Archives (winners from previous weeks) More recent weeks at top.

First Place Caption: "During his overland journey's from Venice to the Far East Marco Polo first coined the phrase, '3 m.p.h. tape'." --- Trip Uhalt

Runner-Up Caption: After 22 hours at the Hokey-Poky Marathon Jim suddenly realized, "That's what it's all about." --- Joe Bontke

Honorable Mentions: How the idea for “The Bionic Man” got started. --- Robyn

Meet “Shoeless Joe Tapdancer.” --- Charlene B.

“My new D.T. Fliers help me run faster and jump higher!” --- Joe Bontke

How Bill Clinton Prepares for his morning jog to McDonald's. --- Ed Kirkwood

"OSHA to study alternative to steel- toed boots" --- Wayne Rockwood

First Place Caption: "That'll keep them aliens from gettin' any more of our cows, they'll think he's one of theirs" --- Kathy Mills

Runner-Up Caption: The Duct Tape Guys did it again - the four holes on the bottom of this cow's udder no longer leak. --- Wanda Murphy

Honorable Mentions: "got duct tape?" ---Amy, Dawn Mrotz,

This may be an utterly dumb question, but how do we milk her? --- Chuck Dinsmore

"Holy Cow, we made a full length bra out of duct tape!" --- Darrel and Pat Dierks

"A 'sheepish' Jim and Tim were not only embarrassed, but totally caught off guard by the menu item, 'chipped beef'." --- Trip Uhalt

Jim and Tim stand proudly by their top secret NASA project -- a spacesuit for the cow that jumps over the moon. Cost = seven rolls of duct tape. Bill to the Government = $750,000. "If they're willing to pay $500 for a toilet seat, then they shouldn't have any problem paying for this!" Tim declared. --- Linda

First Place Caption: Jim and Tim make their directorial debut with their remake of RoboCop. The smash hit came in way under budget, at a total cost of three rolls of duct tape. --- Linda

Runner-Up Caption: The Red and Blue Power Ranger discuss the mysterious Grey Duct Tape Guys that defeated the powers of evil, and repaired the Power Rangers and their vehicle. Evil thwarted once again. --- Tammie Lirette

Honorable Mentions: Doing that motocross thing, and forget your pads? Hey no sweat, dude! Now with duct tape you have "Pads on a Roll". That's right, millions have enjoyed "Pads on a Roll" for their protective needs. You can too. It comes in many colors to match the outfit, although we recommend silver. It goes with everything. --- Ken Franz

"This'll hold your leg on 'till we get to the hospital, Jim." --- Nick Zane

AH! This is the life: the trees, the fresh air, the birds, the duct tape...what more could a guy ask for? --- Wanema Lemons

First Place Caption: "As the Duct Tape Guys' presidential campaign heats up, Jim and Tim have been forced to comment on their idea for solving the important problem of prison overcrowding." --- Mark Allen Adams

Runner-Up Caption: "I warned you! STAY AWAY FROM YOUR SISTER!!" --- Gil Potter

Honorable Mentions: While "acting up" in Group Therapy, Jim’s peers decided to take the matter of discipline into their "own hands" --- Moira Davis

"When told there would be a time constraint on his next project, The Duct Tape Guy misunderstood, he thought he would need to be restrained for a period of time." --- Beth Herr

For his punishment for being out too late at the bar, Frank's wife decided
to Duct Tape him up on the wall for a week. --- Daniel Curfman

First Place Caption: "Imagine spending three beautiful days and five lovely nights asail on the Hong Kong Harbor with Jim and Tim, the Duct Tape Guys on their elegant cruise ship, the S.S. Duct Tape. Call now for reservations." --- Sam Bergeson

Runner-Up Caption: It's NEVER considered "junk" as far as duct tape is concerned. --- Ken Franz

Honorable Mentions: After much negotiation the treaty was signed, forcing all Duct Tape to be removed from American property. Everyone complied, except of course Jim and Tim who chose to become refugees from the country they once loved. --- John G.

"male bonding... it would have been a lot eaiser if we had some duct tape." --- HaWkGaL02@...

