Archives (winners from previous weeks) More recent weeks at top. Next Archives click here.

Honorable Mentions: Minnesota home of the Tater Tot hot dish. Now a new offer from Duct Tape Guys’, you too can make this handy Minnesota hot dish carrier, with any local paper and Duct tape from the Duct Tape Guys. Seals in the heat, keeps out anxious appetites, for those trips to or from Grandma's house. And just in case a little broth seeps out, the paper absorbs the excess juices. --- Chuck Dinsmore

"Great Aunt Mildred's limburger cheese cassarole" --- Jeanne Labonte"Pop goes the Weasel!" Avoid those messy microwave clean-ups with the do-it-yourself Duct Tape Mess Prevention Kit. --- Trip Uhalt

Introducing the new "Duct and Cover" designer CornyWare. Specially designed to go from oven to table in styles that coordinate with your favorite mix-n-match stainless collection. --- Bev S.

"Grandma Thema's latest attempt to bribe the cooking contest judges included a complementary copy of USA Today with her 3 bean salad." --- bullare@...

First Place Caption: New from Ty! Beanie Butt Buddies® Each Beanie Butt Buddy comes with it’s own duct tape toilet seat belt. --- Leesa G.

Runner-Up Caption: "and you thought removing the little tag decreased their value..." --- Kevin Kinney

Honorable Mentions: Following the "Beanie Baby Five Alarm Chili Cook-Off Competition" the judges, for safety reasons, form a Beanie chain, duct tape themselves together and "download" the results! --- Trip UhaltFor the discerning collector -- the Beanie-Pot! You're never alone when you share the throne with these plush critters! --- Pam GardinerParty Animals --- Nathan D.I've always wanted a padded toilet seat, I just hope little Jenny doesn't mind... --- Drew Friedmann
After parents give beanies to kids, they often neglect to take care of them, and they end up being flushed down into the sewers. This is the story of how Timmy stopped the teenage mutant beanie babies that kept popping out of his toilet... --- Chris VanzwollWith only a roll of handy-dandy duct tape, turn those boring beanie babies into
something worthwhile: a cushie for your tushie! Stylish, colorful, and makes
the going great! --- L. Spradleyv

First Place Caption: Gentlemen, we CAN rebuild him...We have the technology, we have the capability to make the world's first bionic redneck! --- Rebecca Gill

Runner-Up Caption: "Stop worrying about Kremlin funding cuts to our new space suit program - this thing works great ! I am, however, having trouble finding the 'little comrades' room due to the dark visor - I must be close, I keep hearing running water!! Also, please fix funny taste in mouthguard..." --- Eric Whybra

Honorable Mentions: Jim and Tim try to play God, with hideous results! --- Linda LightfootJIM’S $29.95 COSMETIC SURGERY CENTER. We will do any cosmetic surgery for only $29.95* *Surgery uses only duct tape and common household items. --- Sara F.The poor man's scuba outfit. --- Tanidog

First Place Caption: FINALLY! The perfect pair of glasses for the narrow-minded! Prevents expansive thinking by eliminating views of sky, while curtailing frivolous contemplation by blocking access to distracting things like flowers and insignificant small creatures!! Get yours today and increase your productivity 200%! --- Linda Roundhill

Runner-Up Caption: Until The Duct Tape Guys patch that hole in the ozone layer with blue duct tape, you will need to protect your eyes from harmful UV rays. --- Sally Thompson

Honorable Mentions: The Silver Surfer having lost his special issue super hero sunglasses remembers, "Always protect your eyes," as he gets ready for a day of crime fighting with his specially modified Ray-Bans. --- Trip UhaltCall now to get your easy conversion kit! Easily turn those senior's
sunglasses into serious style! Operators are standing by. --- Geoff KoneThis will fix that horizontal hold! --- Paul and DianeAt a news conference from her return from operation desert storm,G I Jane replied,What chemical weapons??! --- Greg Klein

First Place Caption:
By duct taping strong magnets to her back and a steel disc over her navel, Margaret hoped to turn her "outie" into an "innie." --- Jim Johnson

Runner-Up Caption:
Looks like you can finally eat and drink since you patched up those holes in your side. --- Aaron Hurd

Honorable Mentions:
"For your perfect modular woman, select the hips and torso of your choice, wrap securely using duct tape and presto! (p.s. leave off the head and things are much quieter)." --- Tim BlacklockIntroducing the "The Abductor"... A combination girdle/money belt. Simply place your precious coins onto the tape as you wrap away the pounds. If you think that the effort is "waisted", just try to rob someone wearing this secure money saving, waist reducing garmet. --- Ray W.The "saw a woman in half" trick did not work again. --- Cheri

