Home Grown Humor & Disclaimer
The old adage says, “Most accidents happen within a mile of home (so to avoid accidents, move)”. Permit me to coin a new adage: Most humor happens at home. Those who know each other well are often the best candidates to be participants in practical jokes. Whether you live with your family, have been sentenced to live in a dorm for four (or more) years, or are struggling to survive a summer camp situation, you can have fun messin' around with your house/roommates.
And now for the disclaimer: Administer your practical jokes in the spirit of FUN. Remember that unless you are a sadist, inflicting physical pain isn't really all that much fun - or rewarding - and may actually result in an ugly lawsuit, fine, and/or imprisonment. So pick your target and your practical joke carefully. Then, have fun! The outcome of a good practical joke should be that BOTH parties (the joker and the jokee) should find humor in the prank.
P.S. Remember when you're in the middle of that ugly lawsuit, you never heard of this web site, nor "The Practical Joker's Handbook."
That said, here are some samples from The Practical Joker's Handbook:
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| Tools of the trade: Get some rolls of police/fire tape and turn your friend's house into a crime scene.
Wanna punk someone?
Here are some ideas...
Jessica Young
Contributing Writer
Saturday, April 01, 2006
This originally ran online at BeepCentral .com
An unsuspecting girl sat in Bakers Square, probably ordering a bowl of soup or chili along with her slice of pie since it was an unusually chilly evening. Little did she know, if she needed an extra roll with her meal, all she had to do was run to her car.
The interior of her Honda Civic was jam packed with bread products. Some sneaky pranksters thought they’d get her back for egging one of the guy’s houses.
“We’re talking dough from floor to ceiling and all the way up to the windshield,” said Joe Marks, a 20-year-old accomplice in the tomfoolery. “When you opened the door, not even one crumb fell out since we smushed it in there so badly.”
The Downers Grove resident and several of his buddies cooked up the plan earlier in the day and took a drive to the Pepperidge Farm outlet store on Odgen Avenue, where they proceeded to load all of the contents of the dumpster in Marks’ van.
Before making the trip to Bakers Square, where the future victim was lured by a mutual friend, the gang of ruffians headed to some neutral territory – a.k.a. Marks’ house. Because time was of the essence for the practical joke, they prepped by opening up all of the packages of bagels, hotdog and hamburger buns, rolls and loafs so they could make a quick getaway and hide nearby to see the girl’s reaction.
“The look on her face was priceless. We totally one upped this girl,” Marks laughed. “It was one of the top pranks I’ve ever pulled. At least one of the semi-legal ones.”
And the leftover carbs didn’t go to waste. The guys went to visit another friend who was working at a hair salon and uncharacteristically offered to fill her car with gas while she was finishing up for the night. So she handed over the keys and was later greeted with a vehicular bakery.
Marks is not alone in deriving pleasure from pulling practical jokes. With the arrival of April Fool’s Day, devious stooges have free reign for a full 24 hours – though some refuse to be bound by a date on a calendar. For a large segment of the population, there’s something infinitely appealing about witnessing the confusion, discomfort or panic of others when its prompted by the high jinks of others. In the spirit of the mischief-makers’ holiday, it seems appropriate to reminisce about the best engineered tricks or ruses.
Breaking in
Bensenville native Kim Gotches and some friends were supposed to meet at her cousin’s house. The 22-year-old beat her cousin home and, knowing where she had hidden the spare key on the porch, decided to freak her out a little.
Gotches left the front door ajar, making it look suspicious. Then her and a couple of friends knocked some chairs over and made it look like the drawers had been rifled through. They waited for Gotches’ cousin to return so that they could jump out and scare her, but they got worried when too much time had passed.
“Turns out she ran across the street and called some guy friends for backup when she thought the house had been broken into,” Gotches said. “When I finally heard someone come in, I went to go yell ‘surprise,’ and came face-to-face with a guy holding a bat. I thought she could take a joke, but she got scared, and I almost got attacked.”
That wasn’t the end of it. Her cousin also placed a phone call to her dad, who’s a cop. He showed up, and the faux burglars sheepishly came clean.