First Place Caption: "Having been mumified in duct tape for thousands of years, future archeologists uncover Dick Clark "still" looking as good as the day he died!" --- Trip Uhalt

Runner-Up Caption: "In makeup for the economy version of Phantom of the Opera." --- Eddie Winter

Honorable Mentions:
Now you too can have tight, youthful skin with the new pore strips from Duct Tape International. Simply apply, peel, and throw away for beautiful skin! (Woman's hands not included.) --- Amy

Thanks to the power of duct tape the Great Malfoni will never lose his
contacts in the middle of a performance again. --- Jarrod Luna

"As the unruly crowd cries foul, the magician agrees to let Jim and Tim apply the No-Look brand of Duct Tape!" --- Bruce Newman

And to the hundreds of entries who mentioned something about eyebrow removal/thinning, etc.. Thanks - good thought - but everyone else had it, too. --- Tim

Runner-Up Caption: Hurry and help me! I can’t open the Port-A-John without the handle! --- Lori Wayne

Honorable Mentions: “Hurry up and get this done so AI can go change my undies, I was in such a hurry this morning, I accidently put them on sticky side in!” --- Tony Reed

“Those kids across the street think they can make a better fort than us? Hah!! They don't have the power of duct tape!” --- Erin Rhode

First Place Caption: "Come now Bill, the new interns are going through orientation and we have to be clear of the building." --- Neal Stevens

Runner-Up Caption: Introducing the new Ductco® Presidential Restraint Device. Preferred by more First Ladies than any other leading brand. --- Tina Abrahms

Honorable Mentions: I don't want to hear it, I told you to go before I put the duct tape on. I'll take the leash off when we get to the helicopter, But the duct tape stays till we get back. --- George Bednar

"Hmmmm...If there was only SOMETHING strong enough to keep his pants up...staples? ...a chain link belt? ...a nail gun? I GOT IT, DUCT TAPE!!!" --- Trip Uhalt

First Place Caption: From the makers of Chia Pet, it's Duct Tape Pet. Just water and voila, your very own Duct Tape Pro. --- Erin Rhode

Runner-Up Caption: “I baptize you in the name of the father of duct tape, and of the
son of duct tape, and of the spirit of duct tape.” --- Robert Mancini

Honorable Mentions: Attendees at the National Duct Tape Convention were amazed when the guys demonstrated their technique for cloning duct tape. --- Linda Lightfoot

...But wait! If you act now, we'll include this free duct tape hat. It's completely waterproof. Just look, not a drop on him. This CAN’T be bought in stores!! Hurry and order now!! --- Ken Franz

No...no, I'm sure the guy said if you water the tape EVERY day it will
grow little rolls. Lets do it for one more week. --- Jim Dunne

"The duct tape hat should keep the Rogain from leeking out, I just don't know how much of your good hair is gonna come off with it." --- Name Missing

Runner-Up Caption: "So...how long have you been a javelin catcher?" --- Jack Sumrall

Honorable Mentions: “Elevation 95; Right 2 degrees...Forget it, there's no way -- we ain't going to make this into an artillery piece.” --- Jack Sumrall

"The world famous Duct Tape Guys incorporate the help of aboriginal natives in their never ending quest for the elusive Duct bird whose feathers are a key ingredient in man’s greatest tool, Ducttape!" --- Jake Bollinger

"Bushman 17 hits the pits for an emergency blowgun repair in the heated action of the Outback's Duct Tape 500 Spring Brush Run. Bushman 17 went back out in the outback and stuck it out to capture a first place finish thanks to the dedicated efforts of The Duct Tape Guys." --- Greg Williams

"Man, That was one huge corndog!" --- George Bednar

For More information about the cool ape costumes (Jim not included), visit our wacky friends at Archie McPhee.

First Place Caption: The long-awaited sequel to Planet of the Apes, Planet of Duct-Tape! See Jim amaze and mystify the apes with his duct-tape prowess! Coming soon to a hardware store near you. --- Monica Merchand

Runner-Up Caption: No thanks, Duct tape man. We banned duct tape years ago. It sticks to our fur. --- Ronda

Honorable Mentions:
"As you can see here our Jungle Guide, Jim, and his assistants, Ralph and George, are having a sticky time with this rare but beautiful Ducttape snake and its mate." --- Mark D. Hodges

(I'm not sure what this means, but it struck me funny) "Who says Congress doesn't know what they're doing!" --- Don Larson

Finally, proof that men use duct tape by instinct. --- Amy

Jim's usual cheap shot--- teaching cat's cradle to apes with duct tape. --- Anne Clausen

"See honey, I told you the inlaws would love Duct tape!" --- Jeremy Hinton

Thumbs aren't the only thing we have in common! --- Annie Houligan.

