76 pound assistant is on the grid, have them cut off exactly one half of the tri-folded duct tape (leaving 200 feet). Then have them jump off of the grid with a grid rung between them and the 75 pound light. When the assistant goes down, the light will go up. The light, surrounded with the sticky-side-out duct tape, will stick to the grid when it arrives. Reattach the three pound rock to the now two hundred foot tri-fold duct tape and have your star Quarterback toss it up into another section of the grid. It’s that simple! --- The Duct Tape Guy

My printer, it choked on some paper. Some printer paper is stuck in there, and it won't come out. Not only that, but it hurt my feelings. Can Duct Tape fix emotions and my printer? --- ValPong@...

Attach duct tape to the stuck paper and pull it out. As for your hurt feelings, a printer is an inanimate object. It is incapable of hurting feelings. But, since you feel your feelings are hurt, you can build up your emotional stamina by becoming a Duct Tape Pro. Build yourself a Duct Tape suit of armour, use an alternating color of duct tape to put a giant "DT" on your breastplate and stand in the middle of the town loudly proclaiming that you will not have your emotions trampled on by machinery any more! You are “Duct Tape PRO!” Do this for three consecutive weeks. The newfound attention that you will recieve by the local media will get your mind off of your printer. --- The Duct Tape Guy

I have horrible asthma, and I often can't breathe. Without covering my mouth with duct tape, how can you fix it? --- Lcyricrdo6@,,,

Assuming that your asthma is affected by dust, pollen and other allergens, I suggest that you make a filtering breathing apparatus. Here’s how you make it. Get a cardboard toilet paper tube and line it with duct tape sticky-side-out and as many folded-over, sticky-side-out strips of duct tape as you can fit in length-wise while still allowing air to pass through. Duct tape this contraption to your mouth and duct tape your nostrils shut. The stickiness of the duct tape will capture the dust and pollen and other allergens as you inhale (and also trap your bad breath as you exhale). In other words, you can breath easy with duct tape! If you want to take deeper breaths, use a paper towel tube. - The Duct Tape Guy

I had to duct tape 2 stages together. I did. I created a fuse that was solidly duct tape. it was 1" thick. the initially strokes were long ways actually connecting the 2 bars of the legs of the stage. Then, theses were strengthened with strokes going between the bars and fusing the starting strokes. this was continued--alternating between the long binding strokes and the strengthening strokes in between (which strengthened an also prevented any moisture from getting to the core) until it was 1" in diameter and solid. Now, this binding was undone after the show by the work of 2 leatherman saws, but my question is, how would you undo it USING ONLY DUCT TAPE AND WD-40? (especially since it was cross hatched so that liquids (such as wd-40) couldn't get inside) --- Erica B. A. Mignone

Erica: You lost me after “I had to duct tape 2 stages together.” I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about, or what the problem is. Lock yourself in a room with a roll of duct tape and a can of WD-40. I’m sure the answer will come to you. --- The Duct Tape Guy

My niece's dog died last week and my neice is really upset because it was her puppy, her feelings were shattered when we found the dead dog. how do I make her feel better with duct tape or WD-40.---Wade

Okay, this is the second and last time that I will deal with a dead dog/dead relative question. No more after this one, agreed? Duct Tape or WD-40 will not bring back the dead puppy, however, a roll of duct tape and a set of duct tape books will take your niece’s mind off of her loss. So while I am not going to admit that you me, I will send be sending you a roll of tape and a set of books to assist in your niece’s recovery. Maybe if she gets a new puppy she can leash it with duct tape so it doesn’t meet with the same demise. --- The Duct Tape Guy

My VCR ate a tape. Causing the tape to break. How can I fix it and still view it without any gliches in the tape. --- Brian

The reason that your VCR ate your tape is that it was gummy from the film that gathers on the head. Spray WD-40 on the components and wipe them clean with a cotton swab. Removing the WD-40 residue is important, because while it will loosen the dirt nicely, it will not disappear on it’s own accord. And now it contains the dirt and grime particles that have been loosened. Your machine shouldn’t have any more appetite for tapes.

As for your broken tape: Obviously duct tape will reattach the two broken ends, but you WILL have a glitch in the tape. There is no way on earth that you can repair video or audio tape without a slight glitch because you have removed and rearranged a portion of the magnetic strip that carries the analog or digital information. So, it’s not that duct tape isn’t up for the job... it’s that magnetic tape refuses to be repaired. --- The Duct Tape Guy

At work there is a toaster that is constantly squeaking. WD-40 doesn’t work because it is so hot, and it is also hot enough to melt the duct tape since it is above the certain heat resistance standard. What can be done here? --- Steven Carter

I suggest that if WD-40 REALLY doesn’t work (it should, even with the high heat - just unplug the toaster, allow it to cool, then spray the squeaking mechanism), you do without the toaster: Use those heat lamps where you keep the food warm while it is waiting to be picked up and delivered by the servers --- just make a duct tape cradle onto which you lay the slices of bread so they can bask in their soft warm glow. --- The Duct Tape Guy

My mom says I can only stay on the internet for 30 minutes a day. How can I prolong my surfing time without doing harm to my parents? --- Dan Keough

 Show your mom educational sites like Duct Tape on the Web and WD-40 on the Web. She’ll no doubt become a convert to the internet as a very valid educational tool. She may go so far as to not let you eat dinner until you’ve spent three or four hours doing your “research” on the web. --- The Duct Tape Guy

