If you dig "Ask Bob," check out Mr. Know-It-All!

Bob is currently not accepting any questions - his brain hurts. Remember, being a general specialist requires no special training and the chance of an absolutely correct answer is extremely remote. Much like what you'd expect from The Psychic Hotline. All questions and answers on this page are ©1998, 1999, 2000 by Octane Creative. All submitted materials become the property of same.

Is space Heterogeous on Homogenous? --- nyyfan1@...

Space has no sexual activity, nor preference. --- Bob

How do they get the non-stick stuff to stay on the pan? --- nyyfan1@...

Usually I only allow one question per person, but this is an easy one, so I’ll give you a freebee: They get my wife to do it. She can get anything to stick to a pan. --- Bob

Bob: Why are weather guys called meteorologists instead of weatherologists? --- Drex1@...

Because, all weather is formed by meteors. Meteors, formed of chunks of ice and space dust, hurl into our atmosphere 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Many of these meteors are absolutely invisible to the naked eye and must be studied using a meteorscopic telescope. By carefully studying their descent through the atmosphere and watching the meteors heat up and subsequently melt, a meteorologist can determine the amount of rainfall, and changes in temperature. Hope that answers your question. --- Bob

Yo Bobster... Why does Mickey Mouse wear pants and Donald does not. And how come Goofy can talk and Pluto can't. My kids are so confused. Help! --- JPRIN59@...

JPRIN: Is it really your kids that are confused? Or is it you? Most kids accept situations like this at face value and do not question why - they just enjoy. It is not until we reach adulthood that start to question things like the reality of cartoons and the existance of God. JPRIN, I suggest that you take a chill pill (available at your local Pharmacy), settle back into your favorite chair, and catch up on some good ’toons. --- Bob

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Bob would like to share some of his poetry with you. Click here to read, "A Dove Flies at Midnight" Click here to read, "Spin Cycle" Bob Sez: You’ll find more of my wisdom* below. For more fascinating and factual "Ask Bob" Answers to your Questions, go to: "The ASK BOB Archives" *Wisdom subject to change without notice.

What is "Fuzzy Logic?" --- Norm Powell

Fuzzy logic refers to "An Old Way of Thinking." Like the food in your refrigerator, logic grows fuzz when it gets old. This is the opposite of "Crystal Clear Logic" which references new thought patterns and processes. --- Bob

Did Adam and Eve have belly buttons? --- Richard Bethell

They did if there was salt and celery. --- Bob

Bob: I'm a biotechnology researcher, and wondered if you had any advice on DNA amplification. In particular, when initiating a polymerase chain reaction, should I use TAQ, or would any reverse transcriptase do? --- Jamie Bechtel

Well, Mr. Big Words Smartee Pants, it seems you are missing what seems to be very obvious to me: Amplification of DNA is not necessary. For larger DNA, you need simply to harvest from larger organisms. Duh! That’s the trouble with you scientific brainy type people. You are so busy trying to figure out how complicated something is while you are completely overlooking the obvious (usually quite simple) answer. --- Bob

Bob: Can you tell me the correct name for a person who has a phobia of children's balloons?? Many thanks --- Valinda

That would be a Paranoid Petaprophilactic. --- Bob

Bob: What is a rampart? You know what I'm talking about... like in the Star Spangled Banner: the ramparts we watched were so galantly streaming? Thanks. --- Shawn Grigson

Part of a pagan ritual of celebration after every military victory was to offer up the largest male sheep of the herd as a sacrifice to the war gods as a thanks for the victory. When the ram was burned on the sacrificial altar, most of the flesh and innards would be consumed by the fire. However, parts of the skeletal structure (including the hoofs) would retain a glow throughout the night providing a glow in the night sky.

The lyrics referencing this phenomenon were originally, "ram parts so galantly gleeming." However, the composer's terrible enunciation due to an ill-fitting set of uppers, led to the errant lyrics. I can understand why this has bothered you. It bothers me, too. --- Bob

Will my son pass the test and be a border patrolman? also will my daughter in law ever try to get along with me so our grandkids can be part of our family? my other son and family are on the way here today will the trip be safe? thank you --- jeannie sparks

I’m sorry, you must have typed in the wrong e-mail address. The address for the Psychic Friends Network is suckermail@charlatans.com. But I’m glad that you stopped by anyway. Judging from your letter, you have no idea how to use the shift key on your keyboard. There are two of them, located near each of your little fingers (pinkies). By depressing these “shift” keys while typing the desired letter, it will turn a lower case letter into a capital (or upper case letter). For example: “d” becomes “D” and “f” becomes “F” (unless you have really fat fingers like me in which case the “f” can occasionally become a “D, R, G. or V”). --- Bob

Why are the yellow pages yellow? --- Dave Durchenwald

The yellow pages are yellow because they are printed on the lowest grade paper available. Within hours of their leaving the bindery, the white pages begin to yellow into the bilious hue that we are all delivered. Instead of investing thousands of dollars trying to correct this paper yellowing problem, the phone book publishers have chosen to rename what was originally “The Business Listings” to “The Yellow Pages” as if this was their intent from the beginning.