What they say about karma must be true. Gotches’ roommate at Marquette University in Milwaukee is fond of practical jokes and sets traps everywhere.
“I walked into my room once and couldn’t find a bunch of my stuff – like my deodorant,” she said. “I eventually looked up and saw all of my belongings duct taped to my ceiling. She’s also tied me up with some rope while I was sleeping before, too. So I’m glad she’ll be out of town on April Fool’s Day.”
Follow the yellow brick road
The University of Illinois library was in the midst of an extensive book relocation process a couple of years ago, so 25-year-old Jeff DiScala took advantage of the chaos to wreak havoc.
Him and a few other employees were charged with going through about a million books to assess each one’s degree of damage and mark where it would be shipped to. Bright yellow 1? by 4 inch bookmarks were attached to various copies as a coding system. So the hooligans started stealing piles of the bookmarks three months in advance to play a prank on their supervisor.
On March 31, they convinced their boss’s husband to hand over the key to his wife’s office and spent two hours completely covering the office and conservation lab with the yellow flags, getting every surface including the floor. DiScala said a yellow brick road leading from his boss’s office wended its way to a nearby classroom. They also used heavy-duty packaging paper to wrap her computer and keyboard and sprinkled a fair share of barcodes and call numbers around the room as finishing touches.
“She was the best sport about it,” said DiScala, who’s from Springfield. “The library had a newsletter, and I’m pretty sure we made it in there. It was just classic.”
Leave it to the experts
Tim Nyberg is a pro at punking strangers. He’s been known to give drive-thru orders with the aid a kazoo. And he enjoys placing questionable or embarrassing items (i.e. “cans of fish balls”) in the unattended carts of grocery shoppers for them to discover when they reach the check-out counter.
“You just sit back and enjoy – it’s all about finding humor in the theater of life,” said Nyberg, author of The Practical Joker’s Handbook. “But you have to do something that will earn you bragging rights.”
He recommends breaking up the monotony of a long day at the office with some lunchtime antics. If there’s a large parking lot nearby, and you own a nondescript sedan, a pair of state trooper-inspired sunglasses and a hairdryer pointed out your car window like a speed trap can cause people slow down.
But the key to successful shenanigans involving acquaintances is knowing your target.
“You play off of that person’s gullibility or obsessions,” Nyberg said. “If you’re properly informed as to what buttons to push, you’re set.”
If someone is particularly enamored with his or her car and even parks it at a certain angle to avoid scratches, he said the course of action is clear. Tearing a thin strip of gray duct tape and adhering it to the side of the vehicle makes a convincing enough mark that the owner thinks the car was keyed.
Gag me
Every year, Steve Wampold is amazed at how the traditional prank merchandise – like hand buzzers, disappearing ink pens, Whoopee cushions and fake dog poop – fly off the shelves. Wampold, operations manager for gag Web site PrankPlace.com, said the old classics have an innate charm that make people order them for April 1.
“There’s this endearing simplicity and nostalgia in the old joke shop items that draw shoppers to them,” he said.
While that may be true, one of PrankPlace.com’s most popular sellers is the magnetic bumper sticker set that reads “This vehicle stops at all adult bookstores” or “I love crack whores.” And don’t forget the fake lottery ticket, which actually made a part-time parking lot attendant quit her job.
Working in the practical joke industry, Wampold has a reputation to maintain on the business’s favorite day of the year. In the past, he has put fake $10,000 winner bottle caps on Pepsis in the break room’s fridge. This year, he’ll probably tell the FedEx guy that the company has switched to UPS or print out three reams of paper worth of fake overnight orders to give him.
“April Fool’s Day gives you a get out of jail free card,” Wampold said. “It’s human nature to be goofy and pull one over on someone, and with the workplace being way too PC and straight-laced of late, mayhem is just what the doctor ordered.” Whoopee cushions and fake dog poop – fly off the shelves. Wampold, operations manager for gag Web site PrankPlace.com, said the old classics have an innate charm that make people order them for April 1.
“There’s this endearing simplicity and nostalgia in the old joke shop items that draw shoppers to them,” he said.