First Place Caption: "...And for just three easy payments of $9.95, this easy-to-use, hands-free, time-release salad dressing holder can be yours, but act now. Supplies are limited." ---Amy Milvic81@...

Runner-Up Caption: "Yes, dear, I'm working on that vegetable dip as we speak......" --- Amy Allen

Honorable Mentions: "With Duct Tape, it’s Good to the Last Plop" --- Dennis Kananen

"Hands Free Operation" --- Daniel Curfman

That's the last time Thelma let her husband prepare the hor d'ouerves. --- Amy Allen

First Place Caption: "All right, this is the last time I baby-sit for the Duct Tape Guy's kids!" --- Erin Rhode

Runner-Up Caption: “See! I told you duct tape can repair large holes in ceramic tile .” --- Gemza, Michael

Honorable Mentions: "Thank you, I'm proud to be this year's 'in-duct-ee' on the Wall of Fame." --- Jan Morier

"I was doing great until you had to go and ask if I needed to go to the bathroom" --- David Neat

”What did you do to make your wife mad this time?“ --- Daniel Curfman

“I’m only smiling because I just relieved myself and it’s YOUR mess!” --- Brynn

“Duct Tape Man, Duct Tape Man, does whatever with duct tape he can.
Spins a web any size...catches theives just like flies.” --- Sandra Yaworski

“Hey guys where ya goin'? guys? hey?” --- Jennifer Smith

Note: This principal’s story can be found at: Duct Tape Headline News.

First Place Caption: Tim, I am your Father. --- Jennifer Smith

Runner-Up Caption: "Mother-in-law visiting again already?" --- Joe Brott

Honorable Mentions: "Sorry to interrupt your thinking but i really need to go outside!" --- Shine0956@

We have come to take over your duct tape factories. --- NOPEDALING@aol.com

"Man, Jim! Talk about getting out of the wrong side of the bed!" --- Sylvia Tucker

Local fossil hunter poses with latest incredible find... A fully preserved Duct-billed dino. --- Phil Challans

As Godzilla entered the Age of Disco, Man contemplated his future, and
that of Duct Tape! --- Moira DAVIS

Note: This incredible alien costume was made out of duct tape by Bruce Larsen (who won $5000 for it at a halloween costume party). Do you have some incredible duct tape creations that you would like to share? E-mail us a photo and explanation.

Runner-Up Caption: Tim, being aware of his dog's nearsightedness, attached a horn to his nose with duct tape. It served as a warning when the dog bumped into nearby objects. --- Gayle Luther

Honorable Mentions: "I should have read the ad more clearly...I thought it said 'For Sale, Black Lab with a nose for ducks'. Obviously it said 'Black Lab with a nose held on by duct tape'." --- Nolin Renfrow

Look...it's the Gandolph, the Rednosed, Redneck Dogdeer! --- Jason Scogin

I thought you said a nose job would fix me right up! And at a reasonable price too! --- Richard Williams

It's amazing how creative people can be when casting for "Rudolph"s part
in the Christmas Pageant on a very limited budget! --- Duane and Moira Davis

Upon hearing that he was scheduled for a vet's visit to be fixed, Tim's dog created this clever disguise from duct tape and a toy horn. Luckily for the dog, the disguise worked. Tim didn't recognize his own best friend. --- Gayle Luther

First Place Caption: Unfortunately, Jim kept getting the error message, "Internal Drive Error 10012?...
Jim, assuming that anything that can be driven can be fixed with Duct Tape, proceeded to slather his monitor in Duct Tape. To Jim’s surprise, the error message, "Internal Drive Error 10012".... never appeared again (nor did anything else). --- Shawn

Runner-Up Caption: "I don't think our parents will notice its broke now!" --- Timothy Gerstorff