The question that remains unanswered then is, “Why are the white pages white?” I can only assume that these books are printed in Canada where the colder weather acts as a kind of preservative for the paper, thus positively affecting the longevity of the paper’s original color. --- Bob

What is the origin of the term "Skinny Dipping"? --- Jeff Wilson

Believe it or not, the term “Skinny Dipping” originated in the 1890’s when soda jerks (the guys who scooped the ice cream at the soda fountains) skimped on the size of the scoops of ice cream by cleverly creating a hollow air hole inside of the ball of frozen confection - thus creating the illusion of massive scoops of ice cream while actually conserving product (thereby raising profits). When the customers discovered that their large scoops of ice cream were filled with air, and not the ice cream that they had paid for, they gathered an angry mob and waited for the soda jerk to get off of work, grabbed him, stripped him buck naked, and threw him in the town fountain (or lake or river as available). --- Bob

What is the origin of the word etcetera (etc.)? --- Harley Hooper

Dissecting the word, etcetera, we find that the first portion “ET” comes from the French meaning “and.” The second portion “CET” is the Latin form of the command “Sit!” which we commonly use with dogs. The last portion of the word “TERA” means “Dirt.” Thus, the term etcetera (or etc. as we abbreviate it) means, “And Dog Dirt.” --- Bob

When you are talking to someone and you ask "Do you mind if I sit down?" they shake their head in the up and down position, which means yes and say please sit. Now shaking the head from side to side means “no, I don’t mind” and up and down means, “yes, I do mind.” I could never figure that out. Would you mind explaining this to me? --- fraulein

Fraulein: No, I wouldn't mind explaining it to you. And, Yes, I can explain that to you. --- Bob

If mirages aren't real, how come you can see reflections in them? --- Waggles

Mirages are indeed real. They are made up almost entirely of mirrors which reflect reality (or at least what we perceive to be reality). How do I know this? I recently visited a glass factory at which I witnessed, first hand, the making of glass from sand. Since mirages occur primarily on the dessert (filled with sand) one can surmise that this sand is a mirror, in its natural, unpolished state. That is why, from a distance, the mirage seems real, but upon closer examination, the mirage disappears due to the primitive, unrefined state of the mirror. If the mirror in your bathroom was not so highly polished, your own face would disappear when looking into it. --- Bob

Does chewing gum loose its flavor on the bed post overnight? --- Jeff

Actually, your gum will gain flavor (the flavor of wood and furniture polish). Keep that in mind next time you are buying flavored furniture polish. --- Bob

Why is it called shipment when you deliver by car and called cargo when you deliver it by ship? --- SnowyRoads@...

Why does this bother you? The words shipment and cargo were probably made up by some drunken longshoresman with a third grade education. If I were you, I'd worry about questions of a more immediate concern to you personally, such as, “If you shoot a mime should you use a silencer? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? Can fat people go skinny dipping?” and “Is it possible to be totally partial?” Don't waste your time worrying about semantics. --- Bob

Why is "bra" singular but "panties" plural? --- MabSadie@...

Bra is actually the plural for bra. Similarly, sheep is the plural for a sheep. Panties is plural, because they used to be worn in multiple layers to pad out the buttox. This was particularily popular in the Renaissance period (check out some of the amply endowed bottoms of the women in Renaissance paintings for reference). Women who were not blessed with a naturally large hind quarters had to wear up to sixteen pair of panties to create the illusion of the much desired robust rear. --- Bob

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? --Greg Whipple

The interstate highways in Hawaii were built presuming that continental drift will keep happening. When the drift brings the islands close enough to the continental United States, a bridge will connect Hawaii with California (or Oregon if the drift pushes the islands in a more northerly direction). --- Bob

Bob, Why don't psychics win the lottery? --- Nadia

Why do they have a psychic hotline? Why don’t they know that I’m trying to call them and just call me up when I’m thinking about calling them? Why did Dionne Warwick forego a promising singing career to start a network of these pathetic loosers? You’ve got me, but then, I don’t claim to be a psychic and I still haven’t won the lottery either, nor has anyone that I personally know. My guess is that the lottery is a big hoax used to gather money from all of us chumps. They get out-of-work soap opera actors to pose as the “winners” and put them on national television and in newspaper articles about the winners. All of the money goes to line the pockets of the scam artists that came up with the lottery concept in the first place. --- Bob