While that may be true, one of PrankPlace.com’s most popular sellers is the magnetic bumper sticker set that reads “This vehicle stops at all adult bookstores” or “I love crack whores.” And don’t forget the fake lottery ticket, which actually made a part-time parking lot attendant quit her job.
Working in the practical joke industry, Wampold has a reputation to maintain on the business’s favorite day of the year. In the past, he has put fake $10,000 winner bottle caps on Pepsis in the break room’s fridge. This year, he’ll probably tell the FedEx guy that the company has switched to UPS or print out three reams of paper worth of fake overnight orders to give him.
“April Fool’s Day gives you a get out of jail free card,” Wampold said. “It’s human nature to be goofy and pull one over on someone, and with the workplace being way too PC and straight-laced of late, mayhem is just what the doctor ordered.”
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Pranking the telemarketer Click the link to hear a wonderful job of getting back at a burial plot telemarketer. (More of these ideas are in the book!
Late Breaking News
Get up early to get the newspaper. Replace the middle of today's paper with yesterday's paper. Watch in quiet amusement as people can't find the continuation of the cover story!
Sleep Tight
Got a sound sleeper in your midst? Get a roll of cling wrap (or package sealing shrink wrap) and secure the sleeper into place. When he/she wakes up he/she won't be able to move. Note: Covering the victim’s face is not recommended as they may never wake up again.
Mower Mishap
Rig a friend’s lawnmower with a plastic bag full of feathers or fur and hamburger meat. Secure the bag of stuff with duct tape securely to the bottom of the lawn mower above the blade. When your friend starts mowing, the vibrating will slowly shake the bag loose, and then, “fur” and “guts” will fly everywhere! This one is especially good if your friend has a small dog or pet.
The Ultimate Junk Mail:
We were alerted to this service that actually mails manure to people (annonymously) for you. Check it out - click the link below:
Do NOT Open!
Put a "Do Not Enter" sign on your room door. Secure a piece of cardboard into the upper door frame (opposite the hinge side of the door) so the cardboard extends four inches or so into the room. Close the door and leave it slightly ajar so the door is holding the cardboard. Set a plastic cup (Big Gulp size) filled with water on the cardboard. When the door is opened, despite your warning to not enter, the intruder will get doused.
Redecorating on a Budget
When given the opportunity to house sit (water plants and bring in the mail) for some friends, I was given a key and, with it, a license to cause all sorts of mischief. When the couple came home from vacation to their two-level townhouse, they found all of the furnishings from one floor moved to the other and visa versa. After their initial confusion, they broke into laughter, then called me on the phone and read me the “riot act” (tongue in cheek). Note: Helping them restore their furnishings to their original location is recommended.
Bathroom Humor
Nothing says “funny” like bathroom humor. No, I’m not talking about “blue” humor – I’m talking about humor that actually takes place in the bathroom. It is here that everyone is equal, blue collar or celebrity, pauper or president. There is no other place on earth that better removes pretense and brings us all to a common plain with our fellow humans than the bathroom. So, let’s have some fun… Here are some samples from "The Practical Joker's Handbook":
Untidy Bowl
I'm starting off with this one because it has been sent in more than any other prank. Place cling-film over the toilet bowl (under the lid). Be very careful there are no creases.
Switched Gender
Swap the signs on the women's and men's room.
Can-Did Camera
Before a party, set up a video camera in the bathroom and take about fifteen minutes of just the empty bathroom (toilet in plain view). When it’s time for the appropriate guest to relieve themselves, gather the rest of the guests and sit them down in front of the television with the video tape playing. When the guest leaves the bathroom and finds everyone sitting around laughing at the television showing the room that the guest was just occupying, horror and hilarity will ensue.
Pop Pot
Put a snap ball fire cracker (the kind you throw down on the sidewalk and they explode) them under the toilet seat, and gently lower the seat. Your victim will sit down with a bang!
Toilet Shower
On most household toilets there is a pipe sticking up in the tank. Clipped into the top of that pipe you will find a small water feed tube. Remove that tube from the pipe and place it under the lid of the tank, facing front. Carefully replace the lid so it holds the water tube in place. When someone flushes the toilet they get soaked!