My CD drive on my computer broke.. The CD tray just kind of fell down the front of the CPU. Hoe can I use Duct Tape or WD- 40 To fix it to where it will still work??--- Brian Farno

 Use the formula: If it’s not stuck and it’s supposed to be Duct Tape it. If it’s stuck and it’s not supposed to be, WD-40 it. It sounds like your CD tray is now stuck down the front of the CPU. Open the CPU (thus voiding your warranty), if the CD-tray is stuck, spray the thing with WD-40 (make sure the machine is unplugged), remove the CD tray, and return it to it’s original position. Duct Tape it in place to make sure it stays there this time. It really bothers me that they don’t assemble stuff with duct tape to begin with. While you are in there, double your RAM by taping some chips together. I like the sour cream and onion variety. --- The Duct Tape Guy

OK. What happens if a fish tank brakes.. how can duct tape fix it or hold it together because the water will get out through the cracks making the tape come off. --- Amanda Jones

 Make sure the tank is bone dry - then tape up the cracks on both sides. It will stick. It will not leak. My own aquarium is totally duct taped except for a little porthole-type window that the fixh are always gathering at. --- The Duct Tape Guy

This is a problem that is worlwide that can’t be fixed with duct tape or WD40. PMS. This can’t be fixed with duct tape or WD40 and it darn sure is a problem for me. Thanks --- Wade

 Gee, Wade, and here I thought that only women suffered from PMS! Well, I think the bloating, irritability, etc. although they may seem like medical problems certainly could be alleviated with duct tape. The bloating for instance: Just duct tape yourself up tight enough to prevent bloating and water retention. The irritability: Find something to repair with duct tape, it will keep your mind off of what is irritating to you and the sense of accomplishment will fill your spirit with happiness that will last you at least ten minutes. Repeat as necessary.
WD-40? Well, it is not to be ingested... although it might just be the secret remedy for PMS - we’ll have to do a little research on that. --- The Duct Tape Guy

In a recent hockey game of mine, I got hit in the foot with a puck, and the metal skate blade broke. How would duct tape and/or WD-40 fix this so that i could skate again?? --- Stephen Carter

You get yourself a pair of shoes, duct tape two pizza cutters to the bottom of each shoe. There! You’ve got yourself some Italian rollerblades (They work on ice, too!). --- The Duct Tape Guy

Ok, I've gotta try again. My cat and dog are adjoined at the hip after my chemistry accident. How can I fix it? --- NetMaster7@...

I think your cat and dog will probably fix themselves - but you will probably have to use the duct tape as a bandaging material. --- The Duct Tape Guy

A problem that cannot be fixed with duct tape and/or WD-40 is burnt lasagna... It just doesn't work. --- epdavies@...

No problem, my wife burns the lasagna all the time. Just remember the rule, if it’s stuck and it’s not supposed to be, WD-40 it! So just scrape out what burnt lasagna that you can, then spray the pan liberally with WD-40. Let it soak in the miracle mist overnight, and you should be able to clean the pan using regular dish soap and hot water the next morning.

And here’s a hint for eating lasagna that’s not burnt: Take a piece of duct tape and write the phone number of your local Italian restaurant on it. Tape it near your telephone. Next time you get the craving for lasagna, pick up the phone, dial the number on the duct tape, and make reservations! --- The Duct Tape Guy

I have a girlfriend who lives all the way across the country; I'm in Maryland, and she's in California. We're both fourteen, and we have no means, therefore, of getting to actually see each other; we can only talk online and on the phone. So, how am I to fix this with either duct tape or WD-40? --- Slade557@...

Ah, young love! Increase your chances of actually being able to see each other in person by entering a contest which uses duct tape and/or WD-40 to solve problems, the grand prize being an all-expense paid trip to San Diego, the home of WD-40 or North Carolina, the location of a major duct tape manufacturer. If you both win, you both get to go and meet each other there! Where is this contest? I have no idea. Why don’t you write the WD-40 Company, or a major duct tape manufacturer like Manco and suggest that they start one? --- The Duct Tape Guy

There’s this guy I really like. How can duct tape or WD40 help make him like me? --- Silvrldy23@...

 Enhance your chances at being liked by any male by spraying a bit of WD-40 on your pulse points, and show liberal use of duct tape on your apparel. Any guy who can resist the smell of WD-40 or the sight of duct tape isn’t worth having. --- The Duct Tape Guy

My house is burning down! How can I use duct tape to stop the raging fire?! --- NetMaster7@...

Obviously, by the time I got your e-mail the house was already burnt to the ground. Next time dial 911. But to prevent this from happening again, cover all your walls, doors, windows and cracks with duct tape. This way, there will be no oxygen in the house, and without oxygen, a fire can not burn. --- The Duct Tape Guy

Problem: My cat is stupid. --- SPAMM34@...

Don’t worry this is not a problem. There is nothing wrong with your cat. As far as I have been able to tell, all cats are stupid. Either that, or they are extremely smart and just act like complete, brainless idiots just so nothing is expected of them. So how does duct tape or WD-40 play into this “problem”? Well, if you duct tape your cat to the ceiling, you will elevate your cat’s intelligence. If you spray your cat’s fur with WD-40, it will be able to slither out of tight situations just as if it actually had used cunning, intellect, and problem solving capabilities. Then, when your cat is duct taped to the ceiling or is busy trying to lick the WD-40 off of itself, go out and buy a dog. --- The Duct Tape Guy

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