Paste is supposed to stick to things. Teeth are supposed to remain in the mouth. Is toothpaste a secret weapon of the tooth fairy, dentists, and othidontists to cheat us out of our beloved quarters? How can we prevent this terrible tragedy? --- The Pedersen Family

Toothpaste is actually paste that is made of ground horse teeth. “Toothpaste” was orginally a brand name of the first glue in a squeeze tube - it didn’t. Because of it’s rootbeer-like scent, kids started eating it, and adults, mistaking the name for a replacement for tooth powder that they used to brush their teeth with, started brushing their teeth with it. Sales of “Toothpaste” went through the roof. So the manufacturers, totally ignoring the fact that it was paste and not a dentifrice, bumped the supply to meet the demand. The rest is history... they added stripes, mint flavors, tartar sauce, and fancy packaging to capitalize on this consumer misconception. --- Bob

Bob, Why do you drive on a parkway and park on a driveway? --- Jason, Fairbanks, Alaska

Parkways were named because many were roads that lead to parks, some were widened so that trees could be planted in the middle of the road so that the roads themselves would resemble parks. The Driveway was named as such because it is the WAY that you DRIVE into your garage. --- Bob

I used to live in a house that had a gas refrigerator. It had a constant flame underneath. Yet at the top it made ice and in between it was cold. A few years ago I had to replace the central air unit in this house I did look into gas air conditioning but it seemed like voodoo to moo, er, me. Its a fake right? --- mr john

A gas refrigerator is made to resemble the northern hemisphere of the earth in a compact form. The bottom being the equator, and the top being the north pole. Any item that is hot at the bottom will naturally be cooler at the top. The hotter the bottom, the cooler the top. Thus, the ice and frost that form in the so-called “freezer” compartment on the top of your refrigerator. Obvioiusly, in the southern hemisphere, their refrigerators are all upside down. About that flame in your air conditioner... must have been a short in the wiring or something. --- Bob

Bob: Why do basketball players need to have such exorbitantly high salaries? --- Rhonda Cummings

Obviously, Rhonda, you have never been shopping at the big and tall men's shops. If you add a few inches to the leg material to a trouser, the cost goes up exponentially. This is because the machines that make the fabric used for pant leggings are only 36" wide. And until someone figures out how to cut the patterns from the bolts of fabric length wise rather than width wise, these poor fellows will have to continue paying a premium for their hideously tall frames. It's either the NBA or the FCAF (Federal Clothing Assistance Fund), which we all end up paying for. What would you prefer? --- Bob

Why is it called a FINE when you have to pay money. Shouldn't it be called a
NASTY? --- GBLOOMQUIS@...

Because it was named by those who collect the money - and, it's fine with them. Here's an idea, instead of sending them the fine, send them an "Idonthinkso." It's a can't lose situation. You'll either get off without paying, or you'll get free room and board courtesy of the state.--- Bob

If the toilet flushes clockwise above the equator and counter clockwise below it which way does the toilet flush on the equator??? --- Pan99...

This is precisely why so few people choose to live on the equator. The toilets, if located exactly on the equator line (and there is actually a line there - just to warn people of this), the toilet flushes UP. No swirl, no sucking, just water and... well, you know, blowing up into space. When the French found out about this occurrence, they were so enamored with the concept that they went back home and invented the "Bidet" which follows the same functionality. I haven't quite figured out the connection yet, but I somehow get the feeling that this is how the French came up with "Poupon" mustard. --- Bob

Greetings of the Day, Bob. Why is the sky blue and how does that relate to 100% cotton socks?" --- Doug Wickland

The sky used to be white and gray (look at any photographs from the early 1900's). It wasn't until the laundry product "Bluing" was developed that color was eventually added to the sky. When hanging clothing outdoors to dry on the line, the blue color leeches into the atmosphere and colorizes it. Ted Turner latched onto this idea and added color to old movies to trick us into thinking that blue skies always existed. Unfortunately, the blue sky process that Ted uses also adds unrealistic color to people, plants, and clothing. Where do the 100% cotton socks fit in? Bluing was initially developed to "whiten" white cotton socks. --- Bob

Bob, Mickey is a mouse, Donald is a duck, Pluto is a dog, but what the heck is Goofy? --- Grahame, New Zealand