Shower of a Different Color
When visiting a friend’s house, take a bar of soap from their shower. Shave off a thin slice from the soap and make a little hole in the soap. Fill the hole with red, green, or blue food coloring. Cover the hole with the thin layer of soap (wetting the soap layer will cause it to stay in place. Place the bar hole-side down in the shower stall and wait for some colorful fun!
Condiment Commode
Take a ketchup, honey, or mustard packet. Fold that packet in half and place it under the pad that separates the toilet seat from the toilet. When your victim sits down on the seat, they'll receive a messy condiment surprise. Note: A pin hole in the packets on the sides facing into the toilet will help direct the mess.
Cookin’ up a Batch of Mischief
Here are some great recipes for cooking up a mess o’ fun. Remember, you can have a lot of fun with food - even without poisoning your victim. Here are some samples from "The Practical Joker's Handbook":
Kitchen Shower
Fill an unbreakable cup with water and set it in an upper kitchen cabinet. Attach a short length of thread to the cup and tape the other end inside the cabinet door. When the door is opened, your victim will get a shower.
Just Half a Glass Please
Place cling film loosely over the rims of wine glasses. Carefully push the plastic film about an inch down into the glasses. Trim off the excess film. Tell your guests to help themselves to wine, they will mysteriously poor only the upper half of the glass. Wine glasses with a rippled glass finish in a dimly lit room are recommended for successfully pulling off this prank.
Bad Gatorade
During sporting events, drink (or dump out) teammates sport drinks and refill their bottle with regular water, salt, and a few drops of food coloring to match the sport drink.
Sugar (?) Cookies
Bring batches of sugar cookies to work a few times so people get used to how wonderful your cookies are. Then substitute salt for the sugar when they have come to expect the real thing. Indicate that you have changed the recipe slightly (to cut down on your sugar intake), but you think they taste just as good if not better.
The book also features a special "recipes" section. Here's a sample:
Fake Doggee Doo
Mark J., a movie prop maker, shares this recipe for fun: For the movie “The Burbs”, we had to make some fake dog poo (because actors don’t want to step in the real thing). we had a mixture of canned dog food, bean dip, and various other nasty looking food items. after mixing the concoction, we loaded it into empty caulking tubes and squeezed it where needed. it looked so good, we went over to the nearest park, placed a perfectly shaped “dropping” and waited for the next dog walker to come by. To a dog it looks and tastes pretty good.
Phone Phunnies
From prank calls as a junior higher to being the co-author of a book detailing how to have fun at the expense of telemarketers, using the telephone as the source of amusement has been a staple of my lifetime of pranking. Turns out, I’m not alone. In fact, there is even a television show called “Crank Yankers” that’s based on prank phone calls. Here are a few ways to have fun with thanks to Alexander Graham Bell. Here are some samples from "The Practical Joker's Handbook":
Freaky Phantom Phones
Nab a friend's answering machine and record a new message on the order of, "This is the FBI. All calls being made to this phone number are being traced and logged." Set the machine to answer on the first ring, and hide the answering machine where it is not easily found (you can usually plug an extension phone into the machine). If your friend doesn’t have an answering machine, it’s even funnier. Bring your own pre-recorded machine and install it when they aren’t looking.
Is Max There?
Phone somebody, and when they answer ask for Max. Repeat this four or five times (using different people each time heightens the effect). Finally ring and when the person answers say, “Hi, this is Max have there been any calls for me?"
Bogus Recall Notice
When a friend purchases a new car and is bragging it up a bit too much, call their phone and leave this message, "This is Mr. Frank, the customer service representative from _______ [dealer name]. There's been a recall on your [car model], it is very dangerous to drive your car in its current condition. Please return your car to the dealer as soon as possible. And, if at all possible try not to make any left turns when returning the car to our service department – no appointment will be necessary, just come in between 9am to 5pm. We’re sorry about this inconvenience. I assure you that the problem will be corrected at no cost to you."