Honorable Mentions: "Hello, police? Yes, I’d like to report that I’ve trapped a virus." Please send a squad car immediately! --- Carol Block

AA for eBay bidders! --- Chris Fredeman

"Those dang blondes....first white-out on the screen... and now this!!" ---Stephen Carter

The message box read: DO YOU WISH TO SAVE THE FILE? It was my idea to duct tape it! --- Gayle Luther

All right, young Luke, now try that e-mail again, and let the Force guide you. --- Linda

First Place Caption:
Tim: Let's run through our checklist to make sure we have all we need!
Jim: Duct tape?
Tim: Check!
Jim: Let's hit the road!!! --- Smmegr@...

Runner-Up Caption: "There, now people can't see us in the hot tub!" --- John Whitelege

Honorable Mentions: "Redneck millennium falcon." --- V.A.Steplock

After a brief eight year stay in Washington, DC, Bill and Hillary patch up their car and their marriage and move back to Arkansas. --- Therenf@...

This car gets twenty miles to the gallon and thirty miles to each duct tape roll. --- Anne Clausen

Bob's Funerals arrives at Joe's Crematorium. --- Grahame Cooke

"CONGRATULATIONS ! You have been selected as a possible winner in this year's duct tape sweepstakes. Please send us a hand drawn map of your neighborhood, and the time you will be home, so that our "prize patrol" can find you when your name is drawn! Hurry....before the deadline! Again, congratulations !!! " --- James Petrosky

First Place Caption: The new and improved anti-hemorrhoidal bicycle seat only has one drawback. The duct tape strap has a tendency of attracting stinging insects in the most inappropriate spots! --- Gayle Luther

Runner-Up Caption: "I told you it has to LOOK GOOD as well as FEEL GOOD." --- Darrell and Pat Dierks

Honorable Mentions: "You got too much time on your hands man" --- Larry and Joan Dufresne

"Here, the guys are trying to do what no man has done before.. LOOK THROUGH THE BELLY BUTTON!" --- Tom Gill, Jr.

Knowing Jim has a bad case of hemorrhoids, Tim presents him with a nice, cushiony seat for his 10 speed bike.--- Tim Gottschall

First Place Caption: After discovering that ducttape is the ideal material to incease the stability of very large sandwiches. The guys set to work on the tallest
BLT known to man. --- Joshua J. Adler

Runner-Up Caption: Roger as a first-time best man, didn't understand what groom meant when he was asked to make the toast at the wedding. --- Darrell and Pat Dierks

Honorable Mentions: After 3 years of work, 200 rolls of duct tape and no profits to speak of, Arnold begins to realize marketing tosters with non-removable toast isn't actually a good idea."--- Reverend Ed Turner

White House cooks prepare part of President Clinton's Breakfast. --- Dan Abel

"Brilliant musician and expert in Toastology, Dr. Bob Winkelstien prepares to play The National Anthem using only the sound of pop-up toasters." --- Stewart Martin

First place caption: "Hoping to cash in on the rapidly growing communications business, Jim and Tim create the first all duct tape network." --- Dave "toad84" Anderson

Runner-up caption: "WATSON, COME HERE, I NEED YOU." --- Arnold A Appel

Honorable Mentions:”The Duct Tape Guys help Al Gore invent the internet.“ --- Eli Tripp

“Before I begin, I am taping this conversation.” --- Fred Ours

“By varying the circumferences of the individual duct tape roll components of the D.U.C.T. (Duct tape Universal Conversation Translator), the user is able to customize the results for his listener's hearing ability and understanding level.” --- Grace McKelvy-Smith

“I said, your cap is on backwards.” --- Darrell &Pat Dierks

First Place: "Desperately wanting to put some spice back into their sex life, Betty convinced her best friend, Irene to help wrap her in duct tape to hopefully gain the attention of her handyman husband, Bud."
- megamom33

Runner Up: "Due to recent cutbacks, NASA has been forced to come up with new space suits."
- Erin R

Honorable Mentions: If we had duct tape 100 years ago we could have saved your great-great
grandpa, Mr. Dumpty. --- Nolin Renfrow

Early Solar Energy Tests. --- Dan Abel

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