Jim and Tim, the Duct Tape Guys let loose their psychic abilities
and make these predictions about life in the 21st century:
In the twenty-first century, the world is stunned by contact with an alien life from from a distant galaxy. Humans trade information on space travel for the very commodity the aliens left their planet in search of: duct tape!
In the twenty-first century, to keep in accordance to the so-called Lewinski Law, male government officials are forced to wear chastity-protecting devices created by duct taping their pants in place and flies closed.
In the twenty-first century, world-wide panic ensues as humans nearly exhaust the planets supply of petroleum, a key ingredient for forming the tough skin of duct tape. Throughout the world, nations voluntarily ban the use of automobiles, reducing dependence on fossil fuels, thereby reducing our use of petroleum which solves part of the pollution problem and ensures mankind of a future with duct tape.
In the twenty-first century, unlike movies depicting the future, people will not be forced to wear identical one-piece metallic jump suits. They will, however, have to carry a roll of duct tape on their person at all times, as everyone must be prepared at all times to help their neighbor in this era of world peace.
In the twenty-first century, the population explodes and humans take up even more space. Agriculture is saved and pollution reduced by an innovative idea: crops are grown from strips of duct tape adhered to the sides of skyscrapers, adding more plant life to urban settings and subsequently reducing greenhouse gasses and thereby repairing the hole in the ozone layer.
In the twenty-first century, a synthetic virus attacks the self-regenerating skin of robotic human replicas, preventing them from healing when damaged. Duct tape will become the skin patch of choice for androids throughout the universe.
In the twenty-first century, car air fresheners will no longer be shaped or scented like pine trees. Instead, rear-view mirrors will sport little silver-gray circles that smell like duct tape.
In the twenty-first century, duct tape becomes the official currency of the United States of Duct Tape (renamed in 2016 by newly elected co-presidents Jim and Tim, the Duct Tape Guys).
In the twenty-first century, gravity decrease s due to the slowing of the earths rotation. Duct tape sales dramatically increase as people throughout the planet search for the best way to keep themselves and everything they own from floating away.
In the twenty-first century, global warming will melt the polar ice caps. Duct tape becomes the weapon of choice in an ever-increasing battle to keep water out of basements.
In the twenty-first century, Dick Clark is forced testify about an alleged fountain of youth formula that has prevented him from aging since the late 1950s. In court, his secret is revealed: duct tape face lifts.
In the twenty-first century, it will be revealed that predictions of the end of the world by the likes of Nostradamus coincide not with armageddon but with a temporary world-wide shortage of duct tape.