First Place Caption:
"I'm tellin' ya, once I fill it up and you start sneezin', the house'll be painted in no time!" --- Dave Runner-Up Caption:
"Hey, Jim. Are you sure read those enema instructions correctly?" --- Jeff KleinHonorable Mentions:
"Upon his return from 'STAR-CON 2000", a disappointed Jim reveals his 'Borg' costume didn't even place..." --- Trip UhaltDr. GoggleMeister, inspects his newest
creation, Jim Ducttapenstein. Dr. GoggleMeister discovers, much to his amazement that his experiment
has worked! Jim Ducttapenstein can indeed suck his own brains out. --- Charlene BaumbichThe latest intercranniun filter and cooling apparatus. --- Dawn BaileyOK, this is the way it works. The vodka is siphoned slowly through the orange juice. And, there you have it.... A Duct Tape Screwdriver! --- Cheri

First Place Caption:
In this picture, customs officials have removed a section of paint from a truck in order to illustrate a typical example of the duct tape smuggling technique known as the "Makeover". The smugglers build a vehicle completely out of duct tape and then paint over it so that it looks just like a "normal" car or truck. --- J.C. Anderson

Runner-Up Caption:
GOOD OL BOYS BODYSHOP: 200 MPH GUARANTEED. --- GrizzledWolf@

Honorable Mentions:
Duct tape it does the body good! [like the milk commercial] --- TallOne@In an effort to create a home-built DeLorean, Marty Rajelowizch has started applying the stainless steel "finish" to his '82 Datsun extended cab. Work will resume pending Sven's return from the hardware store with a more duct tape and a ball peen hammer. --- Trip Uhalt

Runner-Up Caption: "Next on our list of auction items, we have Tim's slightlyused, treasured child companion, "Mr. Chuckles. Yes, Mr. Chuckles was with Tim throughout his developing years, but received some 'injuries' during what Tim's parents call his 'M-80 Firecracker Phase'. However, Tim repaired him with duct tape. Bidding starts at 8,000 dollars!" --- NetMaster

Honorable Mentions: With a lack of funding, he thought his ventriloquist act was doomed, until
he saw his handy roll of duct tape. --- SpudmanTune in to FOX this fall as Geppetto tries his best to make a "little wooden boy" come to life in, "When Good Shoemakers Go Bad". --- Trip Uhalt

First Place Caption: By duct taping 45 layers of Bubble Wrap to his car Ben and his cohort managed to create an amphibious vehicle out of a 1954 Checker Marathon. Then, by filling each of the Bubbles with helium, they actually increased their land mileage by an amazing 62%! --- Sam Evenrude

Runner-Up Caption: The duct tape guys open a rust proofing business. Any car just $29.95! --- G. Ingerson

Honorable Mentions: Knowing that today was the grand inquisition into the case of Fred1s
mysterious disappearance, George covered his car with duct tape and wore his orange and green spacesuit with the blue plumes and his flippers to school, hoping he would be considered unfit to stand trial. --- Arvid Tomayko-PetersThere once was a man from Nantucket,
His car leaked like a rusty bucket,
He didn't have cash,
Inspection would not pass,
So his buddies said "duct it!"
--- Ray WherleyBond had heard about the budget cutbacks in research and development but didn't believe them until he saw Q's "fog camouflage" car. ---Linda Lightfoot"I'm just going out to play bumper cars, Ma! I'll be back for supper!" ---Tara"You kids back there better be quiet! I have Duct Tape and I know how to use it! --- From Joe Prin, Mr. "HomeFix"

Runner-Up Caption: Ed prepares for the shooting of a beer commercial that is finally going to
out do them all! Being duct taped to his office chair, he rolls down a hill hits a racing semi, which sends him into an uncontrollable spin (duct tape still intact mind you), as he piles into three old ladies, a milkman, and a circus-midget riding a lawnmower, only to be catapulted off a parking ramp into a pit of molten lava, never to be seen again. They haven't figured out where the beer comes in yet. --- Shane Oborn

Honorable Mentions: Due to government cutbacks at NASA, Barney Rojellawich is strapped into a
prototype re-entry seat utilizing a new high-temp, no-stick, Duct Tape
restraint system, just prior to being loaded into the world's largest sling
shot. --- Trip Uhalt"

Duct Tape Guys Webmaster being brought outside for a little fresh air
and sunlight" --- Philip J. Siroskey"Office Supply Police hard at work" --- robin@...