Goofy is a rabbit. A very poorly drawn rabbit. This is why Warner Brothers got control of the "Bugs Bunny" rabbit character franchise and Disney was stuck with the silly mouse. Walt just could not draw rabbits. --- Bob

Who closes the bus doors when the bus driver gets off? --- topgun1303

There is a special pressure sensor in the driver's seat that automatically closes the door twenty seconds after the driver has left his/her seat after twenty seconds. This was intially installed as a safety feature to keep kids from leaving the school busses when the driver went out for a smoke. It wasn't until 1948 when a busload of kids was trapped and unable to escape a rolling, driverless bus that the "Emergency Door" was added to provide a means of escape if the pressure switch could not be overridden. This is also why many bus drivers go to work and leave their house doors wide open, they get used to doors closing by themselves.--- Bob

Bob: Why is a goldfish called a GOLDfish if it's really orange??? --- Shayla Cybulski

Gold, in its purest form, is orange. Early explorers to Australia discovered groves of orange trees and thought that they had discovered groves of gold-bearing trees. In their exuberation, they dubbed it "The Gold Coast" and then found that the "gold nuggets" on the trees were soft, juicy and full of seeds. --- Bob

Hi Bob: I happen to know that the reason for the name was because they originally were open from 7 am to 11 pm - something unheard of over thirty years ago ! They have evolved into a 24 hour "market" just as many larger food stores have ! --- KShe344437

Many of us pride ourselves in have vast amounts of knowledge - that's understandable. While you seem to pride yourself in having obtained one simple trivial fact about a convenience store chain. 'Tis a gift to be simple. Thanks for sharing. --- Bob

Bob: 1.Would a wingless fly be called a walk? --- hfiege@...

No, a wingless fly is called a magot. --- Bob

Bob, I have been wondering about the parking at the Special Olympics stadium. Is there just the usual two rows of handicapped parking? If so, what were the designers thinking when they designed the parking lot? --- Frank Pinkowski

These misguided designers were merely thinking that if they designed way too few handicapped parking spots at a venue specifically designed for "differently-abled" people, it would somehow be an appropriate form of revenge for the overwhelming number of times that they themselves went to a shopping mall or movie theater and the only spots open in the whole parking lot were the handicapped spots, forcing them and dozens of other shoppers to walk for blocks in the pouring rain to get from their vehicle to the store. Sure, I can feel their pain...but they probably have never tried to maneuver a wheelchair in and out of a three-foot wide toilet stall with a bladder that’s about to burst. What burns me are the folks who somehow possess the special tag required to legally park in these special spots, who park their car then briskly walk from their vehicle twenty feet to the entrance of the store. Maybe you can get a special tag if you are mentally handicapped... --- Bob

Bob: If Pi R squared how do they bake it in a round pan? --- Fritchster

Fritchster: You are confusing your math with your bakery goods again. Keep this simple equation in mind; if you can eat it, it is a bakery good, if it looks like a bunch of numbers and symbols that were created by people with way too much time on their hands and little or no social life, that’s math.--- Bob

Bob: If the 7-11 stores are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a
year; why do the stores have locks on their doors? --- Bob Ewen

The answer seems rather obvious. Leap year! Every seven years there is an extra day (a 366th day). On this day, the door is locked just to keep the employees in practice in case they ever decide to be open only twenty three hours a day. --- Bob

Bob: Which came first, the chicken or the egg? --- Catwmn1996@...

Oh, that old question. Well, unless you are having chicken sausage WITH your egg, the egg usually preceeds the chicken in the daily feeding frenzie. As for me, I prefer pork sausage with my egg. --- Bob

Salutations Bob. My question is "Why do we find the noise from waterfalls soothing but the noise from a dripping tap irritating?" --- Grahame, NZ.

A waterfall is composed of many drips all of which have been polished, and tuned, if you will, by cascading over natural rock formations. These tuned drops create what we call “white noise” named from the color of the foam at the bottom of the falls. This white foam subliminally reminds us of our mother’s milk which obviously we associate with comfort, security, and restful peace.Hense, the sound of the waterfall is soothing to our ears. While the solitary sink drip remains unpolished by the hard iron pipes and copper tubing that carried it to our faucet. This solitary drip you speak of remains untuned, and therefore unpleasant to the ear. I suggest you either get the drip taken care of or purchase a water polisher for your plumbing system. --- Bob