The book also features favorite pranks to play on telemarketers (from our now out-of-print "How to Get Rid of a Telemarketer"):
Veggiebabble
Based on the theory that you don’t have to actually be psychotic to act crazy, this routine causes most telemarketers to question their career choice. When a telemarketer begins a pitch, arbitrarily begin inserting the names of vegetables as they try to speak. After the first or second “rutabaga” or “broccoli” they should respond by saying, “What?” Reply by naming another vegetable (“okra” and “Brussels sprouts” work particularly well). The salesperson will begin laughing uncomfortably and hang up. You win.
Go Play in Traffic
Normally, an admonition to “go play in traffic” would be rather derogatory. But in this book, it’s just another way to entertain yourself and others. While you’ve got to keep in mind that there’s risk involved when playing with 2,000 pounds of metal on wheels, but it can also be a ton of fun. So be careful, and have fun! Here are some samples from "The Practical Joker's Handbook":
Tire Sniper
Find some Bubble Wrap® with one inch bubbles (at most office supply stores or in dumpsters behind gift shops). Cut a strip about an eighteen inches long and the width of a tire. Tape this to the tread of the front wheel(s) of a parked car. When the car starts moving, the resultant popping sounds like a machine gun.
Questionable Seating
If you’re one of three guys in a pickup leaving a job site, make sure you sit on the far right side. When you see a girl, reach over and beep the horn and then duck down. The girl will look over to see two guys sitting smack up against each other.
Misbehavin’ Car
If a friend is in the habit of leaving their car doors unlocked, sneak in and turn up the radio, turn on the windshield wipers, blinkers, and anything else that might confuse them. Sit back and watch as they turn on their car and confusion ensues!
Getting “Punchy”
At work go around an collect all the little paper circles left over in the paper punches. Then go to a friend or co workers car and put them on top of the visor. Make sure to brush the strays off the seat. When your friend puts the sun visor down all the little circles will fall in their lap and face simulating a snow shower. Or, hide a fish (ala “More Stinkin’ Car Troubles” above) the driver’s side visor – when the visor is lowered the fish will flop into the lap of the driver.
Foot Brake
When coming to a stop, open the driver’s door and drag your foot on the pavement as if to assist the braking ability of the car. (Make sure you are seat belted in and not on a terribly busy street.)
Work and School Humor Breaks
You don't have to enjoy your job to have fun at work. These tried and true pranks can bring you and your coworkers amusement to even the dullest of work situations. Since, I assume, some readers my still be in school and haven't yet entered the exciting world of full-time employment, I've included pranks and practical jokes that you can pull in school. Please try to avoid expulsion. Here are some samples from "The Practical Joker's Handbook":
Duct Taped Desk Drawer Dilemma
Duct tape is real handy for driving your coworkers nuts. Crawl under the desk and tape around the underside edges of the center drawer. It won't open - no matter how hard they pull. To add to the confusion, leave the drawer slightly ajar before taping so they can clearly see that it's not locked
Malfunctioning Mouse
Put a strip of clear tape over the mouse ball (opaque tape over optical sensors) on a computer mouse. When the mouse is moved, it won’t work.
Keyboard Konfusion
To create a non-functioning keyboard, simply unplug the keyboard cable from the back of your victim's computer.
Monitor Mess
Dim the brightness control on everyone's monitors. Watch (and listen) as people frantically call tech support. (Make sure your monitor is dimmed also.)
Fun with Email Here is one of many email pranks in the book: Send blind e-mail messages announcing “Free pizza and doughnuts in the lunchroom!” When people complain that there was none, just lean back, pat your stomach, and say, “Oh you’ve got to be faster than that.” Do this continually nobody believes you anymore. Then order in pizzas and doughnuts in the lunchroom.
Fun on the Town
The world is full of crazy people – why not join in? It’s always fun to make people wonder what you’re up to – especially complete strangers. Here are some suggestions for having fun around town. Here are some samples from "The Practical Joker's Handbook":
ATM Jackpot!
When the money comes out of the ATM, scream “I Won! I Won! That's the third time this week!!!”
You won the Lottery!
If you have a local lottery where you get to pick your own numbers, buy a fresh newspaper with last night’s winning numbers then buy those very same numbers. With great excitement show off your winning numbers to your family and friends.
