||For Immediate Release:
Jim and Tim, the Duct Tape Guys, call duct tape, "Homeland Security on a Roll". In fact, they submit that no home is truly secure without duct tape. In light of the Department of Homeland Security's (DHS) recent advice for Americans to ready themselves for possible chemical and biological warfare strikes, The Duct Tape Guys have put together this helpful list:
Use duct tape and plastic sheeting to create airtight "safe room" in your dwelling. That's what the DHS recommends. Tim suggests that an airtight room may get rather stuffy and oxygen deprived after the recommended three day inhabitance, so he suggests using Bubble Wrap® instead of plastic sheeting - when you're running out of air, you just pop the little bubbles.
If you are going to choose one room of your house to make airtight for three days, Jim suggests the kitchen, "That's where the food is."
Tim disagrees. "If you have to hold it for three days you're gonna be in a world of pain! Make your airtight room the bathroom."
Or, skip the airtight room altogether and make your own biohazard suit by duct taping yourself from head to toe. "We suggest that you duct tape over an old suit or a pair of long johns. Do NOT apply the tape directly to your skin. It's binding, it pinches, and when you remove it you'll also be removing every hair on your body - talk about a world of pain!"
Note: If you want a bright orange biohazard suit like the professionals have, use Duck® brand's X-Factor tape in blaze orange. Women may desire a more feminine look and opt for hot pink duct tape. Or, if you want to hide from evil doers, use camouflage duct tape.
Duct tape sticky-side-up around the perimeter of your house will stop evil microscopic bugs in their paths.
Fill a cardboard tube (like those inside rolls of toilet paper) with hundreds of duct tape baffles and duct tape this to your face covering your mouth and nose. Make sure the sticky sides of the duct tape baffles are facing away from your mouth. When you inhale, the sticky baffles will filter the air you are breathing. (Use paper towel tubes - if you want to take deeper breaths.)
Cover the whole country with a large sheet of plastic and duct tape it securely to the east and west coasts and along the Canadian and Mexican borders.
We recommend that you start stockpiling duct tape just in case the terrorists get smart and destroy our duct tape manufacturing plants. Therefore, we are issuing a GRAY ALERT! Increase your duct tape from 2.5 rolls in every house to 1.5 rolls in every room of your house.
Your SUV can make a great airtight family escape pod. Get the family in the vehicle and then hire a neighbor kid to wrap your SUV in 150 rolls worth of overlapping duct tape strips. Make sure he gets into the wheel wells and under the chassis. This will not only make sure that the SUV is airtight, it will also assure that you aren't driving the vehicle and blowing through our precious oil supplies (you'll kill two birds with one stone).
Speaking of saving gas; You can become less dependent on foreign oil using duct tape. Just make a big wad of sticky-side-out duct tape on the front bumper of your vehicle. Drive up behind another car going your direction, smack into their back bumper (give them a friendly wave and mouth "sorry") attaching your car to theirs. Put your vehicle in neutral and turn off your engine. You'll enjoy fuel economy in the 100s of miles per gallon.
And, possibly their best suggestion for using duct tape to secure our homeland: A strip of duct tape over some key mouths in Washington. (someone actually created an image to go with this one - click here)
The Duct Tape Guys are the authors of five books about duct tape including "The Jumbo Duct Tape Book" and Duct Shui" (Workman Publishing), and reside online at www.ducttapeguys.com
Listen to Tim on Allan Handelman Coast to Coast
Hear a 25 minute interview dealing with the Dept. of Homeland Security's directive to stockpile duct tape and what the stockpilers can REALLY use their tape for.
ON SECOND THOUGHT: "I think I know what this call to arming ourselves with duct tape really is - it's Bush's clever economic recovery program, one industry at a time. First, the duct tape and plastic sheeting industries. Followed by the painting contractor industry (repairing the ripped sheet rock from removing the duct tape and plastic sheeting). Then, trickling down to the Duct Tape Guys' book publishing industry (people will need to buy our books to learn what to do with all of the tape they were told to stockpile). And, finally to our educational institutions - as Jim and Tim have five college or college-bound students between their two families (Bush IS the "Education President")."
"I found it amusing that a few days after the announcement from the government, the same people came out almost snickering saying, "Keep buying duct tape... don't use it yet, but keep buying it." (or words to that effect). I guess that they, too, find humor in duct tape. When I see a piece of duct tape holidng it together - it strikes me funny - it's obvious that it was a quick fix by someone who neither had the patience, nor the ability to fix it correctly. Come to think of it, that seems to be the America way lately. It could be, then, that duct tape should become the new symbol of America. If not, it could make a nice silvery, waterproof cap for our Bald Eagle." - Tim, the Duct Tape Guy
(Image photo © Peter S. Weber www.wildbirdphotos.com Duct Tape cap adaptation by Tim,. the Duct Tape Guy. Media reprint permission required. Contact, Peter S. Weber - Click on image for larger size.
Celebrity Protester uses Duct Tape in Protest: Actor Martin Sheen covered his mouth with duct tape which had the word peace scrawled across it before leading 60 demonstrators in a prayer vigil. The actor carried a huge painted cross during Wednesday's protest in Los Angeles. (March 29, 2003)
Cartoonist Mark Fiore explains the color coded alert system and prominently recommends the purchase of duct tape. Click here. Click below to see our collection of editorial cartoons drawing on the duct tape and plastic sheeting theme.