Handicaped? Low on funding? Try the new duct tape wheelchair!! Well built! Sylish Looks! And you wont fall out! Only $9.99! Or try free for 30 days! --- Drew N.

"I’ve never been to Hawaii. I saw that the chair was being shipped to Hawaii
and I really wanted to go."--- Ed (the guy in the chair)

We sent this picture to Ed's HMO after they refused to pay for his
replacement wheelchair. It wasn't long before he had a new top of the
line 2000 motorized wheelchair. His HMO cited reasons for a replacement
were, "He probably would be more of a liability and would incur more
medical bills then the cost of the wheelchair." --- Chuck Dinsmore

Find out why Tammy is Duct Taped to the ceiling. Click here.

First Place Caption: Tammy’s father finally snapped. She has messed with “his” thermostat for the last time. --- Sid V.

Runner-Up Caption: No pinata for your kids birthday? Just duct tape a kid to the ceiling, put some candy in their mouth, and whack away. --- shawn bryant

Honorable Mentions: Rescue workers were relieved today to find noted geneticist Dr. Tammy
Smith still alive but stunned in the basement of her laboratory. She had
been missing since last Monday when her experiments to engineer a new breed of "tape spider" took a dreadfully wrong turn. --- Alex Hurtt

"This is the longest game of hide and seek ever! I can't believe these morons haven't found me yet! Haaaa! . . .uh oh. . .I gotta sneeze. Darn, they'll find me for sure." --- Alex HurttUnless you guys have a duct tape bucket , youd better watchout below! --- John MaherTammy had the first web site at college woven with duct tape long before other internet web sites became popular. --- Darrell and Pat DierksThe Duct Tape Guy’s children trying to break into the business. --- B. Norris"College student displays alternative methods to the ever-popular FAFSA for
reducing housing costs." --- Shane Oborn

First Place Caption: Tim and Jim contemplate how much duct tape it will take to keep Jesse’s mouth shut for the rest of his term of office.---- Sam E.

Runner-Up Caption: The “Bald Ego” will be the next celebrity to endorse the “Duct Tape Hair Club for Men.” --- Tilly Hunter

Honorable Mentions: Jesse Ventura introduces the two members of his newest governmental department -- The Ministry of Silence. Their responsibility will be to attend all Governor Ventura's press conferences and duct tape Ventura's
mouth shut when a controversial topic comes up. --- Linda Lightfoot"Jim and Tim are called in as Political Analysts to salvage what's left of Governor Jesse Ventura's career. Their recommendation: Duct taping Jesse's mouth shut for the remainder of his term." --- Trip UhaltJim & Tim are mentally calculating how much Duct Tape it will take to make Jessie's 44D. --- Darrell DierksEven duct tape can't fix all the political mistakes I've made, but it will come in handy when I wrestle Hulk Hogan in the 2000 presidential election. --- NetMaster"Tim and Jim, while attempting to assassinate the governor, find out there's already a big hole in the back of his head." --- Shane Oborn

First Place Caption: NEW JIFFY PET --- from the company that brought you Jiffy Pop Popcorn. ----Marty

Runner-Up Caption: "Daryl, being somewhat humane in nature and conscious of the current political correctness of animal rights,attempted to crudely fashion with duct tape a "pig parka" for his pet pig, Hortense. One can only imagine his "raw" grief when he discovered his beloved Hortense the next morning with rigor mortice rapidly setting in after a night in the 20 foot "pig run" he had so enthusiastically constructed with his cousin, Wydell." --- Patty

Honorable Mentions: When I was visiting the NASA Space Center last August, I suggested to the Space Flight engineers that they send up a 'sausage' dog wrapped in duct tape. They seemed puzzled at first until I explained the scientific value of this experiment. "a docks-hound" I said, would invaluable for later docking missions. --- Ken in RestonMid-Evil Pig Body Armor. --- Rod Hansen"After protests from a certain Mexican canine staff member, "Taco Bell" was forced to change their approach to making the 'Challupa'." --- David J. BouchardDuct Dogs.
Armor Duct Dogs.
What kind of kids eat Armor Duct Dogs? (etc.) --- Roger LudlowNEW JIFFY PET --- from the company that brought you Jiffy Pop Popcorn. ----Marty"Lassie-following Y2K compliance retrofitting." --- Trip Uhalt