Lunchtime Speed Trap
At lunch time, have lunch in your car and have some fun at the same time. Park your car just off a main road. Roll down your window and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
Grocery Planting
Depending on your disposition, you can do this one on friends, or total strangers. While grocery shopping people often leave their cart unattended while grabbing an item off of the shelf. Take this opportunity to slip unwanted items into their cart. They generally won’t discover the mystery items until they reach the checkout, sometimes not until they reach home. The more bizarre the items you introduce into their cart, the funnier the outcome. Consider canned fish balls (yes, they do exist), cans of Spam, ugly fruit, head cheese, pickled pigs feet, etc..
Grocery Stalking
If you ever catch a friend, relative, or neighbor arriving home from the grocery store with a trunk load of groceries, wait until they go into the house with their first bags of groceries. Then, quickly remove two more bags of groceries from their car and duck out of sight. Keep removing and replacing groceries (with and without the bags) until you get caught. They will generally become so bewildered that they will be relieved to find out that it was only you “assisting” them.
Dining Outrageously
Sure it’s fun to eat out. But it can be even more fun if you use some of these strange little activities spice up your meal. Note: Restaurant joking etiquette: If you play a joke that leaves a mess, be nice and help clean it up. If the joke is at the expense of the server, tip well! Here are some samples from "The Practical Joker's Handbook":
Tic Tac Teeth
When you see your server coming your way slip a few white Tic Tacs in your mouth. When the server asks how everything is stick your tongue in your cheek and with labored speech say, "I didn't want to complain, but the steak is a little tough..." That being said, spit out the Tic Tacs as if you've lost a few teeth trying to chew the meat.
Dribble Can
While someone isn't looking, place a small push pin hole in the side of their soda/pop/beer can just below where they drink. Every time they drink they will be dribbling on themselves.
Heartthrob Beef
This one is hilarious and has even gotten me a few free meals. Get a "plate lifter" at your local joke/novelty shop. This is a long tube with a little bladder on one end and a bulb on the other. The original joke was to hide the bladder under the table cloth under plates to make them jump up and down when the bulb was squeezed. But, I found a better use. Order a burger or steak to your liking. When the plate is delivered and the server has left, rig the steak or burger with the bladder under the meat and run the tube off the side of the plate (hidden by garnish) to the bulb which you operate with your hand under the table. When the server walks by, call their attention to the meat which must be undercooked, as it still has a heartbeat (The plate lifter is causing the meat to throb in a heartbeat-like rhythm.)! The server usually gets bug-eyed and says, I’m sorry, I’ll have them cook it longer. Before they take the plate, tell them to leave the plate here and tell the manager come over. Once a crowd is drawn and all are sufficiently horrified, reveal the secret. I’ve had brighter managers catch on right away, but tell me that they “want to bring the chef out to see that!” (You can get the plate lifter with the book and other joking items when you buy our Practical Joker's Kit - click here)
Drive-Thru Humor
Messin' around with minimum-wage-earning fast food employees may be fun for you and the people in your car, but, depending on what kind of day the employee has been having, you run the risk of ending up with foreign items in your food (and I don't mean Brazilian beef). Here are some samples from "The Practical Joker's Handbook":
Guide Me In
Have one of your passengers get out of the car and direct you through the fast-food drive-up window as if parking an airplane at a gate. A flashlight in each hand heightens the effect at night.
To Go
When going through the fast food drive thru, specify that the order is "to go." Repeat this several times throughout the order.
Disgruntled Drive-Thru Patron
If you’re on the drive-thru side of the speaker, turn it around. When they ask, “Would you like fries with that?” Repeat their question, then say nothing... “Would I like fries with that?” Repeat as long as possible.
Broken Speaker
Go to a fast food drive-thru with a speaker system and post a big sign in red letters on the speaker that reads, “SPEAKER IS BROKEN PLEASE SPEAK LOUDLY and SLOWLY.” Park your car within earshot of the speaker, then watch and listen for the shouting to begin.
There are a TON more great practical jokes in each of these nine categories. Just pick up the book at your favorite bookstore or online today!
"The Practical Joker's Handbook" offers the picks of the pack, the cream of the crop, all cleaned up, proofed and sanitized for your protection. You can buy it now online, or at your local bookstore. To browse through misc. reader submissions, click here.
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