Bob, If China ever takes over England will Big Ben become digital?-Rill

Big Ben has been beyond digital for centuries. It was constructed by aliens soon after they constructed the pyramids. In fact, the city of London was built up around this monolithic time piece. The clock face, although it looks mechanical, is merely a holographic image that is projected from a nucleonic electro-plasma synthesizer located at the base of the tower. So, in answer to your question, NO. Coverting the clock to digital would be a step backwards. If they China takes over England, it will probably be because they want to get ahold of the alien technology that lies deep within Big Ben. --- Bob

I can't figure this out. can you help me? --- HaWkGal02@ “On a rope hanging over a pulley, one end is attached to a weight, the other to a monkey. The monkey weighs as much as the weight. The sum of the age of the monkey and its mother's age is four (4), which is the weight in pounds of sixteen (16) feet of rope. The monkey's weight is its mother's age. The combined weight of the rope and weight is half again as much as the monkey's weight. The monkey's mother is twice as old as the monkey was when the mother was one-half as old as the monkey will be when the monkey is three times as old as its mother was when she was three times as old as the monkey was. How long is the rope?”

Ask of your questioner, “Why is the monkey being pulled up? Why is the rope attached to the monkey and not onto a child’s swing into which the monkey can comfortably sit? If four pounds of rope is sixteen feet long, is this rope certified to lift a monkey? Is the monkey’s mother present at these proceedings, and if so, does she allow this mistreatment of her young one to go unchallenged? Does the ASPCA know of this incident. If the monkey’s age continues to gain on her mother’s age posed these questions, you will not have to answer the original question. --- Bob

Bob, can you please give me one clear and compelling reason why we observe "Daylight Savings Time"?? --Gregor McDugal

Daylight savings time was developed to siphon off daylight hours from middle latitude countries and save them up for shipment and installation into the “daylight hours” of countries of the extreme northern hemisphere (i.e. Sweden and Norway). These countries, because of their depressing extended darkness during the winter months, pleaded with the United States (during the Nixon administration) to share our daylight hours. We have been able to successfully save the excess daylight, but so far have found no way to ship it in light-tight containers. So, until we can find a suitable means of shipping the stuff, it remains locked up in a warehouse in Pueblo, Colorado. --- Bob

How do they get the deer to cross between the yellow road signs? --- Gregg

Each of those signs is equiped with a tiny solar powered transmitter that sends out a signal to toward the face of the sign (i.e. AWAY from the restricted crossing zone). Deer are outfitted with a shock collar (much like those worn by dogs with the invisible fencing containment device) by a special division of the DNR. This collar emits a an annoying BUZZ when the deer try to cross the road in the inappropriate area. Thus the deer become trained to cross where their collars do not buzz. If you ever see a deer roadkill, upon close examination, you will see that the deer has no collar. Unfortunately, that was a deer that the DNR missed. --- Bob

I was just wondering, can the spirits of your dead relatives see you when you go to the bathroom? --- Tietze

Tietze: Not only can they see you, they can occupy the same space as you if you aren’t sensitive to their presence. For instance, have you ever been standing at the urinal (sorry girls) and gotten a sudden chill or shiver while urinating (sorry again, girls)? That feeling is actually the spirit of a dead relative using the urinal at the same time you are. Well, actually, it may not be a relative. It might be the spirit of a total stranger. The chances of the spirit being a relative depends on the size of family and ancestory. For instance, if you come from a Catholic or a farming family, the chances of your peeing with a relative are greatly enhanced. Hope that clarifies it for you. --- Bob

Why is the word abbreviation so long? --- Grahame Cooke, New Zealand

Grahame: You hit the nail on the head! The word abbreviation, actually originally meant something totally different. It was a word used to describe the tremendous frequency of instances that the male species stops to ask for navigational directions. Since the word was seldom used, it was retired and used to describe the need for shorted word forms in representation of longer words, allowing a kind of shorthand while writing, thus resulting in more free time in which to get lost when not asking directions. --- Bob

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?--- Keith Baxter

Yes. --- Bob

Who the Sam Hill was Sam Hill? --- Steven Barnes

During the Civil War times, Clyde Casperson lead the Confederate Troupes in the all-but-forgotten battle of Same Hill (called Same Hill, because they returned to the same hill on five separate occasions to fight. Not having a name for the hill, on their third trip to the hill the troupes named it "Same Hill"). Tragically, during the fifth battle, Clyde was killed while leading the charge up Same Hill. It seems that is horse spooked from a gun shot, reared back and threw Clyde off the side of the hill. It all happened so fast that his own troupes never saw Clyde fall, and they assumed that he had vaporized into thin air. The body of Clyde was found weeks later by a Union Troupes and buried in a shallow grave marked with a small stone identifying it as the "Grave of Sam Hill". Apparently, Union Troups were not good spellers. --- Bob